Episode 90: Touching the Skies (Part2)
Recommendation: The Talk
https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/87295
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Jessica
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original work contained in this transcript, you can find it here!
Sequoia: I was just upstairs talking to Hannah and Katherine…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …about watching a scary movie tonight?
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: And it got us into a conversation about… we just went down a rabbit hole about movies that we like, and quotable movies, and we started talking about The Labyrinth.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And now I literally cannot stop singing the song from The Labyrinth. You know the song from The Labyrinth?
Kim: No, I haven't seen Labyrinth because the puppets scared me too much.
Sequoia: Oh my god! [both laugh]
[Theme music (“Wolfstar” by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello, I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's a Harry Potter fanfiction podcast.
Sequoia: And before it's a Harry Potter fanfiction podcast, it's a podcast about some announcements.
Kim: It's a Whomping Willows stan podcast. [both laugh]
Sequoia: A hundred and twelve percent. Here's the thing. You love Wolfstar. We know that.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: That is factual. There is evid… this is evidence based.
Kim: You listen to it all the time. [both chuckle]
Sequoia: You want more Wolfstar? You're gonna get more Wolfstar, all right? Wolfstar is going to be on Revisionist History, fuck yes!
Kim: What's Revisionist History, Sequoia?
Sequoia: Revisionist History is the Whomping Willows’ new album that is being crowdfunded on Indiegogo right now!
Kim: That's so fun. The Whomping Willows are such a fun wizard rock band! I just… ugh!
Sequoia: My actual, actual favorite.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: So you should go support them…
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: …doing this new album. Some re-recordings of old stuff, some new songs. You can get that digital download code for only $10.
Kim: And you get to support the creation of some awesome wizard rock and a new version of Wolfstar which, we’re just… I just… [both laugh]
Sequoia: You only have a week left to get in on this shit. So you should absolutely do it. We are so stoked. Clearly Kim is too stoked to speak. [both laugh]
Kim: Arghh!
Sequoia: Speaking of things that you have a limited time left to participate in…
Both: Arrrghhh!
Sequoia: You only have today and tomorrow to vote, Americans! If you haven't voted yet, do it today or do it tomorrow, 'cause those are the only days that are left to do it!
Kim: I can keep it together. Here we go. Please? Vote! Please!
Sequoia: For Joe Biden. Please vote for Joe Biden.
Kim: Yup, and… and fill out all the rest of your ballot too, just, please.
Sequoia: Yeah. Local initiatives.
Kim: You gotta vote.
Sequoia: Local people.
Kim: Please!
Sequoia: Your Congress people.
Kim: Please!
Sequoia: Jesus Christ. [laughs] Also, check in with your friends and family.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Text ‘em, call ‘em. Actually, no. Call them, because there's two days left. Call your family, call your friends, be like, hey, you know what I did? I voted. Did you vote?
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: You don't know how to vote? Excellent.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: I will help you.
Kim: I messaged my mom the other day. I was like, Mom, you are out of time to mail your ballots back. You need to go drop them off. Have you not dropped your ballot off yet, MOM? [Sequoia chuckles] And then she went and dropped it off. And I was like, good job, Mom.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: So.
Sequoia: Nice. My mom also dropped her ballot off.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And my sister dropped her ballot off.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: And you should all check in with your friends. Check in with your family.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: If you don't know how to vote, just fuckin’ DM me, specifically, and I will help you figure out how to vote, because this is very, very, very, very important! [both chuckle nervously] Please.
Kim: Okay, here we go. We… we can keep going. I can breathe into the rest of this episode.
Sequoia: [laughs] All right. Additionally, let's talk about some fun stuff.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: So we have a Patreon. We love our Patreon. We love our… our lovely, totally weird patrons who are amazing. And so we want you to join them. We want you to join us over there. So we're doing a special offer. The next twenty people who sign up for Patreon at any level, our $2, our $4, our $10 level, I will send you a sticker pack, because I have been hoarding merch [Kim snorts] in my room [Kim laughs] 'cause I'm fuckin’ weird.
Kim: You've been hoarding merch and not telling me about it. [Sequoia laughs] That's the weird thing. That's the weird part, was that I didn't know you had all these stickers. And they're really cool!
Sequoia: Like, wait, what stickers are we giving them? Do we have those? Yes, we do! You will get a Fanatical Fics logo sticker, a Drarry/Dron/Dramione/Drinny sticker, a Mrs. Weasley’s famous chili dogs sticker, a forgive me canon for I have shipped sticker, and also to top it all off, a holographic all wizards are gay sticker.
Kim: We have holographic stickers and I didn't know. Like…! [laughs]
Sequoia: I'm hoarding them! All the merch! In my room.
Kim: They're really cool. So you should hop on this offer because… fuck, I guess this is the only way you're gonna be getting these stickers any time soon. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Speaking of cool new merch that we have, that we're gonna tell everyone about and that I'm not just gonna hoard in my room…
Kim: 'Cause that’s really weird. [both laugh]
Sequoia: We have some new merch coming out.
Kim: Hell yeah!
Sequoia: I’ve designed a hold for the text please… a new hold for the text please design that's going on TeePublic. It's already on TeePublic! It’s on TeePublic now!
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: You can get it on some stuff.
Kim: Mhm. See…
Sequoia: A sticker. A mug.
Kim: Yeah. The design is so fun and so cool. And we did decide to put it up on TeePublic. But that's not why you designed it initially.
Sequoia: It isn't. I designed it initially because we wanted to find a way to say thank you to our amazing transcription team that is doing this good, good, stupid, hard work. And so I designed this as an exclusive enamel pin for our transcription team. So anyone on the transcription team that completes two or more transcriptions is going to get this cool enamel pin. You can get it, anyone can get it on a bunch of different stuff on TeePublic. But the enamel pin is only for our transcription team.
Kim: And you can still email us to join that transcription team. But, [sighs] you’ve listened to the podcast.
Sequoia: It's not easy.
Kim: It’s not gonna be easy to do.
Sequoia: We are so stupid!
Kim: Oh my god!
Sequoia: [laughs] We talk over each other. We mumble, we scream unintelligibly, like it just is… not easy. [chuckles]
Kim: They’re doing a lot of very difficult work, and we are so thankful to them. But if you're interested in helping us make the podcast more accessible, please do email us.
Sequoia: At fanaticalfics@gmail.com. Okay, and then our…
Kim: One more. One more.
Sequoia: Our one more merch announcement.
Kim: And this one, whoa, holy shit, dude! [Sequoia laughs] Oh my fucking god, this is some… heh!
Sequoia: We've been keeping this under wraps for months.
Kim: Yup! We had this really dumb idea, months and months and months ago, when the author of Willow’s Thorn reached out to us, and we noticed from their Twitter that they do a lot of really cool art!
Sequoia: So we commissioned the author of Willow’s Thorn to draw Rose Willow Black for us. And they made us this incredible drawing of Rose.
Kim: She’s so cute.
Sequoia: And so we spent a lot of time staring at it and being like, this is incredible. I don't know what to do with it. This is incredible. What do we do with it? So we decided to make it into a 90s-style READ bookmark, and that is available for pre order right now on our website.
Kim: Hell yeah. [both chuckle] I’m so excited we get to talk about that, ugh!
Sequoia: Ugh. We've been keeping it in for so long.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Whoo!
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: Before we get into fanfiction, I just do have to do a quick shout out to all the people who have been tweeting at us and DMing us on Instagram and emailing us with their cool local fun facts from Finland!
Kim: I do… [laughs] look.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: I love the fuckin’ local fun facts, but, dude…
Sequoia: Yo, Finland has shown up in the Twitterverse. And also, we did get an Instagram message from someone that was like, hi, I'm in the Florida panhandle! And I just like, cried.
Kim: I think we got a… we got a tweet from the Florida panhandle too! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Ugh, it’s so good!
Kim: It’s nice to hear from you all. [laughs]
Sequoia: Great to hear from you. If anyone here is tuning in from…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …Spain…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …or from anywhere in South America, please tweet at us.
Kim: Or from somewhere near a hill sized mountain. [Sequoia laughs] Do you live near a hill sized mountain?
Sequoia: Tweet a picture of the hill sized mountain to us, please. [both laugh] Stupid!
Kim: Fuck!
Sequoia: Okay, I think we're… I think we're done with the… with the bullshit portion of our fanfiction podcast. We might be ready for the fanfiction portion of the fanfiction podcast.
Kim: All right, let's do this shit. So you sent me the edit of last episode last night, and I think…
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: …without that I wouldn't be able to do this today, because I don't… didn't remember anything that happened in that. [chuckles]
Sequoia: Well, for anyone who might not remember what happened in that, let me give you a really quick recap.
Kim: I did die. I died!
Sequoia: You did die. I mean, here's the thing is, like, I died too. We finished… okay, we finished recording that episode, I turned off my computer…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …turned around, my bed is directly behind me.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Rolled onto my bed, and I fell asleep, I kid you not, for two and a half days. [both laugh] This really took it right the fuck out of me, man.
Kim: Oh my gosh. I think this episode's gonna have a little bit of a different energy than that. We're not coming out of this straight from a livestream where I also died. I didn’t die during the livestream I did today so, you know.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Give me the summary.
Sequoia: It's time f… it’s time. All right, so, last time on Touching the Skies, we met Chloe Eriya Heartily. She is from a family of squibs, but one day she strums on her guitar, and all of a sudden she can produce fire from her hands! [Kim laughs] She immediately writes a note to Hogwarts, sends it off with her owl, Calliope, and waits patiently next to the window for a return letter of admittance to Hogwarts, which she will then infiltrate.
Kim: Mhm. [both laugh] [whispering] Shit.
Sequoia: Chloe then sees three mysterious people on broomsticks right outside of her window, decides to put on her headphones and pretend they do not exist.
Kim: Sequoia, what’s she listening to on her headphones? You gotta bring it up again, because it's so powerful.
Sequoia: [singing] So much for my happy ending!
Kim: Says her headphones. Yes, good.
Sequoia: Woo! So then Mad Eye Moody, Lupin, and Nymphadora Tonks… uh, just Tonks… break into her room and push her off her chair and kidnap her. They make a clone of her, a soulless automaton that will then do god knows what to her family, [Kim laughs] and they leave!
Kim: Horrifying.
Sequoia: [laughs] They fly on broomsticks from whatever, whatever middle America...
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Over to England, and when they arrive, Death Eaters appear.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: And they obliterate a hill sized mountain. And that is where we are.
Kim: Excellent. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, I love this story so much. Okay. Let's get into part two.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Oh, wait, do you want to do a prediction? No, you gotta do a prediction.
Kim: I do, yeah. I actually, I'm… I'm semi prepared today. Here we go.
Sequoia: Ooh.
Kim: I'm gonna stick with a prediction I made last time, that I was like, trying to will into the universe to exist. I'm going to predict that she's gonna… going to meet Dumbledore, and he's gonna tell her a prophecy about her in this.
Sequoia: All right. Awesome! Good prediction. Good prediction.
Kim: Yeah. Really, really hoping for that prophecy.
Sequoia: [laughs] You did scream about it a lot last time.
Kim: I screamed about a lot of stuff!
Sequoia: [laughs] All right, let's see if there's a prophecy. If you all want to send in one prediction. One prediction…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …to Twitter, @FanaticalFics, #FanficDivination, answer our story on Instagram, or if you're a Patron, put it in Discord for those [deep voice] house points!
Kim: Hell yeah.
Sequoia: All right. Let's do this.
Kim: Whoo! I'm excited! Part two of chapter one. [both chuckle] Can you read us the chapter title again, actually? Let's get...
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I need to get back into this mindset.
Sequoia: Chapter One: Amazing Discovery! This is Who I Am So Deal With It! [both laugh]
Kim: Oh, my goodness gracious.
Sequoia: Whoo. All right. Chloe Eriya Heartily has arrived in England.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: "Damn it, they must be after Chloe!" said Lupin. "What?" cried Chloe, but nobody answered back. Lupin shot a blue curse at the group of Death Eaters, knocking one of them off of their brooms.
Kim: Hmm. To their death. To their death.
Sequoia: Yeah, I mean, to their death. As, yeah, it's implied. Into the rubble of the small… the hill sized mountain.
Kim: Right, right, right.
Sequoia: However, one of the Death Eaters fired back with a green curse that made Lupin, Moody and Tonks split apart in three different directions…
Kim: I'm… I'm wondering, like, how prepared for this Chloe may have been. Like, you know, not only is she coming from a squib family who may not be keeping up on Wizarding news so much.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: She's coming from America. Like, how much does America know that Death Eaters are back and like…?
Sequoia: Hmm.
Kim: Because at this point…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: …the Ministry’s still trying to suppress that news, mostly. Right?
Sequoia: Right. So she would have no idea what she’s getting herself into.
Kim: She may not know what’s happening!
Sequoia: Yeah, I don't think she does.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: She does know some stuff.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: As we'll see later, she knows a little bit about, like, Voldemort and the first war and stuff.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: But I don't think that she's aware of what's happening to her right now.
Kim: And they did not prepare her for this, like, at all.
Sequoia: No. No. They were just like…
Kim: She's like, why are you being so paranoid, Moody? And nobody was like, oh, because there's a… a war actively going on where we're flying you to.
Sequoia: Nope!
Kim: We're flying you into a war zone. Child.
Sequoia: No one told her. Nobody told her that.
Kim: Yikes.
Sequoia: She didn’t need to know.
Kim: That checks out.
Sequoia: Chloe clinging desperately to Moody's broomstick as they did. Moody did a fantastic spiral that made Chloe almost lose her lunch, shooting curses at the Death Eaters that had to split apart. His technique was supposed to be able to get many Death Eaters at the same time, but all he managed to do was cause two of them to crash.
Kim: That's still pretty good. What?
Sequoia: Yeah! He didn't hit them with… with curses. He didn't hit them with curses at all. They just crashed into something. Else.
Kim: The trees.
Sequoia: The trees.
Kim: The… the hill sized mountains on the… no, the trees on the hill si…
Sequoia: The trees on the… [laughs]
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: The hill sized mountains on the trees? [Kim laughs] Whoo. That still meant that there were six left. Chloe shuddered as she did the math in her head. [both laugh] She’s…
Kim: [snorts] Chloe.
Sequoia: She couldn't just count them. [laughs]
Kim: [strained] Chloe.
Sequoia: Sure. [laughs] Sure. She was afraid to think what would happen if they should fail.
Kim: You'll die!
Sequoia: You will die. [laughs]
Kim: You might bounce if you're lucky, actually.
Sequoia: I just imagine her sitting on the… sitting on the back of this broomstick, sort of like, counting her fingers, being like…
Kim: Okay, that’s one down. Oh, that’s two more down.
Sequoia: Okay. And there was… and then… just that? Is that eight, or is that six, or is that…? Ugh, that's too many. What if I fall? [both laugh]
Kim: Poor Chloe. All she wants… all she wants is to be the next magical number one pop star in the world! This isn't…
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: How does this… poor Chloe.
Sequoia: This is not helping.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: You can't be the number one pop star when you're dead. Or could you? For some reason, she could feel a bubbly burning feeling in the pits of her stomach. It was…
Kim: That's nausea. [laughs]
Sequoia: [laughs] Little heartburn again.
Kim: Uh oh! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Damn that acid reflux!
Kim: She did just say that the… Moody's flying is making her sick. Like…
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: This isn't…
Sequoia: Yeah, that would check out.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: She's gonna vomit all over the Death Eaters!
Kim: Gross. No, thank you?
Sequoia: It was such a familiar feeling, but her fear stopped her from putting two and two together.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: She… she couldn't figure out what was going on 'cause she's too scared and she's trying to count the Death Eaters, and everything is just a jumble.
Kim: The burning sensation in her stomach is a familiar feeling, and she can't connect it to anything? Is that what the story just said?
Sequoia: [pause] Yes.
Kim: We've all been… we've all been carsick before, probably. [Sequoia laughs] That's the way her magic feels, isn't it? Her magic feels like nausea!
Sequoia: Hmm. Hmm. [laughs]
Kim: Or is she a dragon and the burning feeling in her stomach [Sequoia laughs] is her about to breathe fire?
Sequoia: I don't know. We'll see.
Kim: No, just tell me!
Sequoia: [laughs] Whoo. Okay. She only braced herself as Moody did a sort of Wronski Feint with his broomstick, maneuvering while shouting curses at the enemy.
Kim: Interesting. She's like… huh. She must be a big Quidditch fan.
Sequoia: That’s a weird…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. That's… that's a weird bit of knowledge to have.
Kim: Yeah it is.
Sequoia: Tonks and Lupin were doing the same thing, but they weren't having as much luck. Only two more Death Eaters crashed below. What does she want from them?! [laughs]
Kim: Right? It's like, wow, you guys really suck at this. And there are like five dead Death Eaters! [Sequoia laughs] What?
Sequoia: That is really really high standards, man!
Kim: There were only ten of them, right? They've killed half of them!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: What?
Sequoia: [laughs] Just like, not good enough. Wow, not having much luck over there are you? Whoo. But Tonks had taken a curse to the right arm, which was now green and covered in moss, and Lupin had lost his hat. [Kim laughs] Equivalent. I think those are equivalent problems.
Kim: We killed five Death Eaters but…
Both: …Lupin lost his hat!
Sequoia: [laughs] RIP Lupin’s hat. [both laugh] 1996 to 2005.
Kim: No, come on. Lupin? 1972! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Whoo! Lupin had managed to physically knock one of the Death Eaters off their broom…
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: …and smiled with satisfaction while breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his face.
Kim: [laughs] He's doing so well.
Sequoia: He is! He's doing a great job, but she keeps being like, well you killed two, but could have killed more. Well, your… your… you knocked that one off their broom, but you are sweating a lot. [both laugh]
Kim: She was not ready for this.
Sequoia: Not even a little bit. However, he did not notice another Death Eater come up from behind him.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: Neither did Tonks, as she fought off more Death Eaters a few feet away.
Kim: Oh no!
Sequoia: As the Death Eater behind Lupin raised his wand and prepared to curse him, Chloe couldn't stand it any more.
Kim: Good. Do anything!
Sequoia: "NOOOOOOO!" [both laugh]
Kim: Awesome.
Sequoia: She screamed, and suddenly fire burst from her hands…
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: …and enveloped the Death Eater.
Kim: Holy shit!
Sequoia: That's the kind of shit she's looking for, okay?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: She's not looking for any of this crashing into trees or Wronski Feint or whatever.
Kim: Light their asses on firrre! [Sequoia laughs] Light ‘em up! You can do magic! Why are you wrestling with them, Lupin? [both laugh]
Sequoia: I imagine if you shoot fire out of your hands you probably get pretty sweaty as well, though.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: He screamed in anguish, and fell to the ground below.
Kim: Horrifying, I like it.
Sequoia: [laughs] But Chloe didn't stop there.
Kim: Oh god!
Sequoia: Filled with fear and anger, she let loose another stream of fire and got rid of the rest of them.
Kim: Oh my god.
Sequoia: Results!
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: We're looking for results.
Kim: Oh my goodness.
Sequoia: When it was all over, Chloe panted heavily, looking at her hands, which were sizzling with smoke rising from them.
Kim: She just killed, like, five people. [Sequoia laughs] Holy shit.
Sequoia: Yeah, she definitely wasn't prepared for that.
Kim: Yeah. [laughs]
Sequoia: How are you supposed to become the next big pop star with that body trail?
Kim: Oh my goodness. This story is doing a pretty good job of, like, showing how scared and confused she is, I think?
Sequoia: It is! Yeah.
Kim: She's… she seems pretty emotionally unprepared for this.
Sequoia: Yeah, because no one bothered to tell her what was going on.
Kim: Right! Yeah, no, I think the story is doing a pretty good… although now she's a… she's a cold killing machine, so I dunno. [both laugh]
Sequoia: There didn't seem to be any harm to her hands at all.
Kim: I'm feeling like… I'm feeling more… I'm leaning more towards my theory from last time that she is not a witch and she is an X-man.
Sequoia: Yeah, I mean, I think that checks out more.
Kim: We've only seen her do one thing so far and that’s shoot fire. So…
Sequoia: Yeah, it's not a spell, per se.
Kim: No.
Sequoia: So maybe she can get exhausted and use it up. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: When she looked up, she saw Lupin, Tonks, and Moody staring at her with strange looks on their faces.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: "So that's why Dumbledore wanted to talk to you," said Tonks, awestruck.
Kim: You know, you’re… you're wizards. You can also make fire!
Sequoia: Yeah, you could make big fire.
Kim: Yep!
Sequoia: You could do a big fire spell.
Kim: Yep!
Sequoia: Big fire shootin’ spell.
Kim: Yep!
Sequoia: [laughs] You act like you've never seen a fire spell before.
Kim: Yep!
Sequoia: There was another bout of silence before Chloe finally spoke up, her voice croaking slightly. "What am I? I'm not a normal witch, am I?"
Kim: How would you know? There's no way… well, I guess they are all acting all freaked the fuck out. [Sequoia laughs] She's a wandless magic using elementalist isn't she?
Sequoia: I don't know, dude.
Kim: Just like the Ethan sisters. [Sequoia laughs] She can't warp or mind read though. So I mean…
Sequoia: No. Yeah.
Kim: …Hermione’s still got that on her.
Sequoia: She does have the one power.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: It's just the one power.
Kim: She's a firebender. [Sequoia laughs] Avatar crossover! A few years early though.
Sequoia: Oh, she is!
Kim: Flameo Hotman! What? [Sequoia laughs] I'm making too many references.
Sequoia: You… I mean, is there such a thing as too many references?
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Is there such a thing as listing too many songs in one episode?
Kim: I got feedback that… that my crossover episode… a lot of people were like, I don't know what Pokémon is, so I didn't realize what you were doing?
Sequoia: [laughs] See?
Kim: Looking back I did realize that it… it didn't say Pokémon!
Sequoia: Not at one point. I just realized what was happening.
Kim: I don't think either of us said Pokémon for a long time.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: Oh well!
Sequoia: Stupid.
Kim: We all make references sometimes. [both laugh]
Sequoia: When nobody answered right away, Chloe thought she was going to burst. Luckily, Moody piped in. "Let's just get you to headquarters first. Then afterwards, everything will be explained.”
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: The rest of the journey was a silent one, with Chloe wondering just exactly what was going to happen to her, after what she had done.
Kim: Yeah, you murdered a lot of people. Guess it was self defence, but still.
Sequoia: Yeah. You did… you did murder a lot of people.
Kim: Gotta weigh on a fourteen year old.
Sequoia: Although she had done magic before, it was never of this magnitude. The fear and fury in her heart… she never thought her magic could come from such a dark place.
Kim: Oh, no. Is she gonna go to the dark side?
Sequoia: Dark side. That has such big dark side energy.
Kim: Yeah, you know, fear leads to anger…
Sequoia: Anger leads to…
Kim: Anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to setting five people on fire. [Sequoia laughs] That’s a Star Wars reference, dude! I’m having a fucking problem today.
Sequoia: [laughs] Finally, they arrived at an old house. They were met with a rush of teenagers, most of them red haired…
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: …running towards them. "You're back! We were so worried!" said one girl with long frizzy brown hair. "Did you bring us back anything?" said two tall red haired boys at the same time…
Kim: Where's our present? What?
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: That’s weird.
Sequoia: You went to America and you didn't bring me back a fucking present? [Kim laughs] How dare you?
Kim: Bring me anything…
Sequoia: Fred and George are really close with Mad Eye Moody and they really expected…
Kim: Ohh.
Sequoia: They really expected him to bring something back for them.
Kim: Suuure.
Sequoia: 'cause they’re so close.
Kim: Uh huhhh.
Sequoia: Said the two tall red haired boys at the same time, completely identical in every way.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: "Yes we did!" said Lupin proudly.
Kim: I'm waiting for when we figure out which one of them she thinks is hot. We haven’t…
Sequoia: Which one of the…
Kim: No, which one of these teenagers that has approached her. She's gonna find one of them hot, and it's gonna be very obvious. It's not Hermione, Fred or George so…
Sequoia: Okay, what are… you got any guesses?
Kim: We’re running out of options. It's probably gonna be Harry.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I feel like self inserts often will either go Harry or Draco.
Sequoia: Yeah, and Draco's clearly not here.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Unless…
Kim: Unless?
Sequoia: [laughs] "We have successfully delivered our package. All we have to do now is take her to Dumbledore."
Kim: The present! It’s a present!
Sequoia: It’s not for Fred and George. For Dumbledore.
Kim: Is she present? Is she a present, a package, or a person?
Sequoia: Person? All three!
Kim: Moody?
Sequoia: [laughs] "All we have to do now is take her to Dumbledore." "HER?" they all yelled in unison. [both laugh] They just totally did not even notice this whole other fourth human being with them at all.
Kim: [laughs] Weird!
Sequoia: Her? Egg? [Kim chuckles] We’re gonna keep doing it. [laughs]
Kim: It’s another one!
Sequoia: That is another one. Chloe could feel her cheeks reddening. "Yep, that's right, kiddos! Meet… uh, what was your name again?"
Kim: Yikes.
Sequoia: Whispered Tonks. "C-Chloe," Chloe started timidly. Then, remembering her own strength and confidence, [Kim laughs] she said with force, "My name is Chloe Eriya Heartily from America!" [both laugh]
Kim: Chloe, you are doing your thing and I'm so proud of you.
Sequoia: [laughs] That’s my girl!
Kim: I’m not scared! I can do this! [takes a breath]
Sequoia: Puffs out her chest.
Kim: I didn’t just murder a bunch of people. My name’s Chloe!
Sequoia: [powerfully] My name is Chloe Eriya Heartily, from America.
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: "Wow, cool!" said another red haired boy. "An American, huh? You must be pretty special for the Order to come after you like this!" Chloe blushed and said, “Yeah.”
Kim: I am very special.
Sequoia: Did you know…
Kim: I’m the next big pop star!
Sequoia: …that the stars twinkle just for me?
Kim: I’m gonna be bigger than Avril Lavigne. [both laugh] I like her so much.
Sequoia: Chloe blushed and said, “Yeah,” but inside she was thinking with excitement, “I'm going to be the next big thing. I can feel it, so you'd better remember that name!” [both chuckle]
Kim: Chloe is so powerful! [Sequoia laughs] I wish I could have, like, any part of that self confidence. Holy shit!
Sequoia: Right? Ugh!
Kim: Good for her.
Sequoia: Right? Just wanna absorb that energy.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: That big Chloe Eriya Heartily energy, let it infuse me.
Kim: I’m going to be the next big thing.
Sequoia: I am.
Kim: I'm from America!
Sequoia: My name is Sequoia Simone, from America! [both laugh]
Kim: I think I need a cooler name. Maybe that'll help.
Sequoia: A cooler name?
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I'm… we’ll workshop that later.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Try some out next time, maybe.
Sequoia: Yeah, you could put… you could put your name in the… in the… in the nickname generator. [both laugh] See what that pops out, huh? Suddenly, a black haired boy with glasses came down the stairs. I imagine he's like, slowly descending the stairs.
Kim: Why?
Sequoia: Like a… like a…
Kim: Like a princess?
Sequoia: Like a princess, yeah, would enter the ball.
Kim: Ohh.
Sequoia: Harry’s just like… He had not been with the rush of teenagers that surrounded them when they came in.
Kim: Because he's really sad!
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Oh no, this is post book five Harry! Oh. Oh, Harry!
Sequoia: He walked slowly down the stairs, eying her intensely with his green eyes.
Kim: Ohhh, intense gaze!
Sequoia: He is! He is! He’s walking slowly down the… he’s sauntering. Occasionally he pauses, poses, and continues down the stairs. He's staring into her eyes.
Kim: Who the fuck is Harry today? [Sequoia laughs] This is weird and I like it.
Sequoia: Then he walked up to her and shook her hand. "I'm Harry Potter.”
Kim: The chosen one. Nice to meet you.
Sequoia: It took him twenty minutes to walk down the stairs. [both laugh]
Kim: Harry! What are you doing?
Sequoia: “Sorry, these guys can't seem to do anything except surround you like they've never seen a foreigner before. I suppose it's been hard for them though, being cooped up in the house like this."
Kim: [laughs] No, really, what is Harry doing?
Sequoia: I don't know, man!
Kim: Who is he? What is this thing he's doing? I'm concerned for the boy?
Sequoia: [fancy voice] Hello. I'm Harry Potter. I'm so sorry about all these…
Kim: These… these people!
Sequoia: …peasants. They don't…
Kim: They don't see, they don't get out much, they don't meet many people.
Sequoia: [chuckling] Don’t get out much!
Kim: Harry!
Sequoia: What the fuck, man? [laughs]
Kim: Ron's gonna be like, what?
Sequoia: [laughs] The girl's heart did a thousand flip flops when she met the… [laughs]
Kim: Yeah it did! Yeah it did.
Sequoia: One thousand flip flops. [Kim sighs] Oh, very good.
Kim: You know what we never see?
Sequoia: What?
Kim: We never get an OC who's super powerful who goes for Hermione or Ron, you know?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Where's that?
Sequoia: Where is that?
Kim: All these prophesied, super powerful OCs always go for Harry! Weird!
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Why is that? I can't imagine!
Sequoia: Yeah, it's not like he's the main character or anything.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: What?
Kim: What?
Sequoia: What? …when she was met with the boy's handsome beauty. I mean, he was gorgeous!
Kim: [chuckles] Was he?
Sequoia: His black hair was messy, but in an almost sexy way…
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: …and his emerald eyes seemed to bore deep within her own crystal sapphire ones. [Kim exhales] [Sequoia laughs] I think we just need to sit with that one for a moment.
Kim: Do we?
Sequoia: Soak it in.
Kim: Do we? It's not so unusual. It's still pretty typical so far.
Sequoia: [fancy voice] Crystal sapphire.
Kim: Although Harry’s being super mega weird.
Sequoia: Yeah! Chloe couldn't even open her mouth to respond.
Kim: Hm.
Sequoia: They were locked in a gaze…
Kim: Where's… where's that… where's that self confidence, Chloe? You're Harry Potter? Nice to meetcha, bitch!
Sequoia: Yeah! [chuckles] Yeah, you're gonna be ten times as famous as Harry Potter.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Like tomorrow.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: But his emerald eyes are boring deep within her own crystal sapphire ones.
Kim: Well, she needs to bore deeper! Ugh.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh god!
Kim: Ugh. [Sequoia laughs some more] Ughh.
Sequoia: [still laughing] Okay, I'm gonna move on.
Kim: Probably for the best!
Sequoia: They were locked in a gaze for what felt like forever, when she heard a voice call her, from beyond them all. "I see our guest of honor has arrived," said an old voice. It was Dumbledore. THE Dumbledore!
Kim: [laughs] She has not been, like, really impressed by anyone yet. Harry's hot but she's not, like…
Sequoia: Harry’s hot.
Kim: …impressed by who he is.
Sequoia: Right. But Dumbledore…
Kim: Interesting.
Sequoia: The greatest wizard possibly of their era!
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: Chloe felt both awed and scared, especially knowing that Dumbledore had sent for her particularly.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: However, keeping her head up, she brushed past the crowd to Dumbledore, nodding her head in agreement. “Yes sir, my name is Chloe Heartily. I've been told that you wanted to see me.” “Why yes, indeed. You and I must have a private talk in the kitchen. Therefore, naturally, we will be eavesdropped upon by all these lovely people.”
Kim: You could go somewhere else.
Sequoia: Go anywhere else.
Kim: Use magic.
Sequoia: [whispers] Magic! [chuckles] No! He said…
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: …looking up. When Chloe turned around, everyone in the room was whistling and looking innocent, looking everywhere but Dumbledore and Chloe. Huh? What?
Kim: Even Harry?
Sequoia: Me? No, Harry is posing.
Kim: Harry’s posing!
Sequoia: Yeah. [chuckles]
Kim: Moodily.
Sequoia: Moodily. He's sort of looking at the ground but looking at her but looking at the ground. Yeah. [both giggle] Uh, doo doo doo, nothing to see here! What? Us? Me? Hm.
Kim: Never!
Sequoia: "However, that is okay. Perhaps this is something we should all know about."
Kim: But you’re gonna do it in private in the kitchen anyway?
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: What? What is happening?
Sequoia: No, he’s gonn… they’re still gonna do it in private in the kitchen, but it’s not in private 'cause they're just gonna let everyone eavesdrop instead of just letting everyone be in the room and maybe they're all in one room together.
Kim: [pause] Huh? [both laugh]
Sequoia: With that, he and Chloe walked inside of the room. He took a seat in one of the chairs and motioned Chloe to do the same, which she did. Finally, Chloe had to say something. "So, what's this all about?" said Chloe. "Why have you called me?" Dumbledore gazed at Chloe for a moment, as though contemplating whether he should actually tell her what he has known for some time now…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …when he finally sighed, and began his tale.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: "My child, a few years ago there was a war.”
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: “It was started by an evil man named Voldemort, who wanted to destroy the world with his evil ideals. We fought against him. However, in the end it was an infant who brought him down.”
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: “The boy you have already met. His name is Harry Potter."
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: "Harry Potter," [Kim sputters] Chloe repeated and gasped. This…
Kim: Did Harry not introduce himself?
Sequoia: He did! [Kim laughs] But she was so… she… he was so hot!
Kim: Entranced by his entrance?
Sequoia: Yeah! [laughs] He’s so hot she did not hear anything that he said.
Kim: Wow! Wow wow wow. It’s seeming like she doesn’t know what's happening.
Sequoia: Well, she seems to know who Harry Potter is.
Kim: Or is she just impressed by the story Dumbledore just told her?
Sequoia: Well no, 'cause next it says… she says, Chloe repeated and gasped…
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And then, That boy with black hair was Harry Potter! She had no idea. 'Cause she wasn’t listening when he was talking.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: But she knows who Harry Potter is. She knows, presumably then, this story that he’s telling her.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: So she…
Kim: I dunno. It kinda…
Sequoia: She does know a little bit.
Kim: It kinda seems like she might not know what’s happening.
Sequoia: I think she knows a little bit of what’s happening.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: But not enough to really put all the pieces together.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Two and two.
Kim: But she is still supremely confident. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: "It was prophecied by a woman named Sybil Trelawney that only one would be able to defeat Lord Voldemort.”
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: “She was quite clear about it.”
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: ““And either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives.” Those were her exact words."
Kim: It's weird that Dumbledore’s okay with everyone eavesdropping on this conversation!
Sequoia: Yeah. He’s… he’s been real tight-lipped about everything.
Kim: He’s like… about the prophecy?
Sequoia: About everything.
Kim: Yep. Yup!
Sequoia: ‘Til right now.
Kim: Okay!
Sequoia: Right now is fine.
Kim: Okay!
Sequoia: We’re gonna tell everyone now.
Kim: Okay!
Sequoia: Chloe shivered as she heard those ominous words, which seemed to resonate within her very soul.
Kim: Kaayy.
Sequoia: "However…"
Kim: How are they gonna… how are they gonna fit Chloe into the prophecy? I'm really interested.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: 'Cause it seems like they're gonna try to make this work with the prophecy from canon, which seems like it won’t, so please continue.
Sequoia: [laughs] We’ll see!
Kim: However…
Sequoia: "However," Dumbledore continued, "there was another part of the prophecy, which I did not hear.”
Kim: Ohhh! What?
Sequoia: “I just now heard it while visiting the Department of Mysteries, which houses prophecy among prophecy.”
Kim: What?
Sequoia: “I will reiterate it to you now in its entirety.”
Kim: What? Okay, no, wait. What? What? Why didn't Dumbledore hear the second part of this prophecy? He was standing there. Did… did Trelawney make it on a different day? And she was like, [deep voice] part two of the last prophecy. [Sequoia laughs] Here we goo!
Sequoia: I… sure! Or maybe he was like, wow, oh man…
Kim: That's a lot to take in. That’s…
Sequoia: Like, I gotta… I gotta go.
Kim: Huh.
Sequoia: I gotta go!
Kim: Huh. Oh wait, or did… were they interrupted? No, Snape just heard the first part.
Sequoia: I dunno what happens in the books!
Kim: What?
Sequoia: “Yes, the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. However, the one with the power to aid him in his quest also approaches.”
Kim: Fuck. [Sequoia laughs] Oh, fuck you! [more laughter]
Sequoia: “She will be born as the fourth sun sets, and will have a power neither the Dark Lord nor the One knows of.”
Kim: Fuuuuck! Youuu! [laughs]
Sequoia: “The Fire of her Power will burn brightly…”
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: “…and she will save the One from the darkness.”
Kim: Uh… huh.
Sequoia: “It is then that the One will be able to save the world from the Dark Lord.”
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: There’s your prophecy!
Kim: I got it!
Sequoia: You got it.
Kim: They're… they tried.
Sequoia: [laughs] What, you wanted a wholly different prophecy?
Kim: Yeah, I was like… I was kinda hoping for like, jk on that last prophecy, here we go, here's a new one! Chloe’s even better than Harry! [both laugh] Not, oh she’s gonna help Harry.
Sequoia: She’s gonna help him.
Kim: Help him out.
Sequoia: She’s gonna help him.
Kim: Harry does need help. You know what?
Sequoia: He does need help.
Kim: Harry does need help.
Sequoia: Someone help that boy.
Kim: Especially today. What is Harry doing? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Me? I’m…
Kim: He's acting weird!
Sequoia: [fancy voice] …Harry Potter.
Kim: It does maybe seem like he needs some help.
Sequoia: He always needs some help.
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: “You see…”
Kim: She’s gonna save him from the darkness so he can fight the darkness. With her fire!
Sequoia: [Bane voice] I was born in the dark!
Kim: Oh my god. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Whoo!
Kim: Yikes!
Sequoia: We’re on one today!
Kim: It's a bad one to be on! [Sequoia laughs] Nothing!
Sequoia: “You see, my young one, they were speaking of you.”
Kim: My young one.
Sequoia: “You are the one who will aid…” Yeah, it’s… there’s very big… yeah. [Kim laughs] “You will aid young Harry Potter in his quest to defeat the evil Lord Voldemort!"
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: When Dumbledore finished, Chloe just stared and blinked. She’s blinking a lot… [whispering] of blinking.
Kim: Yeah, that's a lot to process.
Sequoia: He wasn't serious. [Kim laughs] She wasn't this. No, no she couldn't have been! She was just normal Chloe! Sure she had some freaky powers but…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …now she was instrumental in the ultimate battle between good and evil?
Kim: Yeah, all Chloe wanted was to be the next big pop culture icon! This is a lot to ask for!
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: From her.
Sequoia: She just wanted to play her guitar…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: …and do like… like stage pyrotechnics, but do them herself.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: You know?
Kim: Yeah. And write the greatest album of all time.
Sequoia: Exactly. Even greater than the greatest, Avril Lavigne.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: But now she is instrumental to the war between good and evil.
Kim: Now she’s gotta do all this work [Sequoia laughs] and stuff, gah! Boring!
Sequoia: A familiar fear began to settle deep within her. She almost began to tremble as Dumbledore practically stared her down, expecting her to salute and give her pledge of allegiance. [Kim chuckles] However, she couldn't…
Kim: She’s very American.
Sequoia: Yeah! [laughs] Pledge of allegiance!
Kim: [in tempo] Pledge allegiance to Dumbledore. [Sequoia laughs] Stupid, I’m sorry.
Sequoia: However, she couldn't help but think about just how little sense this was all making.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Suddenly, however, she remembered the eyes of that young boy, Harry Potter.
Kim: [laughs] And then she was like, you know what? I’m in. I’m fucking in.
Sequoia: I'm in. I’m into it.
Kim: Let's go. [Sequoia laughs] Silly.
Sequoia: He was the One. He was the one who had to save the world from Voldemort. All she had to do was protect him! Imagine how scared he must feel with all that burden already put on him. Did she even have any right to complain? [Kim laughs] As she remembered the boy's beautiful emerald eyes [Kim laughs more] she came to the realization that he didn't deserve all the responsibility that was being thrust upon him. If she had the power to help him, then damn it, she'd help him! [Kim laughs for a while] Oh my god, are you okay? [laughs]
Kim: It's just too silly. I’m sorry, it’s very silly! She comes in here with that energy like, I’m Chloe Eriya Heartily! I'm the best, I'm going to be the next big pop sensation, I'm not scared of anything!
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: And she’s like, maybe… maybe I cooould help him, I guess. He does… he does kinda seem like he might need help.
Sequoia: Yeah, he does seem…
Kim: I mean, I’m not sure that I’m really the one to do it, but I’m gonna try I guessss.
Sequoia: He’s… he seems, like, really hot and a little pathetic.
Kim: Also the stars twinkle just for me! [Sequoia laughs] But I’m not sure that I’m really the chosen one to help the chosen one.
Sequoia: But the stars do twinkle just for me. Gotta get that on record.
Kim: Ohh my gosh.
Sequoia: Get that in writing.
Kim: She’s so funny.
Sequoia: Swallowing her fear, Chloe stood up and saluted Dumbledore with spunk [Kim sputters] smiling and nodding. Smiling and nodding and saluting.
Kim: [laughing] And saluting.
Sequoia: And jumpin’ around. She’s got spunk! Salute, salute, salute, salute, salute! Ooh, double salute!
Kim: Uh oh, now I'm just dabbing.
Sequoia: [laughs] That was a good visual bit. Whoo! "Dumbledore sir, I accept your prophecy and your mission. I'll do what I can to help Harry Potter in his quest!”
Kim: [laughing] I accept your prophecy. What does that mean?
Sequoia: Sir, I accept your prophecy! [both laugh] “Just, uh, can you do one thing for me?"
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: "What?" "You'll let me go into Hogwarts, right? In Harry's year?" "I believe that was the plan, yes."
Kim: I’ve gotta infiltrate Hogwarts!
Sequoia: It’s still…
Kim: Will you let me…
Sequoia: …a number one priority.
Kim: Will you let me infiltrate…? It is actually! She’s like, I just need one thing. I need a favor.
Sequoia: One small favor.
Kim: He was gonna do that anyway, Chloe.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: But fine.
Sequoia: How are you supposed to protect Harry all the time…
Kim: If you’re not always with him?
Sequoia: Yeah. Chloe almost did a dance right there in the kitchen. Hey, she knew she had to protect Harry and all, and she was totally up for that! But while she was at it she might as well practice and train too. After all, after the war was over, the world would need its next…
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: …big pop culture icon.
Kim: Yes it will, Chloe!
Sequoia: And that would be her…
Kim: Yes it will!!
Sequoia: …Chloe!
Kim: Yes! I believe in you!
Sequoia: Why put your dreams on hold just because you've got a cataclysmic mission on your hands?
Kim: Why indeed, Chloe! [laughs]
Sequoia: And that is the end.
Kim: Is the end? Yeah, I figured. Seemed like the end of the chapter there.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: They didn’t even make it to Diagon Alley.
Sequoia: Nope! Earlier you were like, it’s gonna end at Diagon Alley, I was like, uhh, uhh…
Kim: Didn’t make it.
Sequoia: Not even that far, dude.
Kim: Didn’t make it there. [laughs] We made it to the prophecy though, that’s pretty good.
Sequoia: That is pretty good.
Kim: This is a little out of order from how this stuff usually goes. You usually only get, like, foreshadowing of a prophecy.
Sequoia: Right, and then Diagon Alley and then it’s over.
Kim: Yes. [Sequoia sighs] Wow. Chloe’s my new hero.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, I think I like Chloe more than I like Harry.
Kim: She’s gracef… what was Harry doing?
Sequoia: Harry was doing nothing.
Kim: He was being really weird.
Sequoia: He had one super weird line and took twenty minutes to walk down the stairs. [both laugh] Ugghgh I… This story is just beautiful. Beautiful.
Kim: Yeah it was really good.
Sequoia: Wonderful.
Kim: Wow.
Sequoia: You got a point! Good job.
Kim: I did! Yeah, I did.
Sequoia: Good job! Good job, buddy.
Kim: Felt pretty confident about that one.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: That was where the story was going.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I mean, it was possible that we were gonna get Diagon Alley before that, but I… I had a feeling we were gonna get there.
Sequoia: Yeah. It was definitely going in that direction.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Either there was a prophecy or she… yeah.
Kim: Yeah. It was just a question of would we get the prophecy or not, I think.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And we did.
Sequoia: We did.
Kim: We got there.
Sequoia: We got there. And it was beautiful.
Kim: Nice work. Nice work, author. I’m very proud of you.
Sequoia: Thank you so much to the listener who sent that in as well.
Kim: Yeah, for real.
Sequoia: Wonderful job. Wonderful job.
Kim: You… you know what we like. Avril Lavigne!
Sequoia: [laughs] Incredible. Okay, shall we do a segment?
Kim: Yeah. Dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh! Hold for the end please! This hold for the end please come to us from Amanda and Anthony, aka Amanthony. [laughs]
Sequoia: Amazing!
Kim: And this a continuation of The Ethan Sisters.
Sequoia: Yeees! That’s very on brand.
Kim: Yeah. I guess so. [laughs] All right, so Amanthony writes to us. [Sequoia chuckles] Silly. And says that After the events of The Ethan Sisters, Harry and Ron show back up in 1996 Cursed Child style to see how the world is different. Ron is now the son of Sirius, Remus, and Rose, for reasons. [Sequoia laughs] That’s very powerful. I’m sorry. What? That’s really good.
Sequoia: That’s very good.
Kim: Harry’s parents are still alive, and they have the Ethan powers of porting, mind probing, shapeshifting, and being storm elementals.
Sequoia: Oh yeah!
Kim: Man, I love the Ethan Sisters.
Sequoia: Oh yeah!
Kim: Harry has no scar but gets an awesome lightning tattoo on his face! [both laugh] Lily is the fabulous Minister of Magic after the Ethan Sisters were forced to overthrow the Ministry following a Death Eater resurgence.
Sequoia: Oh fuck yeah!
Kim: Hell yeah. The Ministry was far too lax on Voldemort’s followers, and when they inevitably rose up, the Ethans were quick to slaughter every single living Death Eater!
Sequoia: [laughs] Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Kim: Holy shit.
Sequoia: Wow!
Kim: Pansy is now the female member of the golden trio since Hermione’s gone, but she's a plant to betray Harry and Ron [Sequoia gasps] for the death of her mother during said resurgence. [Sequoia gasps] Dun dun dun! The new Dark Lord in town is none other than Beauxbatons valedictorian, Dudley Dursley!
Sequoia: Wha…! [both laugh]
Kim: His mother Pet had magic, so why not? That's really good, right?
Sequoia: [laughs] Woo hoo!
Kim: Really good! I’m sorry, wow!
Sequoia: That got me!
Kim: Dudley returns to the UK to kill his Aunt Lily. Harry is sad for ten seconds, and then goes shopping with his boyfriend, Draco [Sequoia laughs] who was also orphaned and sorted into Gryffindor, again for reasons!
Sequoia: Yeah, that's all you need.
Kim: Pansy is the Bellatrix to Dudley’s Voldemort, and Harry, Draco, and Ronald Ethan Lupin Black… [Sequoia cackles] Shit, that’s really good.
Sequoia: Whoo.
Kim: …are in a semi-relaxed race to defeat the lovers from hell.
Sequoia: Oh my god! Oh my god! [Kim laughs] That was… that was… that was… that was SO GOOD!
Kim: Yeah it’s really good.
Sequoia: So good! I have goosebumps.
Kim: [laughing] Thanks to… thanks to Amanthony for writing that for us.
Sequoia: Ugh!
Kim: It’s a pretty good end for the Ethan Sisters.
Sequoia: There could be no better end.
Kim: Ronald Ethan Lupin Black!
Sequoia: Oh that's so good! Whoo!
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: All right. And…
Both: …now it’s time for the rec zone! Pew pew pew pew pew pew!
Sequoia: I have…
Kim: What've you got for us today?
Sequoia: …a listener submission, yet again.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Thanks so much to Victoria for sending this to me. This is called The Talk.
Kim: Okay?
Sequoia: And it is a background Wolfstar, frontground Harry/Ron.
Kim: [laughs] Excuse me? Do you… are you sure this was sent to you and not to me?
Sequoia: I think it might have been sent to both of us?
Kim: Aw well. Come on, I have a brand!
Sequoia: I know.
Kim: Listeners!
Sequoia: I know. But I'm really glad Victoria sent this to me 'cause it's really funny.
Kim: Okay, cool.
Sequoia: It’s really funny.
Kim: I’m definitely gonna read that, that’s awesome! Harry/Ron. I can’t believe you’re reccing a Harry/Ron. We’ve got, like, a lot of Harry/Rons [Sequoia laughs] happening on our rec sheet! Which is silly considering what a… what a stupid pairing that is!
Sequoia: We’re dumb, it’s fine! Let it happen.
Kim: Thank you so much for sending that to us! [laughs] I’m excited to read it.
Sequoia: You can find a link to that story in the description of this episode. You can also find it on our website.
Kim: FanaticalFics.com. Also on our website you can find our story submission form. Send us shit like this!
Sequoia: [laughs] Keep up the excellent work!
Kim: You’re doing a great job. Also on our website you can find merch. We talked a lot about our merch at the top of this episode.
Sequoia: Yeah, so go check it out, it’s on our website. There’s some on our website, there's some on TeePublic.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Both links are on our website, so go look at that stuff. That good good new stuff.
Kim: If you want to follow us on our social media, 'cause we’ll be posting about when that fucking bookmark goes up for sale, you can do that. We’re Fanatical Fics on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
Sequoia: If you want to send us any longer thoughts, any hold for the end pleases, your OCs, you wanna get the trick your friends 2020 campaign tools, you can email us at FanaticalFics@gmail.com.
Kim: Hell yeah, you can. If you like this podcast and you wanna help us out, there are a few ways you can do that. Drop us a review on Apple Podcasts, Facebook, or anywhere else that will accept a review.
Sequoia: [laughs] Trick everyone 2020!
Kim: Pew pew pew pew!
Sequoia: Pew pew! Tell your friends about the podcast if you think they’ll like the podcast. That’s the way that we find listeners the most, and so we really appreciate you helping us reach the downloads moon.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Yeah. When you’re waiting in line to vote, play this podcast really loudly.
Sequoia: Out loud. [laughs]
Kim: No, this is a terrible plan. I’m saying it, this is a terrible plan. We wanna encourage people to vote, not horrify people away from the voting line, so don't do that. Forget I said anything. Yikes.
Sequoia: You can also find us on Patreon. We talked about Patreon earlier in the episode as well. Our next twenty patrons will get the sticker pack, and there’s all sorts of fun things there. We do bonus episodes. We've got a poppin’ Discord and we have that exclusive merch. The shing shing pin is particularly good. Also, at a couple of our tiers, when you reach six months, we do a shout out in the form of a story summary. So Kim is going to do a story summary for us today, and then we’re gonna shout out some of our awesome patrons.
Kim: Hell yeah. After years of trying to get Lily to date him with no noticeable results, other than his friends learning from the increasingly interesting hexes she threw his way, James has come up with what he’s positive is the perfect plan. He's realized that what the old plans were definitely lacking was that they weren’t showy enough…
Sequoia: Oh no.
Kim: …and they hadn't made him enough of the center of everyone’s attention! [Sequoia laughs] All that is going to change this Tuesday at breakfast, when he floats down from the ceiling and the Marauders' new hot single Will You Date Me (Lily Evans)? starts blasting from the jack o'lanterns! This will definitely work! He’s sure of it.
Sequoia: [laughs] Whoo! Thank you so much to our patrons Laura Goodman, Benjamin John Chrome, Masha Milena, Julia, Melissa Fort, Stephanie Pierce and Jackie Waresall.
Kim: Your support means so much to us, thank you very very much.
Sequoia: And thanks also, of course, to the fabulous Whomping Willows for our amazing theme song. It’s their song Wolfstar.
Kim: Check out Revisionist History on Indiegogo!
Both: [wildly] Byeeee!