Episode 48: Hawaiian Fantasy (Part 2)
Will Harry and Cho’s tongues touch once again? Will they… screw?! Find out in the thrilling conclusion to Hawaiian Fantasy!
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Recommendation: Private Countdown
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2732431/1/Private-Countdown
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Sterre
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original work contained in this transcript, you can find it here!
Kim: [with great energy] How's everybody doing out there tonight? You feeling good? You feeling fresh?
Sequoia: [laughs] What are you…?
Kim: Is anybody out there from… anybody out here flew in from…? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Iceland?
Kim: How about those…? How about that…? [both laugh]
Sequoia: So… started dating again. [both laugh]
Kim: That's good. That’s good.
Sequoia: Is that a good one?
Kim: Yeah, that's a good one. [laughs]
Sequoia: That a good one?
Kim: Welcome to the slam comedy night. [laughs]
Sequoia: Slam comedy night over here at Fanatical Fics. [both laugh]
Kim: So I… so I went over to my mother in law’s house this weekend, and… [both laugh]
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello, I'm Sequoia Simone!
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: And this is fucking Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them. Here we go. Here we go! [laughs]
Kim: It's our podcast about Harry Potter fanfiction. What's wrong with you?
Sequoia: I'm just… I have a lot of anticipation…
Kim: Ah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sequoia: …in me. You know, for…
Kim: You know. I… you showed up earlier today to record the podcast, and I almost didn't let you in. [both laugh]
Sequoia: I… we're…
Both: We're wearing the same shirt. [both laugh]
Kim: I'm very uncomfortable about it.
Sequoia: [laughs] Listen, it's neither of our fault, really.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: When it comes down to it.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: We both made a decision today, and I think both of our decisions were, I don't fucking care. And somehow… and ended up wearing the same shirt. So here we are in the studio. Two days in a row.
Kim: We are. Yeah. We recorded yesterday. We're back again today. I… yesterday I thought we were gonna push through and record the second half of this story, and then we would come back and record the like extra stuff later.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: But you were so disturbed…
Sequoia: I… [laughs]
Kim: …after watching that possession that happened in this corner of the studio in my…
Sequoia: Your post…
Kim: What I called a post credits scene.
Sequoia: Your post credit scre… scream? No, that's right. That's correct.
Kim: Yeah. [both laugh]
Sequoia: That’s correct. I did it. Your post credit… credit scream.
Kim: I can see the whites around your eyes. [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh man. I just… I had to go home.
Kim: Like, when I came back, I like… I don't remember what happened. [both laugh]
Sequoia: You blacked out. I was scared. I had to go home and take a nap. It was just a lot. [both laugh] It was a lot for me, and here we are having to do…
Kim: Had to take a short…
Sequoia: Do it…
Kim: …like twenty four hour break. [both laugh]
Sequoia: And we're back, [sighs]
Kim: We're back with the rest of this thing. You know, it's probably good we didn't push through. Last time we did that, we were not well people by the end.
Sequoia: No, I think I needed…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: …a lotta time to recover.
Kim: Yeah. We'll see how this turns out.
Sequoia: Last time that happened. So l… you know.
Kim: This is only our second two parter, or multi parter, isn't it?
Sequoia: It is. You've read both of them.
Kim: It's an accident. It… this one was an accident.
Sequoia: The first one was not an accident.
Kim: Yeah, we did that on purpose, I guess.
Sequoia: But this…
Kim: Was an accident.
Sequoia: …was an accident. Here we are.
Kim: I don't know why I thought we could get this in one episode.
Sequoia: I don't know.
Kim: It's just…
Sequoia: I don't either.
Kim: It's too beautiful and perfect.
Sequoia: l just… I wanna savor every moment of it, you know?
Kim: Yeah, let's do a quick recap, because for the listeners it hasn't just been one day.
Sequoia: No. It's been two weeks. [laughs]
Kim: It's been two weeks. Where did we leave off? We left off… well, not left off. What ha… what’s the story so…
Sequoia: We were… we were at Plush Red.
Kim: The story so far. Cho has gone to Hawaii after mourning Cedric's death for ten years. Her parents were like, go to Hawaii. Have a fun vacation. Maybe stop thinking about Cedric. Where do we find Cho though at the very beginning of this story?
Sequoia: On the beach.
Kim: Thinking about Cedric's death…
Sequoia: Thinking about Cedric.
Kim: …on the beach! Who shows up? Harry. Who is also thinking about Cedric's death. [Sequoia laughs] Talk about Cedric’s death for a second. Then Harry is like, let's go on a date. Cho's like, no, but also yes. [both laugh] Then he impresses her with a limo ride to the most expensive and romantic restaurant in Hawaii, where they make out a little bit in… in the back of the limo.
Sequoia: Plush Red.
Kim: Plush Red. [both laugh] I think that's…
Sequoia: Harry ordered her food…
Kim: Harry did order her food.
Sequoia: …before they even arrived.
Kim: She didn't know what the food…
Sequoia: She didn't know what the food was. [Kim sighs] And they're both contemplating screwing.
Kim: Yep. [laughs]
Sequoia: And that's basically what happened.
Kim: That is… that is about where we left off.
Sequoia: Which, we summarized it quickly. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it was so much.
Kim: It was a lot in there. [laughs]
Sequoia: It was so much. Anyway.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Before we get to…
Kim: The rest. Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: The rest. We gotta…
Kim: We have stuff that goes at the top.
Sequoia: We gotta… we got stuff that goes at the top.
Kim: I'm so excited to get in the story.
Sequoia: I know.
Kim: I forgot how the order of the episode goes.
Sequoia: I know. Me too, me too. Before we get started we are going to shout out some reviews.
Kim: Shout out to Tnushka. I'm very sorry. Who says we came in to their life just in time to save them from a serious case of Drarry poisoning with our a hundred percent accurate portrayal of Draco and what a shit he is. [Sequoia laughs] You're welcome.
Sequoia: He's a shit.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Shout out to createacass, who says we're funny in a way that is kind and loving towards fans, fandom and writers. So we'd like to put all jokes aside at this time and thank you. We've really been striving for this and it's wonderful to hear that that's coming through.
Kim: I do sometimes worry that that's not what we're hitting.
Sequoia: Yeah, so…
Kim: But it's what we aim for.
Sequoia: It's what we want, and thank you very much.
Kim: [singing] We love fanfiction, especially this one! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Clearly.
Kim: Shout out to ripaaa, who says we've provided them with hours of training from the uncontrollable laughter. And that is accurate. Check out… check out my sick eight pack, Sequoia.
Sequoia: You're actually showing me your stomach. Why are you doing that? [smacking noises] Don't do that!
Kim: Rock hard! [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh, Jesus Christ, Shout out to morgan-ritchie, who agrees with us that everyone should listen to the podcast. Everyone. Tell everyone you've ever made eye contact with.
Kim: Jesus Christ. [both laugh] [Kim takes several deep breaths] Okay. Shout out to 1838482019857278184869381749572. [Sequioa laughs] [Kim sighs] Whose review is just the close up emoji, and who is my new arch enemy! [Sequioa laughs] Jesus fucking Christ.
Sequoia: [laughs] Shout out to NattyBroA. [both laugh] Who calls our trash commentary analysis. [Kim laughs] Which checks out for our entirely scripted podcast funded by NPR.
Kim: [soothing voice] Welcome to…
Sequoia: [soothing voice] Welcome to…
Kim: [soothing voice] And here we are…
Sequoia: [soothing voice] The podcast… this podcast is about fanfiction. [both laugh]
Kim: [soothing voice] I'm your host, Kim, filling in for Kim, who's away this week.
Sequoia: [soothing voice] I’m your host, Sequoia Simone filling in for Ira Glass. [both laugh] All right!
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: All right. [both laugh] How many times can we do that bit?
Kim: I mean, I…
Sequoia: Let’s… let’s…
Kim: …always love that bit. All the time.
Sequoia: We love NPR. All right.
Both: Okay.
Sequoia: So…
Kim: We have…
Sequoia: You have a… you have a restriction for me.
Kim: Yeah, be cool.
Sequoia: [laughs] That's not the one I was talking about.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: Also, that's my restriction for you! [both laugh]
Kim: Well, you know I can't do that, so…
Sequoia: Oh fuck.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: No, what's your actual restriction?
Kim: Last time we did a multi parter I gave you too many extra predictions.
Sequoia: You did. I got three, two, one.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So…
Kim: We're just gonna do one today, and I don't think I'm gonna accept most answers. [laughs]
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Be cool!
Sequoia: Be cool. Then…
Kim: I mean, we know a lot about where this story is going. Kind of.
Sequoia: I don't!
Kim: Maybe.
Sequoia: I don't know!
Kim: It's about to get crazy.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: I'll give you that.
Sequoia: Then I don't fucking know what's gonna happen!
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: Yeah, so…
Kim: Predict whatever.
Sequoia: My prediction is that they will be married by the end of the story. [Kim inhales deeply] What is that? What is that? What is that eyeroll?
Kim: Fine. [Sequoia laughs] I don't like that prediction.
Sequoia: Okay. I'll make a different prediction.
Kim: I think it's pretty obvious that’s where we're going.
Sequoia: I don't think so at all! Most fanfictions end when they make out. So I have no idea what's happening past now!
Kim: You can't… you can't tell that this is a fanfiction that's going to have like an additional paragraph at the end?
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh.
Kim: That's like, and then…
Sequoia: I don't think that counts, ‘cause that's like an epilogue.
Kim: Ah. I think it counts.
Sequoia: Okay. Never mind then. I'll make a different prediction. My prediction is that in the course of the rest of the story they will drink champagne at some point.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: There you go. [both laugh]
Kim: Okay. Do that.
Sequoia: There you have it.
Kim: [laughs] As soon as the chauffeur opened the door to the limousine, Harry led Cho to the shore. Cho glanced at the water for a moment, then shifted her gaze to her dress. It was nearly covering her feet and if she walked in the popular Hawaiian waters… [both laugh]
Sequoia: Man, how does that make the not popular Hawaiian waters feel? [both laugh]
Kim: Oh man. This person… this person deserves an all expense paid trip to…
Both: …Hawaii!
Kim: …her beautiful dress would be wet!
Sequoia: Good deduction, Cho. [both laugh]
Kim: If I go in the…
Both: …water.
Sequoia: My dress will get wet. Hmm.
Kim: Harry was looking at Cho. “Cho, what's wrong?” His date smiled at him apologetically. [with a hundred percent vocal fry, voice used for Cho throughout] “My dress…” [both laugh loudly]
Sequoia: Goddamnit!
Kim: You forgot it was coming?
Sequoia: [still laughing] I forgot it was coming. Goddamnit!
Kim: “My dress will be wet if I walk in the water.” [both laugh] “Why worry? It's just the water, after all.”
Sequoia: Oh god! [Kim laughs] Brilliant. Brilliant.
Kim: So natural.
Sequoia: So… [laughs] if we were walking in the unpopular waters, that might be a problem.
Kim: Yeah. These are the popular waters.
Sequoia: But these are the popular waters.
Kim: Also, you have magic. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh shit. [laughs]
Kim: Harry dragged Cho to the sea, where Cho fell, laughing. Her whole dress was ruined!
Sequoia: Oh, Jesus Christ! [laughs]
Kim: Cho's eyes glittered with laughter. [without vocal fry] “You'll pay f…” Oh, sorry. I forgot what I was doing. Just got so into the story.
Sequoia: [laughing] Like, wow.
Kim: [with the vocal fry] “You'll pay for that, bastard!” And she pushed Harry. His suit was also wet now.
Sequoia: Oh good.
Kim: That's what happens.
Sequoia: When you fall in the water. You're wet. They're both wet.
Kim: You get wet.
Sequoia: Wet, yeah.
Kim: Everyone is wet.
Sequoia: Everybody. Okay.
Kim: They rolled around in the water for a second. Much later, Cho and Harry were lying in the sand, not caring any more if their outfits were ruined. [laughs]
Sequoia: 'Cause they were already ruined. Once you ruin your outfit…
Kim: They didn't seem to care about it immediately after it happened either.,
Sequoia: They were like… [both giggle] [high voice] Oh my gosh!
Kim: [high voice] My dress!
Sequoia: [high voice] My dress is wet! [both laugh]
Kim: I mean, it is chiffon.
Sequoia: Oh right! Oh, right. I forgot. I forgot. It's chiffon. I take it all back. [both laugh]
Kim: Cho turned to Harry. “Thank you, Harry. This has been the happiest day of my life.”
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh god!
Kim: It's so sad.
Sequoia: Cho!
Kim: I mean…
Sequoia: Shed a tear for Cho Chang. [both laugh]
Kim: It… it sounds like it's been a decent date. I mean, they went to the most…
Both: …expensive restaurant.
Kim: There was a limo.
Sequoia: They touched tongues. [laughs]
Kim: Checks all the boxes! Best date ever! [both laugh] “Glad to help” Harry replied, his eyes sparkling like they had never sparkled beforrrrree!
Sequoia: YES! [laughs]
Kim: Whaaat?!
Sequoia: We are both doing jazz hands. [both laugh] I think that was important to note.
Kim: It was an important note. I feel like they came through in the audio.
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah, you can tell, right? [both laugh] They’d, like, glittered like they'd never glittered before!
Kim: So good!
Sequoia: Yes! Glitterrr!
Kim: No! [Sequioa laughs] His eyes are so sparkly, Sequoia.
Sequoia: They’re so…
Kim: You just don't even know.
Sequoia: I don't! Like, I can't even fathom. [both laugh]
Kim: He stood up, brushed the sand of off his pants, and offered Cho a hand. Instead of letting Harry pull her up, she pulled Harry to her.
Sequoia: Oh god! Oh god! [laughs]
Kim: Look, we have to hit… we've only got like fifteen hundred more words and we have to hit every fucking trope, Sequoia.
Sequoia: [laughs] I'm sorry. I knew this had to happen, though.
Kim: This was…
Sequoia: This was… this was bound…
Kim: …going to happen.
Sequoia: …to happen. Bound.
Kim: He fell on top of her, aware that his lips were mere inches from hers.
Sequoia: Gahh!
Kim: Cho looked at Harry. “I can't deny it any more. I'm really falling in love with him. Should I ask if he wants to make love? [Sequoia laughs] After all, I am older than he is, right?”
Sequoia: [still laughing] [shrieking] What? What is this… what does that have to do with anything?! [both cry laugh]
Kim: Cho… Cho feels like she has to take up the mantle of responsibility for this.
Sequoia: Oh, okay.
Kim: She is older than him.
Sequoia: She does… she's a year older than him. So…
Kim: So that means she's more mature.
Sequoia: So she's the one to be like…
Kim: Let's screw.
Sequoia: …shall we bang? [both laugh]
Kim: I mean, she did already invite him back to her hotel room.
Sequoia: She did. This has… this has been the works, Cho. This is not like… we're not surprised. We’re not surprised.
Kim: You're not just thinking this, Cho. You're kinda telling us you’re just thinking this. I don't believe you. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: So that was Cho's thoughts. Here we’re gonna get Harry's thoughts now.
Sequoia: Oh good. Excellent. They're the same. Continue. [laughs]
Kim: “I just want to make love to her.”
Sequoia: Ahhh! Sorry.
Kim: “But what if she thinks it's too soon?” Doubts began to fill Harry's brain.
Sequoia: Oh no. God. That just… it makes me uncomfortable.
Kim: That they're thinking the same thing and staring into each other’s sparkling eyes?
Sequoia: Oh god!
Kim: Laying on top of each other on the public beach.
Sequoia: [laughs] They're all wet.
Kim: All wet and sandy. So much sand. Everywhere.
Sequoia: [still laughing] Gross!
Kim: “Cho, I… I… I want to makelovetoyou.” Harry rushed the last four words. [Sequoia laughs] [mumbling] I wanna m’love to you.
Sequoia: [mumbling] Just getting… [makes wordless sounds]
Kim: [mumbling] Can I m’lovetoyou? It's a call back to Goblet of Fire when he asked her to the dance.
Sequoia: It is.
Kim: [mumbling] Wangoballwime?
Sequoia: That's so good! [Kim laughs] Oh my god!
Kim: Thank you, author. Thank you, author.
Sequoia: Thank you author! I'm dying.
Kim: Harry rushed the last four words. Cho sat up and raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Sequoia: Cho, you were just… that's fine.
Kim: She didn't understand it.
Sequoia: Okay. Okay, that's fine. That's fine.
Kim: 'Cause what was that nonsense thing he just grumbled out?
Sequoia:laughs [mumbling] Wangoballwime?
Kim: [mumbling] Wangoballwime? Did you say something about balls? [Sequoia laughs] No! Harry shook his head. “Before I repeat what I said I wanna say something.” Cho nodded. “I fell in love with you the first time we met, in the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, my third year.” Yes, he did say Hufflepuff.
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: Which is incorrect.
Sequoia: Wow. Oh no.
Kim: She was not in Hufflepuff.
Sequoia: She wasn't in Hufflepuff. Did he see her in the crowd? [both laugh]
Kim: Oh, who the fuck knows, man?
Sequoia: I'd like to imagine.
Kim: I think it's just an… it's just a typo, but I did leave it in.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Anyway. So he fell in love with her from when he was in the third year. “I thought it was a little adolescent crush, but I couldn't deny my feelings for you. I was hurt when you turned me down before the Yule Ball.” Bringing up that ten years later.
Sequoia: Damn! Damn!
Kim: These guys have a lot of unresolved feelings from ten years ago.
Sequoia: They really do.
Kim: I have zero memories from ten years ago. [Sequoia laughs] Just wanna say that. [laughing] Wanna point that out. Maybe that's just me.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh man.
Kim: “I was hurt when you turned me down before the Yule Ball. But you were already with Cedric.”
Sequoia: Oh my god. Dude!
Kim: Gotta bring him up again.
Sequoia: Dude! No!
Kim: You have to bring Cedric up.
Sequoia: No! Man!
Kim: Got to bring his ghost back. So he can watch.
Sequoia: This is… this is not how you seal the deal, bro!
Kim: It is with Cho.
Sequoia: Jesus Christ.
Kim: “And I wanted to offer my deepest sympathies to you, but you didn't seem ready. So I decided to forget about you until now. But the m…”
Sequoia: Until now, followed you to Hawaii.
Kim: Yeah, right? Harry, you're not fooling anyone.
Sequoia: Bro.
Kim: Except Cho. He is fooling Cho. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Well, she hasn't spoken to anyone in ten years.
Kim: That’s true.
Sequoia: So I'm not entirely sure that she's… [both laugh]
Kim: “I decided to forget about you until now. But the moment I saw you again, I realized I never want to let you go. Cho, will you make love with me?” [Sequoia laughs] Did that eye contact make you uncomfortable?
Sequoia: It did! It did.
Kim: Ma’be. How do you feel about that speech?
Sequoia: I feel terrible about it. [laughs] I feel like…
[pause]
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: I feel uncomfortable.
Kim: Good.
Sequoia: I feel like this is not an offer that Cho should really take up. There… there's a lot…
Kim: Sequoia, this checks all the boxes. l've been in love with you since you were thirteen. Since I was thirteen.
Sequoia: Since I was thirteen.
Kim: I your ex boyfriend is dead.
Sequoia: Don’t, dude! Don't fucking bring it up.
Kim: One time you refused to go on a date with me when I was fourteen. [both laugh]
Sequoia: I was devastated. I still am! [laughs]
Kim: Let's do it.
Sequoia: Let's do it. This is not a good offer. This is not… [laughs] [both sigh] okay. Great. Continue.
Kim: Cho was deeply touched by his words. [both laugh] She smiled at Harry. “I have something to tell you too. I did not fall in love with you the first time I saw you.”
Sequoia: Clearly.
Kim: “But I had this really weird feeling every time I thought about you.”
Sequoia: What the fuck?
Kim: Gas. That was gas. That was gas.
Sequoia: That was gas! [both laugh] It was that look that he gave her every time.
Kim: Yeah! [both laugh] Always with the pleading eyes.
Sequoia: Always with the pleading! [both keep laughing]
Kim: “I was flattered when you asked me to go to the ball, but I didn't want to turn down Cedric. I realized I was falling in love with you then.”
Sequoia: What the…
Kim: “But…”
Sequoia: …fuck?
Kim: “But you didn't give me another chance after Cedric died.”
Sequoia: This is not…
Kim: “So I've just been thinking and fantasizing about you, hoping that someday you'd come back.”
Sequoia: That is not what happened. [laughs]
Kim: “Yes, Harry. I'll make love with you.”
Sequoia: Gross!
Kim: You looked away that time.
Sequoia: I did.
Kim: I was trying. I was trying to…
Sequoia: I knew you would. And here I am. I looked away.
Kim: [groans] Ruining this for me.
Sequoia: None of that…
Kim: What?
Sequoia: None of that…
Kim: What?
Sequoia: …is what happened!
Kim: What do you mean?
Sequoia: She… she's been… there's no… we didn't… [laughs]
Kim: She's been pining after Harry for ten years. Didn't bother to contact him, because she was also so sad that Cedric…
Sequoia: So sad about Cedric?
Kim: Who’s dead.
Sequoia: I don't…
Kim: She's got a lot of complicated feelings, Sequoia.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah. She's… [both laugh] wow. This is… this author has some good foreshadowing, really, to book five.
Kim: What a disaster these two are together?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Yeah, they're…
Sequoia: Really.
Kim: Yeah, they've got a lot of unresolved emotions that make sense to happen a year out from Cedric's death.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Do not make sense to be happening ten years out.
Sequoia: Well, they needed to… to… to age them.
Kim: Why?
Sequoia: For making love purposes. [laughs]
Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: You know?
Kim: They needed to be adults. They didn't have to age them ten years, though!
Sequoia: They didn't.
Kim: It could have been five years.
Sequoia: Yeah. But…
Both: …here we are! [both laugh]
Kim: She says, “I'll make love with you.” Slowly, Harry lowered his moist lips to Cho's.
Sequoia: Nooo! Ugh! Ugh!
Kim: Sorry. I forget the eye contact.
Sequoia: No!
Kim: Slowly…
Sequoia: [laughing] Don't look at me! Oh god.
Kim: …Harry lowered his…
Sequoia: Oh god!
Kim: …moist lips to Cho's.
Sequoia: I can tell you’re staring at me.
Kim: He just rubbed his moist lips on her face.
Sequoia: Going to die.
Kim: Moistening everything up. [pops lips]
Sequoia: Oh god!
Kim: All over. [both laugh] Shit.
Sequoia: They're all wet!
Kim: Oh yeah. They're already wet. I… I… [both laugh]
Sequoia: [laughing] They're already all wet.
Kim: And it's salt water too. He's rubbing his mouth on her salty, salty face. [Sequoia still laughing] No, he's not. That's not in the story. He's just kissing her.
Sequoia: [still laughing] Oh my god!
Kim: There was passion in Harry's kiss, and she didn't want him to stop, but they had to.
Sequoia: They're on a public beach.
Kim: “Harry, we should move to the hotel.”
Sequoia: They're on the most popular public beach. [laughs]
Kim: It's between the two most popular…
Both: …hotels.
Kim: Most popular…
Both: …beach.
Sequoia: Can't really do it there. Gotta move locale. Friends.
Kim: Yeah, there's a lot of people there.
Sequoia: Who are already uncomfortable. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Are those two really having this conversation right now?
Kim: Talking about her dead ex-boyfriend?
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs] Amazing.
Kim: “Harry, we should move to the hotel.” “Sure,” Harry replied, leading her to his hotel.
Sequoia: The second most popular hotel.
Kim: Yeah, why wouldn't they go to Cho's hotel?
Sequoia: God! Go to Cho's room.
Kim: That one's much nicer. As soon as Harry got the door to his penthouse suite open, he led…
Sequoia: Ooh the penthouse suite!
Kim: Yeah. He's very… he’s…
Both: …struck it rich.
Kim: Playing Quidditch. He led Cho to his huge bedroom. [Sequoia snorts] There he kissed her, caressed her, and whispered sweet nothings all night long.
Sequoia: Ughh. Ughhh. Ughhhhh!
Kim: I should mention here that this story is rated M for mature. This is as spicy as it gets. [both laugh] Love it! Yes!
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: Twelve year old, like, they do it in the story! He whispers sweet nothings to her all night long!
Sequoia: Oh, god.
Kim: I'm going to have to rate this story M!
Sequoia: It's mature.
Kim: This is mature content.
Sequoia: It's mature.
Kim: So cute.
Sequoia: They make love together! [laughs]
Kim: When I was about that age, I was very serious about the ratings. I would… I would like not click on things that were like… definitely not clicking on things that were like in the…
Sequoia: M?
Kim: It was like R.
Sequoia: Yeah. Okay.
Kim: Rated R, and then the ones that were like PG13, I'd be like, I don't know, could be a little racy.
Sequoia: Rated T for teen. Yeah.
Kim: Probably shouldn't touch this. I feel like they had the ratings, but in the summaries it would also be PG13.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: I feel like it was a thing, right?
Sequoia: Right. ‘Cause you could…
Kim: The movie ratings were there as well.
Sequoia: As well as the ratings that you would pick.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Depending on the website.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: They had different…
Kim: You would also have a movie rating.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I was… I was… I don't know, PG13. They might kiss in this. [Sequoia laughs] And I'm… and I don't wanna read that. [both laugh]
Sequoia: This is incredible.
Kim: Oh man. [laughs] I was so young and innocent!
Sequoia: Oh man.
Kim: What a sweet baby. Okay.
Sequoia: Wow.
Kim: Anyway. So he's…
Sequoia: ‘Kay, so they caressed all night. [laughs]
Kim: Yes, he… he also kissed her.
Sequoia: Right, right. Right.
Kim: And the sweet nothings. What are sweet nothings?
[pause]
Sequoia: I don't know. [laughs]
Kim: If somebody is whispering to me all night, I'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up.
Sequoia: Like, fuckin’ seriously. [laughs]
Kim: Just let me sleep.
Sequoia: I'm trying to sleep.
Kim: Either… either let's do it or shut up! [both laugh] I’m very…
Sequoia: So I started dating again.
Kim: I’m very romantic
Sequoia: [laughs] I… [laughs some more] I'm dead. This is wonderful. Please continue.
Kim: What? We haven't taken a long enough detour? The next morning, they woke. Harry loved the way the sun made Cho's body glow. [snorts]
Sequoia: I know, I think I almost vomited right now. [laughs]
Kim: ls that what that noise was?
Sequoia: Ugh. Woah. It's a good thing I didn't eat breakfast. [both laugh]
Kim: He woke her up the best way he could imagine.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: With a kiss.
Sequoia: No, Nope. [laughs]
Kim: Do you think he'd get the… did the kiss… where you meet her closed lips with your closed lips, and then you touch her lips with your tongue?
Sequoia: Absolutely. [Kim laughs] A hundred percent.
Kim: ‘Cause that is the worst way to wake up.
Sequoia: He also licked his lips just like a bunch first.
Kim: [laughs] Moist tongue touch right on your mouth hole. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh god!
Kim: Harry smiled at her. “Morning, love. Glad to see you awake.” Cho smiled back. “Harry, you're wonderful. I love you.”
Sequoia: Oh my god! You guys need to talk to professionals!
Kim: It's been less than twenty four hours since they've met.
Sequoia: But that limo…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Very cool.
Kim: Very, very nice lim…
Sequoia: Plush Red. Penthouse room.
Kim: “Cho, get dressed, I have something planned for today,” Harry said, holding up a box. “Here. I brought something for you.”
Sequoia: Jesus Christ, what is it. It's an outfit, isn't it?
Kim: He brought something. He definitely followed her here. [Sequoia laughs] There is no question.
Sequoia: There is no doubt. No doubt in my mind at all.
Kim: “I brought something for you.” Cho sat up and opened the box. Inside was an obviously expensive white halter top dress that fit her perfectly.
Sequoia: Of course. This… this trope.
Kim: The present you with a piece of clothing…
Sequoia: I presented you with a piece of clothing.
Kim: …that fits perfectly.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: That I prearranged.
Sequoia: That's very expensive.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: That is pervasive.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Me being the romcom connoisseur that I am, that is present in romcoms abound.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: That is…
Kim: [singing] How do you know that it's gonna fit? I guess with magic you can make it fit.
Sequoia: That's true, but it doesn't say that that's what happened.
Kim: That is very true.
Sequoia: It just fit her.
Kim: It just fits.
Sequoia: And that is fine and not creepy. He didn’t follow her here.
Kim: I feel like I'd know… I feel like I've never tried on an outfit that, like, yes! This fits perfectly.
Sequoia: Not once in my whole life.
Kim: Not on the first try.
Sequoia: Yeah. [both laugh] That's not a thing.
Kim: No. Not a thing. Very good. “Sweetheart, what's this?” Already with the mushy nickname. Disgusting.
Sequoia: Sweetheart!
Kim: Harry smiled an adorable smile. [both laugh] You're not ready for this next sentence, though.
Sequoia: Fuck.
Kim: What is this dress Sequoia? [clears throat] “It was my mother’s.”
Sequoia: No! It! WASN’T!
Kim: “My dad gave it to my mom after they became a couple.”
Sequoia: I can't. l just…
Kim: “And now that we're a couple, I'd like to give it to you.”
Sequoia: No it's not! [both laugh] I don't know. Halter dresses were big in the nineties, right? Or the eighties. Eighties? Eighties.
Kim: Is that when they got together?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: That sounds right.
Sequoia: Is that a… yeah, sure. Also, no one who is the editor for a fashion column wants your mom's eighties halter dress.
Kim: Cho…
Sequoia: I just want put that out there.
Kim: …is the copy editor. [Sequoia laughs] Part time copy editor.
Sequoia: Also, that's not a traditional gift.
Kim: No!
Sequoia: So there's that.
Kim: Do not do this!
Sequoia: Do not do this.
Kim: This is a bad weird thing. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: Here's my dead mom's dress! [Sequoia laughs] Now let's talk my dead mom and your…
Both: …dead ex boyfriend!
Kim: Where did Harry get this fucking dress? Their house exploded!
Sequoia: No, he…
Kim: Their house.
Sequoia: It was in the vault.
Kim: His parents. The secret Potter vault?
Sequoia: [laughing] It was in the secret Potter vault.
Kim: Shit!
Sequoia: [laughing] Yes! Canon! [both laugh]
Kim: The fucking vault!
Sequoia: Secret Potter vault! [both laugh]
Kim: “My dad gave this to my mom after they became a couple, and now that we're a couple, I'd like to give it to you.”
Sequoia: [laughing] I'm gonna die.
Kim: “A couple. We're a couple now?”
Sequoia: Wow! Fucking… dude!
Kim: Okay, you just said… you just said… you just called him sweetheart.
Sequoia: You just said sweetheart and I love you.
Kim: Cho. Cho.
Sequoia: Cho.
Kim: Get it together buddy.
Sequoia: Buddy.
Kim: Cho exclaimed, hugging Harry and then kissing him passionately. [both make wobbly noises] That’s the sound of kissing. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: [mumbling] I guess that didn’t need to be clarified. [Sequoia laughs] Harry took Cho to a dock where speedboats were lined up. He paid for the most secure and beautiful boat [Sequoia laughs] and helped Cho in.
Sequoia: Oh, I think It's great boyfriend material that you're very concerned about the security of the speedboat.
Kim: And I…
Sequoia: I like it.
Kim: I actually cut a couple lines here, where they go back and forth, where Cho's like, do you know how to drive this thing? And Harry's like, of course I know how to drive this.
Sequoia: I'm Harry Potter! [laughs]
Kim: But I kinda regret cutting it. [laughs]
Sequoia: You know, he's got… he really is concerned about her safety, and I appreciate that.
Kim: It’s so secure, but also…
Sequoia: Very secure.
Kim: …very beautiful speedboat.
Sequoia: And also there was another really secure one…
Kim: Wasn't…
Sequoia: …but it wasn't as beautiful. [laughs]
Kim: Then he steered the boat gracefully towards a remote island. After parking the boat, he helped Cho out. “Welcome to…”
Sequoia: Jesus Christ.
Kim: “...the Isla dela Hawaii.”
Sequoia: The what?
Kim: Isla dela Hawaii.
Sequoia: What is it?
Kim: The lsla dela Hawaii.
Sequoia: No! Explain! No! Keep telling… going and tell me what the fuck this is!
Kim: It's not gonna tell you.
Sequoia: No?
Kim: It's a remote island off the coast of Hawaii.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: So you… you… you drive your speedboat away from Hawail and than you get to the Isla dela Hawaii.
Sequoia: Is that…?
[pause]
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: No. This is not a thing. This is not a thing!
Sequoia: [laughs] Okay.
Kim: Hawaii is not just one island with a smaller island also called Hawaii next to it. [Sequoia laughs] Sequoia, you've been to Hawaii!
Sequoia: I have been to Hawaii! [laughs]
Kim: My dude!
Sequoia: [laughing] Continue.
Kim: “Welcome to the lsla dela Hawaii. [both laugh] We're having brunch here.”
Sequoia: Great. Harry is so fucking rich.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: [laughing] You guys.
Kim: He's very rich.
Sequoia: He's so rich!
Kim: [laughs] He's fucking rich.
Sequoia: Great boyfriend material. Very rich.
Kim: Very willing to talk about your dead ex boyfriend. [both laugh] Cho gazed around the beautiful island. “It's wonderful,” she gushed. Harry took her to a restaurant.
Sequoia: [laughs] Oh, I wanna get a resturant name again!
Kim: We're not gonna get one this time.
Sequoia: Oh man!
Kim: We got a island name, though, so maybe the restuarant’s named after…
Sequoia: [laughing] The Isla dela Hawaii!
Kim: …the island. [both laugh helplessly]
Sequoia: [still laughing] I’m so happy. Continue.
Kim: He had something on his mind that he wanted to ask Cho. It was time he asked her to be one with him.
Sequoia: Fucking shit, man.
Kim: I'm already cr…
Sequoia: Really?
Kim: I’m crying a little bit.
Sequoia: Really? Really?
Kim: After the two had eaten, they went. He waited until after the food.
Sequoia: This time.
Kim: This time. After the two had eaten, they went on a walk on the beach. They were blissfully silent. The only noises that could be heard were those of the waters crashing against the shore.
Sequoia: Less popular waters.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: There’s no one here.
Sequoia: Definitely.
Kim: This is a…
Sequioa: There’s no one there. They're not getting in the water, ‘cause, less popular.
Kim: Yeah, no, then they'd be all wet.
Sequoia: That's fine. Exac… [laughs]
Kim: With…
Sequoia: Who wants that?! [laughs]
Kim: Harry and Cho went to the docks, where Hawaii could be seen.
Sequoia: Fucking amazing.
Kim: There it is! [pause] Hawaii. Then Harry broke the silence. “Cho, do you trust me?”
Sequoia: Interesting.
Kim: Fucking weird question.
Sequoia: That's a weird way to start this.
Kim: Fucking…
Sequoia: My dude.
Kim: Do you trust me? And then you push her off the dock. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Damn.
Kim: What? Cho gazed at Harry. “Of course I do. I know that you are one of the most trustworthy guys I've ever met.”
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Okay?
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Harry took something from his pocket.
Sequoia: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Kim: It was a black velvet box.
Sequoia: They haven't been apart…
Kim: No.
Sequoia: …this whole time.
Kim: They have been together for less than twenty four hours.
Sequoia: Right. And they haven't left each other's sight, technically, I don't think. So he's had this…
Kim: I cut a bit. They showered together in the morning. They have not been apart.
Sequoia: [laughs] He had this ring already.
Kim: The whole time.
Sequoia: The whole time.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: He followed her to Hawaii.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: With the ring and his dead mom's dress. [laughs]
Kim: And this dress. Yes.
Sequoia: Fucking amazing.
Kim: “Cho, I've saved this for you.”
Sequoia: Fuck!
Kim: “I've kept this for years, hoping that some day I would have the chance to give it to you.”
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: “I know that we only got together yesterday [Sequoia squeaks] but I feel like years have already passed by. I'll totally understand if you refuse, but promise me that you'll think about it.”
Sequoia: Oh my god. How long has he had this ring? What is fucking happening? [laughing] I can't!
Kim: Cho looked at the box curiously, then shifted her gaze to Harry. “What are you talking about?” [both laugh]
Sequoia: Man, she hasn't left her house in so long, she's not even entirely sure what… what is a ring? Even?
Kim: The box isn't open yet.
Sequoia: But it's a fucking… okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: It could be… [pause] there is literally nothing else this could be.
Sequoia: [laughs] I cannot think of anything. A seashell.
Kim: Harry lowered to his knees and opened the box. “Cho, will you marry me?”
Sequoia: [inhales] What's she gonna say?
Kim: What do you think she's going to say?!
Sequoia: She's going to say yes, totally.
Kim: Cho was in total shock as those words blurted out from Harry's lips.
Sequoia: As she should be!
Kim: When she saw the love in Harry's eyes, she knew that they were meant to be.
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: “Yes, I will.”
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: Harry slipped the ring onto one of Cho's fingers. The ring was a perfect fit and there was a blue gem in the center, the color of the ocean and Cho's eyes, instead of a diamond.
Sequoia: Listen, we don't know what color Cho's eyes are.
Kim: Yeah, they've been…
Sequoia: They've been four…
Kim: Four different colors.
Sequoia: …colors. [laughs]
Kim: It's fine.
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: I would like to point out that in that sentence it said instead of the diamond, because in the next sentence… As Harry stood up, he looked at Cho's fingers. That’s so weird. [Sequioa laughs] I don't know why that…
Sequoia: Why?
Kim: Looking at her fingers.
Sequoia: Okay. All right.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: That's fine.
Kim: Sorry.
Sequoia: That's fine. [laughs]
Kim: “That gem is a real blue diamond. It's very rare and I was lucky enough to buy it.”
Sequoia: He's so rich. Lock it down, honey! [laughs]
Kim: “It's amazing. I love you Harry.”
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: This next section… this was a longer section that I'm gonna kinda quickly summarize what happens in.
Sequoia: Okay. Great.
Kim: ‘Cause we are approaching…
Sequoia: It's fine.
Kim: It's… I… wow. This story. Why did I think we could do this story in one?
Sequoia: I have no clue. [laughs]
Kim: Okay. Okay, so this is the summary of the original section. Two and a half weeks later, Cho goes home to Chang Manor in Chinaaa.
Sequoia: Fucking yes!
Kim: She tells her parents that's she's gotten over Cedric and has gotten engaged.
Sequoia: And her parents are not worried?
Kim: Her mom is a little concerned…
Sequoia: Oh, good, [laughs]
Kim: …by how fast she's moving.
Sequoia: Oh good, good, good.
Kim: But than Cho mentions that her fiancé is Harry, who was the guy who defeated Voldemort…
Sequoia: And is fucking loaded!
Kim: …and that she loves him very much.
Sequoia: Sure. [laughs]
Kim: Her mom and dad are very excited for her and then Cho introduces Harry to them, and her parents offer to plan their wedding.
Sequoia: Great. Wow.
Kim: And then that's next… so that's the summary of that section. And now we're gonna jump back to the original text.
Sequoia: Okay. Great. Back to the text.
Kim: The text.
Sequoia: Back to the text!
Kim: Six months later, Mr. Harry Potter and Ms Cho Chang were pronounced husband and wife.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: The Changs had planned a traditional and wonderful wedding. Ron and Lavender Weasley were there…
Sequoia: Oh god! Vomit, vomit.
Kim: …along with Dean and Hermione Thomas.
Sequoia: Oh, Hermione would never change her last name. That's fine.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Continue. [laughs]
Kim: Here's the thing. This, though… at the beginning of this fanfic…
Sequoia: They were not married.
Kim: Those two were… both of those couples were mentioned as dating.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And so in the six months between the beginning of the fanfic and now, those two couples…
Sequoia: Harry's a…
Kim: …have gotten married.
Sequoia: Harry's a trendsetter.
Kim: They're like, we gotta get married before Harry.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Gotta show him up, is that how that works.
Sequoia: Sure.
Kim: Oh my god. Who else is at the wedding, Sequoia? Professor Albus Dumbledore was there.
Sequoia: Naturally.
Kim: Sirius Black was there.
Sequoia: Aw!
Kim: With his… with his fiancée…
Sequoia: Oh no.
Kim: …Professor Minerva McGonagall…
Sequoia: WHAT THE FUCK?! [laughs] What!?
Kim: …and even Severus Snape was there with…
Sequoia: No!
Kim: …Narcissa Malfoy…
Sequoia: No! Oh shit. Oh shit! Oh shit! I… no, wait! I might be into that! I don't know what's happening! [both laugh]
Kim: …who got together with him as soon as her husband died.
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: It turns out that they were sweethearts before.
Sequoia: Oh, fuck yes. Yes! Yes. Oh my god.
Kim: The ripple effect from this author pairing Harry and Cho to the other pairings they’ve picked is so beautiful.
Sequoia: I have goose bumps, my friends. [laughs]
Kim: Sirius and McGonagall?!
Sequoia: Incredible!
Kim: Ah! Chills!
Sequoia: [laughing] Chills.
Kim: That pairing is so fucking weird!
Sequoia: Nuts!
Kim: What?!
Sequioa: Damn. Okay. Great.
Kim: Shit, man. Harry and Cho could only laugh at the sight of all of them. Who would've expected that Sirius and Minerva or Severus and Narcissa were sweeties before?
Sequoia: Man, me too, Harry and Cho. [laughs]
Kim: No one. No one would have expected that. You’re right! Oh god.
Sequoia: Oh damn!
Kim: Two years later, Cho Potter gave birth to identical twins, a boy and a girl. Harry and his wife decided to name them Alexander and Alexandra…
Sequoia: What?
Kim: …after Cho's great great grandparents.
Sequoia: What? What?
Kim: There's a lot to unpack here.
Sequoia: There’s a lot… a lot just happened.
Kim: Cho's great great great grandparents did have the same name.
Sequoia: Yeah. So there's that.
Kim: And now her childeren have…
Both: …the same name.
Sequoia: You can call them Alex and Lexi, though.
Kim: Or Al…
Both: …and…
Kim: …Al.
Sequoia: No, you can't do that. [both laugh] Nope. That one doesn't track.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: I don't know why I'm trying to make this make sense. [laughs] Continue.
Kim: Their relationship kept going strong each day, and they continued to love each other until the end.
Sequoia: Aw! Aw! Aw! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Kim: Kind… I keel kind of like emotionally drained.
Sequoia: I'm so glad we didn't do this all in one sitting. [both laugh] I don't think I could've handled that. That was incredible and the… I feel transported. To a simpler time.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: In fanfiction.
Kim: Yes. This story evoked so much nostalgia for me.
Sequoia: So much.
Kim: It checks all the fucking boxes.
Sequoia: Every… oh my god. How?
Kim: And it's perfect, it's beautiful, and I love it.
Sequoia: Were you doing a Cho Chang specific search?
Kim: I was.
Sequoia: Thanks JD.
Kim: I did. Yeah, that's how I found this.
Sequoia: Thank you.
Kim: You didn't get a point.
Sequoia: No. [laughs]
Kim: Maybe I should have let you predict they would like get married. l feel like it was so obvious, though.
Sequoia: Yeah, I see why you wouldn't let me do that. That's fine.
Kim: It was… I mean…
Sequoia: I'm fine with it.
Kim: …we were halfway through the story. I felt like it was the obvious trajectory for where we were going.
Sequoia: 'Cause it was so bonkers fast.
Kim: Yeah. So fast. I mean, they dated for two and a half weeks after they got engaged in Hawaii before she introduced him to her parents.
Sequoia: Don't try to make this make sense. [laughs]
Kim: No, she didn't introduce him to her parents until she was engaged for two and a half weeks!
Sequoia: That's a long time. I mean, it's nuts that they got engaged within like twenty four hours.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Less than twenty four hours?
Kim: It was evening when they met. That was in a section that I cut, actually. It was like five pm. It mentioned that for some reason.
Sequoia: Because it needed to be clear that it was less than twenty four hours.
Kim: They met around five pm. They got engaged after brunch the next morning.
Sequoia: Yeah. That's less than twenty four hours. So maybe you do wait a couple of weeks…
Both: …to tell your parents.
Kim: Yeah. Like, oh we've been dating…
Sequoia: That might check out.
Kim: …for weeks and now we're engaged.
Sequoia: I like that…
Kim: Don't ask…
Sequoia: …her mom was concerned.
Kim: Her mom was a little concerned.
Sequoia: And then she's like, oh, Harry Potter!
Kim: You sure got over Cedric fast.
Sequoia: Not though!
Kim: Are you sure you're not rushing into things?
Sequoia: Not actually. She didn't get over Cedric fast.
Kim: Right. No But she… but like immediately goes from moping [Sequoia laughs] about Cedric on the beach to being engaged. [laughs]
Sequoia: That was incredible. Thank you so much for finding that and for editing it. Putting all the work in to make sure that it could go on the podcast. ‘Cause I think we all…
Kim: Needed it.
Sequoia: …have benefitted from it, ya know.
Kim: We all needed that!
Sequoia: Yeah. We all needed it, so… whoo! I guess it's time…
Both: …for…
Kim: No.
Sequoia: …shamequoia!
Kim: Wow. Oof. [laughs]
Sequoia: So the… you know we've been talking about how this really brought us back.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: And I feel like it's time.
Kim: We haven't done one in a while.
Sequoia: [laughs] Jesus fucking Christ. [both laugh] I'm so upset with myself right now.
Kim: You did say that you picked the worst one you have saved.
Sequoia: I do. I ha… I picked the most, I think, evocative of the time.
Kim: Mhm?
Sequoia: Probably. I… I don't have any of my old…
Kim: Notebooks.
Sequioa: …notebooks.
Kim: The infamous notebooks.
Sequoia: The infamous notebooks from when I was like nine to elevenish.
Kim: I want them so bad. [sighs]
Sequoia: I think this is the second oldest one I still have.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: This is gonna be probably around twelve or thirteen.
Kim: Good. Good. This is about the same time period, then.
Sequoia: Yeah, it's about the same time period. I feel, like, kindred spiritship with this author. What I really wanted to find was… I was just so sure that I'd wrote that kissing scene basically word for word at some point.
Kim: I believe that you did.
Sequoia: I believe I did, and I believe it's gone into the…
Kim: It's in the notebooks.
Sequoia: Yeah, goodbye forever. So this shamequoia segment… this song is… or… this song? [laughs] It is a song fic, kind of.
Kim: It's a song fic? YES!
Sequoia: [laughs] It's a little bit of a song fic.
Kim: Good. This is one of the ones that includes all of the lyrics to a song in it interspersed with the scenes?
Sequoia: Nah, dude. It has one song lyric in it. It is… oh, the title is a song lyric.
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: And there is one snippet of a different song in it.
Kim: Man! Fine.
Sequoia: So this fic is called Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture, and this is a Hermoine gets hot fic.
Kim: Oh no!
Sequoia: [laughs] In which Fred and George Weasley throw a party in the Gryffindor common room…
Kim: 'Kay.
Sequoia: …and…
Kim: They do that. They do that. That happens.
Sequoia: …Ginny gives Hermione a makeover.
Kim: No!
Sequoia: And they go this party.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: And Ron and Harry are waiting eagerly for them at this party.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: [laughs] I literally hate this. [laughs] Why am I doing this? And they come down to this party that Fred and George were convinced that they were going to skip, because it's such a raucous event. There's no way Hermione would come to this party.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: But she's gotten this makeover.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: And…
Kim: How does Ginny convince her to get a… the makeover?
Sequoia: She… they're… oh, she says that Ron would like it. [Kim laughs] I got there. I saw it. Obviously. I don't know why I had to look for that. That's clearly what happened.
Kim: Oh, wow.
Sequoia: And they go down to this party and everyone's like, oh my god, they're so hot! What's happening? Harry goes over to Ginny…
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: …and they settled… okay, no, this is the best part. They're looking for a… the proper song to dance to.
Kim: Harry and Ginny?
Sequoia: Yes. Hermione and Ginny.
Kim: Hemione and Ginny!
Sequoia: Hermione and Ginny are trying to find the proper song to dance to, and I…
Kim: Oh no. Oh no.
Sequoia: …quote. They settled for some American music. [Kim laughs] Which is just like… [laughs]
Kim: That is not what I thought you were about to say, but wow.
Sequoia: Isn't that great though?
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Isn't it just…
Kim: Okay, if I had read this story at the same time, though, I would've been mad because the song… the song title and I'm guessing whatever song they're about to play in this fic are anachronistic to the time period.
Sequoia: To the actual time period.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: They didn't come out in the nineties.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Sequoia!
Sequoia: Absolutely correct.
Kim: That was like one of my biggest…
Sequoia: You are right.
Kim: …gripes about fanfiction. Or like if they had a CD player. I was always mad.
Sequoia: Yeah, that's… [laughs] yep.
Kim: No, it was usually an an ipod, wasn't it? I was usually mad about ipods.
Sequoia: Yeah, ‘cause they could've… they would've had a CD.
Kim: Yeah, I guess so.
Sequoia: Yeah. They would had a CD.
Kim: I don’t remember the nineties.
Sequoia: We had CDs as children.
Kim: Did we have CDs as children?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I had… I had a cassette player. [laughs] I had a Walkman.
Sequoia: We had both.
Kim: A Walkman.
Sequoia: I had one… you got a… you had like a Hello Kitty one…
Kim: No.
Sequoia: …that had like… no? With a cassette player…
Kim: I didn’t… I didn’t get a…
Sequoia: …and a thing in it.
Kim: I didn’t get like a portable CD player I feel like in… like until junior high.
Sequoia: Well, this is not relatable to all of our high school listeners.
Kim: Ooooh!
Sequoia: [laughing] That have been tweeting at us. Woohoo! [laughs]
Kim: Cassette tapes were these little plastic rectangles.
Sequoia: I'm old. Anyway. So they…
Kim: So they pick some American music.
Sequoia: They pick some American music. They pick some Usher [Kim laughs] and then they do a dance routine.
Kim: [still laughing] They do… they choreographed a dance?
Sequoia: They choreographed a dance routine.
Kim: They… so… so…
Sequoia: They do a dance routine.
Kim: …why were they pretending, like, oh what should we pick? Oh, I don't know.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: No.
Sequoia: They're like, I don't know.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: I don't know what music! ‘Cause they definitely did a dance routine, and then…
Kim: This story is so you.
Sequoia: [laughs] Listen. [both laugh] Oh man. This is… this is…
Kim: Usher.
Sequoia: I could still just cut this whole part out.
Kim: I feel like we haven't talked about your…
Sequoia: Save myself.
Kim: …special power on the podcast.
Sequoia: Oh, my special power?
Kim: That you know every song lyric you've ever heard.
Sequoia: Yes. That is my special power.
Kim: Sequoia loves music.
Sequoia: It's useless.
Kim: I don't know that we've touched on that.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: But so… so this story being like this makes…
Sequoia: Perfect.
Kim: …sense to me.
Sequoia: Yep. Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Okay, so they…
Sequoia: I have the most useless power of all time.
Kim: They pick an Usher song.
Sequoia: They pick an Usher song. They do a routine. And then… ooh yes! Okay, Her… Ron's like, Hermione, where did you learn to dance? And then Hermione’s like… talks about going to America.
Kim: Noooo!
Sequoia: To visit her cousin in America.
Kim: Noooo!
Sequoia: Yeah! And she teaches dance, her cousin in America.
Kim: Oooookay.
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: And then they make out. [Kim laughs] Yeah. [laughs] And it doesn't have the good…
Kim: It doesn't…
Sequoia: …kissing description.
Kim: Doesn’t?
Sequoia: It's just like she's rambling and then they make out.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: And then Fred and George…
Kim: You don't describe the make out.
Sequoia: There's also like a background story where like it seems like this is an orchestration of Fred and George.
Kim: Like they collaborated with Ginny to get this to happen?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Oh. [laughs]
Sequoia: And then there's like a just an after bit that's like three entire sentences, that's like, yeah, also Ginny and Harry made out. The end. [Kim laughs] And there you have it. That is the most embarrassing fanfiction that I still have.
Kim: That's very good. It is very good. I feel like I have read several fanfictions that are very similar to that.
Sequoia: Just like it. It's very evocative of a time.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: And I feel like it's the… the same time of what we just read.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So it's gonna take me the next six months to get over having done. [both laugh] So we'll see you again with the Shamequoia segment in six months. Thank you.
Kim: Sure. That's fine.
Sequoia: And now it's time for…
Both: …the rec zone! Pew pew pewww! Pewww!
Kim: Pow pow pow pow pow!
Sequoia: Wow pow, pow pow.
Kim: I was just saying that I wanted to rec something with Cedric in it. I do have a story with Cedric in it on my rec list. [laughs] It's Harry/Cedric.
Sequoia: Oh, fuck yeah it is! [both laugh]
Kim: It's called Private Countdown.
Sequoia: Private Countdown!
Kim: It's a news story and it's… it's very great.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: So that gonna be up on our website.
Sequoia: Yes. That recommendation will be in the description.
Kim: We can… we can both be embarrassed about what we've done. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah, it's fine. That's fine.
Kim: I’m…
Sequoia: You'll never get to my level, but it's okay. [laughs]
Kim: I'm recommending… I mean, I've got some other interesting pairings on my rec list.
Sequoia: Yep. Speaking of rec lists…
Kim: It's fine.
Sequoia: …there is an entire list of our recommendations on our website.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: Fanatical Fics…
Both: …dot com.
Kim: Also on our website, you can find our story submission form. And we talked a little about what we want from you guys to be doing with that on our last episode.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Continue to do that,
Sequoia: Continue to do that, please. You can also find some merch. We've got new merch up on the website.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: You asked for it. Ask and you shall receive.
Kim: Bookmark.
Sequoia: Bookmark.
Kim: There it is.
Sequoia: It's our hold for the text please bookmark, and you can find it on the merch section of our website, fanaticalfics.com.
Kim: We've also got some stickers and posters up there, so go check that out.
Sequoia: If you'd like to contact us we are available to be contacted on social media.
Kim: Yeah, tweet at us about…
Sequoia: [laughs] Please tweet as us. You know what? Tweet about the most embarrassing fanfiction that you ever wrote.
Kim: Yeah do that! Maybe…
Sequoia: I'd like to hear that.
Kim: Maybe that'll make Sequoia feel better.
Sequoia: Maybe. Doubt it. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah you can can find us @FanaticalFics on Twitter…
Both: …Instagram, Facebook.
Kim: Let us know what you’re thinking.
Sequoia: Yeah. You can also email us at fanaticalfics@gmail.com with any longer thoughts that you might have.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: Correct. If you'd like to help out the podcast…
Kim: Because you like the podcast.
Sequoia: Yes. I hope you like the podcast. If you…
Kim: We sure did something todayyy.
Sequoia: If you want to help us out you can leave us a review on iTunes.
Kim: Or Facebook, and we will shout you out. We're almost caught up.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: We had like a sudden influx when we realized when we couldn't see all of our international ones, but we're almost caught up. We'll be continuing to shout those out at the top of the episodes.
Sequoia: Yeah. So leave us some so that we always have some to do at the top of the episode. We love doing that.
Kim: Or if you really hate… no, don't.
Sequoia: Don't.
Kim: Keep doing it anyway.
Sequoia: No flames! [both laugh]
Kim: l feel like…
Sequoia: Trick your friends 2019. Are we gonna do that for the whole of 2019 or are we gonna get a new joke?
Kim: I like that joke.
Sequoia: [laughs] Cool. Trick your friends 2019.
Kim: Trick your friends into listening to the podcast if you like the podcast.
Sequoia: If you like the podcast you can also support us on Patreon.
Kim: We got bonus written content, bonus audio content. At the higher tiers you can get some sweet swag like that bookmark that we just went out.
Sequoia: Bookmark!
Kim: Is an example of the sort of things we send out.
Sequoia: We got lots of stuff. Our patrons at their six month mark…
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: …also get a special shout out here on the podcast.
Kim: True.
Sequoia: And we've got one of those for you today.
Kim: Take it away, Sequoia.
Sequoia: Fred Weasley, prankster, inventor, matchmaker. Who knew that Fred was pulling the strings behind the scenes of every Hogwarts meet cute? Well, no one except for his partner in matchmaking, Rebecca. When his own brother Ron is in desperate need of a wake up call, will Fred and Rebecca be up for the challenge? A/N this fic is rated PG13, winky face! [both laugh]
Kim: Winky face! I feel like they usually were like, PG13 for kissing! [both laugh]
Sequoia: I almost put that! [both laugh again]
Kim: And I'd be like, oh, too spicy for me. [both laugh] And thanks to the Whomping willows for letting us use their amazing song Wolfstar.
Sequoia: Thanks for listening, fam!
Both: Byeee!