Episode 78: The Ethan Sisters (Part 2)
Recommendation: Hogwarts BSU
https://archiveofourown.org/series/1308995
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Sequoia: Hello, I'm Sequoia: Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim:.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's a Harry Potter fan fiction podcast.
Sequoia: But first, we're going to chat about some stuff with you all today.
Kim: Yeah. So, oftentimes when we have these multi parters, we'll push through and record the second part without doing the beginning and end stuff. And what that means for this episode is that we recorded the middle, fun, fanfiction part a couple weeks ago and...
Sequoia: Yes. [Kim: sighs] Since then-
Kim: It's been...
Sequoia: A lot of things have happened.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Here in the United States, there's a lot going on. And I know, you know, we have a lot of international listeners and a lot of countries have also stepped up to join in, in protesting with the United States against police brutality and institutionalized racism and a lot of things, you know, and we have this platform here and we want to make sure that we're being very clear that, you know, we support the movement, Black Lives Matter, and this is very, very important.
Kim: Yeah. Limited though our platform is we're going to use it.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: And part of using it for that is we donated. How much did we donate, Sequoia:?
Sequoia: We donated $600 in total across the Black Visions Collective, Know Your Rights camp, the NAACP Legal Fund and Black Lives Matter and Black Girls Create.
Kim: And we encourage all of you to stand up, add your voices, use whatever platform and means you have to support this as well, because this is important.
Sequoia: Exactly. Yeah, this is extremely important. And lending your votes, lending any time you might have, lending any spare cash you might have, anything that you can do is important. Your voice is extremely important right now, especially, and there are a myriad of ways to speak up. So we'll be putting some links in the description as well.
Kim: Yeah, it's going to be kind of a tonally weird episode.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah, it is kind of a tonally weird episode. I don't... I'm honestly, I don't know how to transfer out of that.
Kim: All of that being said. Here's hopefully some Patronus material for all of you.
Sequoia: Yay! Expecto patronum! Here's round two. [both laugh] Here we go.
Kim: Let's get into this fucking thing, my friend.
Sequoia: Oh my god. I am so, so excited. But I think that you are going to have to give us a little bit of a refresher on that shit.
Kim: Alright. Let's start from the top, then. The name of this story is "The Ethan Sisters.".
Sequoia: [trying not to laugh] "The Ethan Sisters."
Kim: This genre is drama slash humor. I just want to hit that again, [Sequoia: laughs] because I felt like we maybe didn't hit that hard enough.
Sequoia: No, we didn't.
Kim: Drama slash humor. What is that? It is post Half-Blood Prince, but also clearly, probably not.
Sequoia: Whatever. It's whatever, it's whenever.
Kim: The author has read something Harry Potter [Sequoia: chuckles] related, maybe.
Sequoia: Yeah, it's an AU. Who knows when, where and when it was written? Who knows?
Kim: And now here we go. Previously on "The Ethan Sisters:" Hermione, Harry, and Ron ate some time pizza [Sequoia: laughs] and went back in time to 1976, holding hands.
Sequoia: Mm hmm.
Kim: We found out that Hermione is actually Rose Evans, Lily's twin sister.
Sequoia: [gasps] What?
Kim: They can port, mindprobe and morph into other people.
Sequoia: [whispering] Excellent.
Kim: We found out that their dad died of arson [Sequoia: chuckles] while they were in Spain for the summer. And Lily has their mom's credit card. [Sequoia: laughs] They find out that their house is under attack by death eaters and Rose, Lily, Harry James, Ron, Sirius, Lupin, and, for some fucking reason that we didn't notice last time, not Dumbledore. [moment of silent thinking]
Sequoia: Oh! [Kim: chuckles] What the fuck?! [both laugh]
Kim: Traveled to the Evans estate to see what's up. Why didn't they take...? I guess we're so used to Dumbledore not being helpful.
Sequoia: We just didn't even notice.
Kim: It didn't even stand out to us. Okay. Anyway, they find Sandy Evans dead on the floor. So Rose collects Petunia from Beauxbaton, and the three of them morph into death eaters and ask the boys to clean up the corpse. [Sequoia: laughs] The three witches port to the Riddle Manor and shoot Voldemort with avada kedavra so he's, quote, "finished, dead, deceased forever." Circling back to predictions, we were too confused at the end of the last episode to wrap up any of your three predictions. So we have carried all three of those over, we're going to try to sort those out at the end of this episode, I guess. Make one more.
Sequoia: One prediction.
Kim: You, Sequoia:, and listeners. Tweet them at us. Hashtag fanfic divination. Shoot them to us in our Instagram story. And I think it's important to highlight, we left out this story with them killing Voldemort.
Sequoia: Exactly! So, I don't know. I fucking don't know what's gonna happen.
Kim: Where the fuck do we go from here, Sequoia:? I don't know.
Sequoia: Goddamn! I'm going to guess that. By the end of this episode, we will have gotten a Rose slash Sirius.
Kim: Okay. All right. That's a good guess. You think we're gonna do...
Sequoia: But I don't what the fuck's gonna happen next, dude.
Kim: [gleefully giggles] No one knows, man. [Sequoia: laughs] Let's do this thing!
Sequoia: Alright, Voldemort's dead, defeated, gone forever. What happens next?
Kim: Finished, dead, deceased forever. "My god, that felt good. Now let's go," Rose said. [both laugh]
Sequoia: "We're going to go out to lunch, do some shopping."
Kim: They got her [singing] credit card!
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah.
Kim: Rose said and Lily, Petunia, and herself ported to a squeaky clean house.
Sequoia: Oh, the boys did such a good job.
Kim: "Okay, I know Harry and Ron wouldn't do this unless it involved playing Quidditch. And the same for James and Sirius. [Sequoia: squeaks, then laughs] So, Remus, thank you."
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: Lily and Rose kissed Remus on the cheek and he blushed.
Sequoia: [sighs] Did I guess the wrong marauder? Also-.
Kim: [teasing] I don't know! What?
Kim: and Sequioa That's really fucking rude. [both laugh] Yeah.
Kim: Fucking rude. They can all use magic, like it's not that hard.
Sequoia: It should've taken, like, max 20 seconds.
Kim: Right? Scourgify. Corpsus vanishus. [both chuckle] "Hey, where's my kiss? I helped too!" James and Sirius argued. Apparently in unison. Whatever.
Sequoia: Sure. Fine. They're doing a Fred and George thing today.
Kim: Sure. They often do, actually, in fanfic, in Marauders stuff. If James and Sirius are like buddy buddy, they're kind of...
Sequoia: Their best friends!
Kim: Exactly. The twins looked at each other before rolling their eyes. [chuckles]
Sequoia: What? This got so light. [Kim: snickering] It got so light.
Kim: What do you mean?
Sequoia: It is drama slash [between both laughing] humor. We found it!
Kim: "Hey, did you kill Moldy-pants then?" Harry asked.
Sequoia: Oh my god, no. No.
Kim: Harry...
Sequoia: Yeah. They did kill him, that bitch.
Kim: Bitch! [both laugh] Harry: [stereotypical jock voice] "Moldy-pants."
Sequoia: "Moldy pants!"
Kim: "Yes. He's gone forever!" Once Lily finished the sentence, a lot of camera flashes and chatter started.
Sequoia: Oh, the paparazzi are there now.
Kim: They're inside their own house!
Sequoia: The paparazzi are coming from inside the house? [both laugh]
Kim: Yes. The Evans Sisters slowly turned to see the Daily Prophet interviewers there, as well as the Quibbler. Why not?
Sequoia: Because there's only two wizarding publications.
Kim: There's only two newspapers. No wonder they have so much problem with journalistic integrity. [making airhorn noises]
Sequoia: [laughing] Got 'em.
Kim: Whoo! "Hi, I'm Patricia Walton, front page writer for The Daily Prophet. Can I ask what happened?" Patricia asked.
Sequoia: Yeah! Great question, Patricia.
Kim: The fuck? While her photographer kept taking pictures. "Well, I just arrived home from being in Spain all my life, thinking I was a Granger."
Sequoia: Wait. In Spain?
Kim: Pause. Yes. Break. We're going to take a brief pause here.
Sequoia: Wait, wait, wait. [laughs].
Kim: Hermione is lying about where she's been. And she's decided to lie that she's been hanging out in Spain. But she's not getting rid of the "thinking I was a Granger" part. So.
Sequoia: No, she could have just said she's been in Spain.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And that could have been the end of that lie.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Weird. [Kim: chokes on air laughing]
Kim: "We Flooed home to tell our mother when we saw her dead. I Flooed to tell Petunia that Mum was dead. We knew Voldemort ordered this because we're the famous Ethan sisters, and he wanted our powers."
Sequoia: Okay, wait.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: So, they're also the Ethan sisters?
Kim: [snickers] I told you we hadn't been introduced. [Sequoia: chuckles] It wasn't a typo. In the title, which I think maybe you might have thought.
Sequoia: I kind of thought... [Kim: wheezes].
Kim: That you're gonna meet some other people? I was trying not to imply that...
Sequoia: I thought in the beginning.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: I thought in the beginning that it was. [Kim: hums] And then I thought over time that it was not a typo. Um, I didn't expect them to be both the Evans sisters and the Ethan sisters though.
Kim: [excitedly] What a twist! Look, the author was watching Pokemon and they were like, "What if Hogwarts... Harry Potter, you know, the Harry Potter books had more twists in them." [Sequoia: laughs]
Sequoia: Like an episode of Pokémon?
Kim: I don't know! What episode of Pokémon were they watching?
Sequoia: Some real topsy, turvy, twisty episodes of Pokémon. [Kim: giggles] Big Pokémon energy.
Kim: I don't know. Yes, so, they're the famous Ethan sisters.
Sequoia: Great. What are they?
Kim: And Voldemort wanted their powers. "So, basically, we went to Voldemort and killed him at the same time with the killing curse." [Sequoia: snorts] Rose said, and more chatter broke out.
Sequoia: Really easy, honestly, actually, in the end.
Kim: It turned out that three was the number of killing curses you needed to kill Voldemort. One wasn't enough.
Sequoia: Very straightforward.
Kim: But three actually did do it. It's weird no one tried that. [Sequoia: laughs] "But I thought your surname is Evans." "Gosh, no! Evans is just a fake name we use, so no one would know who we were until we wanted people to know, which would be now, I guess." [Sequoia: laughs] Lily shrugged.
Sequoia: Jesus Christ, Patricia. [both chuckling]
Kim: Patricia!
Sequoia: Don't you know?
Kim: Don't ask such stupid questions. Keep the fuck up, Patricia!
Sequoia: Don't you know who the Evans is? I assume everyone knows of the Evans or the Ethans.
Kim: I don't know. Maybe. Let me read this next sentence.
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: "So now, you own all three Ethan Estates, all 12 Ethan Vaults, including the other three family Gem Vaults, Ethan Brooms and you defeated you-know-who?"
Sequoia: Okay, so they're not muggle born?
Kim: I don't think so.
Sequoia: No. Very clearly not.
Kim: I don't think so, yeah.
Sequoia: Which is new.
Kim: [breathily, sounding tired] That's fine, [Sequoia: laughs] they own... Okay, no, wait. They own three estates, which is one estate for each of them, which is nice.
Sequoia: Yeah. Checks out.
Kim: They also own 12 vaults, including 6 other vaults.
Sequoia: So they have 18 vaults?
Kim: Yes. Six of them have gems in them.
Sequoia: Cool. Vaults with some stuff. Excellent.
Kim: And they own a broom company that we've never heard of.
Sequoia: [hesitantly] Most famous, best brooms on the market.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Ethan [chuckling] Brooms.
Kim: They're the ones that make the broom stick made for two.
Sequoia: Oh yeah! [both chuckle] That's the tandem broomstick right there.
Kim: Yup. That's why we've never heard of them. Because Harry didn't need a tandem broomstick.
Sequoia: Right, right, right, right, right.
Kim: Or he did, maybe he did. What?
Sequoia: This is insane.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Okay. I thought it would be like the Ethan Sisters of legend, slash prophecy, slash something, something. But instead, they're just like a well-known and wealthy family?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Boring!
Kim: Yeah. [both laugh] They went into hiding, changed a few letters of their name.
Sequoia: Just so that...
Kim: But clearly didn't fool anyone, their parents are dead!
Sequoia: Yeah! Wait, let's go back to when their parents were each individually murdered [Kim: cackling] at separate times. What the fuck?
Kim: Voldemort wanted them for their powers, but [high-pitched, quieter] also they're really wealthy?
Sequoia: They have a lot of vaults. [both chuckle]
Kim: Lot of vaults. Why can't you just have one big vault? Never mind.
Sequoia: Yeah, this is... You know, wizards are, you know, in a way, they have a lot of things we don't have. But what we do have is like electronic blah-blah-blah, [Kim: giggles] so we don't have to have 18 vaults because we have so much money. We just have like one checking account. [laughs]
Kim: I mean, we would need at least one vault to store our gems.
Sequoia: Okay. Right, the gems. I get that. I see that. Checks out, makes sense.
Kim: Stupid. Okay. So Patricia asked that very long question and Petunia says, "I guess," Petunia said.
Sequoia: Petunia doesn't know it was going on, she was at Beauxbatons. [chuckling]
Kim: Probably at Beauxbatons. [dissolves into giggles] Oh, she's too pretentious to go to Hogwarts. She was like,. Petunia took one look at Hogwarts, and was like, "Ew. [Sequoia: laughs] No thank you."
Sequoia: "I don't want the neighbors to know that I went here."
Kim: "Gross." [both chuckle] "If the Minister for Magic wants, we know all of Voldemort's followers by heart, and if he ever needs anyone to save the Wizarding World, just tell him to call the Ethan sisters." Lily said.
Sequoia: [to the tune of the GhostBusters chant] Who you gonna call? [both laugh]
Kim: Lily and Rose and Petunia? [Sequoia: laughs] No?
Sequoia: Yo, yeah. Well, I mean, they've proven they're worth their salt here.
Kim: Okay. So they're like, "If the Minister of Magic wants, we can tell him who Voldemort's followers are." Why don't they just go murder all of Voldemort's followers?
Sequoia: Because [groans then sighs] I mean, that seems like a lot of work-.
Kim: It does seem like a lot of work.
Sequoia: -And I'm sure they have like lunch to get to.
Kim: Yeah, okay. They gotta go [dissolving into chuckles] shopping.
Sequoia: They gotta replace some clothes. Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Rose doesn't have any clothes!
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: "Now, if you don't mind. Buh-bye!"
Sequoia: Yeah, they've got fucking places to be!
Kim: The Ethan sisters waved and grinned cheekily before closing the door on the reporters. [chuckles] Apparently.
Sequoia: [sassily] A-bye!
Kim: Buh-bye!
Sequoia: "Bye now! I don't know how you got into my house in the first [dissolving into laughter] place."
Kim: Yeah, no, I gotta circle back. "Buh-bye" is spelled B-U-B-B-I. Buh-bye!
Sequoia: [in various pronunciations of the word written as "bubbi"] B-buh-bye! Buh-buh-bee!.
Kim: Actually, it looks like Bubby. But I'm guessing they weren't trying to write Bubby. [both chuckling] "My God, that was annoying. Okay, now can we please have a proper introduction? The boys are staring at each other as if trying to suss out who they are out by themselves, which is going to be difficult for Harry and Ron." Rose said. Like an asshole.
Sequoia: I mean. Yeah, because here's the thing- shut up, you're from the future. Of course they don't know each other are but...
Kim: I mean, okay, but, I don't... [emphatically] Harry and Ron aren't the ones that are going to have difficulty here! I think Harry gets... Harry knows what his parents look like!
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Hermione's like, "Harry and Ron are going to have trouble telling who everyone is because they're so fucking stupid." Shut the fuck up Hermione!
Sequoia: Also, they're making it sound like the boys have said no words-.
Kim: They have not!
Sequoia: -And are just sort of standing around, looking at each other quizzically.
Kim: They apparently did not talk the entire like 10 seconds they were left alone to clean. [both chuckle] They weren't gone very long, I guess.
Sequoia: No! They had to been gone a long time because four of them went out and played a Quidditch game [Kim: snickers] while Remus cleaned the whole house. [both laugh]
Kim: Alright, fine. So, Rose wants them to introduce themselves. Rose said and walked into the living room where the Aurors were standing, completely gobsmacked at what they just heard. "Okay, let's go to my room." [Sequoia: busts out laughing]
Sequoia: "It's getting a little crowded down here with the paparazzi and the-.
Kim: And the police.
Sequoia: These [dissolving into laughter] government officials. Yeah.
Kim: Why didn't you ask them to leave?
Sequoia: The cops are here.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: They're just like, "We'll get to you in a minute."
Kim: "You can just stand there-."
Sequoia: The wizard cops.
Kim: "-If that's what you want to do." [Sequoia: chuckles]
Sequoia: "We'll be back!" [Kim: cackles]
Kim: They won't though.
Sequoia: 'Kay bye. [both laugh]
Kim: They're going up to Rose's room. The group walked up about six flights of stairs.
Sequoia: Wow. That's a really big house! Why didn't you just port to the top dummies?
Kim: Yeah! Well, I mean, so some of them can't- Oh, no, they could have just all held hands. Yeah, I don't know.
Sequoia: Just have to all hold hands. Especially now that Pet's here [both laugh].
Kim: Pet. Fuck. Fucking shit. [groans, then both laugh] They walk up six flights of stairs before stopping in front of a portrait of a deep red rose on a black background. Because, you know, everyone has portraits guarding every single fucking room, whatever.
Sequoia: Right, I mean, there's probably a lot of gems in there.
Kim: I was really considering cutting this section. It's kind of long and it doesn't really do much, but there's something. There's a gem in here that is so delicious. We'll get to it.
Sequoia: Okay. Okay.
Kim: But I kept this. I was kind of like- eh, you'll see. A 9-year-old Rose skipped into the portrait, humming to herself. She looked at the older Rose and did a double take.
Sequoia: Wait, what? Wait, wait, wait! [long pause] Okay. No. Keep going.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: What? [laughs]
Kim: This is a portrait. It's guarding the bedroom. It's a portrait of the flower, a rose, but also Rose is in it.
Sequoia: Oh, Rose's in the port- okay.
Kim: Oh, yeah. Not a nine year old flower.
Sequoia: Okay. Okay. I was very confused about what was happening.
Kim: Okay. It's a portrait. Rose has a portrait of herself guarding her room.
Sequoia: Sure. [Kim: scoffs] Why not? It seems safe.
Kim: Fine. "Oh my god! I'm back! Okay, [Sequoia: laughs] that sounded so confusing."
Sequoia: [wheezes, trying to catch her breathe] Oh no. [Kim: groans] Baby portrait Rose.
Kim: Fine. She was joined by a 16-year-old Lily and a 15-year-old Petunia. For some reason.
Sequoia: [stuttering] Wh-wha-Why?
Kim: Petunia is older than them. [chuckles].
Sequoia: Right, but...
Kim: And it even said that, in the fic, like, the fic is suddenly confused about how old Petunia is. It's fine.
Sequoia: Okay. Sure. Sure.
Kim: They can can be whatever age they want to be, why not? Because Rose is nine.
Sequoia: Yeah, they can shapeshift.
Kim: Right. Okay. They can age shift. And Petunia has decided she wants to be 15.
Sequoia: Sure.
Kim: And not 17 or whatever. Whatever. "Oh my gosh! Rose, you can age now." Portrait Lily said as she looked down at the 9 year old.
Sequoia: Okay, cool. Portraits age with their whatevers. That's not anything. Continue.
Kim: They're not! They're clearly not, though. Petunia's 15. Whatever. "One second, I need to imagine the clothes I want to wear. They have to be hip and trendy and funky."
Sequoia: Are we going to get a portrait [Kim: starts snickering] outfit description? Oh my god! [both wheezing in absolute laughter] Oh my god!
Kim: You are not-.
Sequoia: Okay. I'm so fucking ready.
Kim: Portrait-Rose, aged to 16, with a denim mini-skirt and an emerald green halter top. Which is very close to what Hermione was wearing.
Sequoia: She's wearing the same thing.
Kim: Earlier.
Sequoia: She's wearing the same thing!
Kim: Except her shirt's green, for some reason.
Sequoia: Whatever!
Kim: On the small of her back was a deep red Rose. And that rose in the story is capitalized. So it might be [Sequoia: laughing] a red tattoo of her own face. Not clear.
Sequoia: Oh my god. Oh my god!
Kim: What?
Sequoia: Nine year old Rose was like, "Okay, now that I'm imagining myself as a as a teen, gotta have a tramp stamp?"
Kim: Yes, [Sequoia: laughs] my own face.
Sequoia: [Between laughter] A tramp stamp!
Kim: On her right hip was a picture of a snow wolf, and on her left shoulder was a tattoo of a red and gold phoenix. [softly] She's got three tattoos.
Sequoia: No! The one on her hip is a picture.
Kim: Oh, right. [Sequoia: chuckling] Only one of them is described as a tattoo. Fine. The small of her back is just her own face! [both laugh]
Sequoia: What's happening? This is fucking bonkers! This is better than I could have hoped.
Kim: Oh my god, yes. For her jewelry, she had a silver 'S' belly button ring, [Sequoia: breathes in deeply] with a glittery emerald green snake wrapped around it.
Sequoia: I don't... what...
Kim: Who's name starts with S? [chuckling].
Sequoia: What?
Kim: [high-pitched, deliriously] Why is it an 'S'?
Sequoia: I don't know!
Kim: A necklace with a red rose charm and ruby earrings in the shape of a rose. And her height was increased by a pair of strappy stilettos.
Sequoia: This outfit is horrible! [both laugh] Wow. Okay. So...
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: It it 'S' for snake? [Kim: blows a raspberry, which turns into a laugh] Because there's a snake?
Kim: I don't know!
Sequoia: Why is it an S?
Kim: I don't know! Portrait-Lily and Portrait-Petunia looks impressed at Portrait-Rose's outfit. That's a lot. That is a lot to take in, I think. [Sequoia: laughs] "Okay, enough with the showing off, Rose. Say the password because I can't remember it," Lily said. "Emerald snakes," she said.
Sequoia: She really like snakes!
Kim: Apparently, suddenly, Rose likes snakes. "Didn't you realize the answer is on my navel ring?"
Sequoia: Uhh, I- I....
Kim: "Go in before I change my mind," and the door opened to reveal a huge bedroom. Yeah, do you want to go back to that, or should we just press on?
Sequoia: Press on, my friend! [both chuckle].
Kim: I don't know what to do with that.
Sequoia: I don't know. I guess that's that's why it is. That's why it's 'S'.
Kim: 'S' for snake!
Sequoia: And there's emeralds. Because she found it very important to give away the password in her clothing.
Kim: Bellybutton ring. Fine. There was a fireplace in one corner of the room, with very comfy blue armchairs and green couches, and a huge bookcase full of books. In the other corner was a massive walk-in closet, which seriously needed to be replaced with new clothes.
Sequoia: Yeah, cause the last time she was there, she was like-
Kim: 9.
Sequoia: 11.
Kim: 11, yeah 11. Why was the p- wait, why was the portrait nine? When she was...
Sequoia: Why was the portrait nine?
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Dunno. Dunno.
Kim: Cool, cool, [Sequoia: laughs] cool, cool, cool.
Sequoia: [laughing] Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Kim: Cool and fine.
Sequoia: They got early admission because they're so special and talented and powerful.
Kim: They said they were 11!
Sequoia: Okay. So she got a closet full of 11 year olds clothes. Cool.
Kim: Sure. Yeah. "Okay. Have a seat. Not on my bed, Ronald. Okay now, let's start with Lily!" Rose said. They came up here for introductions, you'll remember.
Sequoia: Okay. Right, right, right. Oh, I had lost that one.
Kim: It's okay.
Sequoia: In the portrait experience. [both laughing].
Kim: The portrait, the fucking portrait... I almost cut that because I was like, "This adds nothing but this outfit description."
Sequoia: But it was so entirely necessary!
Kim: Yeah, it really was. Anyway, so Rose asks Lily to introduce herself. Okay. "I'm Lily Emily Ethan. I'm 16 years old and the UN-fortunate twin of Miss Doofus over here." [chuckles]
Sequoia: The. [sighs, making Kim: giggle] How? How did she just defeat the Dark Lord? [Kim: starts laughing]
Kim: How is anything anything?
Sequoia: Miss Doofus!
Kim: Miss Doo-fus!
Sequoia: What a fucking good burn? [laughs]
Kim: Ha, burnt!
Sequoia: Really gottem on that one!
Kim: They're all really good at burns! Remember when Petunia burned Voldemort? [Sequoia: laughs] "That bitch!"
Sequoia: "That bitch!".
Kim: "I can port, I'm an elemental and I am a shape shifter and a metamorphosis or a morpher. Okay, James, your turn." Lily told James.
Sequoia: Oh, so only the three powers.
Kim: Uhh, port, elemental, shapeshifter, metamorphmagus. Those are separate powers.
Sequoia: Oh, elemental?
Kim: Also elemental, don't know what that means.
Sequoia: Very good.
Kim: Also, not gonna find out. Okay. [Sequoia: laughs] I did trim- [breaks into chuckles].
Sequoia: Thanks!
Kim: I did trim down this next section because each of the characters... Well, okay just James, Sirius, and Remus, I guess. James, Sirius, and Remus give overviews of they're like, "Hi, I'm James, I'm 16." And then they give an overview of their major character traits and powers.
Sequoia: Okay?
Kim: And this actually, gave me very vivid roleplaying forum flashbacks.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah.
Kim: Like, you come into the forum and you're like, "I'm blah, blah, blah. My deal is this." Right?
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: "Let's do introductions! Let's do character introductions [Sequoia: chuckles] first!" So they give an overview of their stuff. And Remus also includes that he's a werewolf in that, in his "This is my deal" overview. For some reason.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: He's just like, "I'm a werewolf!" And he finishes and he's like, "Why are you two disappearing?" Remus asked. And it was true. Harry and Ron were slowly disappearing.
Sequoia: Oh no, they changed the timeline!
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Oh.
Kim: Rose knew [Sequoia: chuckles] what was going on, though.
Sequoia: Why! Why would she know?
Kim: That is what I thought when I first read that. I was like, "Oh, shit. Oh, shit. We're gonna have to- Harry's fucking dead! [Sequoia: laughs] Bye Harry!"
Sequoia: Yeah. What is happening?
Kim: Why is Ron disappearing?
Sequoia: And why does Rose know?
Kim: Rose knows what's going on. "They're going home, not to Spain, but back to 1996.".
Sequoia: Oh.
Kim: I have to pause here. Why does she need to clarify that they're not going to Spain, everyone... [sighs, making Sequoia: laugh] Why would they be going to Spain?
Sequoia: No one bought that lie.
Kim: No one.... No one!
Sequoia: No one bought that.
Kim: Everyone in this room knew where you were! I think! Maybe she hasn't told them yet that she went to the future? I don't remember. That was so long ago. [Sequoia: laughs] I don't know what's happening. Anyway.
Sequoia: I don't think she's said anything to anyone about anything.
Kim: Oh, right. That's why we're doing the introductions now.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: "Harry and Ron aren't going to Spain, but back to 1996. That's where I went when I went through the barrier, I saw the damage of what me not being here caused."
Sequoia: Wow! [Kim: chuckling] That just... Hoo, hoo! Like, "Oh my god. This world. If I, as an 11 year old, had been at school with my sister and my friends-".
Kim: I could've stopped this.
Sequoia: Voldemort wouldn't be [cracking up into laughter] around now. [Kim: sighs] That's nuts!
Kim: Yeah. Yes, it is. She saw the damage of what her not being there caused. "It's because they don't belong here. Continue, Remus."
Sequoia: Wait. So she's just going to- she's not going to say. Wait, they're just going to...
Kim: They disappeared. They are gone. Bye Harry.
Sequoia: They're gone.
Kim: Bye Ron.
Sequoia: What the fuck man? [laughs]
Kim: I'm not going to see you again for 20 years.
Sequoia: Didn't really care that much.
Kim: No. Well, what's 20 years?
Sequoia: Also like-.
Kim: Actually no, she's is going to see...
Sequoia: Rose didn't really care about them.
Kim: No, Rose doesn't care about anyone, but Rose. Clearly.
Sequoia: Yeah. Their mom died like-.
Kim: Their mom died.
Sequoia: Fifteen minutes ago. [laughs]
Kim: Yes. Their mom is very dead. [Sequoia: laughs] She's- she may still, her body might still be downstairs.
Sequoia: They didn't ask! They have not asked yet where they put their mom's body.
Kim: It might just be in the middle of the floor downstairs.
Sequoia: That's where the Aurors are.
Kim: Maybe the Aurors will take care of it.
Sequoia: They're like, "Well, um, I guess we'll go and we'll take take this body with us." Okay. Okay. Bye Harry and Ron.
Kim: Bye Harry and Ron!
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: Rose looked at Remus, who looked right back at her and Lily in confusion. "You mean you don't care that I'm a werewolf?" Oh Remus.
Sequoia: Oh...
Kim: Poor buddy.
Sequoia: Our sweet, sweet boy.
Kim: "Remus, I don't care what you are for only one night a month... And I think I know how to stop your changes."
Sequoia: Burying in the lead! Burying in the lead.
Kim: "I'm fine if you're a werewolf, but also, I can totally cure you." "Lily get a silver necklace, a silver moon pendant, and Remus, I need a small lock of your hair. I have a plan."
Sequoia: Oh, they're so good at magic.
Kim: They're so good at magic. They are the best at magic.
Sequoia: There's no need for Dumbledore to admit her to school in a random year because they don't need to go to school. They have no need for magic school.
Kim: They're not going back to school in this. I'll tell you that right now.
Sequoia: Great. They don't need to know to.
Kim: Yeah, why would they?
Sequoia: She can just hear werewolves. So, like.
Kim: 2 hours later, Rose finished the last powerful spells that she had to put on the silver necklace and pendant. You know, the powerful spells?
Sequoia: Powerful- yeah. I mean, you got to get out the powerful spells for this specific instance.
Kim: Right, yeah. The powerful ones. Not the weak ones.
Sequoia: Right? Not like the ones they used on stupid-.
Kim: and Sequoia: Voldemort, that bitch!
Sequoia: Moldy pants or whatever.
Kim: Moldy pants. Harry! [Sequoia: laughs] Harry, why? "There! Finished! Now I have a potion just in case things go wrong. But it shouldn't. Here, put the necklace on." [Sequoia: sighs] Remus put it on. Nothing happened. That was good. He wasn't dying. [Sequoia: bursts into laughter]
Sequoia: I like that he considered that to be an option, or that anyone that had considered that to be an option.
Kim: It's Rose! Rose has a back up potion because she thought "This'll probably work,-".
Sequoia: "OR!".
Kim: "But it also could kill him," and she didn't tell anyone.
Sequoia: I wouldn't take anything from this chick.
Kim: Right?!
Sequoia: She's nuts!
Kim: Yes! She is all over the place crazy.
Sequoia: I mean, I feel like it's like she is either an amalgamation of Rose in Hermione or she's basically 11 years old.
Kim: Um. I think it seems like we've lost all of Hermione. Right? To me...
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah. It seems like we lost all of Hermione.
Kim: Hermione seems to be gone. But I mean, [strained, considering] maybe she's 11. [Sequoia: laughs] That could be why she's so weird.
Sequoia: Yeah, I feel like she's just doing whatever. Anyway. [Kim: chuckles]
Kim: Well, Remus wasn't dying. Now, they had to wait for the full moon that night. "Okay. I'll be there with you, and if anything goes wrong, I'll change into any animal I choose!"
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: "So will Lily. Sirius, what's the time?"
Sequoia: I love that, coincidentally, there's a full moon tonight. So that's helpful for the thing.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And are these sisters not the... In the same bloodline perhaps of...
Kim: As Rose.
Sequoia: Rose! [Kim: laughs].
Kim: Yeah. That's definitely Rose Junior. Probably.
Sequoia: Rose Black is definitely Rose Jr.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Rose's mom...
Kim: and Sequoia: Had red hair.
Kim: Yes. Wonder if these are the same author. Maybe we should check on this.
Sequoia: [strained, trying not to laugh] We might want to check that.
Kim: Shit. [both laugh]
Sequoia: No.
Kim: I don't know. This shit is all so-.
Sequoia: Rose's mom was named Sky.
Kim: Right. But this shit is all so common also. Rose as a name. All of these assorted bizarre powers. These come up all the time.
Sequoia: That's true. This just fits so well into the universe of Willows' Thorn.
Kim: [breathily] It does! [chuckles] Nobody's turned into a pigeon, though. They're going to turn into something to fight a werewolf.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Cause they're way cooler than Rose Jr.
Sequoia: Pigeons are cool.
Kim: Uhh, I don't know about that. "Sirius, what's the time?".
"Uh, James, what's the time?"
"Uh, Lily, what's the time?"
"Eight." [Sequoia: laughs]
Kim: [laughs, then rhythmically] Boys don't know what time is!
Sequoia: They're so stupid!
Kim: "We'd best be going back to the Shrieking Shack.".
"Sirius, it's too far. We'll stay here. Every room in this house has a non-destructible charm on it, so nothing can get harmed while it's in the house!"
Sequoia: Where was your-.
Kim: "Except my mom!"
Sequoia: Fucking, yeah! [both laugh]
Kim: She doesn't say. She didn't say that part, I said that.
Sequoia: "Our house in Spain got burned down. And both of our parents were murdered. But like...".
Kim: No, the old house got burned down. They were in Spain. Their old house got burned down. So now, their house isn't-. Yeah, they fixed that.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: They're like, "Ah fuck. Our house burned down. We got to make sure that never happens again."
Sequoia: Still got mom murdered.
Kim: Yeah, I guess... I guess it doesn't work on moms. [Sequoia: laughs] "Nothing can get harmed while it's in the house. Don't worry, Remus. It's going to be okay. Oh my gosh! The moon is so pretty. Come see."
Sequoia: "Sooooo good."
Kim: "It's soooo pretty! Everyone, the moon, that triggers a horrible transformation in one of us...".
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah.
Kim: "Man to beast.... so pretty!" Everyone crowded around the open French doors.
Sequoia: Really tempting fate here on this one.
Kim: Yeah, they are. But, you know, [monotone voice] Rose is the best at everything.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: "I have never seen a moon as beautiful as that. Lily, can you see it?" James asked, and Lily got closer to him. I don't know. "Lily, can you see the moon?"
Sequoia: "Hey. You ever uhh-"
Kim: "Also now look at me. Now stop looking at the moon and look at my face."
Sequoia: "-Have you ever seen the moon?"
Kim: "Look at my face. [Sequoia: laughs] I'm James."
Sequoia: "You know, moon's looking real good tonight. You know, it's also looking real good tonight?"
Kim: [dramatically] "A-me. [Sequoia: laughing] James Potter. Oh, also you, Lily." Was that what you were going for? [both laughing]
Sequoia: Either way works really.
Kim: "Wow. Hey, Remus, can you see it?" Lily asked Remus. "Yeah, it sure is great," out of the corner of his eye, he saw a Sirius hug Rose from behind, and she relaxed into his embrace.
Sequoia: Ayy!!!
Kim: Nice work, my friend.
Sequoia: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Kim: Nice work. You got something out of this, you figured one thing out.
Sequoia: Whoo-hoo!
Kim: Remus knew Rose would change Sirius for the better. Why is Remus thinking about it? It doesn't matter. "Remus, I think you need to thank me," Rose said [Sequoia: laughing] startling Remus.
Sequoia: Bitch.
Kim: "Why?"
"Because silly, there's a great big, fat, full moon out and you're still human." "Thank me now. [Sequoia: laughing] Give me praise." "See, I told you we can do anything. But noooo. You wouldn't believe us," Lily said.
Sequoia: All powerful. All powerful, all knowing. 16 year olds.
Kim: "I told you we could do anything!" Lily said, and she and Rose stuck out their tongues. Mleh.
Sequoia: They are 11!
Kim: Yep. Sirius fake bit Rose's tongue and James did the same with Lily's.
Sequoia: What the fuck?
Kim: I don't know what that means.
Sequoia: What the fuck?
Kim: I dunno what that means.
Sequoia: What- did it say fake bit?
Kim: It said fake bit.
Sequoia: What is that? What does that mean?
Kim: You're lucky. You're lucky. You're far away from me. [Sequoia: laughs] Or else there'd be some- [breaks into chuckles] "Try to recreate it with me, Sequoia:!" [mouth noises of sticking out her tongue].
Sequoia: Do you think that just... [trailing off]
Kim: What?
Sequoia: They had their tongues out, and then, and then, and then they just sort of hovered their mouths, kind of open [laughs] around?
Kim: Maybe? [snickering].
Sequoia: [Cry-laughing] What's happening?
Kim: Nothing good! Alright. There's some fake tongue biting. Soon, they were engaged in a snog session.
Sequoia: Naturally. Fake tongue biting...
Kim: To snogging.
Sequoia: Yeah. It's the gateway. [laughs]
Kim: I guess. It's the classic transition! [cracks up laughing] "Okay, now you're making me feel like a fifth wheel," said Remus.
Sequoia: You are a fifth wheel.
Kim: Yeah. You're literally a fifth wheel.
Sequoia: Definitely a fifth wheel.
Kim: Go away, Remus. Boring. [Sequoia: chuckling] Boring! Remus, you didn't transform, we're done with you now. We fixed you, leave.
Sequoia: Say thank you!
Kim: Say thank you.
Kim: and Sequoia: And then leave.
Kim: Yeah, okay. I have to work on this mess now. [both chuckle] Pointing at Sirius. [Sequoia: laughs].
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: There's a mess. "Is there a library?" Said Remus. Immediately, Rose broke away from her snog with Sirius. "Library? Follow me, Remmy." [both laugh] She's still Hermione, see, she loves the library!
Sequoia: She does love the library. [chuckles].
Kim: [long drawn out 'E,' unconvinced] Ehh, see?
Sequoia: It's back there, somewhere!
Kim: It's just back.... She's back! Rose took Remus's hand and literally pulled him to the library. Sirius looked after them in confusion.
Sequoia: [doofy, jock-esque voice] Library? [giggles]
Kim: "Okay. Did Remus just steal my girlfriend?" [breathily chuckles]
Sequoia: [stumbling over sentence's start] I don't know. The girl you were just making out with for the first time on this...
Kim: Mm hmm.
Sequoia: That you met today?
Kim: Like half an hour after meeting her for the first time. [chuckles]
Sequoia: Her mom's dead. [cracks up laughing].
Kim: Her mom's dead downstairs! [scoff-laughs
Sequoia: Yeah. Remus just, uh-.
Kim: Stole your girlfriend.
Sequoia: Asked where the library was and that little that little bit of.
Kim: and Sequoia: Hermione-.
Kim: Piece...
Sequoia: Just kicked in!
Kim: Library! Gotta go! [Sequoia: chuckles] I smell books! [both laugh] [surprised tone] James and Lily looked shocked. They had never heard 'my girlfriend' come from Sirius Black's mouth.
Sequoia: Such a player.
Kim: Play-uh! [scoff-laughs] "What? Don't worry. I'm not using her for a shag. I really, really, really like her." [chuckles]
Sequoia: Well, she is the most powerful, all knowing 16 year old... To ever be.
Kim: "Even though I've known her for a day, I feel connected with her, you know?"
Sequoia: Less than a day! [laughs]
Kim: Less than a day, yeah. Quite a bit less than a day, I think. It's 8 p.m.? No wait, no wait, no way, no wait! It was 8 p.m. when they asked for the time. It was 7 p.m. when they appeared outside of Hogwarts. [Sequoia: gasps, making Kim: laugh]
Sequoia: Oh my god! It's been an hour? It's been an hour?!
Kim: Also 2 hours passed in like a time lapse in the middle. [chuckles]
Sequoia: No, it's been an hour! [laughs].
Kim: [Disbelieving wheeze] It's been an- It just seemed like you were working for 2 hours, Rose. Holy fucking shit... Balls.
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: [sighs] Wow.
Sequoia: This is incredible. Continue.
Kim: That's real good. I like that a lot. Nice. Sirius is in love with her, even though he's known her for a day. Whatever, Sirius, fuck off. [both chuckle] "Yeah, that's how I felt with Lily on the second day I saw her." [chuckles]
Sequoia: Not fast enough.
Kim: Yeah. Come on, James. Get your shit together. "But she just thought I was being mean and playing a prank on you, even when I had Veritas serum- what?" Sirius looked at James with wide eyes.
"Was that when I kept on telling the truth?"
"Uh... Yeah?" [Sequoia: sighs]
"Oh, okay. Now, I need to find Rose. Ta-ta!".
Sequoia: Sure.
Kim: And with that, Sirius walked out of the room with a skip in his step. James had never seen his brother-in-all-but-blood that happy since... [surprised] ever. Not even when he ran away from his parents that summer. Yes, Rose would be good for him. Definitely.
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: That's the end.
Sequoia: What?!
Kim: That's the end of the fic. [pleased laughter]
Sequoia: That's the end?
Kim: Yup!
Sequoia: I mean, I guess that is the end, though.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Like they defeated Voldemort, harry and Ron went back to their time.
Kim: Yep.
Kim: and Sequioa And then everyone-.
Sequoia: Hooked up.
Kim: Made out.
Sequoia: Except for Remus.
Kim: Who is probably also hooking up now.
Sequoia: Who's not a werewolf. Yeah.
Kim: Remus is hooking up with Rose in the library. They're going to be either a love triangle [Sequoia: giggles] or just a weird trouple.
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow! Oh my god, that story was...
Kim: Everywhere. All over the place. Pokémon. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Big Pokémon energy!
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: Wow. That was so good.
Kim: So, I want to read you the list of things the author realized, were missing from Hogwarts while they were watching Pokemon.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: So the author thought about Hogwarts having some major twist like time travel, someone finding out who they really are, and singing. [Sequoia: laughs] They hit two out of three in this.
Sequoia: They said that Hogwarts was missing time travel?
Kim: Yes. [both giggling] Hogwarts was missing a major twist like time travel.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah. Never, never had some time travel in any of those Harry Potter books. And also where was the fucking singing?
Kim: I mean, this was only [strained, trying not to laugh] chapter one. [both laugh].
Sequoia: Oh my god. I wish there had been singing in it.
Kim: Yeah. [scoffs]
Sequoia: That was the literal only thing it was missing. [both chuckling] Oh wow.
Kim: [groans quietly, trying to recover from laughing] Also, I don't know if you noticed this, I went back and I had to pause for a minute, you remember earlier to check something. Petunia disappears part way through that and never reappears.
Sequoia: Oh my god. [Kim: snickers into laughter] Yeah. She went upstairs with them and then...
Kim: She did!
Sequoia: And then we never heard from her again.
Kim: Was not... Did not talk or move again.
Sequoia: Oh! Were you wondering if you had edited her out?
Kim: Yeah, I thought maybe I had edited her out on accident, but I did not edit her out, [Sequoia: laughs] she disappears. [starts laughing]
Sequoia: She was like, "Yeah, now that we're done with all of this, ugh, I don't know, like murder and stuff, I'm just going to go back to Beauxbatons because, like, this is stupid."
Kim: "I'm just gonna go back to school. You guys are all losers."
Sequoia: Yeah. [chuckling]
Kim: "Bye."
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: "You keep calling me Pet. Bye."
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs] No one likes that nickname. Oh my god. Okay, [Kim: sighs] well, um, I think I can pretty safely say that I got one point.
Kim: Yeah, I think so.
Sequoia: There we go. I did it.
Kim: They're not going back.... I think it's pretty obvious they're not going back to school.
Sequoia: Nope. They don't need to do that.
Kim: I think it's pretty definitive that they are pure bloods.
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: And I think Rose from "Willow's Thorn" is actually Rose Jr.
Sequoia: Got to be! Got to be.
Kim: We never got Rose Ethan's middle name. It could be Rose Sky Ethan.
Sequoia: Oh, true, true. No, I like this.
Kim: So...
Sequoia: No, I like this. This is Fanatical Fics Canon.
Kim: This is all coming together. That's why Rose Black didn't care when her mom died! Because Ethans don't care [Sequoia: laughs] when their moms die.
Sequoia: They're like... Well, no, they do. They're upset for, like, maybe 30 seconds to one minute.
Kim: And then they're like, I got to go check on my stuff!
Kim: Yeah! [both laughing].
Kim: and Sequoia: Incredible.
Kim: I didn't really think about the parallels between this and Willow's Thorn when I was picking this, but they're definitely there.
Sequoia: Oh yeah! Big time.
Kim: I was thinking more about how this is, like, the exact reverse of your two parter.
Sequoia: Of "Heirs?"
Kim: Yeah. In the sense that like you get these really powerful people and then they like go to community college and do a relay race, [Sequoia: laughs] right? Like this one, we get these really powerful people, they kill Voldemort in the middle of the story! [both dissolve into laughter]
Sequoia: Yeah, I was very surprised that we stopped when Voldemort died. I didn't see that one coming. I was like, [Kim: wheeze-laughs] I don't know, I was like, "Thanos just snapped everything out of existence, and now we're done and we have to wait for the second part now." [chuckles]
Kim: Hell yeah! I'm not sorry. Like, where else would I have cut it off? Tell me.
Sequoia: No, that was fucking perfect. [both laugh]
Kim: The second half of the story... this story is like so, it covers so much ground. Right?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Like, I feel like the normal stories we do, this story would have been like five stories.
Sequoia: Yeah. Or, like, if this was a story I had clicked on, I would have expected it to end when they're crying over their mom's dead body or something, like way early.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this author did it. They had places they were going and they got there! Before the end of the Pokemon episode. [Sequoia: laughs]
Sequoia: I usually... You never really see that much like action or adventure in a one shot.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Like that... Just they just... You just don't get far enough.
Kim: Especially a one shot. That doesn't necessarily seem like it was supposed to be a one shot.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: They have a chapter title. I think they planned to do more, maybe. I don't know.
Sequoia: Well, I mean, if you think there's more to this story and you'd like to submit [starts dissolving into laughter with Kim:] it for Hold For the End, Please.
Kim: Do it!
Sequoia: Do it! Cause what would happen after this? I don't know.
Kim: I bet a lot of other people had to carry over their predictions, too. I saw a lot of those predictions that rolled in, right? [cackles proudly]
Sequoia: Oh yeah. Yeah, I was looking at those being like you, "Mmm, you did the same thing that I did." [both chuckle] Welcome!
Kim: Hopefully all of your predictions questions have now been answered!
Sequoia: Every prediction that rolled into it was like the Ethan sisters, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. [both snicker] I was like, I guess we're all holding on to those words.
Kim: Lol, gottem.
Sequoia: Alright. And now, it's time for.
Kim: and Sequioa A Quick Fics!
Kim: Quick Fics is a segment where we quickly summarize a story that maybe doesn't quite work in its totality for the podcast, but is special in its own little way. Sequoia:, what do you have for us today?
Sequoia: Excellent. Wonderful. I have a story called "Hermione Dumbledore."
Kim: No, what the fuck? Jesus. [bursts out laughing]
Sequoia: I was... Here's the thing, man. [Kim: snickers] Yeah, I was so fucking stoked when I clicked on this. I was all, "Hell yeah!"
Kim: That name... fuck.
Sequoia: What the fuck? [both chuckle] And it had, it did have its glimmering moments. So I'm going to go over those really quick. Of course, Hermione is Albus, Dumbledore's granddaughter.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: And she is sort of inexplicably from Greece.
Kim: Oh? Okay.
Sequoia: Which was fun and of course, is very, very, very hott.
Kim: Sure. Because Dumbledore is real hot.
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah. Exactly.
Kim: You know, young Dumbledore?
Sequoia: Well, I mean....
Kim: Alright.
Sequoia: I mean- [laughs].
Kim: Alright.
Sequoia: [mocking] "Alright." So Dumbledore, Albus Dumbledore brings her to come and teach Harry, Ron and Ginny how to fight the dark arts.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: Yeah. James and Lily are still alive, also, they're there.
Kim: Okay, so this is some kind of weird au. But wait, no, question. What book was this written after? I'm just curious.
Sequoia: This was written after book six.
Kim: Fuckin weird. Okay.
Sequoia: This was written in my fuckin sweet spot, my dude.
Kim: Fine. But that's fucking weird. Okay, so Hermione-.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Who's the was the same age as Harry and Ron.
Sequoia: No. [Kim: slowly, but loudly exhales, making Sequoia: giggle] No, she's older. She's older.
Kim: So this is an au where her mind is older than Harry and Ron and Dumbledore's granddaughter.
Sequoia: Yes. So she's a completely different character.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: She's just still named Hermione.
Kim: This is just someone else named Hermione.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And it kind of sets that up and then doesn't really go anywhere with it. But there is a moment where Ginny gets jealous because Harry is like, "Wow, she's so hott." And then she's like...
Kim: As is tradition.
Sequoia: "I could be hot, too!" [Kim: laughs] And so she puts on some makeup. And she doesn't know how to put on makeup. So she looks a little bit like a clown. And Fred and George laugh at her, and that's it. That's all. That's all that was there.
Kim: Poor Ginny.
Sequoia: But I was just like...
Kim: That's a bizarre premise.
Sequoia: So into whatever this au was. Where James and Lily were still alive, they just like...
Kim: That's good.
Sequoia: Had a couple lines and then went away?
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And then Hermione was there and she was from Greece and hot and older and there to teach them the defense against the dark arts.
Kim: Weird. [Sequoia: laughs] Those are some interesting choices.
Sequoia: And that's my Quicky Fic!
Kim: Okay. Alright... Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah, there you go.
Kim: It's a process, my friend. [both chuckle]
Sequoia: I got that for you!
Kim: Thank you?
Sequoia: It wasn't good for the podcast, but I had to tell someone about it because what is that? Alright, and now it's time for.
Kim: and Sequoia: The Rec Zone! [mouth airhorn noises]
Kim: So, we recommended basically the same thing in February, but I'm recommending it again, this time with a03 links because we know we all love ao3 links.
Sequoia: [chanting, like a sports or fraternity cheer] Ao3!
Kim: It's the platform where we all live. Why not? [both chuckle] The Black Student Union-verse written by Black Girls Create Content Contributors is amazing and read it.
Sequoia: Go read it.
Kim: The links to that will be in the description of this episode.
Sequoia: They will also be on the recommendations page on our website.
Kim: Website.
Sequoia: Fanaticalfics.com. Also on our website you can find links to our merch. We are mailing our merch from our Web site yet again.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: And we also have a T public where there is an even wider variety of merch to pick from.
Kim: Correct. If you want something awesome, it's June. It's Pride Month. Go buy your 'All Wizards are Gay' shirt and part of the proceeds of that are donated to the Trevor Project.
Sequoia: Yes, they are! 50% of our proceeds off that design are.
Kim: I know what we do!
Sequoia: It's fine. As long as one of us knows. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh, if you want to talk to us, reach out to us. We are on social media, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram at Fanatical Fics.
Sequoia: You can also email us. Fanaticalfics@gmail.com with your our "Hold for The End, Please"'s or your general thoughts. [Kim: giggles] What cha thinking?
Kim: How's it going? How ya doing? We like you! [giggles] If you like this podcast and you want to help this podcast out,there are a number of ways you can do that, including drop us a review. We appreciate them.
Sequoia: Leave us.... Yeah, leave us a review on Facebook or on iTunes. They really help us out.
Kim: Correct. You can also recommend this podcast to everyone. We haven't been getting a very many Trick Everyone stories recently. We've gotten a few. But if you've tricked someone recently, tell us a story about it.
Sequoia: Listen, this is prime time for tricking those Facebook groups 2020, alright?
Kim: Hell yeah!
Sequoia: Hell yeah, it is. You can also go on over to our Patreon, traipse on over there. We've got discounted tiers still available. Go join us in our Harry Potter book club, take part in a writing competition, get some trading cards in the Patreon Discord, get that exclusive merch!
Kim: We got a request in the discord for what our next writing competition might be, and I thought it was amazing.
Sequoia: We did. Yeah, I'm stoked on that.
Kim: [singing] I'm excited for that!
Sequoia: I also promised in Book Club that I was going to write a very specific fanfiction, today.
Kim: Oh, did you?
Sequoia: I promised that, in book club. [giggling]
Kim: Okay. I guess we're all holding you accountable to that now.
Sequoia: Mmhmm. So, everybody!
Kim: Sometime in the next six months to never. [both laugh] Great. Awesome. Excellent. Speaking of Patreon. Thanks for supporting us so much, patrons. Your support means a lot and it lets us do things like the donations that we did this month.
Sequoia: Yes. So...
Kim: So thank you for adding your voices to ours. It means a lot.
Sequoia: Thank you also to the Whomping Willows for our theme song! It is Wolf Star.
Kim: Bye everyone. Stay safe out there.