Episode 89:Touching the Skies (Part 1)
Recommendation: A Breath of Fresh Air
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Eva
Transcriber: Ananya
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original work contained in this transcript, you can find it here!
Kim: So I’ve been thinking a lot about Ronbledore recently.
Sequoia: The…
Kim: You remember the old fan theory that Dumbledore was a time traveling Ron?
Sequoia: That Ron was Dumbledore?
Kim: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I think… I think what we need to do to get the fandom back on track is roll back all of the canon that’s happened that makes that not possible. [Sequoia laughs] I think that [pause] is where we need to get to.
Sequoia: You know what? At this point, I agree. [both laugh]
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello, I’m Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I’m Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: I just did a very dramatic turn back to the microphone [Sequoia starts laughing] to introduce myself. And you pushed through it very, very professionally.
Sequoia: I did. I am a professional. You, on the other hand… [both laugh]
Kim: This is a Harry Potter fanfiction podcast. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Welcome to the pod! Before we get to the fanfiction portion of this pod, we’re gonna do the bullshit portion of this pod.
Kim: Uh huh. We just did a livestream this morning where we did twenty minutes of bullshit!
Sequoia: [laughs] We talked about our hair.
Kim: Holy shitballs!
Sequoia: And the weather and…
Kim: That went off the rails. I mean, wait a second, no. Our Patreon livestreams are great and you should all come watch them? [Sequoia laughs] Fuck.
Sequoia: [holding back laughter] We talked about Twilight, we talked about…
Kim: Fuck!
Sequoia: [laughs] Whoo! [Kim laughs] First things first, we’ll go through a couple of announcements here. Announcement number one. My new podcast, But Make It Scary…
Kim: Drops this weekend!
Sequoia: Yes. [Kim squeals] It drops this weekend on Hallowe’en on Saturday. You’ll be able to get it. So right now there is a teaser up and you can go subscribe to the podcast…
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: …right now
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: And then it’ll just pop up in your subscriptions.
Kim: Hell yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah, on Saturday. [Kim makes an excited noise] So do that.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Hurray.
Kim: Yeah! [Sequoia laughs] Do you wanna talk a little about what the podcast premise is? I think you did that last time, but maybe hit it again?
Sequoia: Oh yeah. So this is a podcast where me and a guest, we take a romantic film and we turn it into a scary movie. So we’re taking classic romantic movies and doing things like making them into like a ghost story or like a sci fi alien scary story or a variety of things! There’s demons, there’s ghosts, there’s witches. [Kim chuckles] It’s really fun!
Kim: Yeah. Oh my goodness gracious. I get to go on some day, but you know. [chuckles]
Sequoia: Some day you’ll be there. It’ll happen.
Kim: I’m so excited for you. [Sequoia chuckles] Announcement number twoooo! You all love The Whomping Willows.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: You listen to them all the time.
Sequoia: Yes, you do.
Kim: Excellent wizard rock band The Whomping Willows, who has been generous enough to provide our theme song. They have a new album coming out called Revisionist History where they’re kind of doing some re-recording of old songs that they want to take a second crack at and a few new ones. And they are funding that through an indiegogo campaign that you should alllll contribute to.
Sequoia: Yes. There’s some really fun perks. You can get it on vinyl.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: That’s my fave.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: That’s my fave.
Kim: I don’t know, I can’t stop looking at the fanfiction that he wrote?
Sequoia: Yes. That’s true.
Kim: Um, what? [both laugh] Need that in my life!
Sequoia: There’s all sorts of fun perks so go on over there and help The Whomping Willows to do this really fun thing.
Kim: Yeah, the link will be in the description of this episode.
Sequoia: Announcement number three.
Kim: I voted!
Sequoia: I also voted!
Kim: Pew pew pewwww!
Sequoia: Yeah! Doing my fucking civic duty, y’all!
Kim: So you should too.
Sequoia: Please. [laughs]
Kim: Please, we’re begging you.
Sequoia: Please. Actually begging you. If you need any help figuring out how do I vote? How do I figure out who to… who the candidates are in my local elections and what those… what those proposals mean on there? What do they mean? Honestly, just like DM me. I will help you figure it out. Please vote. It’s so important.
Kim: Please! Do it! Enough of announcements! I’m done with them!
Sequoia: And now moving on to… these are some fun things you guys have sent to us recently that… and we like you a lot.
Kim: You fucking… you fucking…
Sequoia: The people… the people, they want it.
Kim: Fuck!
Sequoia: I have heard from multiple sources now. Multiple sources.
Kim: Fuck!
Sequoia: And they would like me to continue what I was doing before and call out specific geographical locations to tweet at us.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: So…
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: [laughs] …if you are in Denmark… have I already said Denmark?
Kim: I don’t remember. Why would I remember?
Sequoia: I don’t know what I’ve said before.
Kim: I’ve purged those fucking memories!
Sequoia: If you are in Denmark or…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …Finland…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …tweet at us!
Kim: Uh huh. If you’re in the most southernmost tip of Idaho… [Sequoia laughs] no, wait, the northernmost tip where it gets real skinny. If you’re there, tweet at us!
Sequoia: Oh, that’s a good one, that’s a good one.
Kim: Uh huh!
Sequoia: If you’re in the panhandle, tweet at us! [both laugh]
Kim: You’re in the skinniest part of your state.
Sequoia: You’re in that little slice of Oklahoma.
Kim: Of your country. [Sequoia laughs] Province. You live in a skinny part of a state, tell us! [Sequoia laughs more] Sequoia!
Sequoia: Listen, I wasn’t the one who brought back the bit you don’t like. The people! The people wanted it. They said…
Kim: The people are also demanding summaries come back. Are we gonna listen to them? No!
Sequoia: Not that time. Not… but this time, yeah.
Kim: They don’t get to tell us what to do!
Sequoia: But not that time. [both chuckle] Whoo.
Kim: Fuck!
Sequoia: Very good. Okay. Well, I guess… are we done with the bullshit portion of our fanfiction podcast?
Kim: Yeah, that’s enough!
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: You got me all feisty.
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah I did. Oh jeez. Oh jeez. I’ve been causing a lot of problems today.
Kim: I got a lot of feelings, whatever.
Sequoia: It’s time for the fanfiction portion of our fanfiction podcast.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: And what that means is it’s time for predictions.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: So I’m gonna give you three clues and you’re gonna tell me three things that are going to happen in this fanfiction. And all of you out there, listeners, you’re gonna tweet those at us, you’re gonna answer our story on Instagram, you’re gonna email us, you’re gonna hire a skywriter. Get those right over my house. [Kim chuckles] Are you ready?
Kim: Yeah, bud.
Sequoia: Okay. This fanfiction is called Touching the Skies. [pause] [Kim sighs] It is romance and drama.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: And it was published post Order of the Phoenix.
Kim: Slash pre Half Blood Prince, I guess. I dunno. Depending on when Half Blood Prince comes out… we… we kinda waffle whether we say post or pre sometimes.
Sequoia: Do we?
Kim: ‘Cause we’re stupid.
Sequoia: We’re dumb.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: We’re really stupid.
Kim: Oh man, I’m feeling a lot of pressure, but also at the same time not.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: I got three points during our livestream earlier.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And I’m feeling really like maybe I can just kinda rest on my laurels for a bit.
Sequoia: No! No! You can't fucking coast. Fuck you.
Kim: ‘Cause what the fuck is that fucking title, my man? [laughs]
Sequoia: It's nothing. I'm telling you right now. It's nooothing.
Kim: [breathily] Touch the sky.
Sequoia: And also… here's the thing though. As everyone is like ruminating over what their predictions are going to be, this… this fanfiction is over three thousand words long. So…
Kim: Oh, right, right.
Sequoia: So it's gonna be two parts. This is a two part episode.
Kim: Yeah. Great.
Sequoia: And this was a listener submission, also.
Kim: Great. Great. This is not helping, actually.
Sequoia: I mean, it… it… you'll be able to make one more prediction next time.
Kim: That’s true.
Sequoia: But I'm not telling you to coast, by any means.
Kim: All right, here we go. Prediction number one, Drarry.
Sequoia: Okay!
Kim: We haven't done one in a whi… no, wait, we do them all the time. Never mind. [Sequoia laughs] I don't know what I was just saying. That was stupid. [both laugh]. Umm. Fuck. Prediction number twooo. The drama comes from this being a story about forbidden love.
Sequoia: Ohhh!
Kim: You know.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: And prediction number three, Ron is going to be against this romantic pairing.
Sequoia: Okay!
Kim: This is going to be one of those… Ron’s like [bro voice] don't do that, that sucks! You know. You know! You know how Ron is.
Sequoia: Yeah. I know how Ron is. Okay, those were predictions. Thank you. [both laugh]
Kim: Fuck! [takes a deep breath] I just took the drama tag. That was all I could grasp onto.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Just clutching onto the drama tag.
Sequoia: There was nothing for you to go on here, so I really don't blame you. [laughs] All right, here we go. Let's get into it. I'm so excited. This is Touching the Skies. [Kim sighs] Chapter one.
Kim: I mean, okay, here's the thing. I like those kind of like metaphorical titles. They're… they're actually… like, some thought went into it…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: …and they're going for something. It's always… I mean, the dumb titles are easier to make predictions off of.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: You know.
Sequoia: Yeah. The ones that are like, Draco and his Amazing Flying Circus. And you're like, okay, this is about Draco in a circus.
Kim: [chuckles] Sure. [both laugh] Sure.
Sequoia: Yeah. But this is… this is nothing.
Kim: That sounds more like a Monty Python crossover fic, actually.
Sequoia: Oh, it is. I didn't even realize that that was what my brain had done. And now I'd like one. [both chuckle]
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: I'd like one crossover, please.
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: Okay, we're starting with chapter one. Spoiler alert, there's only one chapter.
Kim: NICE! [Sequoia chuckles] This is like an Ethan Sisters kind of deal. Love that. Love to see it.
Sequoia: Hell yeah.
Kim: That's nothing. Does it have a title… does it have a chapter title?
Sequoia: It does.
Kim: Yesss!
Sequoia: And this is the chapter title. Amazing discovery! This is who I am, so deal with it!
Kim: WHAT?! That is such a powerful chapter title! I have chills!
Sequoia: [laughs] It's got exclamation points. It's ready. It's here. This is the story, so deal with it. [Kim laughs] Amazing discovery!
Kim: This is a…
Sequoia: This is who I am, so deal with it!
Kim: Is this a Hermione discovers that she's gothic fic? [Sequoia chuckles] We've done a lot of those recently.
Sequoia: It is not.
Kim: Okay, good.
Sequoia: It's not that. It's something different.
Kim: [hoarsely] All right, give it to me.
Sequoia: [takes a deep breath] My face already hurts.
Kim: Yep, mine too. [both laugh]
Sequoia: All right. [clears throat] A young girl sat in her room, with her chin in her hands and her headphones firmly pressed over her ears.
Kim: What's she listening to, Sequoia? What's she listening to?
Sequoia: I… I will tell you that she… who she's listening to is an artist that we have previously featured.
Kim: Yesss.
Sequoia: And we will get another song onto the playlist…
Kim: Yes! Yes!
Sequoia: …in this episode.
Kim: Is it Ashlee Simpson? Is it Ashlee Simpson?! [Sequoia laughs] Song number five? Six? Ashlee Simpson.
Sequoia: [chuckling] Five? [both laugh] [clears throat] Staring silently outside her window. It was a beautiful night. The stars adorned the velvet black sky. They were twinkling, vivaciously and brightly, almost as though they were twinkling simply for her.
Kim: [laughs] This author is working really hard. [laughs]
Sequoia: They su… [laughs] the author…
Kim: [in a dramatic mystical voice] The stars twinkled vivaciously. [both laugh]
Sequoia: The author is setting the stage.
Kim: They're trying so hard. I like it.
Sequoia: Well, they're setting A stage.
Kim: Also. [in a dramatic mystical voice] The stars are twinkling just for meeee. That’s a mood.
Sequoia: And that's when you know someone's about to burst into songs.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: [singing] The stars are twinkling just for me!
Kim: [singing] I feel like I could touch the sky! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, we're writing songs now.
Kim: Uh oh. Uh oh.
Sequoia: This is fun. [warbles] Okay, they were twinkling just for her.
Kim: Uh huh
Sequoia: She knew how arrogant such a thought was.
Kim: Oh, okay. That's good, I guess. [laughs]
Sequoia: But she couldn't help but feel it, especially after… [Kim laughs] What?
Kim: [high pitched, girly voice] I know this is arrogant or whatever, but…
Sequoia: But…
Kim: …I'm going to do it anyway. The stars are for me!
Sequoia: They ARE twinkling for me.
Kim: It's just for me.
Sequoia: Definitely for me. [laughs]
Kim: [high pitched, girly voice] And that might sound weird or whatever, but I've had a realization about myself, and you can deal with it.
Sequoia: This is meee. [both laugh]
Kim: Who the fuck is this?
Sequoia: But she couldn't help but feel it, especiall…
Kim: I'm hoping it's Hermione, ‘cause this is so not Hermione. [both laugh]
Sequoia: [laughs] You'll see. Hold for the text! [Kim groans] But she couldn't help but feel it, especially after what she had just done, just a few hours ago.
Kim: What has she done? What did you do?
Sequoia: I don't know. What do you think she's done?
Kim: I don't know. Pierced her tongue.
Sequoia: [laughs] Pierced her tongue herself!? It was an amazing achievement.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: No one, in her entire family of squibs, had ever achieved such a thing.
Kim: Ohhhh, is this an OC who's going to Hogwarts?
Sequoia: Maybe.
Kim: Okay. Baller. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Maybe. But she, Chloe Eriya Heartily, was able to…
Kim: Give it to me again.
Sequoia: Oh. Yup. Mhm.
Kim: Give it to me again. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Chloe Eriya Heartily. And it's got heartily, has like an I in it. It's not Hartley. It's Heartily. For sure. [both laugh]
Kim: All right. How's Chloe doing? Chloe? Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. Chloe says the stars are twinkling just for her.
Sequoia: Just for her.
Kim: That's nice. Family of squibs is interesting.
Sequoia: Yeah. I don't know that that tracks.
Kim: Honestly, I feel like it's such a tough position to be in that I could see squibs bonding over that kind of stuff.
Sequoia: That's true. No, that's true. But she, Chloe Eriya Heartily, was able to do magic for the first time.
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: It was so sudden.
[pause]
Kim: [whispering] Okay.
Sequoia: I'm sorry. I have to prepare for this.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: I have to prepare for this.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: I just… it's so beautiful. I'm almost… I am about to start crying. She had been playing her guitar… [holds back laughter]
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: …practising one of the songs that she herself had written, when suddenly she felt a sudden feeling wash over her, like a strange impulse.
Kim: [in a wavering voice] Oh, my goodness. Is her guitar going to be her wand? Because that's nothing and I'm into it.
Sequoia: [whiny voice] I love that she's playing the guitar and then she could do magic. I can't… [laughs] It's incredible!
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: It was as though someone had lit a fire inside of her stomach, and the fire spread throughout her entire body, causing a burning sensation inside of her.
Kim: I don't know if that's magic. I think you might just have a stomach ache.
Sequoia: [laughs] Is that heartburn? [both laugh] Magic or heartburn?
Kim: I wish I could do magic when I was having heartburn. Dang. [Sequoia laughs] Might get to eat more pizza. Oh, we're getting old.
Sequoia: What? [continues laughing]
Kim: Was that a fun joke?
Sequoia: What? [still laughing] Ohhh! Oh, boy!
Kim: Pizza gives me heartburn. What do you want?
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh. That's… that’s all I wanted. That was… that was good. Whoo! Before she knew it, she was controlling a perfect sphere of fire in her hands.
Kim: Okay, that's some intense magic to do the first time you do magic.
Sequoia: She… she strummed her guitar, and all of a sudden, she had a ball of fire…
Kim: That's dangerous.
Sequoia: …in her hands.
Kim: Okay. What did she do with it?
Sequoia: Although she could feel its heat, it didn't burn her.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Nor did it even truly touch the palms of her hands.
Kim: She's sounding less like a wizard and more like an X Man.
Sequoia: [laughs] That's true. This… this ha… this does have pretty big Mutant vibes.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: She watched it for a long time, before willing it to dissipate, and it did. She stared after it had disappeared. Then, realizing what had taken place, she skipped downstairs to promptly inform her parents of what she did.
Kim: [British accent] Mummy, Daddy, I can do magic, and you can't. The stars are twinkling just for me!
Sequoia: [laughs] I'd like to think that she leads with the stars are twinkling just for her. Mommy, Daddy, the stars are twinkling just for me. [deep, dramatic voice] And I can summon fire. [both laugh] She did magic. She did magic! The stars seemed to pick up on her excitement and twinkled even brighter than she could have ever imagined.
Kim: Is she okay?
Sequoia: They…
Kim: If the whole world is going white with, like, blinding light, that's not a good sign!
Sequoia: [laughs] Mommy, why are the stars growing bigger and bigger and bigger?
Kim: And brighter and… and it's so bright? I cant… [whimpers]
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh, man. No, the stars are twinkling just for her. Clearly. As the tunes to her favorite Avril Lavigne song blasted loudly into her ears.
Kim: Ohhhhh! Nice.
Sequoia: Gotta be Avril. She plays guitar.
Kim: Okay. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: It could have been anyone, my friend. [both laugh]
Sequoia: She knew exactly what she was going to do with her new found magic powers. Infiltrate Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Kim: Infiltrate?!
Sequoia: Yeah. That's a… that’s an interesting use of words, huh?
Kim: That's a weird way to say I'm gonna go to school. [Sequoia laughs] I know exactly what I'm gonna do now. Now that I know I'm a wizard, I'm gonna go to wizard school.
Sequoia: I'm going to infiltrate wizard school. [laughs]
Kim: Okay?
Sequoia: That's what I say whenever I go anywhere
Both: Infiltrate the grocery store!
Sequoia: Stupid! Why?!
Kim: Well, I mean, there's only, like, one place. There's, like, two places you're going nowadays, right?
Sequoia: No, that's totally valid.
Kim: Grocery store and Cafe Rio.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh no. I feel too seen
Kim: Uh oh.
Sequoia: She knew that they would accept her now that they knew she could do magic. And once they did…
Kim: That is what they do.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: They do accept people that can use magic.
Sequoia: That's true.
Kim: How old is she? Do we find out?
Sequoia: We sort of find out. I would say she's either fourteen or fifteen.
Kim: Okay. Yeah. I'm getting the feeling that she's, like, really late showing magic.
Sequoia: Yes, she definitely is not eleven.
Kim: Yeah. Well, normally wizards show magic, like, pretty young. Five or six.
Sequoia: Right. Yeah. She's not entering… she won't be… yeah. Hold for the text. Hold for the text.
Kim: I'm hoping… I'm really hoping…
Sequoia: Hold for the text.
Kim: …that she's like, my magic showed up later than normal, which means it's even more powerful. [Sequoia laughs] Please, please, please, please, pleaseee.
Sequoia: And once they did and trained her up a bit, she would finally have the means to achieve her main goal in life.
Kim: What's her goal?
Sequoia: Become the first magical pop star.
Kim: [inhales deeply] YEEES! Yes, yes, yes! [Sequoia laughs] I've never felt so alive!
Sequoia: You look so stoked, you almost look, like, really really pissed off. [both laugh]
Kim: Incredible! This goal! Arrrrgh!
Sequoia: Yes, Chloe Eriya Heartily, you will be the first magical pop star.
Kim: Arrrghhh I love it. Oh my god.
Sequoia: This story’s incredible.
Kim: Are they going to be, like, a pop star just for wizards, or are they going to use their magic to become a pop star in the Muggle world as well?
Sequoia: Mmm, I think the Muggle world as well. And you'll see why.
Kim: Incredible!
Sequoia: Yes, she, Chloe Heartily, would be the next big pop culture icon. She'd be greater than the Rolling Stones or Madonna. Greater than THE Avril Lavigne herself.
Kim: Oh my god. I knew you were going to say that, and I just… fuck, that's so good!
Sequoia: [laughs] I like that sentence for so many reasons…
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: …including the assertion that Avril Lavigne is better than the Rolling Stones or Madonna.
Kim: Yes! Yes, yes yes yes yes! I saw the shape of that sentence as you were speaking it, and I was like, yes! [yelling] Say it! [Sequoia laughs] This is so good. This is one of those stories that's of a length that we would often cut a lot of it. And every single word so far has been solid fucking gold.
Sequoia: I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I texted Kim last night and I was like, I think I have to do a two parter. I can't cut any of this. It's too good.
Kim: Yes. Look, whoever found this, you did a great job.
Sequoia: Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay.
Kim: Shit. Greater even than the greatest pop star in the world, Avril Lavigne. [Sequoia laughs] What year is this? 2005. Avril Lavigne wasn't even the greatest pop star in 2005!
Sequoia: [laughs] Wow. Burn.
Kim: I don't remember who it was, but it wasn't her.
Sequoia: Oh my god! I'm going to have to look it up later.
Kim: Wait, no, I want to look it up right now. What was like… what was the top hundred on the Billboard in 2005? Mariah Carey, We Belong Together, was the top song on the Billboard charts of 2005.
Sequoia: Yeah, I mean…
Kim: Followed by Gwen Stefani with Hollaback Girl.
Sequoia: Oh, good. I have to put both of those songs on the playlist now. [laughs]
Kim: Ah, got 'em. Shit. Kanye's Gold Digger came out that year, too.
Sequoia: Oh my god. Stop saying the names of songs! [both chuckle]
Kim: How far do… is Avril Lavigne on this list?
Sequoia: Oh, sorry Chloe Eriya Heartily. No?
Kim: Billboard Year End Hot 100 Singles of 2005. Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
Sequoia: Wow. Okay.
Kim: Sorry. That was a long walk through the Billboard Top 100 of 2005.
Sequoia: Whoo! So many songs on the playlist. Greater than THE Avril Lavigne herself, and one that the world would never, ever forget. Her magical power itself showed that she was destined for great things. But for now, she sat staring outside her window, waiting for her owl Calliope to return with her highly anticipated Hogwarts letter.
Kim: [laughs] She, like, sent the owl to Hogwarts herself. She was like [bossy girly voice] I did magic and now you have to let me in. She's just waiting for the owl to come back.
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah!
Kim: Owls fly real slow. Give it a day.
Sequoia: Yeah. She sent a note. Hello, this is Chloe Eriya Heartily…
Kim: I did magic
Sequoia: …future pop culture icon. I did magic.
Kim: Now let me infiltrate the school.
Sequoia: I must infiltrate Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Kim: Oh, man. The fact that we only have one chapter of this makes me very afraid that we're not going to make it past Diagon Alley.
Sequoia: It is the way these generally go.
Kim: That's usually where the fic authors have given up when stories are in our word limit.
Sequoia: "Chloe! get down here!" barked her mother from downstairs. Chloe rolled her eyes.
Kim: [bratty teen voice] Momsss.
Sequoia: "No mom, I'm busy!"
Kim: You're not busy.
Sequoia: Listen.
Kim: You are the opposite of busy. Go do the dishes. [Sequoia laughs] Your mom can't do magic. Go help her!
Sequoia: [laughs] She's just sitting in her window, staring at the stars, listening to Avril. She's busy.
Kim: Nooo.
Sequoia: But what if she goes to do the dishes and her Hogwarts letter arrives and she's not there in her room directly, immediately?
Kim: Uh huh. Uh huh. [both chuckle]
Sequoia: Okay, it was a lie, granted.
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: But she just couldn't go downstairs now, not while knowing full well what her mother wanted.
Kim: Uh oh, what's her mom want?
Sequoia: Ugh Mom. “Chloe, I said get down here! Your little sister wants you to show her some more magic. Hurry up!”
Kim: Aw. Awww. Aww.
Sequoia: [quietly] How can I show her any more magic? I can only do one spell. [both laugh] Chloe spun around, walked over to her bedroom door, and blasted back. "No, Mother. I told you and her before, I didn't feel like doing any more magic! I have to save my strength so that I can get to Hogwarts and become the next magical pop star, duh!"
Kim: Oh my god. Really? Really? That whole sentence is there?
Sequoia: Yes! [Kim laughs] Yes. That whole sentence is there and it's beautiful and it's wonderful and it's so good. [both laugh helplessly] Oh no. Are you okay?
Kim: Her… her little sister, right?
Sequoia: Yes. I would assume. Yeah. Yeah. Her mom said…
Kim: Because if it was her big sister, then, you know, come show Sequoia that you can do magic, Chloe.
Sequoia: [laughs] That is funny. That is my sister’s name.
Kim: And Sequoia is like [crying noises] but I want to see more magic!
Sequoia: Chloe stopped dead in her tracks as soon as the last statement left her mouth. "THE NEXT WHAT?" called her mother.
Kim: [laughs] You want to do what? Oh no. Did I just reveal my life plans?
Sequoia: But Chloe was already thinking quickly. She probably forgot to mention that the whole pop star thing was her little secret vendetta.
Kim: Oh my god. I just… I'm having trouble figuring out if this author is fourteen or this is satire. You know? It's too perfect.
Sequoia: Right? It's so incredible. And here's the thing that… that puts it over for me into being this author is fourteen. The tags are romance and drama.
Kim: That's true. Oh!
Sequoia: So this is just a perfect something that…
Kim: Crystallized out of 2005.
Sequoia: Yes. Yes.
Kim: Oh my gosh. Yeah. 2005. I was thirteen, and I… would have written this, probably.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Right?
Sequoia: Me too.
Kim: This feels about right.
Sequoia: No, this is right on par. [laughs]
Kim: Yep. So good.
Sequoia: The whole pop star thing was her little secret vendetta, not something she wanted to spread around the world just yet. "Uh, I said the next prefect of Hogwarts!" called Chloe, laughing nervously. [both do bad nervous laughs] “‘Cause, you know, I'm such a studious young… student, kinda!" [both laugh]
Kim: GOD.
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: My whole face hurts so bad.
Sequoia: [laughs] I know. I know. There was a pause. Then, "Okay. But remember to clean your room before tomorrow!"
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: Chloe sighed and closed the door. Her family had been bugging her to show them magic ever since she showed them the fireballs. She knew it was crazy that someone like her, a poor, suburban American…
Kim: [gasps dramatically] NO!
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: No! They held that in this long?!
Sequoia: Yes. Yes, they did.
Kim: Ahhh! My heart just stopped. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Just when you think that Chloe Eh… Eriya Heartily couldn't be more perfect…
Kim: Fuck!
Sequoia: …she's American.
Kim: Fuck! Of course she is!
Sequoia: And what's great about that is that she just sent her owl to Hogwarts.
Kim: Yeah. And she's like, why isn't my owl back yet?
Sequoia: Where the fuck is my owl? [laughs]
Kim: I sent it to Hogwarts! [Sequoia laughs] Wow. Okay. You gotta keep going. I can't.
Sequoia: Okay, okay, okay.
Kim: You can't give me time to process this because I'm going to need a really long time.
Sequoia: [laughs] …a poor, suburban American former squib could do such powerful magic. She didn't really understand it herself. However, she couldn't be expending her power for such frivolous reasons.
Kim: Uh huh, because we obviously know from canon that using magic makes you tired.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: No, we don't know that. That's not a thing. How does magic work? Don't know.
Sequoia: Her magic. Who really knows?
Kim: Yeah. She doesn't know how magic works either. She's like, maybe I'll get tired? [Sequoia chuckles] Maybe I'll use it up? I don't know. How does magic work?
Sequoia: Turning back to her window, she fully intended to continue to listen to Happy Ending at full volume.
Kim: Oh, yessss.
Sequoia: Are you having…
Both: [singing] So much for my Happy Ending!
Kim: YES! Of course it's that song. [inhales dramatically] Foreshadowing romance and drama.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh, she disappeared.
Kim: Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Sequoia: She fully intended to continue listening to Happy Ending at full volume, when she noticed something that made her jump back in fright.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: It was a strange old man on a broomstick!
Kim: Did Dumbledore fly to her house?
Sequoia: This is, like… this is like directly outside her window.
Kim: Okay?
Sequoia: And it's not Dumbledore.
Kim: Okay!
Sequoia: He had this weird big blue eye that seemed completely detached from the rest of his body…
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: …and he was wearing strange clothing, like tattered robes and a bowler hat that made him seem even freakier.
Kim: Why is Moody collecting her?
Sequoia: I don't know. Why would Moody be collecting her? Hmm.
Kim: Is she prophesied? [deep throaty voice] Oh my god. There's a prophecy!
Sequoia: This story is…
Kim: There better be a prophecy. There better… there's gotta be!
Sequoia: …perfect.
Kim: YES!
Sequoia: But that wasn't just it. There was another man, who looked quite handsome, but very sickly, also in robes.
Kim: Rude. Don't talk about Lupin that way.
Sequoia: [laughs] I like that you knew that was who that was when I was reading that. I didn't know.
Kim: Who else would it be? Handsome and sick. [both laugh] Lupin. Poor baby Lupin.
Sequoia: Oh. Finally, there was a young woman with very cool and crazy neon pink hair.
Kim: Weird. So they sent… they sent the same team that picked up Harry in book five? Approximately. I mean, they left off a few of them.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: The less important ones.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Hestia? Who cares? [both chuckle]
Sequoia: Both of them were also on broomsticks. Chloe didn't know what to make of the sight. At first, she rubbed her eyes, expecting it to just be some sort of Jedi mind trick.
Kim: You are a wizard!
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Come on.
Sequoia: You, like, seem to know everything about wizards. Or I guess some things about wizards. You know that Hogwarts exists.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: You know that you can do magic.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: And, like, three people on broomsticks, you're like, impossible. [both laugh]
Kim: Jedi mind trick!
Sequoia: Expecting it to be some sort of Jedi mind trick. She looked and saw that they were still there and had even begun knocking on the window, indicating that they wanted to come in. She sat down, put on her headphones, and listened to her Happy Ending at full blast, unwilling to believe the sight before her.
Kim: What?!
Sequoia: She was like, if I just listen to music it'll all go away.
Kim: You know what? Huge mood. [Sequoia laughs] Can't deal with what's outside. Just got to listen to Avril Lavigne.
Sequoia: [laughs] Sure. It took the old man breaking the window, whooshing in with his two companions, and knocking Chloe out of her chair…
Kim: Why? Why? Her parents are squibs. They are from the magical community. Use the fucking front door!
Sequoia: [laughs] But they're on a extra secret spy mission.
Kim:Her mom's going to be so mad.
Sequoia: Yeah. She's going to be like, this window was broken and she didn't even clean her room. [both laugh]
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And knocking Chloe out of her chair to get Chloe to confront her three visitors head on. "Who are you?" cried Chloe fearfully. "Oh, little young ‘un, don't you know it's impolite to ignore your elders!" bellowed the old man. His strange blue eye whizzed here and there. It was so freaky. It almost made Chloe throw up, but she decided to ignore it.
Kim: Chloe, are you okay? [Sequoia laughs] Chloe?
Sequoia: Just like whatever. I am ignoring this. I'm ignoring you. I'm ignoring your eye. I'm ignoring your friends. "Look, miss," said the younger man. "My name is Remus Lupin. This man here is Alastor Moody. And this woman is Nymphadora Tonks." "Just Tonks!" interjected Tonks.
Kim: Uh huh. Uh huh. Come on, let's get through this part. [fake laugh] We know.
Sequoia: [laughs] Lupin sighed and shrugged. "Okay, just Tonks. Look, we're here on a secret mission." [laughs]
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: I told you.
Kim: Great
Sequoia: I told you it was a secret mission.
Kim: Yeah, but her mom can know that you’re… before you fucking kidnap her! It's not going to be so secret when her mom calls the cops and is like, my daughter was kidnapped!
Sequoia: They'll leave a note
Kim: [laughs] All right. Yeah, Lupin is the kind who will leave a note. That's true.
Sequoia: Yeah, he'll leave a note. He’s a nice guy.
Kim: Everything's fine. Remus Lupin.
Sequoia: [laughs] "We've been sent by Dumbledore." "The Headmaster of Hogwarts?" cried Chloe. Lupin smiled. "Yes, so you know already? Then things will go a lot quicker. We're part of his resistance group, the Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore has ordered us to pick you up and take you to him. Apparently, he's got something important to discuss with you.”
Kim: Good.
Sequoia: Said the man.
Kim: Good. Good. A passage of time. Let's get there.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Agh!
Sequoia: "It MUST be important. He wouldn't even tell us about it!" said Tonks, placing her hands on her hips. "Anyway, we don't have much time.”
Kim: And we flew all the fucking way to America for him.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah!
Kim: It's taken thirty six hours. [Sequoia laughs] I don't know. How fast do brooms go? Who knows?
Sequoia: She only did magic, like…
Kim: Ten seconds ago.
Sequoia: …a day ago.
Kim: Seems like it's maybe even the same day. I don't know.
Sequoia: Probably… yeah, earlier that day she did magic.
Kim: Who's to say?
Sequoia: "Anyway, we don't have much time. We're going to have to take you to England by broom, since the floo network isn't safe any more. Come on, then, let's go."
Kim: Also not connected. Probably.
Sequoia: To the…
Kim: To America.
Sequioa: To America?
Kim: I don't know. How do wizards travel across the ocean?
Sequoia: Broom?
Kim: Newt takes a boat.
Sequoia: "Wait!" cried Chloe. "What about my parents? And my little sister! I can't just leave them here without saying a word!"
Kim: That's pretty good. This is pretty good, actually.
Sequoia: Yeah, I…
Kim: Kind of expected her to just leave
Sequoia: You'd be like, okay. [both chuckle] No, she's sceptical of the entire experience.
Kim: Good.
Sequoia: This is not how she had planned.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: "Leave that to me," said Lupin. He brought out a long wooden stick, which was probably his wand.
Kim: Wow. [snorts]
Sequoia: Just like, how do you know what Hogwarts is?
Kim: She's like, this stick is probably a wand? [Sequoia chuckles] What?
Sequoia: Giving it a few waves and uttering the words, "Makeus a Clonicus."
Kim: Oh no, that's not a note.
Sequoia: [laughing] That’s not a note! I don’t know about this!
Kim: Oh, no. Makeus a clonicus?
Sequoia: Makeus a clonicus.
Kim: He's going to create a crude simulacrum of Chloe to leave behind?
Sequoia: [laughs] Yep.
Kim: A horrible automaton?
Sequoia: [laughs] Yep. That can only go well.
Kim: Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That's horrible.
Sequoia: [laughs] A long silver band flew out of his wand and formed into a young girl right next to Chloe. She looked quite familiar, though.
Kim: Chloe, are you okay?
Sequoia: [laughs] I don't think she's fully formed yet.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: The clone, not Chloe. [both laugh] Chloe couldn't quite put her finger on it until the girl was fully formed.
Kim: Okay. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Chloe, are you okay? When she noticed for the first time who the girl was, she gasped. It was a clone of her! “Holy crap!” Chloe said in shock.
Kim: Language. [laughs] What's this fic rated? Is it T for teen?
Sequoia: It is T for teen! [both laugh] Oh my god! Oh my god. [laughs] I told you it was perfect. I told you!
Kim: [laughing] Holy crap!
Sequoia: [laughs] "Let's go now, we can't be wasting time. Spies everywhere, you know," said Moody.
Kim: Not so much in America. You'd probably be safe in America.
Sequoia: And with that, he grabbed Chloe by the arm and pulled her onto his own broomstick in front of him and the four of them zoomed out of the window. [pause] It was a long flight to England.
Kim: [laughing] I fucking bet it was.
Sequoia: [laughs] It seemed to take hours, especially since Moody insisted on taking different routes.
Kim: Yes, it took hours.
Sequoia: Because they had to go over the whole ass ocean.
Kim: Seemed to take hours. Goddamn! Harry's flight seemed to take hours, and he was flying… I don't know. I don't know how big England is. What the fuck do I know? [Sequoia laughs] They flew from wherever to whomever. Not across a whole ocean.
Sequoia: They probably were like solidly in, like, the Midwest, you know?
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. Chloe definitely…
Sequoia: Like the center of the country.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
Sequoia: Whoo! Okay. Especially since Moody insisted on taking different routes and doubling back for fear that the enemy was following them. Chloe never knew that a human could be so paranoid. They had just entered England and were flying over the country's green and pleasant lands when she voiced her concerns.
Kim: So usually when we get these self inserts coming to Hogwarts for the first time, we get… like Harry… like, Philosopher's stone style journey to Hogwarts. Copying Harry's journey. I think this is the first time I've seen a copy of the Order of the Phoenix journey to Hogwarts. This is weird. I like it.
Sequoia: Yeah. It's really… it's very different, and I like it. Very good. Lupin laughed. It was a laugh that made her stomach do a sort of flop.
Kim: What is…
Sequoia: He was handsome after all.
Kim: Okay. Have a crush on Lupin, I guess.
Sequoia: Sure. That’s fine.
Kim: I did, too. Let's be real.
Sequoia: [laughs] That's fine. That's fine.
Kim: Still do. [both laugh] What?
Sequoia: What? Huh? "That's Moody, I suppose. I wouldn't mind him too much though," he said with humor. "Keep your voice down. The enemy is everywhere, don't you know?" barked Moody.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: Chloe had just started to think that the man was truly mad when suddenly a blast sounded from behind her. A blue streak narrowly missed her, but crashed into the hillish sized mountain, causing it to crumble.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: [laughing] I don't know. There was a hillish sized mountain there.
Kim: They're flying over a hillish sized mountain…
Sequoia: Yeah, it’s a mountain but small.
Kim: …and the fucking mountain dissolved.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Some big magic.
Kim: That's fucking huge magic! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Fearfully, Chloe looked back, her long, vivacious black hair blowing in the wind.
Kim: Thank you.
Sequoia: Ugh. They just keep giving it to us.
Kim: [singing] Give me some more!
Sequoia: Ten people with black robes were following them on broomsticks, their green tattoos glowing in the darkness. The one that had fired the shots shook his…
Kim: We made it to the book seven journey, which is exciting.
Sequoia: Right? Pretty book seven. Book seven journey.
Kim: Yeah, exciting. The book five journey was kind of boring. Let's be real.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, that's true.
Kim: You fly and nothing happens except you get a little chilly. [Sequoia laughs] We need some more drama. Let's dissolve a fucking mountain that's kind of hillish sized.
Sequoia: Yeah, I was about to say. It’s a… I mean, it's a hill sized mountain.
Kim: It’s a hill.
Sequoia: Not a mountain sized mountain. It's a hill. The one that had fired the shot shook his fists. Curses! [Kim laughs] However, she could not see the anger on his face, for he, along with his comrades, were completely hooded.
Kim: Okay. Probably wearing masks too. Death Eaters wear masks. It's fine.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah, probably.
Kim: You'll find out later. Chloe.
Sequoia: "Death Eaters!" cried Tonks. "Damn it, they must be after Chloe,'' said Lupin. "What?"
Kim: The next big pop star! [both laugh]
Sequoia: [laughs] It's because in this story, Voldemort wants to be the next big pop star, and he must get rid of anyone in his way. "What?" cried Chloe. But nobody answered back. And that is where we're gonna stop.
Kim: [sighs] I'm disappointed that we have to stop but…
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: [splutters] [exhales] Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Sequoia: Isn't it just beautiful?
Kim: Yeah, it's really good.
Sequoia: Just… just a piece of art.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Honestly.
Kim: This is… this is a piece of art history. Send it to the Library of Congress.
Sequoia: [laughs] You have gotten no points thus far.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: Zero points.
Kim: [chuckling] I mean, like…
Sequoia: Yeah, there was no… you couldn't have.
Kim: What was my third prediction? I've… I’ve, like, blacked out a little bit. I don't remember.
Sequoia: [laughs] I don't remember them either. I just remember that when you said them, they were all wrong.
Kim: [laughing] Cool.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Oh, wow. I'm so overwh… this is the second time today that I have felt so overwhelmed by the fanfictions you've read to me…
Sequoia: Listen.
Kim: …that I can't process going to the next segment.
Sequoia: Listen, I'm sorry. You're just going to have to push through, and then you can take a nap when this is all over.
Kim: I just… [shivers audibly]
Sequoia: [laughs] And now it's time for… no, that's wrong. [pause] Yeah!
Kim: A quick ficsss.
Sequoia: We're doing very well. [laughs] What's your quick fic, dude?
Kim: The quick fic I have today was sent to me by Maddie, and I was disappointed that it wasn't quite right for the podcast because it's tagged motherfucking Western. [Sequoia laughs] And I was so excited to be able to read a Western, but it just kind of… nothing happens. [both laugh] Well, thank you, Maddie, because this was… oh, man, I have not found anything tagged Western yet, and this is close.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: This is about as close as we might get.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Because this is a fucking Holodeck episode.
Sequoia: Ohhh! Ohhh!
Kim: [laughing] Except less exciting than the Holodeck episodes, you know.
Sequoia: What happens?
Kim: Moriarty doesn't come and try to kill everyone. What? Oh. [both laugh] Right, not talking about Star Trek. Ron finds a book in the library that he likes very much. They've got a section of Muggle literature that he finds, and he reads a Western, and he's like [bro voice] this is the coolest book ever. And then he drags Harry and Hermione to the Room of Requirement and they walk in and it's like an old timey saloon.
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: And they play dress up and hang out.
Sequoia: Oh, that's so cute, though!
Kim: It's really cute. Ron dresses up as the bartender and he's like, what can I get you? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh! No, I like that.
Kim: Yeah. And they just like hang out for the afternoon and have a good time.
Sequoia: Aww.
Kim: Oh my goodness. Let me just read this. It had been one of the funnest Saturdays they had had in a while due to all the depressing stuff going on in their seventh year, what with the loss of Dumbledore and the final war approaching.
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: They had a fun… they had a fun day.
Sequoia: They had a nice day. [both laugh]
Kim: On the holodeck.
Sequoia: That's so funny.
Kim: So cute. If you can find a Western… any Western tag stuff, just send it to me. This is so close. But just like it was too… too cute, and just like some nice hangs.
Sequoia: Yeah, that sounds very nice.
Kim: Now let's go to the rec zone!
Both: Pew pew pew pew pewww!
Kim: What have you got for us today, my friend?
Sequoia: I've also got a listener submission.
Kim: We're just… we’re just burning through them. We don't have over…
Sequoia: We have over a thousand listener submissions, so…
Kim: Incredible. [both laugh]
Sequoia: This is from Acabia and it is called A Breath of Fresh Air and it is the story of Arthur Weasley's first day at the Ministry.
Kim: Oh! Cool.
Sequoia: And it's very good.
Kim: That sounds really good.
Sequoia: Yeah, he goes to work and he gets trained by a grumpy old man and he does really really good at his job. Molly packed him a nice picnic lunch and it's very good.
Kim: That sounds really good. Thank you for sending us that. Sending that our way. I can talk. My brain’s like… it's spinning back up.
Sequoia: You can find a link to that story in the description of this episode. You can also find it on our website…
Kim: fanatical fics.com. Also on our website is our submission form. Please add more to this huge list of stuff.
Sequoia: Send us any Western.
Kim: Any Western.
Sequoia: You can also find our merch. If you go onto our website, you can get Yes!! Glitter!!! Or you can get a link to our TeePublic where there are a lot of different kinds of merch.
Kim: Yesss. If you want to yell at us about some local fun facts, you can find us on social media, Facebook, [pause] Instagram, Twitter @FanaticalFics.
Sequoia: Good job.
Kim: Thank you.
Sequoia: You can also email us at fanaticalfics@gmail.com. Get your trick everyone 2020 campaign tools. Send us a hold for the end please. Send us your OCs. Send us your story time submissions. Send us literally anything.
Kim: That really long pause was me fighting to not say iTunes instead of Instagram. [both laugh] I don’t know why.
Sequoia: Oh, what have I done to you? Jesus.
Kim: [fake cries] If you want to help the podcast, please… wands up for Kim.
Sequoia: [laughs] Leave us a review on Apple podcasts or Facebook, we love to see ‘em. You can also become a part of our Patreon. Over on Patreon we've got a Discord with a thriving insane community. And then we also have bonus episodes, bonus livestreams, exclusive merch. It's a fun time over there. So go check out our Patreon, link on our website. And if you are a patron at certain tiers for a certain amount of time, you get a shout out on the pod. One of us writes a little story summary and then we shout out a few of our patrons. And today, Kim is going to hypothetically read something to us if she's going to make it through.
Kim: I can do this. I'm still here. I just needed you to do that entire portion.
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: While I just sat here and breathed. [Sequoia laughs] It's the start of a new school year, and Blaise is excited to get away from yet another investigation into yet another stepfather's mysterious death. Honestly, lying to Aurors is so bad for one's skin. Their elation at being back at school only grows when Dumbledore makes an announcement at the opening feast that there is a new teacher starting this year to teach the new mandatory dance class.
Sequoia: YES!
Kim: This year is going to be Blaise's time to shine. They're sure that now they're going to be the one in the spotlight.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: But what will happen when Draco turns out to be weirdly good at jetéing? And there's a cute Hufflepuff that keeps shaking their concentration?
Sequoia: Incredible. Love a good Blaise story. Thank you so much to…
Kim: Whatever. We're gonna write an entire Blaise epic through this portion. It's fine.
Sequoia: [laughs] It's okay. We're fine. No worries. Thanks so much to our patrons. Maggie Denham, Holly Collis Hanford, Chelsea Polk, Callahan Andreas, Ayla Roll and Allah Ädala.
Kim: Your support means so much to us. And we are sorry for butchering all of your names every time.
Sequoia: Yeah. [both laugh] Thank you also to the Whomping Willows for our amazing theme song. Go check out the Indiegogo for Revisionist History.
Kim: Hell yeah.
Sequoia: Look out for the second part of this incredible story. It's going to be next week. The episode comes out next week. Not in two weeks. Next week.
Kim: Byeee!
Sequoia: Bye!