Episode 63: Girlfriend (Feat. MuggleCast's Andrew and Laura)
Recommendation: Unexpected Development
https://archiveofourown.org/works/66450
This transcript was provided by Kujo!
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Kim: Hey, Sequoia.
Sequoia: What?
Kim: Fuck, marry, kill.
Sequoia: Oh, no.
Kim: Madam Hooch, Professor Sprout and Madam Pomfrey.
Sequoia: Whoo, all right. Ooh. Okay. I am medically unwell, [Kim snorts, making Sequoia laugh] so I think I have to-.
Both: Marry Poppy.
Sequoia: Pomfrey.
Kim: Kay.
Sequoia: I'm going to fuck Madam Hooch.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And kill Sprout.
Kim: Fuck you, man.
Sequoia: What? [Both laughing]
Theme Song: (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)
Sequoia: Hello. I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: [Excitedly] It's a Harry Potter fan fiction podcast!
Sequoia: [singing with vocal strain] Yes it is!
Kim: We have a couple of guests today, as you can probably see from your podcast app. We're going to bring them on in a little bit because we've got a couple announcements real fast.
Sequoia: Yeah, we're not going to do reviews or shout outs today just because...
Kim: We have already recorded the guest segment. And it was very long.
Sequoia: [Laughing] And it was wonderful! And we're so excited to give it to you. So just a couple quick announcements. This is Monday. You're also getting an episode in two days on...
Kim: Merry Christmas!
Sequoia: Yeah, and it's a Christmas with Colin, [Kim giggling] so make sure to download that. Check that out for your holiday travels.
Kim: Keep an eye out for that.
Sequoia: Yep. Also, our $4 Patreon perk that's just for discord, the book club writing competitions. That perk is going away on the 1st of January.
Kim: Yep. So if you want to be part of the book club or and part of our amazing discord, get in on that soon.
Sequoia: Speaking of Patreon.
Kim: I can't not talk about the points that I've gotten! [Sequoia chuckling] I can't keep pretending like I don't have points. I have two points!
Sequoia: I have one point!
Kim: I broke my streak. I got two points in one fucking episode over on Patreon, and I'm not going to pretend like I didn't!
Sequoia: Exactly. So...
Kim: I'm sorry for everyone who's not a patron, you will be missing out when we get points on there. But!
Sequoia: But they're part of our total points.
Kim: Because I want them!
Sequoia: Yeah, it's so hard to keep saying we don't have points. We have points. So, Kim's at two points. I'm at one point. And so those are our quick announcements. Let's go ahead and bring our guests on! All right, and now we are joined by some very special guests.
Kim: Special guests?
Sequoia: I'm so excited. A couple months ago, I was on MuggleCast and now we have a couple of the MuggleCast crew here on Fanatical Fics. It's Andrew and Laura. Hello!
Kim: Hello!
Andrew: Hello, ladies!
Laura: Hi! Thank you for having us.
Kim: Very exciting. Yeah.
Sequoia: Thanks so much for coming on. So we start out with you two as...
Kim: Well, let's talk about, what's MuggleCast?
Sequoia: Yeah, let's talk about what's MuggleCast.
Andrew: [Laughing] Yeah. So MuggleCast is, believe it or not, a Harry Potter podcast. We are currently going chapter by chapter through the books. We're currently rereading Order of the Phenix and talking about, you know, why these characters are making the choices that they do, [Kim and Sequoia giggling] how the lessons J.K. Rowling teaches applies to our own lives. And then we're talking about the latest news in the fandom, for example, here at the... When is this episode coming out? Is this like soon or...
Sequoia: This comes out on the 23rd.
Andrew: Oh, beautiful. Okay. So, yeah, so this week we're actually doing a decade in review talking about what the heck has happened in the Harry Potter fandom over the past decade.
Kim: Amazing.
Andrew: Yeah, we do all kinds of things on MuggleCast.
Kim: It's been a busy decade for Harry Potter. [Sequoia laughing]
Sequoia and Laura: Yes!
Andrew: It has! I've been describing it as a decade of transition [Kim and Sequoia ooh] because we ended with two Harry Potter movies. Sorry, we start... I screwed this up on MuggleCast too. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] We started the decade with the end of Harry Potter and we're ending the decade with the start of Fantastic Beasts. So the world is expanding.
Sequoia: I love it.
Kim: That's cool.
Sequoia: That's awesome. Yeah.
Kim: That sounds like a really fun episode.
Andrew: Yeah it was.
Sequoia: And it's great for people to start the Order of the Phenix reread with you guys because I did Order of the Phenix chapter one.
Kim: Oh yeah!
Andrew: Oh, that's right.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Andrew: Yeah.
Kim: You did do that.
Andrew: And you did great.
Sequoia: So jump in on that!
Kim: Nice. Cool, cool.
Sequoia: Well, we are going to ask you our guest questions.
Laura: Okay, we're ready.
Sequoia: So that we can get to know you a little bit better and our listeners can get to know you a little bit better. We'll start out with the easiest of these questions. What is your Hogwarts House?
Laura: I am a Ravenclaw.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Andrew: And I am a Slytherin.
Sequoia: Yes!
Andrew: I converted about two years ago when I was feeling bad conversion. [Other three laugh].
Kim: Conversion, hmm.
Andrew: What's so funny? [chuckles]
Sequoia: Okay, I converted from Ravenclaw to Slytherin.
Andrew: Oh, okay.
Laura: Are you saying it's a slippery slope? [Other three laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, I did that probably in, like 2010. That was a long time ago.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: But I felt like as I grew up, you know, I came more into my ambition.
Andrew: Right. Right. And that's normal. I think as we grow up, our house assignment naturally changes. And this has been debated before. It seems like Hogwarts maybe assigns houses too early.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Oh, for sure.
Andrew: Or they need to be putting people...
Kim: Reshuffled every couple years or something.
Andrew: Right. Right. I was a Gryffindor and then, you know, I went through like a break up and then I was like, "You know what? Gryffindor just isn't for me anymore." So I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Hollywood, and I bought Slytherin sweater, and that was it. [Kim and Sequoia laugh] I converted.
Kim: Oh, that's funny.
Sequoia: That's awesome. All right, so we've got a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin here.
Kim: Mm hmm.
Sequoia: Next, we'll ask you, what is your one true pairing?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Now, this. I mean, it doesn't have to be Harry Potter, but this is a [dissolving into giggles] Harry Potter podcast. [Andrew laughs]
Laura: And I assume it's fine if it's not a canon pairing?
Kim: Umm, it's better. [Sequoia laughing].
Andrew: Yeah.
Laura: Okay. Perfect.
Kim: It's what's in your heart.
Laura: I've had strong feelings about this ever since Order of the Phoenix was released.
Kim: Okay.
Laura: I always wanted to see Harry and Luna together.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: Alright. Nice. We get that a lot, actually.
Laura: Like, personally, I felt like Ginny was kind of like the obvious option, and I was a little disappointed when that happened.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Andrew: Hmm.
Sequoia: That's a great ship.
Kim: It is a great ship.
Sequoia: It is a great pairing. I wrote some Harry/Luna stuff when I was a kid.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: And I agree.
Laura: I love it. [Kim giggles and Andrew hums]
Sequoia: Yeah, I still I still love Harry/Ginny a lot, but I saw a lot of room with Harry and Luna as well.
Kim: Yeah, I think they can work really well together in some ways. I just really think that Luna can't be tied down. [Sequoia laughs]
Andrew: Yeah, for me, I was never really interested in the relationships in Harry Potter. I was just more interested in everything else that was going on. And I never really, well for that reason, I never really dabbled in shipping either. Until I saw the Cursed Child [Sequoia chuckling] and I was so moved by Albus Severus and Scorpius-.
Kim: Amazing.
Andrew: -That they are now my OTP especially because it really seemed like things were going that way in that play. When you see it, [Sequoia hums] you can feel it, you can feel the chemistry and it never happened. So they are my ship.
Kim: That is a great ship.
Andrew: And I actually did write my one and only fanfiction about those two, Scorbus, because I just really wanted to see it happen. And then magnificently, a couple of years ago, somebody I work with actually printed my fanfiction in a real book. [Sequoia and Kim gasp, Kim chuckles] So I am proud to say, "I am a published author. [Other three laughing joyously] Me and my very graphic Scorbus fanfiction." [laughs]
Laura: Oh, would you care to share the title of your fic?
Andrew: Yes. This was dreamt up by one of our co-hosts on MuggleCast. It's called Never Sever Us. [All laugh]
Sequoia: That is so incredible.
Kim: That's a very good title.
Sequoia: That is... Your coworker that printed that out in book form for you is just like such a hero.
Andrew: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I'm still reeling from opening that package [Kim cackles, making Andrew dissolve in giggles] and seeing that, it's just incredible. I really want to get more copies printed and sell them to [Sequoia and Kim laughing] MuggleCast listeners.
Kim: Oh, I bet they'd love that.
Sequoia: [Singing] Oh, you should!
Andrew: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sequoia: That's so good.
Kim: That kind of partially covers our next question.
Sequoia: Yeah, our next question is just about like, what is your experience with fan fiction? Reading it, writing it, or just like your general conceptions of what fan fiction is?
Kim: Yeah.
Laura: So I started writing Harry Potter fan fiction when I was like 13 years old.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: Nice, prime.
Laura: The obsession became totally real when I got hired to be a fan fiction moderator over at MuggleNet fan fiction when I was 15.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Kim: What?! Oh, that's so cool. [Kim chuckling]
Laura: Yeah. And so then it was like, I also, like, had the power, so I was like... [All four laughing] No, I mean, I didn't try to be mean about it, but I really did try to like work with people on their stories [other three hum] because I felt really passionate about it. And then somehow I became involved in MuggleCast [all four laugh], and I think it was... [sighs] It was something about like, I was in like a staff thread being like, "Y'all need a girl on MuggleCast." [Andrew and Laura chuckle] And Andrew was like, "Well, then do you want to do it?" [Other three laugh] So then, yeah, that's like the TLDR of how I got here.
Andrew: Yeah.
Kim: That's incredible
Sequoia: Wow. Fanfiction got you here. That's so cool! [Kim chuckles]
Andrew: Yeah. And Laura, I mean, you've seen some really weird stuff over at MuggleNet fanfiction, right?
Laura: Oh yeah. Like, there is a reason that we had an approvals process [Andrew chuckles, Sequoia hums] because...
Kim: Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Laura: Yeah, this was really, you know, it's a family site, right? So, [Kim and Sequoia giggling] you have to be cognizant of, like, some of the stuff that's coming through. I don't know how, like, R-rated this show gets.
Kim: Extremely.
Sequoia: Very.
Laura: Okay, great. So I've read and rejected fanfiction submissions that had to do with McGonagall and the Giant Squid as a pairing. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: So, that was a rejected one. That's why we can't find it anywhere! [Sequoia laughs]
Laura: Yes.
Sequoia: When you mentioned that on MuggleCast, I went looking for it.
Kim: I was furious that I couldn't find it.
Sequoia: I found one.
Kim: Oh, you did?
Sequoia: It wasn't like, it was-.
Kim: It wasn't...?
Sequoia: -PG, [Kim groans in defeat] it was a PG experience.
Kim: What's the point?
Sequoia: But I did find a McGonagall slash squid fic.
Laura: Yeah, this particular one was not G-rated. [Sequoia and Kim laugh] And then, we also had one that we rejected that was McGonagall and a Christmas feast turkey leg.
Sequoia: [disbelief and horror] Oh my God!
Andrew: Excuse me?
Laura: Yeah.
Kim: Whoofee, zoofee.
Andrew: Wow.
Laura: All I will say is that a word that was used quite frequently in that was "sinewy." [Sequoia groans in disgust]
Kim: Yikes! I love it. [Andrew and Sequoia chuckling]
Laura: We also had, like, numerous stories that were just way too sexually graphic for, you know, MuggleNet's branding. So, we just had to be like, "Hey sex is fine, but, like, we don't need every single, like, nitty gritty detail." [Sequoia laughs]
Andrew: Of what that squid was doing with those tentacles.
Kim: No graphic Albus/Scorpius.
Laura: Yeah. So there was a lot of stuff like that.
Kim: Hmm. Yeah. You did most of yours, Sequoia, on the WB forums. That was... Must have been a pretty PG place too, right?
Andrew: Oh my gosh!
Sequoia: Yeah. [Kim laughs] Oh my gosh?
Andrew: Yeah. I didn't know that the WB forums existed.
Sequoia: The WB forums had a whole fanfiction portion of them.
Andrew: Wow.
Kim: That's crazy.
Sequoia: And that's where I did almost 100% of my actual writing. And I ran competitions there and did all sorts of things on those. And it has been very difficult to track down anyone who remembers that [Kim wheeze-laughs] or was there. [Andrew chuckles]
Kim: But it must have been a pretty PG experience, right?
Sequoia: It was a very PG experience.
Kim: I wouldn't guess that they would allow weird stuff on there.
Sequoia: Yeah. No, no, no weird...
Kim: Kay.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Andrew: [hums] So interesting.
Sequoia: But that's what ao3 is for.
Kim: Yeah. Didn't exist then.
Sequoia: No, no. Excellent. Well, that's like that's some great ones. And then, Andrew, you clearly have written at least one fanfiction.
Andrew: Right, yeah. Other than that, I never really read fanfiction. I was running MuggleNet, so I was aware of MuggleNet fanfiction, but I never really went in there. It just. It just wasn't for me.
Sequoia and Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: Are you one of those people who's, like, very invested in canon? Or you just, like, it just didn't occur to you to read some fanfiction?
Andrew: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It just never like intrigued me, I guess. [Kim and Sequoia hum] I don't know, I had enough to do [Kim and Sequoia laugh] outside of MuggleNet fanfiction, especially like with the podcasts and stuff. So, no, I mean, I love the idea of fanfiction. I think it's awesome and I guess, you know, hearing these crazy stories and topics, I kind of wish I was reading it a [Kim and Sequoia laugh] little more often. But yeah, I think I just had other things to do in the fandom.
Sequoia: Yeah, for sure.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Well, that's going to lead us into our final and most important question-.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: -Here at the podcast we stan fanfic Draco [Kim snorts and Andrew chuckles].
Kim: Say that.
Sequoia: Fanfic Draco is whomever he is that day, [dissolving into giggles with Laura] in that fanfiction.
Kim: Yeah, we are about that. So, what is your Draco true pairing?
Andrew: Definitely Harry/Draco.
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: Nice.
Andrew: I mean, you know, as a gay man myself, it was always... The idea was just so tantalizing [other three laugh] And like, I don't know, I have always seen this picture of Harry and Draco cuddled up together on Google Images. I don't know why I see this photo so often, [other three all giggling] I swear it's in like every Google image search that I do, but they're like laying in a silky bed on top of each other and like, it's hot. [Sequoia descends into full laughter, making Andrew chuckle] So that's that's why I'm into that.
Kim: It's it's a great ship. It's top tier Draco ship.
Sequoia: Oh, yes, great answer. And, Laura?
Laura: I feel that Draco has spent his entire life doing what he thinks other people want him to do, so he doesn't really know who he is. So, I would actually like to see Draco be self partnered.
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia and Kim: Yes.
Andrew: Oh.
Laura: Be single for a while. Figure out your life. Figure out what you're about. Be like, "Listen. That whole seven years at Hogwarts, I made a lot of mistakes. [Kim and Sequoia chuckling] I need to do some soul searching. I'm really alive because some people that I was really awful to kept me alive. Maybe I need to rethink some things, right?"
Sequoia: Yeah.
Andrew: Yeah, hmm.
Sequoia: Wow.
Andrew: Is is Draco a top or a bottom? [Sequoia bursts out laughing]
Laura: I feel like...
Andrew: It's an important question when debating this subject.
Kim: It depends on who Draco is today!
Sequoia: Yeah. [All four giggling]
Andrew: Okay. So he's versatile, I guess.
Kim: Leather pants Draco's usually a top.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Andrew: I see, okay. A top? Leather pants makes you a top, I didn't know that. [Sequoia and Laura laughing] I'll have to keep that in mind when I'm at the bars. [Andrew chuckling]
Kim: Well, for Draco. This is kind of a Draco specific thing.
Sequoia: Oh, man.
Kim: When he's wearing the leather pants in a fanfic, it's usually...
Sequoia: Yeah, he's SO often wearing leather pants! In fanfiction.
Kim: It could also just be because we're very early 2000's centric.
Sequoia: And leather pants were cool, then?
Kim: I don't know.
Andrew: He's always wearing leather pants in the fanfiction?
Sequoia and Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: Oh, interesting.
Sequoia: Like, often.
Laura: It's because he's a bad boy.
Kim: Yeah. He's wearing a lot of leather, he's a bad boy. [Sequoia laughs] Harry's about it. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: Oh. All right. Excellent.
Kim: Jeez.
Sequoia: Well, that wraps up our guest questions.
Kim: Let's do the thing!
Sequoia: Let's do the thing. Alright, so, we're going to get into the fan fiction now. Let's do predictions. All three of you will be making three predictions for us today. And listeners remember to make your predictions and tweet them at us, do at us, #fanficdivination, or go to Instagram and answer the question on our story.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: All right. [Sequoia chuckles]
Kim: Those are places you can do that! [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: You're so helpful.
Kim: Thanks.
Sequoia: All right, so make your predictions for the fanfic titled Girlfriend.
Kim: Shit.
Sequoia: It was released, I kid you not, 12 days before Deathly Hallows came out. [Kim and Andrew laugh] And it is a humor slash romance. [Kim groans]
Andrew: Hmm.
Kim: You know, that's fucking nothing to go on.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs happily]
Laura: Okay. I predict that this fiction would actually have been very... I think that we would be surprised with this one at how accurate it turned out to be, after we learned the events of the Cursed Child. So I'm going to say it's a Voldemort and Bellatrix fic. [Other three hum appreciately]
Sequoia: I love it.
Andrew: Hmm. I'm going to say that it was inspired by the NSYNC song "Girlfriend" released six years prior.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Oh, wow. You got a timeline and everything.
Andrew: Yeah, I just looked it up. I was wondering the timing of this. I'm going to say this was Ron/ Parvati.
Sequoia: Oh, okay. You get, Andrew gets one more. Laura gets two more.
Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: I'm going to say it takes place in the graveyard [Kim wheezes softly] because Ron wanted to go and see where Harry saw Cedric die-[Sequoia and Kim chuckling].
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Andrew: -And he needed somebody to come with him, but he didn't want to bring Harry or Hermione, because that'd be too strange. [Sequoia laughs] So, he thought this will be a fun date night with Parvati. [Other three laughing]
Kim: Okay, I want that story. Wow.
Sequoia: Great. [all four laughing]
Laura: I'm going to say that this Voldemort/Bellatrix love fic takes place at Malfoy Manor. Specifically in like the council room where they're all together discussing the plans about like what is going to unfold with Harry's transport and everything. I feel like time wise that works out-.
Sequoia: Okay.
Laura: -Because like, she's got to get pregnant and that takes like nine [Kim snorts] months to, you know, come to fruition. [Other three laughing] So, I feel like it has to be somewhere near the beginning of the story.
Andrew: [Heavy country twang] "And I've got a plan for us, Bellatrix, we're going to bang tonight." [Other three laughing]
Laura: Why is why is Voldemort Southern?
Andrew: That's just how he turns on Bellatrix.
Sequoia: She's really into Southern accents, wow.
Andrew: Yeah, she likes a Southern man. [All four cackling]
Sequoia: Andrew is just creating, just like weaving a canon for us.
Kim: Yeah, it's very good. [Other three chuckling] Was that one or two?
Sequoia: That was two.
Kim: Okay, I guess I have to go now. [All four chuckle] I'm never ready for this part.
Andrew: Can't run down the clock any further.
Kim: Okay, I'm going to guess, this is Harry/Ginny. Okay, I'm going to guess this is a song fic to Avril Levine's "Girlfriend."
Sequoia: Excellent.
Andrew: Hmm. What is a song fic?
Kim: They can take a couple forms, but the most usual one is where the story will be happening around like copy pasted the lyrics from the song and it takes kind of the shape of a music video.
Andrew: [giggling] Oh my Gosh, how fun.
Kim: They're very silly. And we usually don't do them. But I have a feeling!
Sequoia: You got a feeling?
Kim: And I'm going to guess that Voldemort is dead in this. It happens after the war.
Sequoia: Okay, cool. All right. Everybody's got their three predictions in. Listeners, I hope you have your predictions in as well, because we are going to go ahead and get started! [Kim chuckling] "Girlfriend."
Kim: Come on, I looked it up! "Girlfriend" by Avril Levine came out in February 2007.
Sequoia: Oh, it did? [Kim giggling] Okay, we'll see. We'll see.
Andrew: Damn.
Sequoia: Harry hugged his weird blond friend.
Kim: Oh, no. Is this Harry/Luna?
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Okay.
Andrew: Weird, blond friend. Sounds like Luna.
Kim: That's Luna.
Sequoia: I mean, that is Luna. The weird blond friend is Luna.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: The only one that could make him laugh about something, even if it was extremely stupid, or made no sense, since Sirius died.
Kim: Ohh, Sirius is dead. [Other three chuckle]
Andrew: Thanks for the reminder.
Sequoia: Yeah. Often in fanfic, he's...
Kim: Not!
Sequoia: Not dead.
Andrew: Oh, interesting.
Sequoia: Just because.
Andrew: Yeah. In denial.
Sequoia: Yeah, exactly. [All four chuckle] Today, she showed him a book that said Slytherin and Gryffindor-. So, Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: -put a spell on the castle that would cause any major love conflict to be sung and danced to. [Laura and Kim gasp].
Laura: [laughing] Oh no!
Kim: Oh my God! [all four giggling] We're getting a musical episode?
Sequoia: It's... Yeah.
Kim: Why have we never seen this before? There's never been a major...
Sequoia: Love conflict?
Kim: We've had major love conflicts before.
Sequoia: I feel like Cho and Harry might have had a singing experience.
Kim: They weren't in the castle when they had their major conflict.
Sequoia: Oh that's true.
Kim: I was thinking more Hermione/Ron. But...
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: There were birds. [Other three laugh] Is that enough to count a song?
Sequoia: Imagine that that whole scene was a song and dance routine, [Kim sighs wistfully] instead of Hermione sending some birds at him. [All four chuckle] Tweet at us if you've decided what song that would be. Why? Because they were bored and thought it would be amusing.
Kim: It is. They were correct. [Other three laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, you don't even know! [Kim laughs] "Thanks for cheering me up, Luna. You're a good friend," he muttered into the top of her head as she hugged him back. She just smiled and pulled back, both of them holding on to each other's elbows. Then she leaned up and gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek. Neither of them saw Lavender Brown look into the abandoned classroom, gasp [Andrew gasps] and run off, gleefully intent on spreading a story. [Andrew laughs as Kim groans]
Kim: Amazing, this is so high school rom com. [Other three laughing] Oh, a kiss misinterpreted? Very good.
Sequoia: Okay then, there's...
Kim: Lavender Brown is such a gossipy butthole. [Other three laughing] I'm glad she's dead.
Sequoia: [still laughing] Oh my god! Wow!
Andrew: Ohh, I was just gonna say, "Don't speak ill of the dead."
Kim: Getting real spicy, real fast.
Sequoia: That was real spicy. Oh, man. I feel like we've had this conversation about four or five times on the podcast.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: She's... She is dead?
Andrew: She's dead.
Andrew: I don't know for sure.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Andrew: How far into this rabbit hole do you want to go? [Kim and Sequoia laugh] Because Pottermore once wrote that she was presumed dead, and I called that out. I said, "How? How do you, Pottermore, not know [Sequoia laughs] if she's dead or not?"
Kim: Yeah, Pottermore should know.
Andrew: "You are J.K. Rowling's website!" [Other three laugh] And then after I called them out, they removed that. And it's been a mystery ever since. So...
Kim: So now there's just no answer.
Andrew: Now there's no answer.
Sequoia: That's incredible.
Laura: Now, in my headcanon, she survives. But because she's a werewolf, she like, goes off, you know, as as a lone wolf, if you will. [Sequoia hums while Kim wheezes] And just sort of lives this like rustic country life. [Andrew laughs]
Sequoia: Oh, yeah. Lives off the land.
Laura: To keep herself away.
Sequoia: Oh, wow.
Andrew: I would read that.
Kim: That's cool.
Sequoia: No, I- no, now I want that fanfiction! [All four laugh]
Kim: And then Parvati comforts her.
Sequoia and Kim: [drawn out] Yeah. [All four gigle]
Sequoia: Yeah, into that. Okay. Mm hmm. There is a passage of time.
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: Indicated by some dashes. Dash, dash, dash, dash, dash.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: A passage of time.
Kim: Yeah. It's hard to format things on fanfiction.net.
Sequoia: Yeah, that's true.
Andrew: Even today?
Kim: Yeah. They've made it more difficult actually. Now you can't just put a string at Tilda's to indicate a passage of time.
Sequoia: Yeah. Where are my fucking tildas fanfiction.net? [Andrew chuckles as Kim snorts] All right. A passage of time. Harry walked into the Great Hall, ignoring the looks he was getting. He was used to it.
Kim: These ones are, "Wow, what a slut though." [Sequoia and Andrew laughs]
Sequoia: Okay, but here's the thing. Hold for the text. [All four laugh] Alright. These looks were odder than he normally got.
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: But he didn't think on it. Chances were the Daily Prophet just put something stupid about him in the newspaper again.
Kim: That's valid.
Andrew: Yeah.
Sequoia: What was he today? A man-whore? [All three laugh heartily].
Kim: Shit.
Sequoia: A heartbreaker?
Andrew: [Emphatically] A man-whore? [Other three laugh]
Kim: Woops.
Sequoia: I like, the Daily Prophet ran a story like one time, that you were dating Hermione. I don't think that that was...
Kim: That wasn't the Daily Prophet. I'm sorry, I can't hold that in. That wasn't [dissolving into gigles] the Daily Prophet.
Sequoia: What was that?
Kim: That was Witch Weekly?
Sequoia: Oh, it was Witch Weekly. Whatever. The newspaper.
Kim: Sorry.
Sequoia: But I don't think that constitutes as a man-whore.
Kim: Yeah, that was more calling Hermione a Scarlet Woman.
Sequoia: It was. It was...
Kim: This 14-15 year old.
Sequoia: This 15 year old girl.
Both: Yikes.
Andrew: Yeah. I mean, yeah. Harry, if they were reporting on him sleeping around a lot, then he could be considered a man-whore, but he's not there yet.
Sequoia and Kim: No.
Sequoia: Yeah. Come on, Harry.
Kim: I mean, who knows when this takes place? Maybe he's really been...
Sequoia: [chuckling] Yeah. Who knows?
Kim: Dating two people.
Sequoia: Yeah. [all four chuckle]
Laura: You know what, though? I don't think they would ever hold a man to the same standard that they would hold a woman for [chuckling] doing the same thing.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: The Daily Prophet? No, it's a trash organization.
Laura: He's fine.
Sequoia: Yeah, he's fine. [Sequoia, Kim and Laura chuckle] Oh man. A heartbreaker? A pathological liar? Oh, wait. That was last week. [all four laugh] They printed all of those things last week.
Kim: Oh.
Andrew: [chuckling] Oh, shit.
Sequoia: The newspaper's just about Harry now.
Kim: Just article after article; Harry did this and Harry did this and doesn't he suck?
Sequoia: Harry ate breakfast, he's a man-whore. [all four laugh]
Andrew: He's a Cheerio whore.
Sequoia: Harry Potter: Cheerio Whore.
Andrew: He likes a healthy heart, ugh. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: [vindictively] The bitch. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: Harry Potter: High Cholesterol? [all four laugh] That took a turn I didn't think it would. All right. He was halfway to his table, which was annoyingly placed furthest from the doors, when all of a sudden Hermione walked up to him.
Kim: Oh, no.
Sequoia: Are you ready?
Kim: No! [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: Are you ready? It's time for an [announcing like a fight referee] outfit description!
Kim: Aw yeah! [Laura and Andrew chuckle] Is it a tube top? I'm hoping for tube top.
Sequoia: It is not a tube top. [Kim groans in disappointment] You know, so there's a lot of fanfiction where Hermione like goes to America or does something and gets a makeover. Like, Hermione gets hot is the whole basis of the story.
Kim and Laura: Yep.
Sequoia: Yeah, Laura, you must be familiar with this trope.
Laura: Oh, yeah. Like there's always something about, like, Harry and Hermione, like, go away to a summer cabin together, [Kim and Sequoia laugh] and he sees her in a bikini for the first time, and she gets tan and everything. [other three laugh]
Sequoia: I love that. This is the opposite of that. Here we go.
Kim: Hermione went to Antarctica for the summer and got ugly? [other three laugh]
Sequoia: Antarctica is the opposite of America?
Kim: I couldn't think of anything. Don't look at me. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: All right. Mm. She'd changed a lot over the summer and not in a good way.
Sequoia: [cracking up into laughter] Shit.
Andrew: Oh, wow.
Sequoia: He's about to burn Hermione real bad. [Laura laughing]
Kim: Harry! [Other three laugh] Keep it together! I guess this maybe isn't Harry's perspective.
Sequoia: I mean, it's Harry's perspective.
Kim: Oh, great.
Sequoia: But here's the thing. Apparently, she wore a clear retainer during the school year, but her parents decided she was going to wear braces that year.
Kim: Oh, they already fixed her teeth with magic.
Sequoia: I know!
Andrew: Yeah.
Kim: Her parents just wanted her to suffer. They were like, "We didn't get to put braces on you because you fixed your teeth with magic."
Sequoia: "So here are some braces?" [chuckles with Andrew]
Kim: "Don't eat, don't chew gum."
Sequoia: They're dentists. Not-.
Sequoia and Kim: Orthodontists.
Kim: I bet they have some orthodontist friend.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah. [dissolving into giggles] It's trying to...
Andrew: Are they getting a kickback from [Sequoia and Kim bust out laughing] putting braces on Hermione? Like, that's really inappropriate.
Sequoia: Yeah. Those dentistry kickbacks. [Andrew chuckles as Kim scoffs] Really getting out of control. Also, she apparently had contacts which her parents were tired of replacing.
Kim: Oh, no.
Sequoia: So she went to school with big frames and thick lenses.
Kim: Okay. So instead of taking off her glasses and getting her braces removed, she has put braces on and put on glasses.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Great.
Andrew: So she looks like Trelawney now. [other three laugh] The bushy hair, the thick glasses. [Dissolving into giggles]
Sequoia: I don't think she would take kindly to that comparison. [all four laugh]
Kim: So Hermione is not our heroine, I'm guessing. Our romantic heroine.
Sequoia: No, she is not.
Kim: Because she is wearing glasses.
Sequoia: But she is filling a certain space within the story.
Kim: Yikes. This is not going to be good. Please continue. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: You'll see. She had pulled her bushy hair into pigtails. [Kim gasps in realization] Put them all together and you got the stereotypical geek. She's filling a role.
Kim: [pained] She is filling a role.
Sequoia: She's filling a role in the music video.
Kim: God damn. [all four chuckle] Because we're going to get real musical here. Right... now?
Sequoia: I'm about to start singing.
Kim: You're about to start singing.
Sequoia: I'm going to sing right now.
Andrew: Ooh.
Kim: Okay. I'm so excited.
Sequoia: I'm going to sing the first line of this song.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And then the rest of the lines that we end up having to do, I will just speak. [Andrew or Laura chuckles] But I think it's very important to get the point across right here, right now.
Andrew: I agree.
Sequoia: [clears throat, then sings to the tune of "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne] "Hey, hey! [Kim gasps excitedly] You, you, I don't like your girlfriend!" [all but Kim laugh].
Kim: [Breathes heavily, then busts out laughing victorously]
Sequoia: You did it!
Kim: I did it!
Sequoia: You did it!
Kim: Oh my God. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh, then Kim sings the next verse] No way! No how! I think you need a new one! [all four laugh] This is a rush like I've never felt before.
Sequoia: A whole point for you. Get it? Did you get it, I said getting the point across because you got.
Sequoia and Kim: A point.
Kim: You were making a pun.
Sequoia: Did you get my pun?
Kim: I really hate you, [Sequoia laughs] but I'm very excited about this. And I'm glad you sang that to me. To us. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: She sounded surprisingly good. He'd never heard her sing before.
Kim: It's the magic.
Sequoia: It's the castle's magic. It's the magic of Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor.
Kim: Big Avril Levine fans. [all four laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah, do you think the spell just, like, makes you sing a popular song that has like-
Kim: Not come out for ten more years beyond when this story is set? Yes. [all four giggle]
Laura: Yeah. It sounds like Hermione needs to go after Avril Levine for royalties. [Andrew chuckles]
Kim: I think she does.
Sequoia: I will, I agree. Or maybe it'll be the next girl that comes up and starts singing. Here we go. Then another girl began walking up to Harry. She was a Slytherin from a well known, light-sided family.
Kim: Astoria Greengrass.
Sequoia: Her name was Missy. [Kim blows a disbelieving raspberry] It's an OC!
Andrew: Missy?
Sequoia: [singing] It's an original character.
Kim: Sure.
Andrew: That's a very nineties name.
Kim: Missy?
Andrew: Yeah, Missy. Thinking like Missy Elliott.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Nope. That's very true.
Andrew: You don't hear people name their kids Missy anymore.
Sequoia: No. The only Missy I know is my age and therefore was named in the nineties. [Kim chokes out a laugh]
Andrew: There you go. Yeah, see?
Sequoia: Alright. Her name was Missy. And she had dyed pink roots in her dirty blond hair.
Kim: Just the roots?
Sequoia: Just the roots.
Kim: Did people ever actually do that?
Sequoia: I don't... I don't remember. Did they do that?
Laura: I always thought it was, the tips.
Kim: Yeah.
Laura: Like you would dye your ends.
Sequoia: Yeah. No.
Laura: The roots? That's weird.
Kim: It seems like a lot of work to dye just the roots. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh] Or her hair is dyed dirty blond and is growing out pink.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And Harry just doesn't understand how hair works. [other three laugh]
Sequoia: That's, also may be a thing. She had dyed pink roots in her dirty blond hair and a thick black headband with small white skulls decorating it.
Kim: [singing] Amazing!
Laura: Ooh, she went to Hot Topic. [Sequoia laughs]
Andrew: Yep.
Kim: [breathily] Yes.
Sequoia: I love it when they go to Hot Topic very clearly.
Kim: Yeah. There's like two outfits we ever get for original character, or just any characters when we get an outfit description in a fan fiction, it's "I shopped exclusively at Hot Topic" or "I shopped exclusively at Abercrombie and Fitch." 2 outfits.
Andrew: Oh, yeah. Yep. I was an amp-amber-Abercrombie boy.
Laura: I was a Hot Topic girl.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah. Hot Topic.
Kim: The two outfits. There are two outfits that Americans wear.
Andrew: Yeah. Yep. Now, I pull out some of those clothes some time, or sometimes I see pictures of it. I'm like, "What was I thinking? [other three laugh] Showing up that logo?" Like ugh, American Eagle too. That was another big guy.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew: Wow.
Kim: Oh, so good. I don't know where they get the tube top from, though. When they're wearing...
Sequoia: You could get a tube top from either.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: Either one of these outfits could include a tube tops. And usually they do.
Kim: Okay. Thick, black headband with skulls. I think I had that headband.
Sequoia: Great. Black and red converse shoes.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Hot pink tights.
Kim: She looks crazy.
Sequoia: Here's the thing. She's also wearing black capris. She's wearing [singing] tights with capris!
Kim: [In disbelief] Capris and tights?
Sequoia: I love this fanfiction. [all four chuckling] I want this outfit. I'm going to cosplay-
Kim: This outfit?
Sequoia: This character.
Kim: You're going to cosplay as Missy? [all four laughing] Great. Do that.
Sequoia: Hot pink tights, black capris. A black and white striped prison shirt with fading black lines and black skulls in the white. [Kim laugh-crying].
Kim: What?
Sequoia: They've... this is an outfit that this person either owns or saw and would really like to own.
Kim: It's the second one. It's always the second one. [Sequoia and Laura giggle]
Andrew: As fan fiction writers yourselves, do you find it necessary to describe what somebody is wearing in such vivid detail?
Kim: I think it's like a young person thing to do, because you think that stories are improved by adding more details, you're not really sure what details are. [all four laughing]
Andrew: So, you, whatever you could take a stab at.
Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: Got it.
Kim: And you go to Hot Topic.
Sequoia: Yeah. I've never been prone to doing this. I did it, when I was young, when I was like between 9 and 12, I did this a lot. And then as I got older, I stopped putting such detailed outfit descriptions in. But the outfits were very important!
Andrew: Huh, okay.
Sequoia: To the story.
Kim: See, when I wrote Harry Potter stuff, I did not write about the outfits because they were all wearing robes. [Sequoia laughing] Because they were at Hogwarts.
Andrew: Right! [Kim wheeze-laughs] Well, I'm just thinking about like myself. I wear such bland clothing. I don't know what I would write in detail. "He wore jeans [Kim giggles] and a t-shirt from Target. [all four laughing] He saved $2."
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. And I feel like it's most applicable when they're doing something like going to a ball or something. And then we're like, "Here's the dress." [long pause]
Kim: "It's blue." [all four giggle] I'm not a good writer.
Laura: No, but you have to pick, like, a special shade. Like periwinkle.
Sequoia and Kim: Mmm. Mm hmm.
Kim: Yeah, you do I guess.
Sequoia: I know exactly what you're saying. Oh fanfiction is great. All right.
Kim: And Hermione gets her hair under control. I'm sorry. [Sequoia laughs] I'm losing time.
Sequoia: You're doing a-.
Kim: Writing a, riding in a princess-.
Sequoia: -going on a tangent.
Kim: Sorry.
Sequoia: Okay, so, this very elaborate shirt description.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: She was carrying the magic equivalent of a muggle skateboard.
Kim: [Deep inhale, yelling] What the fuck is that?
Andrew: Oh.
Laura: The magical equivalent.
Andrew: And what would that be? Just didn't have wheels, I guess, it just glides.
Kim: Is it a hoverboard?
Sequoia: It's called-.
Kim: No, it has a name?
Sequoia: -A glider.
Andrew: Oh.
Kim: Is she carrying it because she doesn't know how to ride it, but she has to carry it [Sequoia laughs] so that she'll look cool. Sequoia?
Sequoia: No, I think... Well- No, she doesn't ride it later. Somebody else rides it later. So, maybe she doesn't know how to ride it.
Kim: She's just carrying it to look cool.
Sequoia: She's just carrying it to look cool.
Andrew: A glider, though. It's such a standard name. Like, that's an insult to J.K. Rowling. [Sequoia laughs] They're called, you know, Firebolts or Nimbus 2000 or Cleansweep. Glider is just like a standard word you could find in the dictionary.
Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: Come on, people.
Sequoia: Well, the author spent a lot of their-
Kim: Effort on the clothing.
Sequoia: On the clothing description, yeah. [chuckling]
Andrew: I see. She ran out of time for the cool products. I get it.
Kim: [chuckles] Magical equivalent of a skateboard. [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: It's important to let you know so that you can visualize what's happening in this.
Kim: Is all of this description just trying to get us to the next line of the song?
Sequoia: Um. [Hesitantly] Yes.
Kim: Shit. [giggling]
Sequoia: So I cut out unnecessary bits of singing the song.
Kim: Uh huh. I don't think any of it could have possibly [Sequoia] been [dissolving into chuckling with Andrew] unnecessary. I'm sorry, I edit my fics pretty heavily too.
Sequoia: The big chunks of chorus? [Kim laughs] I just sit here and read the chorus-.
Kim: Copy pasted.
Sequoia: -of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" to you. Okay. She began singing the same song as Hermione. "Damn founders," Harry thought angrily as he realized what was going on. [Kim taking deep calming breaths] They sang on, trading off lines.
Kim: It's a good thing we got that explanation at the beginning of the fic about what's happening.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Or else no one would ever believe this. [Sequoia and Andrew chuckling]
Laura: Yeah. It totally makes sense.
Kim: Yeah. [Laura and Sequoia giggling] It's good they introduced the concept at the [breaking into laughter] top!
Sequoia: Classic Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor. Their pranks.
Kim: I feel like this premise would usually be the result of a twin prank. Like the twins pulled a prank, and now everyone's singing.
Sequoia: Exactly. But now I want twin prank fic except for its Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor.
Kim: Pulling some sweet pranks.
Laura: Oh my God, what if they were twins? [other three laugh]
Sequoia: I want that fanfiction. That could be very cool!
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: I keep saying I want that fanfiction.
Kim: It may already exist.
Sequoia: Find it, submit it via our story submission form. Okay. Oh, speaking of our story submission form, I did a bad.
Kim: Oh, you forgot to say-.
Sequoia: This is a listener submission.
Kim: Nice.
Andrew: Oh.
Sequoia: [singing] Pew, pew, pew, listener submission!
Kim: Thank you, listener.
Sequoia: Thank you!
Kim: This is amazing.
Sequoia: All right. They sang on, trading off lines, as Missy and Hermione sang, they were coming closer and closer to Harry with each line. [Laura giggling]
Kim: Why did they name her Missy and not just lean into it and name her Avril? [other three giggle]
Sequoia: I don't know! [Kim groans exasperatedly] You're looking at me like I have an answer to your question. [Andrew giggles]
Kim: No one ever has answers for my questions.
Sequoia: Okay. This is the beginning of when I start speaking lines of a song by Avril Lavigne. Okay, here we go. "Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious." Since when did Miss Prude use that language? [Kim snickering] She said, "Damn."
Sequoia: Oh, was that Hermione?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: You got to tell me who's saying the line.
Sequoia: Hermione said that.
Kim: And Harry thought, "Wow. That prude.".
Sequoia: Mmhmm.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And now Missy says. "And hell yeah! I'm the motherfucking princess."
Kim: Woah, language! [all four giggle]
Laura: Hell yeah, with those hot pink tights?
Sequoia: Yeah, when I see hot pink tights, I'm like-.
Kim: "That's a motherfucking princess."
Sequoia: Not a regular princess. Missy was just three feet away.
Kim: From Hermione [Laura laughs] or from Harry?
Sequoia: From Harry, they're descending upon him.
Kim: Oh great. [Andrew chuckles]
Laura: At first I thought you were about to say, "Missy was just three feet tall." [other three laugh] And I was like, "Woah! That totally changes- [dissolves into giggles]"
Kim: She's a house elf?
Andrew: Avril's kind of short, right? So maybe [other three laughing] that was going to be the point.
Sequoia: It is just Avril. I looked up the music video to see if the outfit descriptions came directly from the music video itself.
Kim: Did they?
Sequoia: They don't.
Kim: Oh, weird.
Andrew: Darn.
Sequoia: Yeah. Okay. Missy was just three feet away. "I can tell you like me too. And you know I'm right." [Kim snorts] Hermione had finally reached him and began hanging off his arm, her chin on his shoulder, and one hand holding his face so he'd look at her.
Kim: Yikes.
Laura: Oh my god.
Andrew and Sequoia: [Make uncomfortable noises, making Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Kim: Holy shit.
Sequoia: [grumbly, commanding voice] "Look at me!" [Andrew laughs] "She's like, So whatever. You could do so much better." Missy had reached him, too. She latched on to his other arm and forced his face in HER direction.
Kim: [scoffs] Why?
Andrew: Uh-oh. [laughs] Poor Harry's neck. [other three laugh] Painful day.
Sequoia: Harry's getting whiplash from this.
Kim: You want to talk about-.
Andrew: Yeah, he's going to need a massage after.
Kim: -Breakfast and a show. This!
Sequoia: This!
Kim: Breakfast and a show.
Sequoia: Oh man. I mean, yeah. Imagine being the rest of the Hogwarts.
Kim: Like, "Oh, no, somebody's singing again. This happens every fucking day." [other three laugh]
Andrew: "And it echoes through these empty castle halls."
Kim: Oh, keeping you up.
Andrew: You can hear it from anywhere. [Kim and Sequoia laugh]
Sequoia: You're trying to study in the library.
Andrew: It's echoing up from five floors down.
Sequoia: [nasally] "She's like, so whatever!" [Kim laughing]
Kim: Yikes.
Sequoia: And then they sing together.
Kim: Mm hmm.
Sequoia: "I think we should get together now, and that's what everybody's talking about." Then they let go of his arms and standing on each side of him began dancing like professionals, [Laura chuckles] each doing the same dance as the other and singing the same thing.
Kim: Amazing! What?
Laura: So, wait. We got, like 18 paragraphs of clothing descriptions. But for the dance moves we get, "They [between chuckles] danced like professionals." [Sequoia and Andrew laugh]
Kim: They sure did. They did a dance. They're doing it. [all four chuckle] Not even what kind of dance? They're just dancing.
Sequoia: Like professionals! Yeah, I need some more descriptors. I need some like-.
Kim: Are they break dancing , are they-
Sequoia: -Fist pumping, some break dancing.
Kim: -ballroom dancing, are they interpretive dancing?
Sequoia: They're interpretive dancing.
Kim: There are so many things they could be doing. And I am going to say they are interpretive dancing.
Sequoia: They sang and danced their way through the chorus until-.
Kim: [chuckling] The chorus.
Sequoia: Ginny-.
Kim and Laura: Oh, no.
Sequoia: -Wearing. Are you ready? What's she wearing?
Kim: The fuck is Ginny wearing?
Sequoia: What's she wearing?
Kim: Ginny is wearing robes. [all four laugh] The school uniform.
Andrew: The author is just like, "Fuck it! I'm tired of doing all these details. [Laura and Sequoia laugh] She wore robes."
Kim: No, Ginny's dressed like a prep.
Sequoia: No, she's not.
Kim: No?
Sequoia: Try again.
Kim: Those are the only three types of person!
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Geek, goth, and prep.
Sequoia: There is a prep, it's not Ginny.
Kim: Fuck. [wheeze-chuckles]
Sequoia: There's another archetype you're missing. Think of the Spice Girls.
Kim: Is Ginny sporty?
Sequoia: Yes, she is.
Kim: Amazing.
Sequoia: Of course she's sporty!
Laura: Of course.
Kim: I'm sorry I missed it, stupid me!
Sequoia: Disappointed. Ginny, wearing tennis shoes, a white tank top, a white sports bra and pale blue dolphin shorts.
Kim: The fuck is that? [Sequoia wheeze-laughs]
Andrew: [incredulous] What?
Laura: Pale blue dolphin shorts.
Kim: Do they have dolphins on?
Sequoia: I don't know.
Kim: Can I... I'm going to look it up.
Laura: That actually does sound like a Spice Girls outfit.
Sequoia: Right? It's very Spice Girls. I was like, "Yes, here we are. It's Sporty Spice. [Kim chokes out a laugh] She's here. She's wearing a sports bra."
Kim: [Disappointed] No, it's a thing and it's boring.
Sequoia: Oh, it's a thing and it's boring?
Kim: It's just like the sportswear shorts.
Sequoia: Oh, they're just sportswear shorts, whatever. We're going to pretend that they're covered in dolphins.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: Her red hair pulled back into a ponytail and a quaffle under one arm.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: She needs a prop.
Kim: Yeah! Why don't they all have props? Ugh!
Sequoia: They. I mean, there's a glider.
Kim: Oh, yeah. They've got the skateboard and Hermione's got glasses. Alright, alright. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh] They're doing a great job.
Sequoia: Actually, Hermione has a prop later. [Kim wheeze-laughs] Hold for the text. Okay. Ginny's wearing a bunch of things, and she has a quaffle. Quaffle under one arm. She walked up to him and began singing.
Kim: Hey, I'm going to need fanart of this girl group.
Sequoia: Ooh, yeah, yeah. [Andrew chuckles] If we could put in just like a request.
Kim: I'm gonna need it so bad. Also, why is it Missy and not just Pansy? Or Avril. Never mind. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh] I need the fan art.
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter. She walked up to him and began singing. "I can see the way, I see the way you look at me." [Kim snickers, Andrew chuckles] She sang in a rough voice, probably from yelling during Quidditch or at her brother.
Kim: Kay. Everyone else sounds good, but Ginny sounds like shit. [Andrew laughs]
Kim: Not as bad as the next one!
Kim: Uh-oh.
Sequoia: All right.
Kim: I'm really hoping the next one is Draco. [Sequoia and Laura laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah. Get in your thoughts. You think Draco. Andrew? Laura? Do you have a guess on who the fourth member group is?
Kim: The prep.
Laura: Oh, that's tough. I was gonna say they were going to throw Luna in here, but I don't know if she'd be the prep.
Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: Maybe Neville. [Sequoia and Laura laugh, Kim gives a pleased cheer]
Kim: Neville's a great option too!
Sequoia: I love that.
Laura: Ooh, maybe Lavender.
Sequoia: Mm.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: That's a solid guess.
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: You'll see. [all four laugh] You'll all see.
Kim: It's Dumbledore!
Sequoia: Yelling at Quidditch or her brother. Hermione and Missy began to sing backup for Ginny [Kim snorts] as she made her way over. Then, here we go with the fourth member of the group, Cho Chang.
Laura and Andrew: Oh.
Laura: There she is. [Sequoia chuckling]
Sequoia: Cho Chang, she's here!
Kim: I'm having a transcendent experience. [other three laugh] This is too beautiful for this earth.
Sequoia: Cho Chang in her designer clothes and shoes, [Andrew hums appreciatively] manicure flashing and salon-hairdo flipping.
Kim: Beautiful. [Sequoia giggling] Incredible. I'm crying. [Kim, Laura and Andrew chuckle]
Sequoia: Is she flashing her manicure or does she have a magic manicure that's like a strobe light?
Kim: Oh, that!
Andrew: Oh, that'd be cool.
Kim: No, she's flashing it because fan fics never have magic.
Sequoia: No. [other three giggle] R.I.P. Magic. I don't know, the glider!
Kim: Shit.
Sequoia: That's kind of magic. "So come over here. Tell me what I want to hear. Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear!" Cho musically ordered.
Kim: They're going to kill Luna. [other three laugh]
Laura: Yeah. This sounds like it's getting ready to turn into a ritual sacrifice. [other three giggle]
Sequoia: That's the bit that Salazar Slytherin put in.
Kim: Oh, yeah. [other three laugh] See, they dance and sing it out. And then at the end, the-.
Sequoia: Somebody dies. [giggling].
Kim: -Conflict concludes with a ritual sacrifice. [Andrew chuckles] Horrible.
Sequoia: That's very good. Cho musically ordered. She had a horrible singing voice. [Kim snickers and Laura giggles] It was high pitched and off key.
Kim: That's me! [Sequoia laughs]
Andrew: Such a relatable tale!
Sequoia: Cho, so relatable. But Harry noticed something when she said, "Make your girlfriend disappear." She flipped her hand at Luna. [Kim chuckles] Who the hell started a rumor that they were dating?
Kim: This is, Harry's putting this together faster than Harry usually puts things together. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh] "She pointed at Luna, which means that they think my girlfriend is Luna." He's, like, on top of it.
Sequoia: He's got to be, they're descending upon him!
Kim: Oh, yeah. Time for panic to set in.
Sequoia: Ginny cut in. "She's like, so whatever." Ginny hung off the shoulder Hermione was on just seconds ago and rolled her eyes. [Kim chuckles, Sequoia starts using a high-pitched, nasal voice] "You can do so much better." Cho flipped her hair and gestured to herself, [Kim snickers] obviously implying that she was so much better and grabbed Harry's other arm.
Kim: Cho's hot. [other three chuckle].
Sequoia: Canon. "I think we should get together now," Ginny admitted. "And that's what everybody's talking about!" Cho screeched, [Kim snorts] nails-on-a-blackboard-voice. [all four laughing].
Kim: Oh, poor Cho.
Laura: [Breathlessly] Oh my god.
Sequoia: This author really didn't like Cho.
Kim: Aww. This, this is the role that Cho usually takes in fanfic. The preppy mean girl that the author hates.
Andrew: [chuckling] Oh gosh.
Sequoia: Which is just so mean.
Kim: It is so mean.
Sequoia: Her boyfriend died! [Kim giggling]
Andrew: Yeah.
Kim: And no one helped her!
Sequoia: No one helped her, be nice to her. [Kim and Sequoia chuckling] Cho screeched, nails-on-a-blackboard voice, making the inhabitants of the Great Hall cover their ears. [Kim giggles] Then all four girls got into formation. Two on each side of him and began the dance. [laughs with Laura]
Kim: Yes! Is Harry dancing? I feel like Harry should be magically compelled to be dancing right now. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh]
Sequoia: I wish! [Kim grunts in defeat] He's not.
Kim: [groans] Everyone else is being magically compelled to do some weird ass nonsense.
Sequoia: They're all dancing together.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: Professionally.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: They begin to chant, still dancing- [breaks into laughter]. This is a ritual sacrifice.
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: They begin to chant, still dancing, like on a music video. Formation never breaking and claps and stomps thrown in at appropriate moments. [all four chuckle] As opposed to inappropriate moments. I don't know, I think Cho's probably pretty off beat.
Kim: Cho's off time.
Andrew: Sometimes you got to wonder what these authors are thinking. Like, are they just trying to boost the word count? [other three laugh] Like, why... They need an editor. A lot of these fanfic writers need editors.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I had an editor.
Kim: You did?
Sequoia: Yeah, there was place...
Andrew: Well, that's why your work was so good, [Kim makes a disbelieving sound, Sequoia laughs] in part. Obviously, naturally, you were naturally talented. [Kim's disbeliefs becomes louder]
Sequoia: Exactly. Thank you.
Andrew: That came out the wrong way.
Kim: You have not heard the fanfic that I have heard. [Sequoia and Andrew laugh]
Laura: The other thing about fanfic is that it's absolutely for a lot of people, the way of fulfilling like their fantasies.
Sequoia and Kim: Yeah.
Laura: So usually with these and this is what I'm wondering about this character, Missy, I'm like, is she a stand in for the writer?
Kim: Probably.
Andrew: [chuckling] Probably.
Laura: You know, that's usually what happens.
Sequoia: Yeah. And the author at the top of this story, there is an author's note that is very specifically like, "I am not Missy, this is not a self insert. I just needed a punk." And I'm like, "Here's the thing. You could have made Lavender the punk or Parvati the punk or Pansy the punk, or like anyone. You could have just chosen a character and made them the punk."
Kim: They needed a Slytherin because the Slytherins are the punks and they wanted one that wasn't evil. And there aren't any. [all four laugh] And at this point, Blaise has been too confirmed as male for them to use.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: Unfortunate.
Sequoia: Sad.
Andrew: Hmm.
Sequoia: Blaise Zabini is our gender fluid icon.
Andrew: Oh, I see. Okay. Love that.
Laura: Oh yeah. Man, back in the day-.
Kim: Yup.
Laura: Like Blaise was always female and always like a dominatrix. [Laura, Kim and Sequoia laughing]
Andrew: Oh my gosh, I never knew this.
Laura: And then, I don't know if this was J.K. Rowling being very intentional in the books, but like he absolutely got confirmed as being male. [chuckles]
Sequoia: Mm hmm.
Kim: He did.
Sequoia: Yeah. [Kim chuckles] Yeah. And then fanfiction, like, half of fanfiction was like, "Okay, we're writing Blaise as a male person now." And then-
Sequoia and Kim: The other half-.
Kim: Ignored it!
Sequoia: Was like, "Whatever." [Andrew chuckles] And then we were like, "No, we are... We stan Blaise Zabini the genderfluid icon.”
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Alright. Where was I? At that moment, Cho and Missy, who were unfortunately on opposite sides of Harry, decided they weren't going to put up with someone flirting with him any more.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: Cho's banshee [dissolving into giggles with Kim] voice rang out as she forcefully grabbed one of Harry's arms and pulled him toward her. Missy, it seemed, had the same idea and pulled him back.
Kim: Yikes.
Sequoia: Cho pulled again. And that's when peaceful time ended. [other three laugh]
Laura: And Harry's arms got dislocated. [Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Then Harry ripped in half. Ritual sacrifice! [all four laugh] And Salazar Slytherin was one step closer to coming back from the dead! [Sequoia laughing].
Sequoia: The end. Missy grabbed her glider and began to go after Cho with it.
Kim: Oh, god.
Andrew: Oh, uh-oh. Like beat over the head with it?
Kim: Must be.
Sequoia: Yeah, she's wielding it like a weapon. You can do magic!
Kim: Not when you're under the influence of the song and dance spell.
Sequoia: Right, right, right. Yeah. Ginny tripped Missy with her quaffle, and the glider slipped under the tables, so Missy jumped on Cho's back. [other three laugh] They were still singing the chorus.
Kim: Amazing.
Sequoia: But Harry could no longer tell who was saying what. The shouted-
Kim: I think you could tell which one is Cho. [other three laugh]
Sequoia: Definitely. The shouted cheers of the Great Hall made it hard for Harry to even hear the words.
Kim: Oh, the Great Hall is cheering?
Sequoia: The Great Hall is like, "Fight!".
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Andrew: "Cat fight!" [other three laugh]
Sequoia: Where are the professors?
Kim: Dancing.
Sequoia: Oh, okay. [chuckles with Andrew and Laura] Hermione took one of her thick tomes.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: That's her prop. She has a big book.
Kim: A whole bunch of books. Yep.
Sequoia: And began to beat Missy and Cho with it. [all four laugh].
Kim: Goddamn.
Andrew: Wow.
Kim: This is horrible.
Sequoia: Harry never knew...
Andrew: I don't believe Hermione would do that. She doesn't want to damage one of her thick tomes. [Sequoia laughs] Those are precious.
Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: Plot hole. [Sequoia laughing]
Sequoia: We found it.
Andrew: I finally found one.
Kim: There's just one.
Sequoia: Oh, man. Harry never knew she was so violent. [Kim cracks up laughing] Ginny picked up her quaffle and stole Missy's glider and began to use it to fly around the cat fight, [Laura laughs] throwing the ball at the girls.
Kim: Amazing!
Sequoia: [between laughs] Ginny's flying around them.
Kim: On a skateboard.
Sequoia: Like bouncing her quaffle off their heads?
Kim: Yes. [Andrew and Laura chuckle] YES, I love it.
Sequoia: Alright. Hermione made a grab at Harry, but was pulled away by Cho, who didn't appreciate the book in the face. [all four laugh]
Andrew: Who would?
Sequoia: [still laughing] Yeah, exactly. Like that was a really thick tome.
Kim: [quietly] "My face."
Sequoia: Ginny tried to swoop down and get Harry on the stolen glider, but Missy was apparently very possessive of her magic skateboard and ended up grabbing Ginny's foot and forcing it off.
Kim: Mmhmm.
Sequoia: Any time someone tried to get Harry, they were pulled away again. And Harry was close to making a break for it. [Kim snickers] However, as he was sneaking away, the squabbling girls remember their reason for fighting [Kim laughing] and ran after Harry blocking him before he could get past the Ravenclaw table. They began to pull at him and scream out the chorus. [Kim and Laura laughing] They're still singing.
Kim: Of course.
Sequoia: Which Harry was amazed they kept going. He expected them to stop singing or the song to have ended by now.
Kim: Very long song.
Andrew: [chuckling] This is like an extended remix or something maybe.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Ah man, it's missing the like, the like-
Sequoia and Kim: -Rap.
Kim: Break?
Sequoia: Chorus. Yeah.
Kim: Yeah! Where is umm, who would do the rap break, Ron?
Sequoia: I was going to say Vinny or Greg. [laughs with Kim]
Kim: Oh, those are good too!
Sequoia: Whoo! Alright. Finally, someone tried to come to his rescue-.
Kim: Uh-oh.
Sequoia: And not the person he was expecting.
Kim: Draco Malfoy.
Sequoia: Draco Malfoy.
Kim: [cheering] Yes! [all four laugh] This author and I are in sync. [Sequoia laughs even harder] We're on the same wavelength. I'm In.
Sequoia: Draco Malfoy ran straight into the fight and began to pull girls away from Harry, who at that point didn't care who was helping him.
Kim: "Anybody help me. [Sequoia laughs] Where are the professors?" [Andrew chuckles]
Sequoia: There's like an entire Great Hall full of people, and no one is helping. Draco Malfoy was shouting things like, "If you really loved Potter, you wouldn't be trying to tear him apart right now!" [other three chuckling] And, "Where's your self-control? You're going to kill him!" Draco made only a small difference. Every time- [dissolves into laughter].
Kim: Fucking Draco.
Sequoia: But he's trying!
Kim: Yeah, trying is something.
Sequoia: Every time one of the girls tried to pull Harry in, he'd try to get away, always trying to get to Draco, who he'd never noticed was so handsome before.
Kim: Oh, yeah. Getting that Drarry in at the end. [Sequoia and Andrew chuckling] Ten out of ten.
Sequoia: These girls are, like, clawing at him, and he's like, "Wait a second."
Kim: "Draco is looking really hot today."
Andrew: "He's hot when he gets involved." [all four chuckle]
Sequoia: The girls didn't notice him trying to get to the man who tried to save him. As Harry felt the song began to wind down and the spell began to break, he was finally able to break away from his current captor, Hermione.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: And get to Draco.
Andrew: [breathily] Yes.
Sequoia: A mutual understanding passed over their faces as they communicated with their eyes. [Kim and Andrew chuckling]
Kim: Holy shit, no! [Sequoia laughing] That's nothing.
Laura: Andrew, you might be getting what you want.
Andrew: Yeah!
Sequoia: Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's upper ribs and under his knees, and Draco slung his arms around the brunet's neck. Harry picked up his new boyfriend. [all four laugh]
Kim: Okay, that is very presumptuous!
Andrew: Excuse me? That escalated quickly.
Sequoia: Um, excuse me! They looked into each other's eyes-.
Kim: I don't think that counts.
Sequoia: And communicated.
Kim: That does not count as a DTR.
Andrew: I mean, they should have fucked each other [other three laugh heartily] with their eyes before calling each other boyfriends.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Harry picked up his new boyfriend bridal style, and carried him out of the hall, leaving nothing but a twinkling headmaster. Dumbledore was there the whole time.
Kim: Dumbledore was there the whole time. [all four cracking up into laughter]
Andrew: Excuse me? Wait.
Kim: Fucking twinkling Dumbledore! Do anything but twinkle!
Sequoia: A laughing blond Ravenclaw and four very confused girls. [other three chuckle] The end.
Laura: That was brilliant.
Andrew: Wow. I yeah, I agree. I just never could have imagined that ending. Yeah, and I'm still stuck on thick tome. [other three laugh] I'm just like, "What happened to the thick tome? Did the thick tome find a happy ending? Did he or she find another tome?"
Kim: I bet the props and the costumes disappeared with the end of the spell.
Laura: I just, I still love Cho's screeching. [all three laugh]
Sequoia: Banshee wailing, nails on a chalkboard. [Laura and Andrew giggling]
Kim: That was very funny.
Sequoia: I love this fan fiction. High-key a lot.
Kim: Yeah. Well done.
Andrew: Yeah, that was great.
Sequoia: Thank you so much to the listener that sent this through to our story submission form.
Kim: You did a very good job.
Andrew: Was there a sequel?
Sequoia: Not that I...
Kim: With Harry and Draco making out? [Sequoia laughs]
Andrew: Well, I just want to know what happens to Harry and Draco in this timeline. Yeah. I need to know what's next. [dissolving into giggles] For the happy couple. [Sequoia chuckles]
Kim: I wish there was. I bet there would be music. What would Harry and Draco sing? I don't know.
Sequoia: Oh, man. I don't know, tweet at us.
Laura: Oh, it'll probably cover the rocky period in their relationship, and it'll set to "Complicated.".
Sequoia and Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: It's a whole Avril series!
Kim: Rock musical.
Laura: Yeah.
Sequoia: Oh, that's brilliant.
Kim: I love it.
Sequoia: Ooh. Make sure to check out our playlist. [Kim giggling] We have a-
Kim: You did a song fic just to talk about your stupid playlist!
Sequoia: I did. I did. As of the release of this episode, the playlist came out three days ago. It is a playlist that is completely made up of songs that we have referenced in our podcast.
Kim: [giggling] Shit.
Andrew: Oh, fun.
Sequoia: It is. [laughs].
Kim: It's some hot nonsense.
Sequoia: You got everything from High School Musical to Avril Lavigne to uhh... [long pause]
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Madonna.
Kim: Madonna is in there.
Sequoia: ABBA.
Kim: ABBA's in there.
Sequoia: Alright, well, it seems like Kim got a point.
Kim: I did.
Sequoia: That's our points recap. Sorry to our guests. We loved your predictions and would like to see those fan fictions written in this world.
Kim: Yep.
Andrew: You got it.
Laura: I bet they already exist, somewhere.
Sequoia: Right? There's so much Harry Potter fan fiction.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: They've got to be out there.
Kim: Very good.
Sequoia: And if they're not. Someone write them. [Andrew chuckles]
Kim: I've pulled ahead to three points, my friend.
Sequoia: Oh, you have? [Kim laughing proudly] Yeah. Wow, I have zero points.
Kim: You have one.
Sequoia: I have one point. Okay. Now it's time for...
Sequoia and Kim: The Rec Zone!
Sequoia: [airhorn noises]
Kim: Every episode we recommend a story that we have genuinely enjoyed. I genuinely enjoyed Girlfriend. I recommend that. Do you have another recommendation for us though Sequoia?
Sequoia: Yes, I do. Alright. My recommendation today is called Unexpected Development. It is also [singing] a listener submission! [airhorn noises]
Kim: We're not just doing listener submissions because we're lazy. It's because they're so good.
Sequoia: They're so good. This one, are you ready?
Kim: No. No?
Sequoia: It's Dron.
Kim: [cheering] Yes! [Laura and Andrew chuckle]
Sequoia: I'm reccing some Dron. Because, you guys, the story is so good!
Kim: I love Dron so much. It is the most nonsense Draco pairing. [all four chuckling]
Sequoia: It's a story about how Draco keeps staring at Ron. But Ron thinks that he's staring at either Ginny or Hermione or someone other than him.
Kim: It's a very common Dron trope. [giggles]
Sequoia: Yes, it's very good. This one, I feel, was really well done. It was funny. They were like, mostly in character? Yeah.
Kim: No they weren't. No way! [Andrew and Laura laughing]
Sequoia: Yeah, that one's really fun. So that recommendation will be in the description of the episode as well as on our website. Before we get to our closing stuff, we'll go ahead and let you two go. And before you go, let us know where we can find you and MuggleCast.
Andrew: Yeah. Sounds good. So MuggleCast is available at MuggleCast.com and within your favorite podcasting app, if you just search for it, I'm sure you'll find it. And Laura and I also do another podcast called Millennial, where we're talking about millennial issues and millennial lifestyle. And yeah, we're just talking about what's going on in the world that affects the lives of us and sharing our own personal stories. So that's available at MillennialShow.com so, yeah, that's what we're doing every week. But now I want to start a fanfiction podcast. [Kim and Sequoia laughing]
Laura: Yeah, I know, this has been a lot of fun!
Sequoia: We love it so much. Fanfiction is a treasure.
Kim: It is.
Andrew: Yeah.
Sequoia: Is there anywhere that that you would like to be followed like a Twitter or an Instagram or something, either of you.
Laura: Oh, yeah. So my Twitter name is really weird. It's laurita, but it has like 8 'r's in it, so I can share that with you. If people would be so inclined to follow me.
Kim: Well, put it the description.
Sequoia: Yeah. We'll definitely put it in the description.
Andrew: Yeah. And I would just say a Twitter. My username is Sims. Yes. I am confused with the Sims video game quite often on Twitter. [other three laugh] It's a lot of fun.
Kim: Amazing.
Sequoia: Nice. When you get to Twitter before Sims did.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Incredible.
Andrew: Exactly. I wish they would try to buy it off me though. I'll sell it to them if it's like thousands of dollars.
Kim: Got to start tweeting a lot of like tangentially Sims related content to make it really confusing. [Sequoia laughs]
Andrew: Right, well sometimes people tweet me with their the Sims tech problems and I'm like, "I'm sorry, I can't help in this instance, but I would if I could."
Sequoia: I saw one of those recently. I saw one of your replies and I was like, "I didn't even think of that." But yeah, that would be a common error.
Kim: LOL.
Andrew: Yeah, it's. It's fun and frustrating but fun.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: Thank you so much for coming on. This has been a blast.
Andrew: Thank you. Yeah, it was a lot of fun.
Laura: Thank you for having us.
Sequoia: Yeah. Hopefully we'll have you on again some other time.
Kim: Yeah.
Andrew: Yeah, likewise.
Sequoia: Yeah, we've had a ton of fun, so. Alright, we'll...
Kim: See you around!
Sequoia: See you around!
Laura and Andrew: Bye!
Kim: That was really fun, Sequoia.
Sequoia: That was so fun. I'm so glad that we got to have them on. We'll have the other two MuggleCasters on soon as well.
Kim: Look forward to that! I'm looking forward to it.
Sequoia: [singing] Look forward to it! [Kim chuckles].
Kim: Let's do a quick segment.
Sequoia: It's time for:.
Sequoia and Kim: A Quick Fics.
Sequoia: Yeah, let's do that real quick.
Kim: Hey, guess what? I read something really gross that I need to get off my chest!
Sequoia: I hate you.
Kim: It's weighing down on me.
Sequoia: I hate you a lot.
Kim: It's pressing me, pressing me down. It's been pressing me down for very, very, very long. One time I read a Christmas fanfiction story about Dramione where Draco stuck a candy cane in Hermione and I vomited. [Sequoia laughing until almost crying] Merry Christmas! [Sequoia snorts, still laughing] You managed to make through that whole story without crying, and THAT got you?
Sequoia: We said, "This is going to be so quick." And, now, if you'll just excuse me, I'm going to cry for 5 minutes. [Kim chuckling] Okay, that was a Quick Fic. I'm upset.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Alright. If you want to find our recommendation from this episode, which was a [singing] listener's submission, you can do that on our website.
Kim: Also on our website is the listener story submission form.
Sequoia: Get those in!
Kim: We're reading them and using them.
Sequoia: There's over 400 of them and we love them. Thank you. Our website is fanaticalfics.com.
Kim: Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: On fanaticalfics.com-.
Kim: There's a little bit of merch.
Sequoia: There's a little bit of merch and there's also a link to our T public where there's a lot of bit of merch.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Our social media. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter at Fanatical Fics.
Kim: We also have an email for longer thoughts, hold for the end submissions and-.
Sequoia and Kim: Trick your friends 2019.
Kim: It's still 2019.
Sequoia: It's still 2019.
Kim: Submissions. So go to our email. Fanaticalfics@gmail.com.
Sequoia: If you want to help the podcast, there's a couple of ways to do that. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Facebook.
Kim: We shout them out when we have time.
Sequoia: Yep. [both laugh].
Kim: Trick your friends. 2019. There's a few more days left. Get that trickery in!
Sequoia: Get those friends tricked!
Kim: Get those big tricks!
Sequoia: You can also go to our Patreon, where we are doing all sorts of stuff, book club, we're doing writing competitions, we're doing bonus episodes, we've got exclusive merch. There's all sorts of stuff happening over there, so go check it out!
Kim: Thanks as always to the Whomping Willows for the use of our theme song. It's their amazing song, WolfStar.
Sequoia and Kim: Bye!