Episode 96: Too Little Too Late
Recommendation: Postscript
https://archiveofourown.org/works/8003452/chapters/18323305
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Kim: So you admitted to me, immediately after we turned off the recording last time, that you actually cut Sirius from your story [Sequoia laughs] after I had predicted... Well, okay.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: To be fair to you, I did predict that the story was going to be about them bringing Sirius back to life. So it wouldn't have gotten me points because he was just there.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: But...
Sequoia: But he also [emphatically] wasn't there. He was just mentioned [Kim scoffs] as still being alive. [Kim cackles] So you still wouldn't have gotten a point.
Kim: Right, right.
Sequoia: But yes, in the universe of the story, I suppose he was alive.
Kim: You cut Sirius and didn't tell me, [Sequoia laughs] which is just really fucking rude.
Sequoia: I'm sorry?
Theme Song: (Wolfstar by The Whomping Willows: You know, we really love you. And I'm pleased to judge you. You feeling scared about it? Not sure. There's no point hiding. So feel free to start confiding if you need a good friend. You can count on me. You can count on me. You can count on me.)
Sequoia: Hello. I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: [whimsically] And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: Do we actually talk about where to find the much? We don't, I feel like.
Sequoia: We provide links.
Kim: Oh, okay. Yeah.
Sequoia: We provide those good, good links. All right.
Kim: We've got kind of a list of where you can find some good... Alright, yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah, we do talk about where to find them.
Kim: We're doing okay. Okay, good. I got worried. Had a sudden existential [wheeze-laughs] crisis. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Glad you're bringing that up on episode 96 of the podcast. Thank you.
Kim: We're a Harry Potter fan fiction podcast.
Sequoia: And before we get to the fan fiction, we usually do some bullshit and announcements. So here's some bullshit and announcements.
Kim: Bullshit announcement one! [Sequoia laughs] What? [chuckles].
Sequoia: No, cool announcement one! Very cool announcement one, we were on Hashtag Wizard Team, which is the Harry Potter podcast that Black Girls Create does. And right now they're doing this really cool series where they basically are like, if something didn't happen or happened differently in the Harry Potter universe, how would it have affected the rest of the story?
Kim: We had so much fun arguing about this. [chuckles].
Sequoia: It was so fun. It's a very fun game.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: You should go listen to all of them.
Kim: And then you should probably just play the game and then write what you decide as fanfiction.
Sequoia: Yeah. [both laugh] Write some fanfiction.
Kim: And send that to us. [Sequoia laughs].
Sequoia: So go check that out. That came out a couple of weeks ago. So go search hashtag wizard team in your podcast app. We also did a guest spot on Puff Cast, which is a Hufflepuff centric Harry Potter podcast.
Kim: That episode's coming out on the third.
Sequoia: They read a fanfiction to us. [Kim giggles] And it was so fun! [laughs].
Kim: Very fun. It was a good ep. Good ep, good cool hangs with some cool puffs.
Sequoia: Next announcement. [Kim hums in agreement] We had talked a lot about our book club over on Patreon, we've been reading the Harry Potter books together with our patrons in a book club format, and we finished them! The Harry Potter books. We finished them.
Kim: Somebody was probably reading them.
Sequoia: [doubtfully] Ahh.
Kim: It seemed like the meetings kind of devolved into just cool hangs near the end.
Sequoia: They did. [both laugh]. We sort of gave up on it. We still talked about Harry Potter, but you know.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: So now we are replacing book club and because I am who I am, in this world. I decided that it was a good idea to replace book club with five things. [Kim cracks up, making Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Stupid.
Sequoia: I am very stupid as we all know. So if you are a patron on Patreon or if you are thinking about becoming one, starting in February, we will have movie watch parties. We're going to have game nights. We're going to have fanfiction roundtables where we talk about specific tropes or ships within fan fiction. We will have common room house parties where we just hang out and dress up and have some dance parties. And of course, last but not least, Hogwarts [sings, Kermit-esque] Drama Club. [Kim laughs].
Kim: Oh my goodness.
Sequoia: So come join us over on Patreon to get access to all of those fun things. You get access to all those fun things in just the $2 tier.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: So come join us.
Kim: We're going to have some cool stuff happening every week. Every weekend now, right?
Sequoia: Every weekend, yes.
Kim: Yeah, every weekend. Cool. [both laugh] Incredible. Speaking of Patreon, we have probably hit 300 patrons by now.
Sequoia: We did today.
Kim: Oh, shit. Really?
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Go us! So we are setting a new goal!
Sequoia: [airhorn mouth noises]
Kim: We haven't had a goal in a very long time. Our last goal was to make Yes... The prize at the end was to make 'Yes Glitter' and that did nearly kill us. [Sequoia laughs] So we have held off for a second.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: This time whence we hit our patron goal of 400 patrons, we are going to do a live show extravaganza!
Sequoia: Yes, we will be livestreaming a show. Each of us will read a fan fiction on it. We will do some trivia, some Harry Potter trivia with you all and some Fanatical Fics trivia with you as well. And we'll have some prizes and we'll do a Q&A portion, and it'll just be like a whole Fanatical Fics Fam Extravaganza.
Kim: And that live show is going to be for everyone. So if you want to help us do that for all of you cool party people. [Sequoia laughs] Check out our Patreon.
Sequoia: In the spirit of us sort of trying to become less of a total disaster.
Kim: I don't know, these announcements have taken like 10 minutes already. So, you know.
Sequoia: Okay, here's the thing. [both chuckle] We are trying to be less of a disaster. [Kim wheeze-laughs] Therefore, we have now solidified that Story Time is always going to be on the third Saturday of the month at noon Mountain Time. So put that on your calendars forever.
Kim: Sure, we're going to do that forever. [Sequoia laughs] That seems likely.
Sequoia: And please submit your work to Story Time.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: 5000 words or less. Email it to Fanatical Fics at gmail.com.
Kim: We've got a couple more announcements. One more announcement?
Sequoia: One more.
Kim: Phew, here we go. This is episode 96. Episode 100 is still coming up upon us. [Sequoia laughing] We are not afraid.
Sequoia: We have you all sending us your beautiful voices to be on the podcast. Write us a summary. No more than 300 words. Character voices encouraged. Record it. Send it to FanaticalFics@gmail.com. Or call our Google Voice number in the description of this episode and leave a message. The deadline for these is March 22nd.
Kim: If you're not familiar with what we're asking for because you don't listen past the disaster that the end portion is-
Sequoia: Yeah, don't blame ya on that one. [Kim giggles]
Kim: We do a short like story summary kind of experience to thank our patrons. So maybe you should go back and listen to those because they're really fun.
Sequoia: They are really fun.
Kim: Maybe I'm biased. [both laugh] Phew, man. Alright, I'm done with that portion of the podcast, Sequoia. I would like to read you a stupid fanfiction now. I mean, amazing fanfiction now. An incredible-.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: -Beautiful, lovely fanfiction.
Sequoia: Bring it on! So here's the thing is you have let slip a couple of things about this fanfiction to me already.
Kim: Oh shit, I did!
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I was like, "Oh, I got to edit my fic. I had to throw out- beeeeep." [Sequoia laughs] That was me beeping out what I accidentally let slip to Sequoia. Sequoia apparently gets extra clues this time. You don't, listener!
Sequoia: It is not going to help me. [Kim cackles happily and Sequoia chuckles] Yeah but it has made me very excited for what this fanfiction is going to be.
Kim: You can't guess the things that I've accidentally let slip.
Sequoia: Damn.
Kim: Because I'm very stupid. You can't use that against me.
Sequoia: Alright, what are we getting into today?
Kim: Alright, so it's time for you all to make three predictions about what you think is going to happen in this fan fiction based on these three clues. Clue number one is the title, which is 'Too Little, Too Late.' And clue number two is the genre tags, which the author of this fic did not genre tag it. So I'm tagging it: romance slash drama.
Sequoia: Ooh.
Kim: And the time period which is [pauses] pre Deathly Hallows.
Sequoia: Alright. Prediction number one, this is Dramione.
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: Prediction number two, there will be a performance in the Great Hall.
Kim: Excellent prediction.
Sequoia: Number three, there will be a ball of some type.
Kim: Okay. I will accept all of those.
Sequoia: Kay.
Kim: Now let's read 'Too Little, Too Late.'
Sequoia: I'm ready.
Kim: Ginny had been with Harry for over a year, but when he broke up with her, she had a feeling it was because of Hermione. [softly chuckles proud of herself]
Sequoia: Oh, shit. You did not. You did. Not.
Kim: Did not what? [chuckles]
Sequoia: Ugh! How dare!
Kim: She had always had a feeling that Harry didn't really like her and that he liked Hermione better. [both laugh] Oh my god.
Sequoia: Why?
Kim: It's going to take me a long time to get through this story if I laugh after every sentence I read.
Sequoia: Don't know why you'd think about that, but okay, continue.
Kim: Why would Ginny think that Harry likes Hermione better than her?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Hermione's obviously better than Ginny for Harry.
Sequoia: What?
Kim: In 2006. She thought to herself, 'Maybe Harry only liked me because I was a good chase.' [cracking up]
Sequoia: What? No, you weren't, though.
Kim: [higher pitched] You weren't!
Sequoia: But you weren't.
Kim: You were- well, okay, because book five, we had the whole you know, monster in his chest and Harry was jealous all the time.
Sequoia: No, that's book six.
Kim: Oh, is that book six? Is Harry not jealous in book five? No, that's book six. Okay. Yes, I remember how the books go.
Sequoia: Yeah, no. Book six is the horny one! [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Oh, right. Yeah, I don't know that Ginny's a good chase, though. Hmm.
Sequoia: No, she's been in love with him since she was 11.
Kim: Yeah. Yep. Yep. Hermione was different than Ginny because she was always studying, whereas Ginny was always hanging out with her friends while studying.
Sequoia: [verging on laughter] Oh my god!
Kim: That's why Harry likes her better or some shit.
Sequoia: Harry likes her better because she doesn't have any friends except for Harry? [Kim laughs wheezily] That does not track!
Kim: Gin- Ginny, what? Ginny no.
Sequoia: It's because Harry just... Harry wants someone who will only pay attention to him because he's the most important thing and the most important person in the room.
Kim: Sure. Hermione is always studying. [Sequoia chuckles] Ginny hangs out with her friends while she's studying, so Hermione is not even hanging out with her friends while studying. So she's NOT paying attention to Harry.
Sequoia: But she has more bandwidth to [dissolving into laughter with Kim] pay attention to Harry.
Kim: Cause she has no other friends. Great. Awesome. Harry was attracted to Hermione because she had something that Ginny didn't have. And that was that she had this spark to her and that every time he looked at her, he could see his whole life in front of him.
Sequoia: Uhh.
Kim: I don't know what that means. Whereas with Ginny, [Sequoia chuckles] she was just like a really good friend [Sequoia barks out a laugh] and he didn't want to lose that friendship.
Sequoia: [confusedly yells out, distant from the mic] What. Is. Happening?
Kim: Cause breaking up with her and breaking her heart [sarcastically] isn't going to lose you your friendship, Harry.
Sequoia: Okay. This is still from, like, Ginny's POV, right? Like she is sort of projecting this onto the situation?
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: How does she know that...? How would she know that...
Kim: Maybe Harry told her that he was like, "Look, we have to break up. When I look at Hermione..."
Both: "I see my whole life." [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: In front of me. [both chuckling]
Sequoia: I feel like that would get like really annoying really quickly though. It's like every time you look at Hermione, [Kim hums in understanding] you are sort of all consumed by your past, your present and your future. [Kim hums thoughtfully] As it flashes before your eyes. [Kim snickers] Like, wouldn't that just get really old after a minute?
Kim: "I see my death. Every time I look at Hermione, [Sequoia laughs] I see my death. [giggles] I think I'm gonna date her."
Sequoia: It's just really distracting. Like, if you're in the middle of a duel with Voldemort and you happen to look over at Hermione, you would lose. Because all of a sudden, you would be consumed...
Kim: Your entire life is flashing before your eyes.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: [takes an audible breath to prepare for reading] Hermione was everything that Ginny wished she was because Hermione was smart, witty, and pretty.
Sequoia: Uhh. [kermit-esque voice] Uhh.
Kim: Harry thought that Ginny was pretty, but she just didn't attract his eye like Hermione did.
Sequoia: We have, at some point in this story, switched to Harry's [pause] brain, I feel like. We have to have.
Kim: I gave this story a pretty generous grammar edit. [chuckles while Sequoia laughs] But it was written in pretty a stream of consciousness, let's say.
Sequoia: Hmm, okay okay. I dig, I dig, I dig.
Kim: Okay, here's some more stuff! Ginny knew one thing, and that was fashion.
Sequoia: [higher pitched, surprised] What?
Kim: She could throw an outfit together in as little as 15 minutes. [both chuckling]
Sequoia: Oh, my God. How long does she think that outfits usually take to put together? Like an hour?
Kim: [high pitched, wheezily] I don't know.
Sequoia: Does she think it takes an hour to put together an outfit?
Kim: I don't know. Ginny's really good at fashion.
Sequoia: Here's the thing is, I would buy that Ginny's really good at, like thrifting [Kim hums in understanding] and, like, making cool shit out of like a $2 T-shirt from the thrift store or whatever.
Kim: Oh, for sure.
Sequoia: Like, I would 100% get behind that shit.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: But 15 minutes to throw an outfit together is her claim to fame here? [Kim snorts and both chuckle].
Kim: I don't know.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Kim: I don't know. I don't know.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Kim: She could throw an outfit together in as little as 15 minutes and. Well, to Harry, that wasn't good enough. [both laugh] It's going to take me fucking forever to read this. It is beautiful.
Sequoia: It's really offset by the fact that she has friends. [Kim laughs] He's like, "She could put together an outfit in 15 minutes, but she does have friends."
Kim: "Sometimes she's not paying attention to me, [Sequoia laughs] even though I'm the chosen one." To Harry, that wasn't good enough. Because he wanted to have something real and was just not interested in clothes. [Sequoia laughs] He wants something real, Sequoia!
Sequoia: Yeah. To be fair, it's kind of. It's kind of hard to be worried about clothes when you're worried about like-.
Kim: Voldemort?
Sequoia: Defeating the Dark Lord.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: But, you know, to each their own, I guess.
Kim: Yeah. I do like when Harry, like, is concerned about clothes though. [Sequoia laughs] He's like, "I'm going to go buy a cool hat today."
Sequoia: Harry's cool hat!
Kim: Harry, go buy a cool hat! [Sequoia chuckles] Ginny can help you throw together the coolest outfit. She just needs 15 minutes.
Sequoia: In 15 minutes!
Kim: And then you'll look fly as fuck. [both chuckle] This hurt Ginny, but she wasn't going to let Harry win and know that he had hurt her.
Sequoia: Hell, yeah. Get him!
Kim: Kill him. [chuckles while Sequoia laughs] She knew that she was better than Hermione in many ways. But there was one thing that Hermione had the courage to do. And that was sing.
Sequoia: Study alone. Okay. [laughs]
Kim: Sing. Hermione has the courage to sing.
Sequoia: Yes. Here it comes. See, listeners, this is what happened, is that last night, Kim managed to let it slip to me that she had done a lot of editing to this story and that most of that editing had been removing large chunks of lyrics. [both cackle] I'm ready.
Kim: I don't know what you're talking about. I would never [through chuckles] accidentally reveal something like that.
Sequoia: I am ready.
Kim: There was a talent show.
Sequoia: Yes! [emphasize each word, singing the last] I love a talent show! [Kim wheeze-laughs] There's nothing I love more than a talent show. What's better-?
Kim: What's better than that?
Sequoia: Than a talent show?
Kim: Than a Hogwarts talent show.
Both: What's better than that?
Kim: Did talent shows actually happen outside of, like, TV and movies. Like a talent show with an actual winner? [quietly] That's not a thing.
Sequoia: No, I remember talent shows, but never one with a winner.
Kim: That's just a TV thing. Anyway.
Sequoia: Tweet at us if you remember any talent shows with a winner.
Kim: There was a talent show. And since Hermione had started singing in it, she had won every time. But that was because there was nobody brave enough to enter it.
Sequoia: Wait. She's the only person in the talent show?
Kim: It would appear so.
Sequoia: It's just a performance.
Kim: And then she wins.
Sequoia: It's just Hermione's concert. [laughs]
Kim: She's the only one brave enough to enter the talent show and she wins every time.
Sequoia: This... Of course she does. What?
Kim: Oh, this... That sentence, I read that and I was like, "Beautiful. Yes, perfect. [Sequoia laughs] Hermione is the only one brave enough to enter the talent show. Excellent. [Sequoia laughing] She wins every time. Yes, correct." This year, though, Ginny was getting up the nerve to go out and show that she was better than Hermione and to show Harry what he was missing.
Sequoia: I just...
Kim: What?
Sequoia: I just...
Kim: What?
Sequoia: I feel like she's just projecting a lot of stuff-.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Onto Harry.
Kim: Yeah. I think that block of text that you thought might have been from Harry's perspective, I think that's just Ginny projecting.
Sequoia: Wow. [Kim chuckling] Wow. Okay. She's going to wow 'em with a song. And I'm very excited to learn what that song is.
Kim: Alright, here's one of my other favorite parts about this story. Ginny had liked to write song lyrics, but she had never had the nerve to sing them. So she decided to write a song [Sequoia gasps] that would apply to everyone and not just her.
Sequoia: Wait-.
Kim: I don't know what that means.
Sequoia: What does that mean? [laughs]
Kim: I don't know what that means. Ginny's been [chuckling] writing songs that are like, [singing] "Go, Ginny, you're the best. [Sequoia laughs] You can do it, Ginny." And now she's going to write a song that's like, [singing] "Hey, you, you're the best. You can do it." [Sequoia laughs as Kim chuckles]
Sequoia: Yeah. I think Ginny has been writing a lot of stuff that's like so specific [Kim giggling] to her, just like regular daily life.
Kim: [singing] "You have red hair and lots of brothers. "
Sequoia: [singing] "Do you know what it's like to have 700 brothers? [Kim laughs] Your house is called the Burrow and your mom is Molly." [both laugh]
Kim: Ginny's so good at writing songs. This time though, she's going to write a song for everyone. Ginny knew that the judges not only judged on your talent, but they also judged on what you wore and how the crowd reacted to your performance. [chuckles]
Sequoia: They judge on nothing. There is no judging rubric. [Kim chuckling in the background throughout] Only one person is ever in this competition.
Kim: Ginny just thinks they're going to judge her on what she wears, because here's the thing, Ginny's really good at fashion.
Sequoia: She's projecting a lot.
Kim: She's really good at fashion.
Sequoia: And I bet you she is gonna... Because this is a special occasion, she's going to spend a whole 20 minutes on that outfit.
Kim: For sure.
Sequoia: For sure.
Kim: For sure. I don't know, maybe we'll find out. So Ginny just had to outperform Hermione and she would win.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: That's all she has to do.
Sequoia: Easy peasy.
Kim: She has to write a song that will apply to everyone. Pick the best outfit in the history of fashion. And outperform Hermione.
Sequoia: Step four: profit. Yeah.
Kim: Yes. Ginny went up to her dorm because she knew that nobody would be up there because they were either with their boyfriend or they were too busy studying for tests [Sequoia sighs] or just reading because they felt like it. [both crack up chuckling] Nobody's up in the dorms. They're all busy.
Sequoia: They're all busy, reading [pause] books.
Kim: Because they want to.
Sequoia: Because they [chuckling] want to.
Kim: Elsewhere, they're reading books elsewhere, because that's what they like to do.
Sequoia: You can't read books in the dormitory.
Kim: Sequoia, I love this story. [Sequoia laughs] It's adorable! This story is adorable.
Sequoia: It is adorable. I do quite enjoy it. [on the verge of chuckling] Reading books, because they want to. [giggling with Kim].
Kim: They're not in the dorm, so she's going to go up to the dorm. When Ginny opened the door, she looked back and saw Harry watching her and decided to ignore it because he had broken up with her.
Sequoia: Watching her from where?
Kim: The common room.
Sequoia: Oh, okay.
Kim: Ginny closed the door to the girl's staircase and went up to her room and took her notebook and quilt and went to work writing her song for the contest.
Sequoia: Does she play an instrument or is she just writing like some acapella jams?
Kim: Oh, you're good to find out what Ginny's doing-.
Sequoia: [chuckling] Fuck yeah.
Kim: For the music. [dramatically] Ginny had to get to work because the contest was in less than a month and Ginny really wanted to win. She wanted to show Harry what he was missing. That's the best reason to enter the talent show: [dramatically] revenge.
Sequoia: A declaration of love or revenge are the only reasons to ever enter a talent show.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Or to show everyone a side of you that they've never seen before. [Kim cracking up into snickers] Actually, yeah. There are three.
Kim: There are three reasons to enter a talent show. [both chuckling] While Ginny was writing her song, Draco Malfoy was thinking about Ginny.
Sequoia: Didn't see it going this way.
Kim: No?
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Ginny is not with Harry, who else is she going to be with?
Sequoia: Anyone.
Kim: Only one other option.
Sequoia: I mean, they could have. We could have ended up with Hermione slash Ginny.
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Turn the tables.
Kim: That was never the way this was going to go.
Sequoia: Twist the tables.
Kim: That would be amazing, honestly.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Ginny sings so well, Hermione is like, [dramatically] "Finally a worthy rival. Let's make out." [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: But alas, no. Draco Malfoy was thinking about Ginny. He didn't know why. She was just another redhead in the school. [Sequoia laughs] But he had been watching her since first year and now he saw the 16 year old young woman she had become.
Sequoia: Mhmm.
Kim: She's just another redhead, [tone shift to considering] but also?
Sequoia: But also? She's a young woman.
Kim: She's grown up. [Sequoia chuckles] He knew that Potter had broken her heart. And so he decided he was going to go to the talent show to watch her. [snickers softly]
Sequoia: Oh, dang. For a second, I was like, "Is he going to profess his love through song [chuckling] in the talent show?" Dang it.
Kim: If only!
Sequoia: Dang it.
Kim: [groans, making Sequoia laugh] Draco knew Pansy and some other Slytherin girls were trying to beat Granger, but he secretly hoped that Ginny beat them all.
Sequoia: [surprised] Oh.
Kim: Because he really wanted her to be happy and then later to ask her out. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: I do appreciate that the asking her out is secondary to the happiness.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I appreciate that.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Also, apparently this year, everyone has decided that they're brave enough to sing at the talent show?
Kim: Well, this is Hermione's seventh year and Pansy's seventh year. So this is their last chance.
Sequoia: Oh. Their last chance to defeat Hermione.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: At the talent show.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: They've seen what she has the last [pauses slightly] every year. [Sequoia laughs] Now they're ready. They've plotted, they've planned, and this is their year.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Kim: Ginny used her time to write her song and plan how she was going to look. [chuckling] As the weeks passed.
Sequoia: Oh, okay.
Kim: Ginny's been planning her outfit for weeks.
Sequoia: Okay. I am now understanding a little bit more how she really thinks that putting together her outfit in 15 minutes is like an incredible feat of strength and knowledge.
Kim: She can do it in 15 minutes, but she would prefer to have weeks to do it.
Sequoia: Amazing.
Kim: Was this the kind of thing that like young women's magazines promoted?
Sequoia: Putting your outfit together in weeks?
Kim: That it... That you need to, like, put in a lot of work to plan your outfit for a special occasion.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Here's some look recommendations. I was subscribed to 17 magazine for longer than I should probably admit. [Sequoia laughs] I was into it. I was like, "This is ridiculous. I love this.".
Sequoia: I'm pretty sure yes. A lot of thought needs to be put into, especially in a special occasion like your revenge talent show.
Kim: Yeah, for sure. As the weeks passed, Ginny finished her song: Too Little Too Late.
Sequoia: Is what the song is called?
Kim: It is what the song is called.
Sequoia: Is it an actual song?
Kim: We'll reveal when we get to the lyrics whether or not Ginny has actually written an original song.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Ginny finished her song Too Little, Too Late, and she had planned her outfit by going shopping. And she had also planned her hair. [Sequoia laughs] Now I trimmed a bit here and I kind of regret that now. I couldn't get this, like grammatically and flow wise to make any sort of sense. But we got kind of like a... We got like a section where we switched perspective.
Sequoia: Mm hmm.
Kim: But part of that section was that, like, Ginny left the dorm and she threw on an outfit that was just some blue track pants and a dark blue tank top. And she puts her hair up in a ponytail and she just, like, goes out for no reason, she's just walking through the halls or some shit.
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah.
Kim: And Hermione looks at her, and Hermione is wearing [chuckling] pink track pants and a black tank top.
Sequoia: [chuckling] No. [weakly] No.
Kim: And then we switched to Hermione's perspective, kind of.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: What is that?
Kim: They're both wearing matching, differently... Oppositely colored outfits, I guess. Ginny's got blue track pants, Hermione's got pink track pants.
Sequoia: Oh. Don't they know that there can only be one Sporty Spice?
Kim: Right?
Sequoia: Like you...[both chuckling] Now they got to fight it out.
Kim: Their outfits were too similar. What are they doing?
Sequoia: There can only be one!
Kim: More evidence that they should end up together.
Sequoia: Yeah, I think so.
Kim: Hermione had heard that Ginny was writing her own song and had put together her own band. [Sequoia gasps] Ginny put together her own [whispers] band, Sequoia.
Sequoia: Do we get to know who's in the band?
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Damn it!
Kim: You can speculate wildly. Who is in Ginny's band?
Sequoia: It's all her ex-boyfriends.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: It's Michael Corner and-?
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: And Dean Thomas.
Kim: Yes. She only has two ex-boyfriends.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: That's not enough...
Sequoia: Seamus is there too.
Kim: Okay, Seamus, is there? Good.
Sequoia: That's enough for a band.
Kim: Okay. Is Neville there? She went to a dance with Neville.
Sequoia: Ooh, Neville then. Neville, Michael Corner, Dean.
Kim: That's approximately enough for a band. [Sequoia chuckles] Incredible. Put together her own band. And that made Hermione wonder who was going to win this year. [Sequoia gasps] Even though Hermione had won the talent show since she was in fourth year.
Sequoia: [emphasizing each word individually] Because no one else was in it!
Kim: Huh? [both chuckle] At 3:00 on the big day, Ginny decided to go and get her clothes ready.
Sequoia: Jesus. There's a lot about her clothes in this fanfiction.
Kim: [singing] I love it!
Sequoia: [emphasizing each word] What are her clothes?
Kim: Once she had all her stuff and she had contacted her band members, Ginny laid down and thought about how she was going to knock the judges socks off with her song. [both chuckle].
Sequoia: Cute.
Kim: She had been practicing for over a week with her band and late at night in the room of requirement.
Sequoia: A week?
Kim: She had to... So she had [Sequoia sighs] less than a month at the beginning of the story to get ready. So she spent a couple of weeks writing her song.
Sequoia: And a couple of weeks shopping.
Kim: And then like two days practicing.
Sequoia: Right. [laughs]
Kim: Says over a week, eight days practicing.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: Once 4:00 hit, she raced down to where the girls were getting ready and put on her clothes and did her hair and makeup.
Sequoia: I love that they all get ready together. Backstage!
Kim: Yeah, like they have a dressing room.
Sequoia: Girl's dressing room!
Kim: Yup, they had the girl's dressing room backstage. When it was her turn, she walked out and everyone saw her outfit. [both laugh]
Sequoia: [stumbling eagerly] Are you going to tell me what this fucking outfit is?
Kim: I don't know, am I? Maybe I'll just keep it to myself. Just cut this portion.
Sequoia: I swear to god. I swear to god.
Kim: Everyone saw her outfit, which was a short jean skirt with black stars on it, leggings and high heels. And we don't get a description [Sequoia wheezily-laughing throughout] of what the top is.
Sequoia: What? [both wheeze-laughing] What is that?
Both: What?
Sequoia: What is that?
Kim: What?
Sequoia: What is that?
Kim: What?
Sequoia: Leggings?
Kim: She's wearing a jean skirt and leggings.
Both: And high heels.
Kim: Yes. She looks incredible.
Sequoia: Sure.
Kim: When Draco, Harry, Ron and Hermione saw how she had her makeup and her hair, they were speechless.
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: She looked so pretty to Draco.
Sequoia: [groaning] Oh my god.
Kim: Her hair was straight until it got to the ends where it curled and her makeup was natural, but you could tell that she was wearing some. [Sequoia squeaks in laughter]
Sequoia: She looks insane!
Kim: She looks incredible. What are you talking about? She looks amazing!
Sequoia: She looks insane. Oh, I'm... I love it.
Kim: She did forget to cover her face in glitter. Like that is what you're supposed to do before. [Sequoia laughs] You need some body glitter.
Sequoia: Lots of body glitter.
Kim: Oh well, live and learn, Ginny. She walked up to the microphone with an attitude like nobody would want to mess with her.
Sequoia: Oh, hell, yeah.
Kim: When she started to sing, that's when people were [breathily] amazed.
Sequoia: [breathily] Oh my god.
Kim: And then I cut a huge chunk of lyrics from the song Too Little, Too Late. By Jojo.
Sequoia: By Jojo?
Kim: Yes. [Sequoia chuckles] So Ginny wrote her own song. But it is a song by Jo Jo. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Amazing. [Kim chuckles]
Kim: [sighing] Oh, I love it. So good. Okay, so we get a huge. This is one of those times when we get the chunk of song lyrics, a little bit of story, chunk of song lyrics, a little bit of story kind of deal.
Sequoia: Gotcha.
Kim: So we get the huge chunk of song lyrics. And then: Harry noticed that she had never looked as happy as she did while she was singing with her band and her back ups.
Sequoia: Oh, oh? [Kim chuckles]
Kim: So not only does she have a band, she has backup singers.
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: Who are Ginny's backup singers?
Sequoia: Oh my god, it's Luna.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: And ooh, it's Luna and...
Kim: Cho.
Sequoia: No. Cho's not at school anymore.
Kim: Oh fuck, Cho graduated. Cho came back just for this [wheezes heavily as Sequoia laughs]. And Romilda Vane.
Sequoia: And Romilda Vane! Nice. Good. I like it.
Kim: They're dead set on defeating Hermione. She's gotten together a whole team of All-Stars. And she...
Sequoia: Yeah, but what if Pansy wins the [trails off suddenly]. The talent show...
Kim: Pansy is not going to win, Sequoia. Pansy is not going to win. We're not going to talk about Pansy again.
Sequoia: We aren't? Damn!
Kim: No no no.
Sequoia: Damn.
Kim: We forgot about that. Draco could feel the power of her words and could see the pain in them, and he knew they were about Potter and how he had hurt her deeply. [Kim cackling softly]
Sequoia: They are. They are. They are, Draco.
Kim: He wished that he could do something, but he decided to listen to the rest of the song. [Sequoia laughs riotously]
Sequoia: What- wait what? What was he going to do besides listen to the rest of the song?
Kim: Make intense eye contact. [both chuckle] Communicate through eye contact.
Sequoia: He just hauls off and punches Harry in the face. [both laugh]
Kim: Maybe. "Talent show fight!" [both laugh].
Sequoia: Classic.
Kim: Hermione, on the other hand, wasn't at all shocked at how Ginny sounded. They all continued to listen to her song. And then we get another chunk of song lyrics.
Sequoia: [breathily chuckling] Oh good.
Kim: Hermione wished she had that much power in her voice and that she didn't care what people thought of her songs because she was always scared that they wouldn't think that they were good enough. That was why she always sang songs that were already popular and had never had the guts to write her own song and get her own band together. She decided to listen to the rest of Ginny's song. [Sequoia riotously laughing] Oh my god. Hermione has been-
Sequoia: I don't know why that's so funny.
Kim: It is. It's beautiful. It's perfect. [Sequoia chuckling] It's so good.
Sequoia: Hermione's been, like, playing a CD and singing along to it.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: At the talent show. Yeah?
Kim: Yeah, for sure. Or, like, there's a teacher who's been playing the piano and Hermione's been singing along to it. [Sequoia laughs].
Sequoia: I think probably that Flitwick has been playing the piano, so that-.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Hermione could sing her song.
Kim: Yes. Exactly.
Sequoia: Probably that.
Kim: She just didn't have the guts to show off her own song lyrics that she write also.
Sequoia: Oh jeez, I love it when they all write songs!
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: What's better than that?
Kim: I don't know! [both chuckle] Night water.
Sequoia: [chuckling] Night water.
Kim: Alright, and this is the last chunk of lyrics from the song Too Little Too Late by Jojo.
Sequoia: Oh great.
Kim: Which hopefully you've clicked over to our playlist and have been listening to while we did this section.
Sequoia: Exactly. Don't forget about the playlist. [Kim laughs as Sequoia chuckles]
Kim: Got to plug that. [Sequoia chuckles] When Ginny finished her song, everyone clapped for her.
Sequoia: Because it was so good.
Kim: It was so good.
Sequoia: Brava!
Kim: Her and her band of very talented [pauses].
Sequoia: Ex-boyfriends.
Kim: Ex-Boyfriend. And people who have a grudge against Harry, and Luna is also there. She took one look at Harry and then walked off.
Sequoia: Nice. Tell him!
Kim: [emphasizing each word individually] Tell him. Drag him backstage. [intensely] Draco walked up to her, but he didn't say anything. And Ginny decided that maybe that was his way of saying good job.
Sequoia: [high pitched] What? Why? Why would you decide that? [Kim wheezes] You have no-.
Kim: Draco... Draco...
Sequoia: There's no contextual proof!
Kim: Draco just came up and just stood there and stared at her.
Sequoia: [exasperated, almost groaning] Oh my god!
Kim: It's because she didn't catch the intense eye contact he was trying to hold with her during the song because she was too busy singing at Harry.
Sequoia: Right. Right right right, right right. I forgot. Sorry. Clearly. [chuckling softly]
Kim: So I have no idea how she knows that him standing there [Sequoia laughs] and not saying anything means good job. But she does.
Sequoia: She does, she knows. They have a connection or something.
Kim: Okay. When everyone had sung, Professor Dumbledore- this story was written in 2006.
Sequoia: Oh, okay.
Kim: Professor Dumbledore. [dissolves into laughter].
Sequoia: Professor Dumbledore. Sure. There can't be a talent show without Professor Dumbledore though.
Kim: True.
Sequoia: Like, let's be real.
Kim: Very true.
Sequoia: He's the reason why the talent show ever happens.
Kim: Dumbledore wants a talent show, there is a talent show.
Sequoia: There is a talent show, one student or zero.
Kim: He just makes everyone stand in the Great Hall, [Sequoia laughs, Kim uses a crackly, slightly senile sounding voice] "This is when we would be doing a talent show.".
Sequoia: "If you all weren't such cowards." [both laugh]
Kim: I'm into that. Professor Dumbledore walked up to the mic and said, "I am pleased to announce the new winner and that would be Miss Ginny Weasley."
Sequoia: Yay!
Kim: Yay!
Sequoia: Brava!
Kim: Ginny went up and got her award, and then she walked past Harry and [dramatically] out of his life.
Sequoia: Oh shit. Bye Felicia.
Kim: [extending the y's] Bye Harry. [Sequoia chuckles] Uhh, the end.
Sequoia: Oh, the end, what?
Kim: [dramatically] She walked past Harry and-.
Both: Out of his life.
Kim: The end.
Sequoia: Wow. That's a powerful ending.
Kim: Thank you.
Sequoia: That's a really powerful ending.
Kim: I didn't write it, [Sequoia laughs] I just found it.
Sequoia: It's a powerful ending. I mean, I do wish that we would have seen a little bit more of how this relationship between Draco and Ginny that has no words involved. [Kim softly snorts] I think they probably just continue to sort of [Kim wheeze-giggling] silently exist in each other's space. And I would like to see the progression of that. But other than that, that story was fucking flawless.
Kim: Yes! [Sequoia laughs] I am mad... No, okay. No, wait. There were some flaws. We don't know what Ginny’s shirt looked like.
Sequoia: Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that is a huge flaw. What does her shirt look like?
Kim: We don't know what her jewelry looks like. How did she accessorize this bad ass outfit?
Sequoia: Exactly. [Kim sighs] The accessories are important.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Gotta have a statement earring.
Kim: Ginny spent a whole month putting this outfit together, [Sequoia laughs] and we just got the bottom half. [both laugh heartily]
Sequoia: So incredible. Phew. Alright, well, I got a point?
Kim: It didn't specifically say it was in the Great Hall, but, like, where else would it have been?
Sequoia: Yeah, I mean, I guess I... We, I mean, it's not going to hurt us to give me a pity point, because, like...
Kim: Mm hmm.
Sequoia: Are... We don't... We're not good at this game.
Kim: Mm hmm. Exactly.
Sequoia: So, [declarative] I got a point. [both laugh].
Kim: Very good. Nice work.
Sequoia: Are you ready for a segment?
Kim: [somewhat poshly] I suppose. [telecom/news announcement intro] Hold for the End Please.
Sequoia: Hold for the End Please is a segment where you, all the listeners, write in and tell us how you think a story ended, or began, or anything to that effect, that we have done on the podcast that you just didn't feel like it was done yet. It just was done.
Kim: Like for this story, you want to write to us about Ginny and Draco's-.
Both: Silent.
Sequoia: Romance. [laughs]
Kim: Relationship. How did Pansy Performance go?
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: Let us know.
Sequoia: So for this Hold for the End Please I have an amazing submission from Felix. Thank you, Felix. This is Hold for the End Please: Touching the Skies. [Kim laughs riotously]
Kim: Yes, thank you.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: That story was not completed to my satisfaction.
Sequoia: To no one's satisfaction. So here we are..
Kim: What happens?
Sequoia: This is what happens: Chloe spends the rest of her summer with Harry and Hermione at the Weasley home.
Kim: Mm hmm.
Sequoia: When they go to Diagon Alley to get all of her Hogwarts school supplies, they go to Olivander's to get her a wand, and she's trying all the wands. And none of the wands work. And Olivander's so distraught by the fact that none of the ones work that he retires. [both laugh].
Kim: Chloe doesn't need a wand. She's too special.
Sequoia: So Mrs. Weasley is worried about this scenario and takes Chloe to St Mungo's, where they figure out that Chloe is, in fact, not a witch. She is a fire bender and- [both laugh].
Kim: Oh my gosh. I think I looked it up after that episode came out and there was like a little bit of overlap between the first season of Avatar and when this story was written.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: So it's entirely possible that they were writing a fire bender. [Sequoia laughs].
Sequoia: Right. The doctors are mystified by this because they didn't know that fire benders still existed in the modern world.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: They're sort an extinct sort of experience.
Kim: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure.
Sequoia: Chloe is mostly sad about this scenario because she's like, "Well, if I'm not a witch, how am I supposed to infiltrate Hogwarts?"
Kim: [laughing] Right. [both laugh for a beat] Her one goal.
Sequoia: So they go back to the Burrow and Dumbledore appears, and he's like, "No biggie. You can still come to Hogwarts because of the prophecy we need you to be close to Harry at all times. [Kim breathily chuckles] So you'll just come to Hogwarts anyway, it's fine."
Kim: We don't teach any subjects other than magic. You will not learn any useful skills. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: But you will be present. [both laugh]
Kim: Incredible.
Sequoia: So they all get on the Hogwarts Express and they're going to Hogwarts. And Draco Malfoy comes into the compartment and is like, "Oh, they really let anyone into Hogwarts these days."
Kim: Thank you, Draco.
Sequoia: And then there's sort of a look passed between Draco and Harry and Chloe's like, "Huh, that's a- that's a something. Catalog that for the future references.".
Kim: Kay is this going to turn into a Drarry? [Sequoia giggling] I don't think that's what the original author intended, but you know.
Sequoia: I don't think so either. But I like it. [Kim chokes on air] Everyone's confused when she gets to Hogwarts because she's a new student and she's not getting sorted, she's just going to be in Gryffindor. And so there's not really a lot for Chloe to do at Hogwarts because she is not a witch. So she signs up for Flitwick choir because there's no other musical group and she needs to hone her musical style for future pop stardom.
Kim: Uh-huh.
Sequoia: And so at the first rehearsal, Flitwick is just blown away by her incredible vocal skills.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: And Dumbledore learns that she's in the choir and he comes and listens and is also blown away by her vocal skills. And so he decides that he wants to support her dream to become the biggest pop star in the world after the war has ended.
Kim: Excellent.
Sequoia: So Dumbledore sets her up. He's like, shows her the room requirement and how it can be turned into a band rehearsal room [Kim giggles] or a recording studio, if need be
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: And then they're like, "Well, you know, she is going to need some type of a manager or some public relations, marketing, advertising." So they hire Gilderoy Lockhart [both laugh] to be her manager.
Kim: Oh amazing. Yes, of course they do.
Sequoia: Right? Because he is the best at personal brand marketing.
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: So [laughs].
Kim: Obviously. Incredible.
Sequoia: So she- her... The release date for her debut album is coming up. It's called Girlfriend [Kim chuckles] and she's really wanting to spend more time with Harry, like, personally. But Harry is kind of always with Draco Malfoy.
Kim: Weird how that happens sometimes.
Sequoia: Right? And so she's kind of confused by that. Doesn't really know what's happening, but Hermione figures it out and explains the situation to her. And so Chloe is like, "Okay, I guess, you know, barking up the wrong tree over there. So what I am going to do is refocus my energies on my romantic connection with Ginny Weasley. Here we go."
Kim: Oh, nice. Oh nice.
Sequoia: So she writes a new song.
Kim: We just found out, Ginny also is very good at writing and singing.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: So this is a match made in heaven. [Sequoia giggles]
Sequoia: The day before the release of her debut album, [Kim giggles] Chloe... Voldemort is seen in the Forbidden Forest and Dumbledore's like, "You know what? We should probably just get this whole thing over with. So, Harry and Chloe, just go find him. [Kim wheezes] Because I'm just about done with this whole scenario." So. [both laugh].
Kim: No. What? Okay.
Sequoia: So Harry and Chloe walk out into the forbidden forest. They find the resurrection stone because it's very glittery. And Harry picks it up and he's like, "Oh, look at this glittery stone." And then he turns it over. And all of his Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers who are all dead, except for, except for Gilderoy Lockhart because he is alive and Chloe's manager. [Kim giggling] So Snape is also dead and Umbridge is also dead. It's fine. It's fine. They're all dead.
Kim: And Lupin? Lupin's dead?
Sequoia: Yes. They're all dead
Both: Except for Lockhart.
Kim: Excellent. Fine.
Sequoia: So they all show up. This is Snape, Umbridge, Barty Crouch Junior is there. [Kim giggles]
Kim: This is a great team of something?
Sequoia: A great team of those guys. And then Lockhart, in his full non-deadness, shows up and is like, "I will escort you to my true love." [Kim cracking up] And so Lockhart takes them to Voldemort.
Kim: It's a great ship. I mean, like, it's one of my favorites. It's nothing, I love it.
Sequoia: This is a good ship.
Kim: Thank you for including this. Felix has done an amazing job.
Sequoia: Chloe is, like, really distraught about how her personal brand manager is actually a bad guy and in love with Voldemort and is like having sort of a crisis about it. And so, like, Harry is battling Voldemort actively and Chloe is just like, [upset teenager voice] "Oh my god, my manager is a bad guy!".
Kim: "But he's been so effective at managing my brand!".
Sequoia: Yeah. And the rest of the dead defense against the dark arts teachers are also just sort of there.
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: And then [laughs] she sets Lockhart on fire.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: And he dies.
Kim: Oh no!
Sequoia: Which is, like, really bad for her brand honestly.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Like I'm a little bit-.
Kim: Worried.
Sequoia: Downtrodden about that.
Kim: Yeah. Not going to find anyone as good.
Sequoia: Harry is just sort of battling Lord Voldemort, they're still battling.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: They battle for a while while Chloe just watches, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight, so she just also lights Voldemort on fire.
Kim: Of course she does. [Sequoia laughs] And then what? Does that work?
Sequoia: And then everybody cheered [Kim chuckles] and they go back to the castle. And Draco and Ginny are both relieved to see their loved ones not dead. Which is preferable. And then the next day, they have a big feast. And Chloe releases her debut album and realizes her dream of becoming the world's most famous pop star. And she marries Ginny and everybody gets married actually. Draco gets married to Harry, Percy and Oliver get married, the Squid and the Hogwarts Castle get married, Ron and Hermione get married. And everyone achieved what they've always wanted. The end.
Kim: Incredible! [Sequoia laughs].
Sequoia: Thank you so much to Felix for writing this and sending it in.
Kim: Glad Chloe achieved her dreams.
Sequoia: Yeah. I really wanted her to become the world's most famous pop star. And she did.
Kim: [strained] She did.
Sequoia: She did. And now it's time for:.
Both: The Rec Zone! [airhorn mouth noises]
Kim: So for no particular reason, I was recently on oh three searching for Harry Potter fan fictions tagged AU Regency era. [Sequoia laughs] No particular reason.
Sequoia: Uh huh?
Kim: And I found some good ones!
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: There's some longer ones that I haven't quite read yet. But my rec today is from that search that I was doing. It is called Post Script. It is Pansy Parkinson slash Harry Potter.
Sequoia: Incredible! [both laugh] regency era Pansy slash Harry. That's good.
Kim: Pansy is engaged to the wrong man.
Sequoia: Oh yeah.
Kim: And Harry's there to show her that.
Sequoia: Incredible!
Kim: Despite them both disliking each other at the beginning.
Sequoia: Oh good. [chuckles] Perfect. You can find a link to that fanfiction in the description of this episode. You can also find it on our website.
Kim: [dramatically] Fanatical Fics dot com.
Sequoia: Also on our website is our story submission form. Please send in all of the fan fictions that you're reading that just like pops into your brain and you say, "Oh, you know, who would love this? "
Kim: "You know whose voice I read this entire thing in?" [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Exactly. Send those in via the story submission form on our website.
Kim: Also on our website you can find merch! Yes Glitter is on our website, but also a link to our T-public is on our website where there's a variety of designs on a variety of objects.
Sequoia: Tweet at us, If you have ever been in a talent show that had an actual winner, [Kim chuckles softly] you can find us on social media at Fanatical Fics on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
Kim: If you have any longer thoughts, submissions for Hold for the End Please, any of our other segments, or you got to email us and your submissions for our hundredth episode: email us at Fanatical Fics at gmail.com.
Sequoia: If you want to help out this podcast, there are a couple of ways to do that.
Kim: Drop us a review on anything that will accept a review. [Sequoia giggles].
Sequoia: Trick Everyone 2021! Tell all your friends.
Kim: About the pod. Or about Sequoia's other pod.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: They'll probably like that one better and think you're less weird for recommending it.
Sequoia: Maybe.
Kim: Or you can, if you really like this podcast, you can support us on Patreon and help us reach that goal so that we can do a fun live show for everyone. Speaking of Patreon, after a few months, certain tiers get a shout out on the podcast in the form of a story summary, which you might take inspiration from to write your story summary [Sequoia giggles] for our 100th episode. Sequoia is going to do one today. Sequoia?
Sequoia: There is no other way to put it. The students of Hogwarts are obsessed and this time it's not with Harry or a particular Quidditch star or Gilderoy Lockhart. This time it's with a book? And a romance novel at that?
Kim: Ooh.
Sequoia: Two days ago, a mysterious book by an anonymous author showed up under the pillows of every Hogwarts student. And now they're whispering in the hallways, hiding the book inside their textbooks so they can read during class, and mealtimes in the Great Hall are mysteriously quiet. 'Will the heroine find true love?' they wonder. "Who's your favorite pairing?" they whisper. All the while, the mysterious authoress watches, the only one not glued to the novel at all times. Who is Hogwarts' mysterious romance novelist? [Kim giggling] Read and review to find out! [Kim laughs]
Kim: [singing] Hey, Sequoia! I would like that fanfic! [Sequoia laughs] You rude person. I hate when one of our summaries is like, "Wait. But actually?".
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Oh my goodness. Thanks so much to our patrons. Ariana Buen Rostro, Percy Blue, Alexis Baird, Mia Gray, Elizabeth Jacobs, Dimitri Kosar and Michael Boyle. Your support means a lot to us.
Sequoia: Thank you also to the Whomping Willows for our incredible theme song! It is their song, Wolfstar.
Both: Bye! [Kim extends the 'e' while Sequoia turns an extended 'e' into a little song]