Episode 68: Le Purrrrrrr (Feat. MuggleCast's Eric Scull)
We were so happy to have on another MuggleCaster (collect them all) to talk about Fanfic, JKR, the fandom, and …. A V. Niffty Jacket.
QuickFic: Different
https://archiveofourown.org/works/100583
Recommendation: The List
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3564518/1/The-List
MuggleCast: https://www.mugglecast.com/
MuggleCast Interview w/Rori: https://www.mugglecast.com/why-j-k-rowlings-tweet-was-transphobic-and-hurtful/
Eric on Twitter: https://twitter.com/spielerman
Improvised Star Trek: https://www.theimprovisedstartrek.com/
Our Christmas Drabble Winners!: https://www.fanaticalfics.com/a-harry-potter-blog/2020/2/8/our-christmas-drabble-writing-competition-was-incredible
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Eliana
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original work contained in this transcript, you can find it here!
Kim: Hey, did you find anything good today?
Sequoia: Yes. So I was going through listener submissions to find something, and YOUR LISTENERS sent me some… sent me some… some…
Kim: [laughs] This is very accusatory.
Sequoia: Your… no, this is… this is your fault.
Kim: What do you… what do you mean?
Sequoia: Your listeners! [Kim laughs loudly] Clearly they sent me some shit and were like, hey, why don't you just traumatize Kim with this? And I was, like, no, because I am actively traumatized now.
Kim: [quietly] My listeners.
Sequoia: Your listeners.
Kim: What… whatever.
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello! I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's a podcast about Harry Potter fanfiction.
Sequoia: And today we are bringing on a special guest. But first, some podcast business.
Kim: [slowly] Yes! Glitterrr!!
Sequoia: Yes! Glitter!!
Kim: We announced this last time, but I wanted to bring this up again. We are currently accepting submissions from everyone. This is not just patrons.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Like, the patrons are going to get the ‘zine because they’re patrons and they're paying for it.
Sequoia: [chuckles] Right. Yeah. But…
Kim: But this is all of our crackzine.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: So we are accepting submissions from everyone. So send us your Which Harry Potter Fanfiction Character Are You? quiz, send us your…
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: ...crackfic crossword puzzle.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: Send us…
Sequoia: [chuckles] Keep going. Do you have something else?
Kim: I don’t! Damnit! [both laugh] That was a mistake, they’re… it's supposed to be three, aren’t there?
Sequoia: There are supposed to be three. But you know what? I will take…
Kim: Send us…
Sequoia: ...crackfic crossword puzzle!
Kim: Your [pause] [Sequoia laughs quietly] crackfic political cartoon?
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh my god! Yeah, just like send us whatever.
Kim: Whatever you feel like making.
Sequoia: Yeah, we want all of it. All of it.
Kim: We a need a lot of content so that this ‘zine can be five hundred pages long.
Sequoia: Oh no. Not… depending on how much content we receive. Not all of it will make it into the ‘zine. But we want all of it, and all of it will be shared in some format.
Kim: Even if it's on our website.
Sequoia: Even if it's on our website or whatever. Social media, something. We will share it.
Kim: We've gotten some very fun stuff
Sequoia & Kim: Already!
Kim: AH!
Sequoia: Yeah, incredible. So, send us… fanaticalfics@gmail.com is our email address, and send us your Yes! Glitter!! stuff. Put in the title somewhere. Yes! Glitter!! Yes! Glitter!! submission.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Something like that.
Kim: We’ll… so we can sort those out a little easier.
Sequoia: So we can sort… yeah. Amazing! Well, we're very excited about that. We recorded for quite a while with Eric from MuggleCast, so we're just gonna get right into it.
Kim: Yeah, this next bit’s a little long.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: So let's just do it.
Sequoia: Let's go.
Kim: Let's go.
[pause]
Sequoia: All right. And now we're bringing on our special gueeest!
Kim: Guest.
Sequoia: [chuckles] Great, thank you. As you can probably tell from the title of this episode, today we have a special guest, and it is Eric from MuggleCast. Hello, Eric!
Eric: Hello. How's it going?
Sequoia: It's going fabulously. We're so happy to have you here.
Kim: Yeah, we're gonna eventually collect all the MuggleCast hosts. [Eric laughs]
Sequoia: Exactly. Collect them all. [everyone laughs]
Eric: Micah is the elusive one.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: I know that he wanted to make it and… and you're just gonna have to keep trying harder and harder. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Like a Pokémon. You’ve gotta use the right ball.
Kim: Right. Yeah. Okay.
Eric: You gotta use the right bait.
Kim: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sequoia: Oh, exactly. Okay, great.
Eric: We'll chat after the show. I have some tips for Micah bait. [Sequoia and Kim laugh] It's not the stuff you'd normally find it a Poké-store, but yeah. This is… this is a dream come true. I loved meeting you guys at… well, at Podcast Movement but also at Boston.
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Leaky, Boston.
Kim: We had such a great time with you.
Eric: And I am thrilled to be on. Thank you.
Sequoia: Yeah, you read us the first couple chapters of your beautiful Harry/Ginny fanfic that we just loved so much. So now we'd like to read you some… some something.
Kim: Oh, dear. Yeah, I… jeez. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Some something. Sounds delightful. [laughs]
Kim: I don't know if this is a fair trade, Sequoia. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, it’s not.
Kim: Oh, dear.
Eric: Oh, you guys. I assume it's a compli… you guys are kind. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] But I… I have to say I haven't made much more progress on that fic. I get a little intimidated, but I have some steamy scenes coming up. So…
Sequoia & Kim: Ooohh…
Kim: Yeah. I can see how that would be hard.
Eric: I really kind of want to plan those and, like, beat and feel those, and all that kind of stuff. So, but I… my offer remains. I'd love to have you guys back once a couple more chapters are written.
Sequoia: Oh, we’ll be there.
Kim: We are… we’re in it. We’re in it to win it. [everyone laughs]
Sequoia: Excellent. Well, we did have Andrew and Laura on recently, and they talked a little bit about what MuggleCast is, but do you want to give us a little bit refresher on what MuggleCast is? And tell us about how you got involved in that Harry Potter podcast.
Eric: Yeah, we're… we’re… well, we brand MuggleCast as your weekly ride into the wizarding world. MuggleCast, really, since 2005, has been covering fandom news, developments and, of course, the books and movies that started it all. So when we started the podcast, the movies were still going on. The books weren't all out yet. We actually had book seven to go. And it really was a really cool thing, because back then we could do an episode just based on the news that happened that week in the fandom.
Sequoia: Oh.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric: It was unbelievable! Like, whether the composer for a new movie was announced and it was somebody different, or the director or… or… or casting announcements of who would be playing Dolores Umbridge. I mean, come on! Like…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Nice.
Eric: Nuts! We could do entire episodes on that. And at a certain point, probably about thirty episodes in, I spearheaded a segment that I really believed in, called chapter by chapter.
Kim: Oh, sure.
Sequoia: Oooh!
Eric: And it was the first time that we did deep dives into the books themselves, going on a chapter basis, which, I'm not… I'm not CLAIMING I invented it, but it really… [Kim and Sequoia laugh] it… it really… all I said was I spearheaded the segment on MuggleCast.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Right.
Eric: But that format has been used many times.
Kim: How many…
Eric: We even used it over on my Game of Thrones podcast.
Sequoia & Kim: Oh!
Eric: That I was on for some time, Game of Owns. And really, it just… it just was a great format that continues to this day. That's why I'm bringing it up, is if you listen to a modern episode of MuggleCast, turns out we never made it all the way through book five. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Something… we literally got so busy that we could no longer talk about the books.
Kim: That’s crazy.
Eric: That’s how… that’s how big the fandom was.
Sequoia: Jeez.
Eric: And it just… we never got… I think book seven came out and we just never got back to it. So… so we’re doing that. We’re going back through Order of the Phoenix. And can I just say it is so relevant with the totalitarian Hogwarts stuff?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: To some… we're drawing so many modern parallels. And that's kind of the thing about having done this show for fifteen years. I was seventeen when it started in… oh, god.
Kim: That's crazy. Wow. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Eric: Wow. I just did the math. I just did the math. Am I… am I thirty three this year? No, thirty… I’m turning thirty two this year. So I don't know. There's something in the math there. But I really, you know, never would have expected it to run this long. But it absolutely… we're not running out of steam. Like, it's so good. I don’t know. You guys know the thrill of doing a Harry Potter podcast in this space.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah.
Eric: It’s just so fun!
Kim: The… the fandom is so vibrant, still. It's just…
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I keep… because I run the Wizarding Wireless Collective Facebook group.
Eric: [whispering] Yes!
Sequoia: I keep a running list of every English language Harry Potter podcast, and I can tell you right now there are currently running, I believe, sixty four chapter by chapter Harry Potter podcasts.
Kim: Whoo! Oh, that's amazing.
Eric: Oh my. Sixty four?!
Sequoia: Sixty four.
Eric: Well, how many of the ones aren't chapter by chapter podcasts?
Sequoia: Seven. [laughs]
Eric: So like…
Kim: Are you serious?
Sequoia: I think so. Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Kim: Wow. Are you counting MuggleCast as a…
Sequoia: I’m counting MuggleCast as NOT a reread podcast.
Kim: Ohhhh.
Eric: Ooooh.
Kim: ‘Cause it’s not. It’s not
Eric: Very nice. Very nice. But…
Kim: Wow.
Eric: But yeah, so it's definitely fun to be creating in this space. Fun to be a part of the fandom. Fun to have, you know, listeners. We… we often hear from people who are, like, been listening for years, or, I listened to you guys since the beginning. And I'm like, I mean, we listen to us since the beginning, but we were on the show, so. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] I can't imagine another human being other than our mothers, tuning in every… tuning in every week.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: But… but yeah, just to answer the quick question of how I get started, I joined in episode three. There was some kind of a scheduling conflict, and one of the hosts who had been on the first two episodes couldn't make it. So Ben, who was one of the hosts at the time and I… who like… he knew me because we all… we all contributed to MuggleNet. We all, like, wrote and did stuff on mugglenet.com, which launched the podcast, and Ben and I used to have… like we were… we were like sixteen, seventeen. Like, years before, we had these heart to hearts, because he and I both kind of had like some rough family stuff. And we… you know, we met over MuggleNet, and kind of just, like, would call one another. Like, we had each other's first cell phone numbers and this kind of thing.
Sequoia: Aww.
Eric: And it was a really lovely friendship that was, like, based on, you know, being friends and really just dealing with some… some hard stuff. So I think it was for that reason, although I haven't asked him since, but he just called me up out of the blue one day and said, you know MuggleNet is starting this new podcast? And I'd… I read like the news article, but I wasn't really aware what a podcast was at the time.
Kim: No one was.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: Like, they were brand new.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: So, yeah. And it turns out like that month Steve Jobs just, like, introduced the Apple, like, the Podcast directory, which like made podcasts so much more easy to find for people. So, like, that's how long ago it was. But… but Ben called me up and was, like, hey, you know, are you available at like five o'clock today? And I… I had a job, my first job, I think, working in a movie theater, but I didn't work that day. So I was, like, yeah, cool. He's, like, go buy a USB headset at Best Buy and download something called Skype. And I had never heard of Skype. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Wow!
Eric: Which… years later, we're on Skype right now. Spoiler alert.
Sequoia: Yeah! [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Eric: It's… it's a super throwback, too, because MuggleCast has moved on to… we use Zoom Meetings when we record. But when you…
Sequoia: Yeah. I was, like, what is this? when I was on MuggleCast. [everyone laughs]
Eric: That was nuts. Yeah. Okay. I'll admit, yes, Zoom is still pretty confusing. But we needed to do video occasionally.
Kim & Sequoia: Mhm.
Eric: So… but… but yeah, so… so anyway! It was just… I think it was one of those things where I, you know, I try and live my life through human connection, right? And really value that. And I… I honestly think that that was what made Ben think of me and reach out. Or they were just scraping the bottom of the barrel, and, like, well, man, who can we… who can we go? [Kim and Sequioa laugh] But needless to say, it stuck. I found a passion. I found… I mean, I can't listen to early me. Like, I wouldn't shut up, you know? I was just so… I was just so over enthusiastic. But I think that it connected with a majority of the listeners who were our age.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah.
Eric: And that's kind of the big thing. Is Harry Potter fans, you know, who were growing up with the books. We were those fans, and they were us. So I think that's probably… that and the backing of mugglenet.com [mumbling] the web's most visited Harry Potter fan site. [Sequoia and Kim laugh] Helped the show to grow to become what it… what it… what it was. And it's… it's no longer a MuggleNet podcast, but it's still going strong.
Sequoia: That's a great story.
Kim: It is.
Sequoia: I love that.
Kim: I remember, like, spending a lot of time on MuggleNet. You, too, probably, right, Sequoia?
Sequoia: Oh, yeah, I listened to MuggleCast.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: When I was in high school.
Kim: Yeah, right.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I didn't know what podcasts were. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: I only knew because I was so deep in the fandom and everybody was, like, listen to this podcast, and this podcast. And, like, there's a bunch back then that I didn't… that are no longer around.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: And it's AMAZING that MuggleCast is still around, and weekly. And it's incredible.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Honestly, I'm so impressed.
Kim: It's always fun to come back to the fandom and be like, oh, everything's still the same? This is amazing!
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah. [Eric laughs]
Kim: I’ve had that experience a few times recently.
Eric: I wanted to get your guys’ recent thoughts on some JK Rowling stuff, though. Did you guys cover any of the recent developments on your podcast at all?
Sequoia: We did, sort of.
Kim: To the best of our abilities.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah.
Sequoia: You know, we didn't feel like we were a hundred percent like… qualified? Or…
Kim: Smart… enough?
Sequoia: Smart enough… to talk about…
Eric: Ohhh!
Sequoia: I mean, we… we definitely, like, made kind of a statement where we were like, this is not a thing that we agree with. This is bad.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And there's a lot of really great, like, trans fanfic and fanfic authors out there, so we've been trying to push that pretty hard for the last couple of months.
Eric: Good… good… good… good for you guys. Honestly. And yeah, I mean, we… we released a small statement. And actually, had a guest… guest host on who identifies trans, who was just like…
Kim: Yeah. I listened to that episode.
Eric: We were just asking, and I learned… I learned so much from that. You know, it was… it was forty five minutes. I understood… when she sent out the tweet, I did a little research and I was like, holy crap, this is bad.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: But until you… until you speak with somebody who's living it, until you speak with the person and the people most affected by those kinds of actions, you can tend to, like, gloss over it.
Sequoia: Right.
Eric: But I see the fandom as being at a very difficult impasse. So much in this world is like a difficult…
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: ...threshold right now, it feels.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: But I mean, with Britain leaving the European Union. Like, what the frick is going on? [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Sequoia: It’s the darkest timeline.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: You know, and the stuff in America. But yeah, so I just… the reason I bring it up too is… well, you told me this was kind of an R rated podcast. [Sequoia and Kim laugh] So I'm getting into topics that will make me want to swear. But also, you know, while I do feel that for the large majority of the Harry Potter fandom not a lot has changed and it feels like going home, there's almost been a greater call to action or a greater call to embrace the art for the art and kind of cast off its author.
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah.
Eric: I think. It's become necessary, if you want to hold these stories close to your heart, to kind of understand that its author is not infallible, and that the messages you may find within the books can still be valuable, even if the author's a big ol’ transphobe.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: Yeah. I think… I think the last, like, few years, it's really seemed like the fandom has been having like a real turning… like, growing up point, almost.
Eric & Sequoia: Yeah.
Sequoia: I mean, we are literally grown ups, now.
Kim: What? What do you mean? [laughs]
Sequoia: I mean, not me, personally. But there are grown ups out there.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And yeah, I feel like there was… there was a lot of stuff with like, [sighs] the Native American stuff.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Kim: There's been a lot of difficult stuff in the last… yeah.
Sequoia: Over the last couple of years. Like the… like, new stuff coming out, and, you know, JK being all over Twitter all the time has sort of like, created…
Kim: We’ve all had to take a cold hard look at where we are.
Sequoia: Uh huh.
Kim: It's been a little unpleasant.
Sequoia: Yeah. But I think the… the fandom is wonderful. It's a wonderful place.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: It's so, like, loving and supportive. And, you know, we couldn't ask to be creating in a more supportive space.
Kim: Yeah, I think that’s definitely true.
Eric: Yeah, that’s for sure. The fandom has really just always been comprised of its people.
Sequoia & Kim: Mhm.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Seems like a really dumb statement, but… [everyone laughs] I’m like, that on paper wouldn’t read well, but I’m like yeah... you know it’s… I feel it. I feel it.
Kim: Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Your… your episode. I listened to that one. And it was… it was really good. I thought that was a great conversation.
Eric: Thanks.
Sequoia: Yeah. We'll link it in the description, too.
Eric: Yeah. Rori, Rori’s really, really smart.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: So, it's great having her on.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Well, let's get to a couple of our guest questions. We have the same guest questions that we…
Kim: We’ve had this, like, really serious discussion.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: That we normally don’t do. Let’s get into some shitposting now, I guess. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: We'll start out, easiest question. What's your Hogwarts house?
Eric: I… [pause] [laughs]
Sequoia: Maybe it’s not the easiest question! [laughs]
Eric: It’s not the easiest question…
Kim: You say… you say that to all our guests and they’re all like aahhh...?
Eric: ...and I should’ve been prepared to answer it. No, I'm… I'm gonna say… so when we last saw each other at Leaky, Boston, I was really doubling down on Gryffindor.
Sequoia & Kim: Uh huh.
Eric: I had initially felt like a Gryffindor. And not for the reason that, like, you know, everybody's a Gryffindor when they’re a kid ‘cause, like, Harry’s a Gryffindor.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: Unless you’re like a real…
Eric: You have to really stand out if you want to, like, as a kid, sort yourself into, like, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, right? Because it's usually… the books are so heavy on Gryffindor or Slytherin. But then when Pottermore first came out, I got sorted into Hufflepuff. I gotta say, I was feeling more like a Gryffindor again a couple months ago, but now I feel like it might still be Hufflepuff. So, I… I don't know. I honestly… it's between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Yeah, that's a perfectly acceptable answer.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: It’s funny how much like, everyone we talk to struggles with that, I think.
Sequoia: Yeah, I say it's the easiest question every single time.
Kim: You do. And everyone's like, well, I'm really…
Sequoia: [laughs] I… it’s just because…
Kim: It's causing me a lot of introspection right now. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah. It’s just ‘cause I’m the most…
Eric: [laughs] I’m so glad I’m not the only person to stumble on that.
Sequoia: Oh, no. It’s everyone.
Kim: I’ve flip flopped a few times on our podcast. It’s fine.
Sequoia: I'm the most Slytherin to ever Slytherin so I just can't.
Kim: Yeah, I know. I know.
Sequoia: I can’t relate. Okay! So what’s your one true pairing? In Harry Potter.
Eric: This is going to be the most vanilla ass answer you can possibly get [Kim and Sequoia laugh]. But I think you guys know the answer.
Kim: We do.
Sequoia: It’s Hinny!
Eric: Harry Potter and Virginia Weasley. [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Sequoia: Virginia!
Kim: So… so… so by calling her Virginia, you’re saying that you really like fanfiction’s portrayal of her in, like, 2002? [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: [sighs] Okay, maybe I just call her Ginny. I don't know. I can't claim to have been up with the 2002… what do you mean? Did they used to just like, adultize her, by calling her…?
Kim: Well, we just… we didn't… we didn't know her name for so long, everybody just kind of guessed…
Sequoia & Kim: ...it was Virginia.
Eric: Virginia.
Kim: For whatever reason.
Eric: It is not?!
Kim: Uh oh.
Sequoia: No!
Eric: Wow.
Sequoia: Eric?
Kim: Eric?
Sequoia: Eric?
Eric: Yeah, what?
Sequoia: It’s Ginevra.
Eric: Ginevra Weasley!
Kim: Oh, no! We thought you were making a… oh!
Sequoia: [laughing] We thought you were making a fanfic deep cut! [everyone laughs]
Kim: This is what we get for always assuming everything’s a call back.
Eric: That’s right, it is Ginevra! No, I had a momentary lapse of sanity. I apologize.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: No, you don’t.
Eric: It’s the morning tea. I don't usually do caffeine this early. [Kim and Sequoia continue to laugh] But… but yeah, Ginevra Weasley. Ginny and Harry, OTP for sure.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: I feel like everybo… most people's OTPs are Harry and Ginny or Ron and Hermione.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So that's definitely not a vanilla answer to get. That's the most…
Eric: I’m… yeah.
Kim: I mean, it’s a great pairing and I love it so much.
Sequoia: They’re so good.
Kim: They are so good together and they go together in such great ways and your fanfiction is so beautiful, Eric.
Eric: As we as we spoke about that, I really felt the need, because we were doing chapter by chapter over on MuggleCast for book six. And Laura brought up the question, like, what's so special about Ginny? She didn't think Ginny wa… like, she wasn't sold on the relationship. And to be fair, I was reminded that JK Rowling herself skips, like, three crucial weeks.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: When they first start dating in the book. So the books themselves didn't quite have… like, I felt it in my… in my mind, in my brain, in my heart that this was the right…
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: ...pairing. But it's not, in text, justified.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: It's… it’s supertextual. So I had to feel, you know, that's part of why I'm writing the fanfic, is to kind of flesh out why I think that they're perfect for one another. I plan to prove it. In this essay, I will… [Kim and Sequoia laugh] But it… yeah, it's just one of those things.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Yeah, I felt it was right.
Kim: That's where fanfiction’s great, though.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Fill in those things that you're positive about canon.
Eric: You know.
Kim: That maybe aren't there.
Eric: And on that front, now I am convinced that I want to read some good Cho/Harry stuff.
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: Ohhh.
Eric: Because we are going through Order of the Phoenix, as I said, but the relationship with Harry and Cho. I don't know that it ever had a shot. Really.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: It didn’t.
Eric: I think they were probably in different places at different…
Kim: Yes!
Eric: Like, we aren't… we haven't reached the dumpster fire of the tea shop chapter.
Sequoia: Oh, god! [Kim laughs]
Eric: But, like, I really can't wait. I'm giddy with anticipation to figure out exactly what Jo was going for. Because they… at seventeen, or fifteen, when the book came out, I didn't understand really at all the plotting or writing element of it. But I remember it being a dumpster fire and so I want to kind of see if anybody, like, can write, like, a convincing… because I like Cho a lot!
Kim: Yeah. Cho’s great.
Sequoia: No, Cho’s really cool.
Kim: They're just like both so traumatized at the same time…
Sequoia: yeah
Kim: ...that they can’t talk about it. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah, they were… they were doomed.
Kim: Yeah, I don’t know.
Eric: But we’re at the point of the book where she's, like, really, really cute and like hitting him up and, like, complimenting him and, like, she… oh! We just read in the Hog’s Head she stays a little second later.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Like her friend is like, [through gritted teeth] come on Cho, let’s go! But she's, like, making a thing of getting, like, her purse or whatever.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: To, like, leave the Hog’s Head and she, like, looks back and even Hermione comments and it's like she kept trying to look at you. [Sequoia and Kim laugh] Like this is adorable!
Kim: Oh, yeah. So cute.
Eric: So, I’m… I'm a hundred percent in. Like, Harry and Ginny OTP, but I'm a hundred percent in on exploring Cho/Harry and I really, really want to do that at some point in the next couple months.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Nice.
Kim: Oh, poor Cho.
Sequoia: All right, so speaking of, like, you wanting to delve into these Harry/Cho fanfics and stuff, like, what is your… what's your history with fanfic? Is it a recent history? Or did you use to read more? Or…?
Eric: Here's the question. I… or not the question. Here's the thing. I was always hesitant about fanfiction for two reasons. I think one reason was more legit than the other. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] The… the… the reason I told everybody, and it was valid, because I have a problem with this. I didn't want to get what I was reading in fanfiction confused with the actual canon.
Kim: We are very confused at this point. Sequoia and I have gotten so confused. [Sequoia and Eric laugh]
Sequoia: So… I do not know.
Eric: The books were not out yet. Like, all of them.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: So I was like, what if I get to book seven and I'm like, but where is the psychic serpent?
Kim: Yeah. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Where… where… you know, where the hell is Harry's pet snake in… in chapter one of Deathly… like, I get to chapter ten of Deathly Hallows and I'm like, okay, Hedwig died. You know she had it coming, but where the hell’s the snake? [Sequoia and Kim laugh loudly]
Kim: Why isn’t Harry setting everyone on fire?
Eric: Like, something weird, so…
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, I envisioned a scenario in which even… even if I had found… and this goes along with part two, I could never find anybody who like recreated the voice for me of JK Rowling. Right?
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: That's not to say it's not out there. I believe that there are good writers out there that could capture it. But I never looked real far. Because I was also… I was just… yeah. I was really, really worried about… if there was one kernel that I flippin’ loved from fanfic, it would have made me angry or confused that it wasn't in the book. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: And so that's my… that's my whole excuse for not getting into fanfic during the book series.
Kim: Sure.
Eric: And then my argument for not getting into fanfic after the series is I don't have one. I just didn't. So… [laughs]
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah.
Eric: Rarely. Rarely. I… I read a couple of… I read a couple of fics here and there. You guys know about Debt of Time?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: That’s a big one
Sequoia: That's a big one.
Eric: It’s like the massive one.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: A ton of people are into by ShayaLonnie. It's like, four… its thousands of pages long.
Sequoia: It’s long.
Kim: Very long.
Eric: I read the first quarter of it, I wanna say, and it's… it's real good. So, I've read… I've read some over the years. I mentioned Psychic Serpent. I think I read some of that. Who hasn't read My Immortal?
Kim: Great.
Eric: [laughing] You know?
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah, classic, honestly.
Kim: Sacred text.
Eric: But… but yeah, it's mostly pretty light. Like, the last thing… the last fanfic I went through was for the Potterotica Podcast, or formerly Potterotica. Fangasm. It was a Draco/Harry… Draco/Harry Halloween episode.
Sequoia: Oooh nice.
Eric: Where… where Draco, I think, dresses… Harry dresses as a mummy? I wanna say?
Kim: A sexy mummy?
Eric: A sexy mummy? [Kim laughs] It just seemed to be a bandaged… like I don't even think he used magic to, like, secure the bandages. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] I think it was just like toilet paper, or whatever. [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh, nice.
Kim: Oh, that's silly. Nice.
Eric: Yeah.
Sequoia: Excellent. Well, we're… we're happy to share more fanfiction with you today.
Kim: What do you have?
Sequoia: Don’t. Stop looking at me.
Eric: I can't wait. This is what… I mean, I can't. I feel so blessed, you guys. This is gonna be great. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: Our final question. We are…
Kim: Oh, right
Sequoia: We are…
Kim: Idiots.
Sequoia: ...obsessed with fanfic Draco.
Kim: Oh. [laughs]
Sequoia: I mean, yeah, that's the same thing as… we just both said the same thing.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: We're obsessed with fanfic Draco because he's just all over the map. Who is Draco today? And so we always like to ask our guests, what is your Draco true pairing?
Eric: I… I agree with you. Like, everything that I've read about Draco, he's just everywhere. Like, it's almost as though book Draco walked so that fanfic Draco could run. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Yes, I would agree. That’s a great characterization.
Eric: Or fly.
Kim: He does fly. Yeah, he definitely flies.
Eric: You know? Like, the turmoil… he's really evolved from, you know, as recently as the very end of book six, Draco's like totally shown up by Dumbledore and totally in such… like, the… like, the most weakened mental and emotional state you could hope for with his family and everything that's going on. But, like, he bursts through Deathly Hallows into… into the future of fanfiction, the most well adjusted, like, super smart, like, emotionally intelligent, like, he might still have like his kinks here and there but, like, by all accounts, Draco is so much more mature than Harry in… in like a lot of the fanfic that I've read. So good for him. But pairing wise. I have a weird… I didn't really… I guess I didn't realize I felt this way until book six. But you know Pansy Parkinson was like really, really into Draco?
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah, yeah.
Eric: And, like, letting his head on her lap and stuff.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: [muttering] I kind of always wish that they got together.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: That’s good. That’s good.
Kim: That’s good. That’s a good one. Yeah. Pansy. Pansy’s funny.
Eric: I think I probably… I probably… yeah, I probably should be saying that, like, I advocate for people not to marry people that they met in school. Like, elementary school and… or middle school and high school. I think that's a toxic thing that pro… like, none of those… really not a lot of those relationships would work out because you haven't seen the world. But in Harry Potter's universe I'll let it slide because pretty much everybody does that. I mean, Draco might be better suited for some, I don't know, Egyptian witch in the midd… that he meets on… in the outback of Australia…
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Nice.
Eric: While he's working at a Starbucks, you know, something like that.
Kim: [sputters] Amazing.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah. I’m into that.
Eric: But… but who will ever know? I think because Pansy was really into him, and everybody deserves love, I would love to read some fanfic about those two.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Oh, for sure. Excellent.
Kim: I love… I love all Pansy. Pansy fanfic is a special brand of hilarious.
Sequoia: It's also all over the place.
Kim: Yeah. That’s true.
Sequoia: So really, they deserve each other.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: All right, excellent. it's causing me a lot of introspection right now. [everyone laughs]
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: Well, we'll start off. So we do predictions on this podcast.
Eric: Oooh.
Sequoia: So, I'm going to give you the title of the fanfic, the genre, and then what book it was released after. So we only do fanfic that was released before book seven.
Eric: Oh my god.
Sequoia: So yeah, we're trying to capture a time. [everyone laughs] And so then you will make three predictions about what you think is going to happen in the fanfiction. Okay.
Kim: You said this one was sent in by a listener?
Sequoia: Yes, this is a listener submission! Pew! Pew! Pewww! Pew! Pew-pew-pew!
Kim: They send you weird stuff, dude.
Sequoia: They… oh, man. They’re either trying to get me to freak you out with something fucking weird.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Or, like… [laughs] or they're sending, me, like, normal shit.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: But a lot of trying to freak you out.
Kim: Shit. [laughs]
Sequoia: That's not… that's… I mean, we’ll see.
Kim: They have a goal now?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: They've learned that I can be disturbed?
Sequoia: [laughs] All right.
Kim: Rude.
Eric: Did we ever figure out… did Archive of Our Own win the Hugo Award?
Sequoia: It did. It did.
Kim: It did. [laughs]
Eric: [sighs] I'm so happy about that. Honest. Why is there laughter? That was amazing!
Sequoia: No, we are… we’re about it.
Kim: No, it’s ‘cause we’re Hugo award winning…
Sequoia: Yeah, exactly.
Kim: We read…
Sequoia & Kim: ...Hugo award winning material.
Sequoia: And it’s… it’s wonderful.
Kim: It’s great.
Eric: Oh, now I understand that that’s the funniest joke ever. [everyone laughs]
Sequoia: Every… everyone.
Eric: It's… I was gonna talk about how it's a mark of legitimacy for writers who… to get, like, you know, noticed, and appreciated for their work and then you're like, yeah, we read Hugo award winning garbage.
Sequoia: Exactly! [Kim and Sequoia laugh loudly]
Eric: This is drivel!
Sequoia: We're about it!
Kim: [singing] It’s beautiful and weird!
Sequoia: All right. Can I get some predictions for… for a fanfiction titled [rolling the R] Le Purrrrrrr? [dissolves into laughter]
Kim: What?!
Eric: Le what? Sorry?
Sequoia: [slowly] It’s Le Purrrrrrr. [laughter]
Eric: Okay, right off the bat, this is a…
Kim: What the fuck, man? [Sequoia laughs loudly]
Eric: This is a love story between Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris.
Sequoia: Uh huh, uh huh. [Kim laughs]
Eric: Ah, there will be… oh! Oh! Okay. I told… I said… I told myself I wouldn't have these predictions go hand in hand, so I'm going to try something different. This… this fanfiction involves furry-ing?
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: What does that mean?
Eric: So, maybe partial… maybe partial… maybe partial transformation…
Kim: Oh, Okay, cool.
Sequoia: Okay.
Eric: ...into an animal, or… or… or is set… my third prediction… or is set during the period of time when Hermione was twelve and accidentally turned into a cat.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Great. Those are great.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: Okay, give me the other clues. I'm not ready. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: That was, like, very good.
Kim: Wow.
Sequoia: It's post Half Blood Prince and it is humor/romance.
Kim: Okay, that's nothing.
Sequoia: Sorry. [everyone laughs] Sorry, that was not helpful.
Kim: Actually, post Half Blood Prince might be… not helpful. If this is another fuckin’ RAB fic, I will cry.
Sequoia: This is a listener submission.
Kim: Shit. Okay. This is Crookshanks/McGonagall. [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Eric: Oh, snap! You went there. I was too afraid! [Sequoia and Kim laugh louder]
Kim: Oh, I'm not afraid of the horrible. I am afraid, actually. I’m very afraid.
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don’t forget.
Kim: The one Sequoia traumatized me on this podcast was Crookshanks focused.
Sequoia: It was.
Eric: Wow.
Kim: Good god.
Sequoia: I didn't even think it was that traumatizing.
Kim: It was just… why was Hermione so into it? [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: [croaking] Oh, my god!
Sequoia: Here's the thing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Context!
Kim: Crookshanks turned out to be RAB and then Hermione was into it.
Sequoia: Yeah. And he was in love with Hermione and somehow he… when he went into his animagus form and then he came out of it, he just like stayed nineteen years old. [everyone laughs] It was very good. You’re stalling!
Kim: What? Who’s stalling?
Sequoia: you’re stalling!
Kim: Shit.
Sequoia: You’ve got two more predictions.
Kim: Fuck. I can’t come up with anything. I hate this. [Sequoia laughs]. Le Purrrrrrr. Le Purrrrrrr is a restaurant!
Sequoia: Okay. Nice!
Eric: Nice!
Kim: [laughs] And someone reveals a power that… we didn't know they had before.
Eric: Ohhh.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Is that specific enough?
Sequoia: I think that's fine.
Kim: Yeah?
Eric: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Like a new power.
Sequoia: Yeah. A new power. Sure.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Okay. Excellent. All right. This story is called Le Purrrrrrr.
Kim: Horrible. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: I’ll just say I'm so jealous that you can roll your… your tongue. [Kim laughs]
Sequoia: I think I… I think I would… I think I would be kicked out of the Hispanic Person Club if I was not able to do that. [laughs]
Eric: Man!
Kim: Your mom would’ve like… like, hate you.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Eric: That’s a tight… tough club!
Sequoia: Yeah. whooo!
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: All right, excellent. [pause] This… I just want to say very quickly that the… the author has dedicated this story…
Kim: No.
Sequoia: ...to their very nifty jacket.
Kim: What?
Eric: What the f…?
Sequoia: Yeah, well. [laughs]
Kim: Amazing! Okay. What? No. Does that have anything to do with the story?
Sequoia: It kinda does.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: I mean, we’ll get into it.
Kim: Does a character get a very nifty jacket? [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Oh, my god.
Kim: Is it a… not really a jacket?
Sequoia: And they s… well…
Kim: Is it a leather vest?
Eric: Okay, but which character do we most ship with a nifty jacket? [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Uhhhhh.
Sequoia: Dumbledore.
Kim: Marietta Edgecombe.
Sequoia: Wow.
Eric: Luna Lovegood would have a nifty jacket.
Sequoia & Kim: She would.
Sequoia: So would Xenophilius, honestly.
Kim: Yeah!
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: Xenophilius Lovegood slash a nifty jacket?
Eric: Okay yeah! Xenophilius, in the seventies, on a motorbike.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Yes!
Eric: Ah… yeah.
Kim: Excellent. Incredible.
Eric: Yeah.
Sequoia: Excellent. Good. I’m glad…
Kim: He’s, like, it's not actually a jacket. It's just like a bunch of buttons that looks like a jacket. [Sequoia and Eric laugh]
Eric: It's buttons threaded together like chain mail.
Kim: Yes!
Eric: Like…
Sequoia: Yes. [everyone laughs] That's my new Xenophilius Lovegood cosplay.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Whoo! All right, excellent. Let's get into this. [pause] Harry really liked his new coat.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: See? We’re there.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: It’s a… it’s a…
Kim: We’re there. Already.
Sequoia: He doesn't call it a v nifty jacket. Jacket. But it's… it's a new coat.
Kim: Okay.
Eric: I didn't expect that to pay off so easily so quickly.
Kim: Yeah. It’s kind of a letdown. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: It's almost like the author was like, I don't know how to dedicate this, but I want to do a dedication. I should go back through my work… okay, line one, he really liked it. Okay, great. I’m gonna… here we go. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Gotta dedicate it.
Kim: Anything that the author puts at the beginning of the fic is always beautiful.
Sequoia: Gold.
Kim: Whatever quote they have… song lyrics...
Sequoia: Song lyrics!
Kim: Shout out to their BFF who they wrote this story for.
Sequoia: [laughing] yeah.
Kim: Love ‘em all.
Sequoia: It was black and fuzzy and had odd little drawstring like things at the sides so he could tighten it up.
Eric: Is he talking about a hoodie? [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Is it… is it fuzzy like furry? ‘Cause that sounds nuts, and I love it!
Eric: Is this just… is this just, has Harry never…? You know, the Dursleys never took him shopping…
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: ...to any of the outlet malls, so he just doesn’t know what a hoodie is.
Sequoia: Harry’s never seen a coat before. [everyone laughs] Harry’s never seen a hoodie.
Kim: Oh, no!
Eric: [laughs] This is a… this is one man's journey of discovery of a hoodie.
Kim: I can put the hood on, and it keeps my ears warm! I got this neat pouch in the front.
Eric: Game changer!
Sequoia: [laughs, then sighs] Oh, man. We're both wearing hoodies right now.
Kim: We are.
Eric: I am too! [Kim and Sequoia cheer, then laugh] Oh my god!
Sequoia: Oh, my god! We didn't even plan it! [everyone laughs] Okay. [pause] Of course, when it was tightened, it would bunch in strange ways, making… sorry?
Kim: What is this coat?
Sequoia: I don't know. Honestly, I've read this fic. Don't know what the coat looks like.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: I still can't conjure up… I get… I mean…
Kim: It bunches up in strange ways?
Sequoia: I'm trying to imagine a hoodie, but one that you can also just like tighten…
Kim: At random? Like some random places?
Sequoia: In the middle of, or the side, or it’s just got a lot of little drawstrings all over it.
Eric: You know how Hagrid’s coat has all those pockets?
Kim: Uh huh. Yes.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Eric: It would be like that, but on Harry, and with drawstrings.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh, this is getting great. I hope this is not the coat that the author owns.
Kim: I mean, usually… usually when we get descriptions of clothing like this, it's either something the author owns, or something…
Sequoia: They want to.
Kim: ...they saw at the mall and wanted.
Eric: Oh man! I would love to have that be like a retail recovery, of like… going to a mall, wanting something so flipping bad that I went home and wrote a fanfic.
Kim: Wrote a fanfic.
Sequoia: Where Hermione wears that outfit.
Eric: Where Harry Potter characters are wearing that thing.
Sequoia: Yes. Yes!
Kim: It happens. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: I did it, as a teen.
Kim: You did that?
Sequoia: Oh, of course, I did!
Eric: Oh, my god! I love that!
Kim: [sighs] We haven't had any of your fics that have outfit descriptions in them.
Sequoia: I know. We’ll get there.
Kim: No, we won’t. Don’t lie, you… you’ve stopped doing that. [Eric laughs]
Sequoia: [laughs] I know. It’s hard!
Kim: It makes you too sad.
Sequoia: [laughs] I was a terrible writer. Okay. So he had… it was tied and had a bunch of whatevers on it. It would bunch in strange ways. It was quite handy, since when it was zipped up almost to the top, he could have his wand in the inside pocket and be able to get to it easily.
Eric: It doesn’t make any sense.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: That does not make any sense.
Sequoia: What does the coat look like?! [laughs]
Eric: If you’ve ever zipped up a jacket, you know that an inside pocket is the least accessible part of the jacket while it’s zipped up.
Sequoia: Especially zipped up almost to the top.
Kim: Unless he’s got it, like, bunched up some way that he can get his arm out of the sleeve and into the inside pocket real easy? Is that a thing? [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: This is worse than the don’t carry your… wait, this was written after Half Blood Prince?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: After… after Moody was, like, be careful where you carry your wand?
Sequoia & Eric: Yeah! [Kim laughs]
Eric: Yeah! This was… this was worse than… worse than losing your buttock, it’s losing your freakin’ lung. [Kim laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah, your wand is pointed directly at your heart. [everyone laughs]
Eric: Yeah.
Kim: Why don’t wands have safeties?
Eric: But, you know, I wouldn’t put it past Harry. So so far, I consider this fic canon compliant. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: All right. Nice.
Sequoia: Yeah, excellent. One day, Harry’s coat was growling softly. [everyone laughs]
Eric: [laughs] Oh, my freakin’ god! If he still puts this on, even though it clearly just wants to eat him, [Kim and Sequoia continue laughing] I still consider that to be canon compliant.
Kim: What is this, Sequoia?!
Sequoia: [laughing] I don’t know, a listener sent it to me!
Kim: Growling!
Sequoia: It’s growling.
Kim: Softly.
Sequoia: Yeah, softly. [continues to laugh, then sighs]. One day, Harry’s coat was growling softly. He was, apparently, the only one not alarmed by this.
Kim: Yeah?
Eric: Yeah. That checks out.
Sequoia: [laughs] He’s like, oh ,what a cool nifty feature.
Kim: [strainedly] It…growls.
Sequoia: It growls.
Kim: Is the coat gonna eat him? [Sequoia laughs] Is he gonna use the growling coat to defeat Voldemort? Oh, I’m very hopeful. [Sequoia and Eric laugh loudly]
Sequoia: Oh, man. What if the growling coat IS Voldemort? [everyone laughs]
Eric: Hmmm.
Kim: [singing] These are all great options.
Sequoia: The plot thickens. Oh. In fact, he would occasionally stop whatever his hands were doing and stroke the odd thing.
Kim: Okay. [laughs]
Sequoia: It would then let out a gentle purr in response and he would smile like a lovestruck prat before getting back to work.
[pause]
Kim: There’s a lot to unpack here. [Sequoia and Eric laugh] Harry’s wearing this bizarre, lumpy coat that he pets.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Nice coat. Aww, fuzzy coat. Aww, who’s a good coat? [Sequoia laughs] [faint tapping noise in the background]
Sequoia: Stop doing that! [everyone laughs] Ah, this visual bit. Eric can’t even see the visual bit!
Eric: Oh, my god.
Kim: Audience of one. Like they all are.
Sequoia: Oh, man. I hate it. Yeah, I mean, he pets it.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: And then he smiles like a lovestruck prat.
Kim: Yup. Can we… just… please continue. I don’t think I can unpack all of this.
Sequoia: He’s in love with his coat? [laughs] No? Okay. No one really understood what it was about that caused the coat to growl.
Kim: It’s like an animal. Yes?
Eric: Yeah, it’s clearly been like half transfigured.
Kim: Yeah. It’s like a dog that was transfigured into a coat. That’s horrible.
Sequoia: Oh, WOW!
Kim: I hate it. Whoops. [chuckles]
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh, wow. It was a bit frightening…
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: ...and caused Hermione to ask him if it was slowly eating his innards.
Kim: Why? It would have to eat his outtards first, Hermione. [Eric and Sequioa laugh]
Eric: I don’t know. These magical artifacts, man. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: [sighs] What?! Harry, is your coat eating your lung? Harry! Aren’t you worried? What about your kidneys, Harry?! [Sequoia and Eric laugh] Why would that be where your brain goes? I just… continue. I’m so confused.
Sequoia: She thought it was a weight losing coat.
[long pause]
Eric: [quietly] That checks out. [Sequoia and Kim burst with laughter] ‘Cause Harry, who’s consistently described as rail thin…
Kim: Uh huh.
Eric: ...could… could really do with… with losing weight. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah, he’s…
Kim: A weight losing coat?
Sequoia: ...really [laughs]
Kim: A weight losing coat.
Sequoia: The kind that is sold in disreputable places and at prices one could buy a mid-priced vehicle for.
Eric: What kind of vehicle, Hermione? Go… go a little more into specifics. [Sequoia and Kim laugh] Like, are we talking about a Tesla?
Sequoia: Right.
Eric: Are we talking about a Comet 260?
Kim: Uh huh. I think…
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: …a flying carpet.
Sequoia: Flying carpet.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Seems to check out. I mean… it seems like, yeah, she thinks he bought this coat, like kind of in a shady portion of Knockturn Alley.
Kim: He was, like, that coat looks fly as fuck!
Sequoia: [laughs] And he didn’t know…
Kim: That it’s eating his innards.
Sequoia: That it’s eating his innards. It’s a weight losing coat.
Kim: I mean, that’s a interesting use of magic. I like that. I mean, I don’t like it [Sequoia laughs], but it’s… it’s an interesting concept. I love it when… when fanfic authors come up with, like, weird stuff like this. Like a black market horrible thing.
Sequoia: Yeah! ‘Cause that is terrifying.
Kim: That you could do with magic. That’s… yeah. You put on this coat and it slowly…
Sequoia & Kim: ...eats you.
Kim: Horrible! I love it.
Eric: Yeah.
Kim: Gross.
Eric: Yeah, I like that. I like that. I think it’s creative, too. I agree.
Kim: Yeah. Some gross, body horror kind of shit. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: [spooky voice] Thinner! [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Sequoia: Incredible! Harry had laughed and rubbed the bulge which was settling at his right hip for a moment.
Eric: What the fuck?
Kim: W… w… what?!
Sequoia: So there appears to be just sort of like a… like a travelling…
Kim: Animal?!
Sequoia: ...bulge inside his coat.
Eric: The coat impregnated Harry. [Sequoia laughs loudly]
Kim: Oh, god!
Sequoia: It wasn’t taking OUT his insides!
Kim: Aaaahh!!
Sequoia: It was depositing.
Kim: [screaming] Aaaahh!! [Sequoia and Kim laugh] That’s horrible! I hate it! I love it! [everyone laughs] Oh, man! Aghhh! [uncomfortable noises]
Sequoia: The bulge is currently settled at his right hip.
Kim: No. [quietly] Jesus Christ
Sequoia: So Harry had laughed and there was a bulge at the right hip. And then he said, He was already too skinny, wasn’t he?
Kim: Uh huh?
Eric: Mhm, yeah.
Sequoia: Hermione had to agree.
Kim: Uh huh?! [laughs]
Sequoia: “Well, then. What is it?”
Kim: Okay, no. Harry being skinny doesn’t… doesn’t… preclude it being a weight losing coat that’s eating him.
Sequoia: No, he can just not know. He can be oblivious, as he is. To what’s happening.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: You guys, it’s a really cool coat. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Ahhh yeah. All right.
Sequoia: Yeah. It has so many drawstrings.
Kim: It doesn’t matter if it’s slowly killing me. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: [sighs heavily] He’s gonna look fashionable until the very bitter end. [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Sequoia: “Well, then, what is it?” she demanded. Harry smiled that lovestruck smile again.
Kim: Oh god.
Sequoia: “If I tell you, you have to swear you won’t tell anyone.”
Kim: Wait. Harry knows what it is? Okay.
Eric: What?
Kim: Okay. Fine.
Eric: This might break canon, if Harry has a clue. [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: It’s been pretty canon compliant so far.
Sequoia: So far.
Eric: Yeah.
Sequoia: So far, so good. “If I tell you, you have to swear you won’t tell anyone. That includes Ron, all right?”
Kim: Okkay.
Sequoia: Hermione nodded, becoming a bit perturbed.
Kim: Uh huh.
Eric: Mmmhm.
Sequoia: Harry dragged her into his office.
Eric: What?
Kim: Oh, are they adults?
Sequoia: They’re adults. We found out. Right now.
Kim: Okay. They’re adults.
Eric: Okay.
Sequoia: Into his office. I assume they’re at the Ministry of Magic,
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And he was just wandering around. In his weird coat, stroking it, and everyone’s just like, yeah, this is fine.
Kim: I mean, there’s always a couple of people in your office that you’re like, yeah, they’re doing their thing. [Sequoia laughs] Good for them. Good for them.
Eric: He had a bulge in his pocket before they went in there. [Kim and Sequoia laugh quietly] If they come out and the bulge is gone, then… [Kim and Sequoia laugh loudly]
Kim: Don’t tell Ron!
Eric: Don’t tell Ron!
Kim: Ew.
Sequoia: Like I would ever. Harmony!
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: On this podcast. Or in my life! [Kim laughs] [Sequoia sighs] Harry dragged her into his office and stroked the bulge that was slipping towards his navel.
Kim: Oh, god!
Eric: [very quietly] Oh no.
Kim: Sequoia, that’s gross!
Sequoia: What?
Kim: Gross.
Sequoia: I didn’t find this. A listener sent it to me!
Kim: You are choosing to read this story about Harry stroking a hairy bulge to me and Eric! [Sequoia laughs loudly] What are you doing?
Sequoia: [laughs] Hm. The bulge started to purr again. [long pause] Anyone? Anyone got any thoughts?
Kim: Overwhelmed by dick jokes.
Eric: Was it… was it a le purrrrrr? [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Sequoia: I believe so. I believe it was. [Kim sighs deeply] You’re overwhelmed by dick jokes?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So you’re not gonna make one?
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Okay. That’s fine. That’s fine, too. Once the purring reached a certain point, Harry carefully unzipped the coat.
Kim: Sequoia.
Sequoia: What? I don’t wanna hear it! [laughs]
Eric: Wait. What if it’s just a kitten? [Kim laughs]
Sequoia: What IF it’s just a kitten?
Eric: What if it’s just a kitten he found in the alleyway and it’s cold in London, and so he took it… he takes it in and he just keeps it in his jacket.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: In his very cool coat?
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: And I’ve been thinking of nasty things…
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: ‘Cause I’m the nasty man?
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: He put his hand inside and pulled out a dark blue gray mass.
Kim: Uh huh.
Eric: Is it another jacket? [Sequoia laughs loudly]
Kim: It has a baby jacket! [laughs]
Sequoia: It’s Harry and the jacket’s baby. [Kim continues to laugh] As we discussed earlier.
Eric: Aww.
Kim: We made this. Look at our baby! You can wear it! [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Eric: Harry starts a fashion trend by giving out jackets that mate with their owners and make little jackets. [Kim and Sequoia laugh some more]
Sequoia: It’s on trend!
Eric: It’s on trend.
Sequoia: Ooh. It was… Hermione blinked in amazement at the dark colored cat that was tucked comfortably in Harry's arms. [small pause] It was a cat! You were right.
Kim: [sighs] Yeah. I’m the nasty man.
Sequoia: [laughs] You’re the nasty man. It was… it was a cat the whole time.
Eric: I don’t know about the whole time. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Let’s read on. Probably minutes ago it was still part of the jacket.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: [sighs] The whole time. Whoo! The cat was tucked comfortably in Harry’s arms.
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: It blinked startlingly silver eyes at her.
Kim: Okay, so he's found a blue cat with silver eyes.
Sequoia: It's a dark blue gray cat.
Kim: Hm.
Sequoia: With silver eyes.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And…
Kim: What person is this cat?
Sequoia: That disdainful glint in its eyes reminded her of… [Kim sighs] [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Is this cat Draco?!
Sequoia: I don’t know, is this cat Draco?
Kim: Is Harry carrying Draco around in his coat?
Eric: Is it… is it… is it Papa Smurf? What is going on? [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: Please continue.
Sequoia: The glint in its eyes reminded her of… “You're joking!” The cat yawned. [haughty drawl, used for Draco throughout] “I assure you, Granger...”
Kim: [laughs loudly] Hello Draco. [Sequoia laughs] It’s nice to have you in the studio today.
Sequoia: Draco’s here!
Kim: It’s always nice when you can make it.
Sequoia: [laughs] Draco made it to the pod today.
Eric: Aww.
Sequoia: “I assure you, Granger...”
Kim: So is he still a cat? That’s actually something I'm not clear about. Can people… people can't talk in their… in their animagus forums, right?
Eric: Right.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: Correct.
Kim: So he's just doing that anyway.
Eric: Yeah, it's like Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Yeah! Nice.
Sequoia: I want this to be… now I want this to be dedicated to… what's the cat's name in Sabrina?
Eric: Salem.
Kim: Salem.
Sequoia: Salem. Right.
Kim: Yeah. Eric just said that.
Sequoia: Salem. You did just say that. [laughs] I want this to be dedicated to Salem instead of the coat now. The cat was talking in a very familiar drawl.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Hermione stared at the medium sized feline. “Malfoy? What the hell happened to you?” Harry smiled foolishly at the cat in his arms and answered for him. “Well…”
Kim: It’s a weird sex thing we’re trying out. [Sequoia and Eric laugh]
Sequoia: You’re still trying!
Kim: What?
Sequoia: You're still trying to make it into something it's not. It's just a little cat.
Kim: It’s Harry… it’s Harry/Draco. [Sequoia laughs] I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s in the text.
Eric: I've always said Draco was such a pussy. [Sequoia and Kim laugh loudly]
Kim: Nice. Got ‘em.
Sequoia: Zing! Got ‘em! “Well, he was trying a new potion, and apparently… [everyone laughs] and apparently added too much catnip.” [Kim laughs]
Eric: Oh my god. [Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Oh. Silly. Silly, silly.
Eric: Don't you just hate it when you're trying to get a little bit of catnip, but you open the jar, and you have to stick the…
Kim: It’s just everywhere…
Eric: The knife in to get to the thing to come out…
Sequoia: Right.
Eric: ...and all of a sudden it all clumps, and the whole catnip thing goes in?
Sequoia: It’s like a landslide, yep.
Kim: Oh. And then you’re a cat.
Sequoia: And then you’re a cat! [laughs]
Kim: Because you drink it even though you fucked it up! [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Now I'm hearing Stevie Nicks. [Sequoia and Kim laugh]
Kim: Nice.
Eric: [singing] Landslide brought you down…
Sequoia: [gasps] Eric’s made the… he made the playlist!
Kim: Oh, yeah!
Sequoia: Eric, you made the playlist!
Kim: We keep a stupid playlist of every song we mention on the podcast for… reasons.
Eric: Oh, my… well, Landslide’s gotta be in!
Sequoia: It’s gotta go on.
Kim: Yeah, it does.
Sequoia: Made the playlist.
Kim: It does. Nice.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Eric: Nice. It’s a good guitar song.
Sequoia: I love that song,
Kim: It’s nice when we can get good songs on there instead of all the stupid things we reference. [everyone laughs]
Sequoia: Instead of me just singing High School Musical.
Kim: I think I did a B52 song in the livestream recently, which, oops.
Sequoia: Yeah, it’s fine.
Eric: Which one?
Kim: Um… which one did I do?
Sequoia: I don't remember.
Kim: Uh oh. [laughs]
Sequoia: I don’t remember. I’ll have to go back, because it's got to go in the playlist.
Kim: Sure.
Eric: Was it Rome? Was it 52 Girls? Was it Planet Claire? Was it Love Shack? Was it Rock Lobster?
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: I’m usually singing Rock Lobster, [Sequoia laughs] if I’m singing a B52 song.
Eric: Was it Private Idaho? Was it…?
Sequoia: That was WAY more B52 songs than I knew the titles of.
Eric: I got the Time Capsule Greatest Hits. I’m a big fan of theirs.
Kim: Nice!
Sequoia: That’s amazing! [laughs] Oh, this is not where I imagined this conversation going. Incredible. “And apparently added too much catnip, and not enough, wolfsbane, was it?” [Kim laughs] The cat-that-was-Malfoy… that's all hyphenated by the way.
Kim: Cat-that-was-Malfoy?
Sequoia: Cat-that-was-Malfoy.
Kim: Sure. Mhm.
Sequoia: Nodded. Looking more… looking more than a little peeved.
Kim: Cats just look like that, though. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Yeah. Cats are just always cross. It’s okay.
Kim: I don't know that Draco as a cat can be more disdainful than just a regular cat.
Eric: Yeah, only McGonagall pulls that off. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Yes. Yeah. I guess so. It’s very true.
Eric: It's the… it’s the body language, right? In chapter one of book one.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: It’s like, this cat was sitting straighter than any other cat. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: “The first time in ten years that I make a mistake in potions, and what happens? I'm turned into a bloody cat!”
Kim: [haughty drawl] I never make mistakes. I’m the best. [Sequoia laughs] Shut the fuck up, Draco.
Sequoia: Harry scratched the Malfoy cat behind the ears and crooned to him.
Kim: [lovingly] Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Sequoia: [sweetly] “But you make such a lovely cat, don’t you?”
Kim: Horrible.
Sequoia: [laughs] They’re in love.
Kim: Horrible.
Eric: Aww. [everyone laughs]
Sequoia: Hermione decided to go along with the madness for a bit.
Kim: I would just leave. [Sequoia and Eric laugh] Like, all right. I’m out. Do that. Whatever it is you’re doing, I’m out!
Sequoia: I don’t think I would’ve entered the office in the first place.
Kim: [laughs] I have something to show you, Hermione.
Eric: Oh, god.
Sequoia: [laughing] It’s this travelling… [laughter] whoo. Very good. “And what kind of cat are you?” “I am a Russian Blue, one of the most elegant aristocrats of the feline family.”
Kim: [laughs] Oh, my god. Is this the part where he introduces himself in song? [everyone laughs]
Sequoia: Is that an Aristocats reference?
Kim: No, it was a Cats reference.
Sequoia: Ooh, okay. Gotcha.
Kim: [singing haughtily] I am the Malfoy cat, and I’m here to say… [laughter] Jellicle cats… I don’t… I don’t know. I’ve got nothing.
Eric: I'm actually googling Russian Blue cat and… [Kim and Sequoia laugh] for images, and you know what? This kind of checks out.
Sequoia: Does it look like him?
Kim: They're cute cats. They're actually very pretty cats. I like all cats. All cats are pretty. [everyone laughs]
Eric: Yeah.
Sequoia: He has to be the prettiest cat.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: He wouldn't settle.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: For anything but the prettiest cat.
Kim: That actually… yeah, that is actually a pretty good pick for what kind of cat Draco would turn into, though, I think. Tweet at us if you have any other ideas.
Sequoia: [laughs] Tweet at us.
Kim: Tweet at us what kind of cats they would be. [Eric laughs]
Eric: No, it would be this one.
Sequoia: I like that the stuff you guys have been most on board with is that, like, he WOULD be this kind of cat.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And like, yeah, that that coat that eats you? Like, pretty… pretty cool idea. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with the underlying premise, I don’t think.
Kim: No, this is all fine.
Eric: Every other aspect possible is a little questionable. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: Hermione shook her head and left the office, saying over her shoulder, “If he comes back here again, make sure he's had his vaccinations and such.”
Kim: [laughing] What?
Eric: Okay, if you're vaccinated in the in the wizarding world, are you vaccinated in the cat world? I feel like you are, right?
Sequoia: Right. Like if you were… as a person, you had your vaccinations.
Kim: I mean I haven't been vaccinated against rabies, have you?
Sequoia: I…
Eric: I guess there are… there are certain diseases that you wouldn't be vaccinated against as a human because they only occur in animals.
Sequoia: Yeah. That is true.
Kim: Are there wizarding vaccines? Wait a second. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Probably not.
Sequoia: Oh, we’re… oh, this is…
Kim: Uh oh.
Sequoia: This is the rabbit hole today.
Kim: Here comes a thought. [Sequoia laughs] Because they have those really bad diseases.
Sequoia: They do have really bad diseases.
Eric: Oh, yeah.
Kim: Are there wizarding vaccines?
Sequoia: Yeah, they have the…
Kim: Dragonpox.
Sequoia: Dragonpox and sp… spagger…
Kim: Spattergroit?
Sequoia: Spagdroit.
Eric: Spa… that’s just acne.
Kim: Yeah, right? [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Lot of skin related issues.
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Hm. Great. What a good thought. [everyone laughs] “Also, you might want to consider keeping that lovestruck look off your face every time Malfoy raises a paw. Else, everyone will be able to figure it out.”
Eric: Okay. But as you said that, I see on my Google image results a picture of the underside of a Russian Blue cat's paws and they are the lightest palest pink. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Oh, the littlest, pinkest beans?
Eric: I’m gonna send in this in the chat here.
Kim: Oh, nice.
Eric: Of this Skype, I’m gonna put this picture… here, okay, paste.
Kim & Sequoia: Awww!
Kim: The beans! [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Okay, if this cat, whether it’s Malfoy or not, raised a paw, I, too would have a look of… what did Hermione say?
Sequoia: Lovestruck.
Eric: Lovestruck smirk?
Sequoia: Yeah!
Eric: Yeah, absolutely. Look at this kitty!
Sequoia: Look at the kitty!
Kim: Aw, it’s a nice kitty.
Sequoia: Okay, we’re gonna tweet the picture of this cat. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Eric: Yeah.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Refer to Twitter for the awwws! She could almost feel Harry's face burning from behind the closed door.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: She grinned to herself. The end.
Kim: Nice. Nice, nice. Yeah. [laughs] Harry is often, like, a lovestruck fool in Harry/Draco stories, right?
Sequoia: Yeah, he's always like mooning over Draco.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Like, Draco you’re sooo hot!
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Most of the time. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like how silly Harry is in Drarry stories.
Sequoia: Yeah, it's… it's a little…
Eric: It’s definitely refreshing.
Kim: It’s kind of endearing. Yeah. Yeah. It's so different than how he usually is.
Eric: Yeah.
Kim: When he's like, [cooing] look at the kitty. [Sequoia and Eric laugh] That was cute.
Sequoia: Eric got a point.
Kim: He did.
Sequoia: You got a point.
Kim: Nice work.
Eric: Which… for what?
Sequoia: For the transfiguration into a…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Into…
Kim: A furry transfiguration.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: Yeah, for a tra… yeah? Okay. There you go.
Kim and Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: You got it.
Sequoia: You got a point.
Kim: Nice work.
Eric: That was the one I was least expecting, but okay. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: It’s always the one you…
Eric: I put out… I put out two theories going hmmm I feel pretty confident about this. The third one was like, this will never happen. But guess which one happened?
Kim: I think that's our first guest point since we reset the points.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Nice work.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: Wow, nice.
Sequoia: You got a point, AND you got on the playlist.
Kim: Wow.
Sequoia: MVP, really.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, I'm so touched. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: All right, well, we will do one more segment with you here.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Now it's time for…
Sequoia & Kim: ...A QUICK FICSSSS!
Eric: Was that the end of the fic?
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah.
Eric: It just ended with Hermione smirking [Kim and Sequoia laugh loudly] that she discombobulated Harry sexually by making a comment?
Kim: Yeah. That’s it.
Sequoia: Yeah, that was it.
Kim: That's kind of how a lot of fics end. They just kind of like… MHEP! There's the joke! The end. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: But what about the jacket? Was it magical, or did it just have a cat inside it?
Kim: I think it was just a hoodie with…
Sequoia & Kim: ...a cat in it.
Kim: Wait, do hoodies…
Eric: So the hoodie does not itself have magical purposes? Or properties?
Kim: I think…
Sequoia: I don't… I don't think it does.
Kim: I think not. Yeah.
Sequoia: I think it was just…
Eric: It has the magical property to not suffocate Draco when he’s in it.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia & Kim: Yeah. Yeah. [everyone laughs]
Eric: [quietly] Okay. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] I mean, it seems like a cool jacket or, sorry, hoodie. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Yeah. whatever it was.
Sequoia: Still about the jacket/hoodie situation.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Okay. Okay, okay. So, what's this new segment? Quick Fic?
Kim: Yeah, so in quick fics we quickly summarize a story that isn't quite enough material for the podcast, but we enjoyed or thought was funny for whatever reason.
Eric: Oh, nice.
Kim: So the quick fic I have for us today is a story where [laughs] Ginny has this problem where all of her uniform elements are like… like, it starts out and her tie bleeds all of the colors off of it.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: And she can't get it to hold colors, and, like, all of her ties do this. And then her robes, like, the Gryffindor crest, pops off.
Sequoia: What?
Kim: And she's, like, she can't get the crests on her robes and stuff. And then the Fat Lady’s like, no you can't come into the common… or you don't belong here any more.
Sequoia: What?!
Kim: And then she tries to sit at the Gryffindor table and it, like, shoots her across the room. [Sequoia laughs] And eventually like Dumbledore and McGonagall notice and they’re like, what the… what the fuck is wrong with you? So they… they… Dumbledore’s like, well, I guess Gryffindor is rejecting you.
Sequoia: What?!
Kim: And so they put the Sorting Hat on her and the Sorting Hat’s like… meh!
Sequoia: What?!
Kim: And so, they… they have to make a house FOR Ginny because every house has rejected her. [Sequoia laughs]
Eric: Oh, my gosh! This is my adolescent nightmare put in front of me.
Kim: Right?
Eric: Like, if I go to Hogwarts and was told I wouldn't fit in anywhere.
Kim: Yeah, I think, like, every student has this nightmare and then… I don't know. Ginny… Ginny doesn’t fit in any house and has to sit by herself at lunch. [laughs]
Sequoia: Wow! Wow.
Eric: I love… I love the imagery of your house colors bleeding off.
Sequoia & Kim: Mhm.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: And like the idea that Ginny tries and can't fix it. ‘Cause, like, she's super skilled and super gifted.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: The idea that it is… it isn’t…
Kim: She covers it up by, like, charming one of Ron's ties to look kind of like a Gryffindor tie.
Eric: Yeah, you could do, like, a makeshift kind of bargain basement, you know. Kind of, you know…
Kim: And it’s very tragic.
Eric: But yeah. And I love the idea that there's some… something otherworldly magical going on that…
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: ...it's saying you no longer, like, something has changed. Something is markedly different.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Like I… I love that. Like, genuinely, I love that.
Kim: I think it's interesting that something like this, like, never really comes up ever. Because I think students could have like such a, like a stark realignment of their values or something that would like necessitate… but they never reassess your house.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: So weird.
Eric: Yeah, sorting is, like, one and done.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: Whereas Dumbledore even says, you know, I think we sort too soon, but, like, there's… he could fix that. He could accommodate for that.
Kim: He could. Definitely could fix that. Just sort them every year.
Eric: There’s really… and going through book five right now we're like… the Sorting Hat’s song at the beginning of the year was all about inter house unity.
Kim: Yeah.
Eric: But Hogwarts itself is not doing a damn thing to promote that.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: It’s… yeah. It’s crazy
Eric: In fact, the opposite. So yeah, it's kind of nuts.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: What was the name of that? What was the name of that fic and who wrote it? I want to read that.
Kim: Uh… I can… let’s see, it’s on AO3. I don’t have it open. Oh, I do have it open. It’s a pretty short one, it’s called Different by ivyblossom on AO3.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: We’ll drop a link in the… it’s actually pretty good.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I'll drop a link. We'll drop a link in the description of this episode, and I guess we can…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. All right, excellent. Well, we're gonna go ahead and let you go, Eric. But before you go, go ahead and tell us…
Kim: What's going on?
Sequoia: What… what's going on? Where can we find you?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: What podcasts are you on that we should be listening to? All that jazz.
Kim: Any social media we need to follow?
Eric: Okay, on social media you can find me on Twitter @Spielerman. S-P-I-E-L-E-R-M-A-N. It is my pride and joy to retweet other people smarter than me’s tweets on a… on a… on a multi times daily basis, but I have fun over there. Occasionally I tweet for myself but it's mostly a collection of, you know, friends who have like values and like minds being very funny.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: Nice.
Eric: So, it’s definitely, definitely a good source… should be a good source for entertainment, and sometimes just I retweet a lot of politics too, but who doesn't these days? But… but, yeah, podcast wise, find MuggleCast. We are having a lot of fun. And 2020, our fifteenth year, will be the best one yet. I can already tell.
Kim: Definitely.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Eric: And if you're looking for a podcast to start that is shorter, like twenty five minutes or so, under thirty usually, and funny as all hell, listen to Improvised Star Trek. Which is a podcast that I was an editor for for five years. They've recently ended, so there's no new episodes, but you will fall in love. There is a talking cat [Kim and Sequoia laugh] after… after the first hundred episodes or so but the… it's… it's a beautiful loving homage, not just to Star Trek, because Star Trek is like, yeah, it's part of it, you don't need to know if you're not a Star Trek fan. It is an office comedy set in space!
Kim: Nice!
Sequoia: [whispering] Excellent!
Eric: If you’re familiar with improvised comedy, every single episode is improvised. Completely made up.
Sequoia: Nice.
Eric: All the dialogue is made up…
Sequoia: Sweet.
Eric: ...on the spot, hence the name.
Kim: What’s it called?
Eric: Improvised Star Trek.
Kim: Nice.
Eric: I keep wanting to send people their way because it's my favorite thing I've ever done. So wonderful.
Sequoia: Yeah, of course we'll put links to all of that in the description as well.
Kim: Hell, yeah.
Eric: But this was so much fun, you guys. I feel like… I mean, I feel like we're, like, lifelong friends, but we could… I could come back and just grab tea and do this any day.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: You're always welcome
Sequoia: Yeah, we will definitely have you back. That was this was a ton of fun.
Eric: Hey, thanks so much for having me. I really appreciate you guys.
Sequoia: Buh bye
Eric: Bye.
Kim: That was so fun. Eric's great.
Sequoia: Yeah, we had a great time. That was so fun. So now we're just gonna get through our last couple segments here.
Kim: Segment.
Sequoia: Segment?
Kim: It’s a singular segment.
Sequoia: One segment.
Kim: Unless you've added more segments.
Sequoia: And now it’s time for… [laughing]
Sequoia & Kim: ...THE REC ZONE! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Sequoia: I am recommending a fic called The List.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: It’s about the Slytherins and how they mourn the people that they lose in the battle.
Kim: Oh. Cool.
Sequoia: Yeah. It's a really interesting perspective.
Kim: Is this… when was it written, though? Was it… is it post…?
Sequoia: No, so it… it was written like one… let’s see. It was written a month and a half before Deathly Hallows was released.
Kim: Oh, cool! Okay, that's gonna be a really interesting perspective, I think.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Yeah! Neat.
Sequoia: It’s really neat.
Kim: That’s some interesting speculation, stuff like that.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: So the link to that will be in the description, you should read it. It's really interesting.
Kim: The link to that will also be on our website.
Sequoia: Yes. Fanaticalfics.com.
Kim: Along with any number of other things.
Sequoia: Like our story submission form. Today's episode was a listener submission.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So, send us your… try not… don't… don’t send me… [sighs]
Kim: I think it's unfair.
Sequoia: Don’t send me…
Kim: They’re OUR listeners Sequoia, we love them all.
Sequoia: KIM’S listeners. No. This is like…
Kim: They are all our beautiful, perfect…
Sequoia: This is like every television show and movie where the mom’s like, your son! [both laugh]
Kim: Whateverrrr!
Sequoia: Your listeners…
Kim: Whateverrrr!
Sequoia: Oh, jeez. But yes. Send us your story submissions. Stuff that was published before Deathly Hallows and that is, like, two thousand words or less has a better chance of making it onto the podcast.
Kim: But!
Sequoia: But we want everything.
Kim: We do want everything!
Sequoia: We’ve also got merch on our website. We've got some bookmarks and posters on our website, and then a link to our TeePublic, where there's all sorts of shit!
Kim: Yeah! Tee…
Sequoia: [sighs] Ah, fuck. All right.
Kim: …Public.
Sequoia: [laughs] If you wanna help out the podcast…
Kim: It has tee-shirts.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: What? [both laugh] Are you talking?
Sequoia: You can find us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook @FanaticalFics.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Our email address is fanaticalfics@gmail.com.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Send us your hold for the end please submissions.
Kim: Yessss.
Sequoia: We haven't been getting a lot of those in lately and I would like to see more of them. So hold for the end please submissions.
Kim: Excellent.
Sequoia: If you want to help out the podcast, you can leave us a review on iTunes or Facebook. We will get to that review in roughly eight months.
Kim: Sure. [both laugh] You can also trick…
Sequoia: Everyone.
Kim: I was trying to think of any example. Name any kind of person. [Sequoia laughs] Any kind of person!
Sequoia: Trick any kind of person, 2020. [laughs]
Kim: [fake cries] One time I was funny. You know, we're recording so early.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah, it's early for… well, it's not any more.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: But when we started…
Kim: What?
Sequoia: When we started it was early for us.
Kim: What? What do you mean?
Sequoia: Um…
Kim: So early!
Sequoia: Okay! Trick some people 2020.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: You can email us at fanaticalfics.com to get your free tool kit.
Kim: Even without your tools… the tools that we provide you, podcasts grow from… based on their listeners.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Telling people about it. That’s it. That’s the only way that podcasts can grow.
Sequoia: You’re our only hope.
Kim: [laughs] So keep telling everyone about us, and hopefully…
Sequoia: [laughs] Stop! What the hell?
Kim: You can also support us by checking out our Patreon. We have all kinds of fun stuff going on over there. Man, that book club is so fun!
Sequoia: Book club is extremely fun. Yeah.
Kim: Oh, I love… I’ve been posting my weird…
Sequoia & Kim: ...theories.
Kim: I’ve been ranting about my weird theories, that’s more correct, let’s say. And our listeners are allowing me to do that.
Sequoia: I just recently put up the blog post that has all the winners from our most recent writing competition.
Kim: Oh, so fun!
Sequoia: Our Christmas drabble competition.
Kim: I’m very surprised we only got one Christmas Milk sequel.
Sequoia: I know, but…
Kim: Because I did set them up for that.
Sequoia: I had to give it an honorable mention.
Kim: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously.
Sequoia: Obviously.
Kim: So check those out. They are incredible. We're going to be starting another. We’re go… we have progressively gotten shorter in our writing competitions.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: This next one is a summaries competition.
Sequoia: [laughs] it’s gonna be a hundred and fifty words or less. [laughs]
Kim: We're going to be starting very soon, so check out our Patreon. There's so much fun stuff going on over there.
Sequoia: As always, thank you to the Whomping Willows for our theme song, it is Wolfstar.
Sequoia & Kim: Byyyyeee!
Kim: You didn’t engage very much with my Draco Cats song.
Sequoia: I was…
Kim: [barely singing] I’m Draco Malfoy, and I’m here to say…