Episode 46: Loginquitas
The following fic is the definition of OOC (out of character) and you should be prepared to ask yourself, why would Sequoia do this to me?
Recommendation: Of Peculiar Friendships
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2376236/1/Of-Peculiar-Friendships
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Sterre
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original work contained in this transcript, you can find it here!
Kim: So I'm really excited for Friday. I guess you are excited for Thursday.
Sequoia: Exactly. We are recording this pre the release of Avengers Endgame.
Kim: l'm in medium black out mode.
Sequoia: Yeah, dude.
Kim: Jesus fucking Christ.
Sequoia: There's a spoiler city out there.
Kim: The internet is so scary right now.
Sequoia: I know. This is why I have to watch Game of Thrones like as it airs. 'Cause then I can't touch my phone.
Kim: Yeah. I've given up on Game of Thrones.
Sequoia: Well, we… you know. We…
Kim: We're hype.
Sequoia: We are hype. We've done a lot of talking about…
Kim: We watched every Marvel movie over the last month and a half.
Sequoia: We did. [laughs]
Kim: The two of us. Sometimes just the two of us.
Sequoia: Sometimes just the two of us. We're dedicated. We have a lot of dedication to our fandoms and stuff as… I mean, obviously.
Kim: Look at us.
Sequoia: Look at us.
Kim: Don't look at us.
Sequoia: But, you know, something that we start talking about with our friends was, like, you know what?
Kim: Who is what character?
Sequoia: Who is what character in the Marvel universe?
Kim: Who is what character?
Sequoia: Marvel cinematic universe.
Kim: I spent a little bit of time talking to my husband, who you might remember from our anniversary episode about it. I was like, who is Sequoia, you know? She's someone who's trying her little best, but oh, wowie zowie. [Sequoia laughs] It's not always good. And he's like, oh, yeah, Sequoia's Hawkeye. [both laugh] And I was like, wow, rude. I love it. [laughs]
Sequoia: It was very rude. Very rude.
Kim: But then he went on to be like, and you're Dormammu. And I was like, welllll fucking fine. [both laugh]
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello, I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: Kimmumo.
Sequoia: Oh jeez. [both laugh]
Kim: Sorry.
Sequoia: Oh man, that was amazing. Great. Welcome to our Harry Potter [singing] fanfiction podcast! It’s where we read Harry Potter fanfiction! Sorry, I’m writing us a new theme song right now. [singing] We’re reading Harry Potter fanfic. It's so funny.
Kim: There's a lot shoulder movement too. [both laugh] [singing] Kim and Sequoia reading some fanfic. One of them’s crying!
Sequoia: [singing] Both of them are crying!
Kim: [singing] Podcast is over!
Sequoia: [laughs] And then at the of the theme song just scream, bye! [both laugh] Oh good, good, good.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Sure, sure, sure. [laughs] Listeners, folks, we did wanna talk about something.
Kim: We always have something to talk about.
Sequoia: We always have some stuff to talk about.
Kim: Here we go.
Sequoia: So you guys might be familiar with wizard rock. We've talked about it several times, actually.
Kim: Once or twice.
Sequoia: And Harry and the Potters, they… you know.
Kim: They're…
Sequoia: They started it all.
Kim: …the band.
Sequoia: OG. Yeah. Harry and the Potters are my favorite band to see in… in concert.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: A hundred precent.
Kim: I'm really genuinely excited for LeakyCon. Mostly because of the rock shows.
Sequoia: The rock shows are so good. I'm so excited.
Kim: I cannot wait. October.
Sequoia: So, but Harry and the Potters have not released a full album…
Kim: Yeah, I saw that tweet. This is crazy to me.
Sequoia: Yeah. We were fourteen years old. It's been thirteen years.
Kim: Okay, you don't have to carbon date us right in front of all of the listeners!
Sequoia: I'm… since… we've already done… we’ve done it so many times. [laughs] Yeah. So it's been a really long time since they've released like a full album.
Kim: That was really surprising to me, because when I was fourteen, I feel like that's when I was listening to then.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I must have listened to their last album and then…
Sequoia: Yeah, and then you… yeah.
Kim: It's weird, ‘cause they've continued to play…
Sequoia: Yeah, and they do play new stuff.
Kim: And then I stopped listening and it's weird that we… that that time period is about the same…
Sequioa: Exactly.
Kim: That's the weird thing, I guess.
Sequoia: Right? It's the same thing with like fanfiction, you know.
Kim: It’s still going.
Sequoia: Sometimes I read something and I'm like, oh man. This was written when I was ten. [Kim laughs] What a crazy time. Anyway, they have a Kickstarter going for that… for their first full length album in thirteen years, and we have given them a lot of money.
Kim: I have been looking. I've been looking. Here we go.
Sequoia: So. [laughs] You should too. [both laugh]
Kim: You're wearing your Harry and the Potters shirt right now.
Sequoia: I am. This is one of my favorite shirts, actually.
Kim: It's a nice shirt.
Sequoia: I had a couple of drinks at LeakyCon and let Harrison convince me to buy like sixty five dollars’ worth of Harry and the Potter merch.
Kim: You gave me one and it was super nice.
Sequoia: Yeah. I was just like, oh, yeah, I'm having a great time. But I actually really love this t-shirt.
Kim: It’s good.
Sequioa: No regrets. #NoRegrets.
Both: So.
Kim: Harry and the Potters.
Sequoia: Harry and the Potters Kickstarter.
Kim: There they are.
Sequoia: That'll be in the description and…
Kim: [singing] This shit is so awesome!
Sequoia: [singing] I can do anything! So listeners, I just want to put this out there right now. Now that I've just said the link will be in the description, I think probably seventy five percent, if not more…
Kim: A hundred percent of the time.
Sequoia: …I forget to do that.
Kim: A hundred percent. Every time.
Sequoia: And I'm going to try [laughs] really hard to remember. I am.
Kim: What if we write it down. Right now.
Sequoia: Write it down?
Kim: Write it down on your note… your notes. No, you’re not gonna. You’re not gonna look at that again.
Sequoia: I'm not gonna take that with me. Yeah.
Kim: Oh fuck.
Sequoia: See! See! See!
Kim: Oh fuck.
Sequoia: [laughing] In the event that the link is not in the description, just, will somebody fucking tweet at me or something?
Kim: It'll be on Twitter. It'll be on Twitter when someone points out that we didn't put it in the description.
Sequoia: And then it'll be in the description later when…
Kim: I don't know. It seems like it doesn't push those out when you edit the description. It doesn't push those out very quickly.
Sequoia: It doesn't do it very quickly. It will be within the next six hours. After I have been tweeted at. [laughs]
Kim: Check Twitter. Check Twitter for it.
Sequoia: Just… I'm just… I'm sorry in advance. That's what I'm trying to say right now, is in advance I'm sorry. You can also go on to the Kickstarter and search Harry and the Potters. [both laugh] We're trying to… look at me. We're trying to help. Here l am. Just Hawkeyeing it. [both laugh]
Kim: You don't even have arrows. Look at me!
Sequoia: Look at me, I'm trying. Okay, so here's the thing. We have some reviews.
Kim: We…
Sequoia: So shall we…?
Kim: We… yeah, here we go. Let's do that now.
Sequoia: Shout out to Amy, who not only implores all of the people of the internet to listen to the pod, but also to tweet at us #whatever #FuckingFíne.
Kim: Shout out to Jasmine, who says they could listen to my Sirius voice forever. So here's some for you. [deep bro voice] Remus, let's make out! [both laugh]
Sequoia: Shout out to Liss Brew, who listened to this pod when they need cheering up. So I wrote this song for you. By myself. I wrote it. By myself. Here we go. [clears throat] [singing] The sun come out tomorrow! [laughs]
Kim: What the fuck was that?
Sequoia: [laughs] That was the joke I was writing and I said it was a stupid joke! [both laugh] Should I keep this whole part in?
Kim: [laughing] That’s… that’s not even how the lyrics go. What's wrong with you?
Sequoia: [laughing] I wrote it myself!
Kim: [laughing] Oh my god.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh no.
Kim: [laughing] Oh no. Okay.
Sequoia: Who’s got this?
Kim: [still laughing] Shout out to fantastic geek. Shout out to fantastic geek, who says they listen to the podcast instead of dealing with their emotions, which is funny because we make the podcast instead of dealing with our emotions. And then they submitted a second review, titled Yeet, where they said that this podcast is the potatoes!
Sequoia: It's the potatoes!
Kim: So thanks… thanks for those.
Sequoia: Shout out to EveryoneSecretlyHatesMe? [both laugh] Who… who titled their review The Only Way to the Points Moon: Wholesome Woodland Love, and asked that we never change from our trash commentary ways, to which I say, you rock, never change, have a great summer! [both laugh]
Kim: Shit. So stupid. [both keep laughing] Shout out to Anna E. S., who says they can't listen to us without laughing, which is good, because if you're not laughing, I will find you and I will make you laugh. [Sequoia laughs] Whether you like it or not.
Sequoia: [laughs] Scary. Shout out to Alex Chris 1212, who says if you ever see a blonde chick busting out laughing on the New York L train it's probably her. And we say if you happen to be on the L train with Alex Chris 1212, you should shout, bye! and sprint off the train whether it is or is not your stop.
Kim: Shout out to Nooooo not noooww [Sequoia laughs] whose review mentions that they listen to us on their way to university, but also mentions that they wish they had been old enough/alive when the books were coming out. [breathing heavily] Which means that they are a college age person who is born after Harry Potter started coming out and I don't know how to deal with that. [both gasp and breathe heavily]
Kim: What is happening?
Both: Yeet!
Kim: Fucking gen z over here.
Both: Jesus Christ.
Kim: [groans] Making me uncomfortable.
Sequoia: Oh man. Talk about dating ourselves.
Kim: [laughs] Shit.
Sequoia: All right, we're old. Thank you so much for all of your reviews.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: We apologize. Me specifically for the terrible jokes that we make surrounding your reviews. We love them and we love you.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: We also have a couple of social media stuffs to talk about today. [Kim laughs] You… you know, you…
Kim: I don't talk.
Sequoia: You…
Kim: I wrote this on our notes to talk about section, and I am actually not sure that i wanna talk about this.
Sequoia: You know you…
Kim: I don't.
Sequoia: …made a choice.
Kim: I didn't make a choice. [Sequoia laughs] It wasn't a choice. That… goddamnit. In the last episode, something happened to me. [Sequioa still laughing] Something acted through my body and came out of me and started snapping my fingers. [Sequoia laughs] [Kim snaps fingers] And I don't know why. I've lost all confidence in my ability. There was no ability to begin with, obviously, but I have been having an existential crisis since we recorded that episode, of what the fuck happened to me?
Sequoia: [laughs] The reactions on Twitter to your voice, your vocal experience on that episode, are great. [Kim laughing] Thank you, everyone. It was very disturbing to be in the room with…
Kim: Why was I snapping?
Sequoia: …at the time. Why were you snapping?
Kim: Why was I snapping? [both laugh]
Sequoia: You know…
Kim: [laughing] Oh my god. I was listening to it after you send me the edit, and I couldn't stop crying listening to myself crying! [both laugh]
Sequoia: So, you know, we just wanted to go over that real quick. Just have a little chat. Let it all out, you know.
Kim: I'm not gonna stop, but… [Sequoia laughs] I don't know what happened.
Sequoia: Oh, what a good time. Well, you know, you don't have to read Harry Potter fanfiction today.
Kim: Yeah, I got a little break.
Sequoia: This is a break. This is a break for you. I, however, will be reading Harry Potter fanfiction to you on this podcast today.
Kim: Good.
Sequoia: All right. So if you… we’re about to do predictions.
Kim: This is section of the podcast where we do predictions.
Sequoia: Welcome to the predictions segment. We've been… we've been getting a ton of predictions rolling in.
Kim: So many more every episode, and it’s always so exciting. I love them all.
Sequoia: Love them all. If you want to send us your predictions, make sure to @ us. @FanaticalFics on Twitter and #FanficDivination.
Kim: We don’t… we don’t check the hashtag very often.
Sequoia: Very often.
Kim: So if you are just using the hashtag we are missing those, probably.
Sequoia: Yeah, probably.
Kim: I just remembered. I was like, wait, I should check this. Just the other day.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And there they were.
Sequoia: We're very good at…
Kim: We still love you
Sequoia: …social media.
Kim: But.
Sequoia: You have to help us.
Kim: Help us see you.
Sequoia: Excellent.
Kim: Do @ us.
Sequoia: Do @ us and #FanficDivination.
Kim: Let's do this shit.
Sequoia: Let's do this shit. Okay. Are you ready?
Kim: No!
Sequoia: I don't know why I ask that every time. You are never ready.
Kim: Why do you ask that? I'm never ready.
Sequoia: This story… [laughs]
Kim: No. I hate that face you’re making. [both laugh]
Sequoia: I'm sorry, I might start crying already. [laughs]
Kim: What is…
Sequoia: I would say that I'm sorry to you, but I'm not. [laughs] This story is called Loginquitas. [laughing] You said…
Kim: Huh. [Sequoia laughs] Say that again.
Sequoia: Loginquitas. [pause] [laughs] [keeps laughing]
Kim: Is that a word?
Sequoia: I don't know.
Kim: In another language?
Sequoia: I don't know. I don't look it up. [laughs]
Kim: You didn’t look it up.
Sequoia: No! And I wouldn't tell you if it was anyway. That's not part of the… that's not part of the deal!
Kim: It's not my fault. I only know English, because I'm stupid. [Sequoia laughs] I took German in high school. Like, what do you want from me? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh god. Okay. It is humor/romance.
Kim: Greaaat.
Sequoia: And it was published between Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows.
Kim: Oh shit, it's a old one. I mean, like, a new…
Sequoia: New one. Like a n…
Kim: Yeah, a newer one.
Sequoia: A newer old one.
Kim: An old… I don't know why I said old.
Sequoia: An older… newer… old one.
Kim: This story is going to contain zero reference to the war or Horcruxes.
Sequoia: Okay, okay.
Kim: Is that… yeah?
Sequoia: I'll take that.
Kim: Okay.
Sequioa: Okay.
Kim: 'Cause I feel like lot of stories in that era were about that.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Kim: That's when people were like…
Both: …I know what's gonna happen!
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Exactly. No, I buy it.
Kim: This is gonna have no references to the war or Horcruxes.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Neville is going to be there!
Sequoia: [laughs] Good, good. We're back at it. I like it.
Kim: I'm back to on the Neville game. Fuck me. [both laugh] And there is gonna be something that could easily solved by talking about it…
Sequoia: Okay. Right.
Kim: …but they're not going to do that.
Sequoia: Yeah. Okay. We've done that we've done that before. I know… I know what that one is…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: …sort of going for, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: But there's going to be like a problem with the communication.
Sequoia: Okay. Okay! I did a mean thing to you.
Kim: Shit. Fuck.
Sequoia: Okay, here we go, everybody. Get your predictions in. Write them down.
Kim: Send them to us.
Sequoia: Send them to us.
Kim: So I can see how much better at this game everyone is than me.
Sequoia: I did something mean to everyone.
Kim: Oh good.
Sequoia: That was not…
Kim: Oh good.
Sequoia: I think this was generally rude.
Kim: Oh good.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: You know, some people actually did get some stuff from Luna's Hobby. I liked the ones that were like, it's gonna involve Muggle stuff, right?
Sequoia: Right. Yeah.
Kim: Because it did involve…
Sequoia: Her…
Kim: 'Cause her hobby involves nefarious schemes which she wanted the weapons grade plutonium for.
Sequoia: Exactly. Which is a Muggle thing.
Kim: Which is Muggle stuff.
Sequoia: Muggle stuff.
Kim: I would give that one points.
Sequoia: Yeah. There was a lotta good ones.
Kim: People got stuff from that.
Sequoia: They did.
Kim: Even though I didn’t expect anyone to.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: Anyway, sorry.
Sequoia: All right. Here we go. I’m gonna read fanfiction now.
Sequoia: Loginquitas.
Kim: [snorts] Are you saying that right?
Sequoia: I don’t know.
Kim: Is that actually a word? This is gonna be marauders era, isn't it?
Sequoia: I think…
Kim: You shit.
Sequoia: It says underneath the title, distance, remoteness, isolation.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: So maybe…
Kim: Under the title?
Sequoia: Under the title. It just has those three words. So maybe that were… I don't know.
Kim: I love when there is like a weird like section of poetry or like song lyrics…
Sequoia: Just like one song lyric.
Kim: …after the title. Yeah! So weird.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, very good. All right.
Kim: With like some tildes. A whole bunch of tildes. [both laugh] Like the… the… the song lyrics are in a different font. In italics. And then…
Sequoia: Yeah…
Both: …lots of tildes.
Kim: And then story starts. [laughs]
Sequoia: That's how I expect fanfiction to be written, and it's jarring when it's not.
Kim: Right?!
Sequoia: Okay. [laughs] All right. Here we go. I am such an asshole. Okay. In ancient Egypt…
Kim: No.
Sequoia: …cats were worshipped.
Kim: No, no. What the fuck? I'm already… this is starting off… is this gonna be another fucking Crookshanks story?!
Sequoia: [laughs] I'm sorry, but I'm not! But I'm not, though. [laughs]
Kim: He's not RAB again, is he?
Sequoia: [laughs] Nah he just… he just Crookshanks in this one. He’s just Crookshanks.
Kim: Continue.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: [sounding distant] I'm not leaving the room. Don't worry.
Sequoia: In ancient Egypt, cats were worshipped. They have never forgotten this. Thus they spend their nine lives seeking the companion who treats them with the respect they deserve.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: Unlike some unworthy species. Crookshanks sniffed disgustedly, eyeing the salivating dog. That he himself could not be considered a true member of the cat was carefully put aside and dutifully ignored.
Kim: Because he's…
Sequoia: A kneazle.
Kim: Oh, okay. I… because he's an animagus again. Fucking shit.
Sequoia: No, he's a kneazle.
Kim: Okay yeah. Yeah, he totally is. That's…
Sequoia: For sure.
Kim: That's fine.
Sequoia: Stretching regally, Crookshanks looked over at his companion fondly, and snorted.
Kim: Cats don't snort.
Sequoia: Nope. [laughs]
Kim: I have a cat. Cats don't snort.
Sequoia: You… well, every cat is different.
Kim: That’s too… nah.
Sequoia: Maybe the… maybe Crookshanks does.
Kim: My cat makes a noise when he's eating that sounds kinda like oinking. [Sequoia laughs] So maybe they do…
Sequoia: I dunno. Maybe it's that.
Kim: That’s kinda like snorting.
Sequoia: Out of all the careers offered to the young heroine, she chose to own a bookshop.
Kim: Post war!
Sequoia: Yeahhhhh!
Kim: Hermione is a bookshop owner.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: I don't love that. So that… I can see where that comes from.
Sequoia: And it's not… this is not the… there are many of these. Where she's a bookshop owner.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kim: It's common. It’s very common. It's a common post Hogwarts job for Hermione, and I don't like it because she is more ambitious than that.
Sequoia: Yeah I would ag… i would tend to agree with that.
Kim: Maybe she… when she's older she retires to that, but I don't actually even see that. No.
Sequoia: No. Actually, in this story, she doesn't even like it very much.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: I don't think. [laughs]
Kim: Okay, yeah. I've seen Remus as a bookshop owner and I buy that.
Sequoia: Yeah?
Kim: I do buy that. Like in happy times.
Sequoia: Okay, yeah.
Kim: He works for himself, closes the shop once a month.
Sequoia: Closes the shop when he's gotta… ya know, his furry little problem. [both laugh]
Kim: Continue.
Sequoia: Crookshanks could not understand such a choice. She earned barely enough to feed herself, never mind buy those things that a normal woman most needed. Frivolous things.
Kim: Mmmwhat?
Sequoia: Chocolates. [Kim snorts] Pretty hairpins. Lacy knickers. Womanly things.
Kim: What the… Crookshanks! [Sequoia laughs] When you first said that, I was concerned. Like, what does a woman need? Hermione is not able to buy herself feminine hygiene products? [both laugh]
Sequoia: No. Chocolates, pretty hair pins, lacy knickers.
Kim: Jesus Christ.
Sequoia: Crookshanks is being a little bit of a misogynist right now.
Kim: Right?!
Sequoia: Yeah, just like… [laughs]
Kim: Maybe you should…
Sequoia: A cat misogynist.
Kim: Cats are assholes, though. Let's be real.
Sequoia: [laughs] True. “Welcome to the bookshop. Please ask if you need any help,” Hermione rattled off, tone calm. Crookshanks twitched a whisker. She seemed happy, but then, his companion had developed a frustrating knack for hiding her most inner emotions.
Kim: Okay. I mean, anyone that works retail…
Sequoia: [laughs] Anyone who works customer service at all.
Kim: Right. Yeah.
Sequoia: You just gotta hide that.
Kim: Stuff the feelings down.
Sequoia: Yeah. You were a person. Now… [laughs]
Kim: I mean… I mean you, Sequoia, are capable of working in a customer service position, and that surprises me every day.
Sequoia: You know what? It does. But, you know, I walk around my every day like being my everyday sort of like mean [both laugh] self, and it's… you know, you go into a place and you pretend you're a different person. [both laugh] Yes, I would love to get that for you, ma'am. The customer disappeared behind a stack of books without a word, but Hermione didn't seem to mind. Her eyes had drifted again, and Crookshanks was reminded quite disturbingly of that Lovegood child. The one that used to talk to him quite naturally, as if she believed he could hear her.
Kim: I mean, cats do have ears.
Sequoia: They… [laughs] yeah, he could hear her.
Kim: Cats can hear.
Sequoia: Cats can hear you.
Kim: They just don't necessarily comprehend or care.
Sequoia: Yeah. That's what you miaow at the cat… you speak the cat’s language. For the cat, right?
Kim: Oh, I do that… I do that in a mocking way. That's a hundred percent… I'm ne… that's not communication. That is sass. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Sassing the cat.
Kim: Oh, you want… you wanna yell at me? I'll yell at you.
Sequoia: Oh my god. [both laugh] As if he was human. Even Hermione had never reached that stage in their companionship.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: Making a disquieted sound beneath his whiskers, Crookshanks…
Kim: I'm really glad that you clarified that he's not an animagus. Maygus. Fuck that word.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: At the beginning, because it's reading like he is. A little bit.
Sequoia: It is. He's not. He's just, like, a very intelligent cat, you know.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah. he is. Like in the books.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I just that one story. Fuck that story, man. [both laugh]
Sequoia: That story was great. Horrifying.
Kim: I still haven't recovered.
Sequoia: I can't.
Kim: Like, that was buried deep. I don't think about how upset that story made me, but I'm thinking about it now.
Sequoia: [laughs] Did a mean thing. I did a mean thing to everyone. [Kim groans] You're welcome. Making a disquieted sound beneath his whiskers, Crookshanks climbed clumsily on to her desk and settled himself in front of his companion. The girl’s otherworldly gaze didn't waver, but one gentle hand rested in his fur. I don't know if I… no.
Kim: Hmmm.
Sequoia: I was gonna do a voice.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: I was thinking… I was thinking about a voice. I'm not gonna do a voice.
Kim: For who?
Sequoia: For Crookshanks's inner monologue. [laughs]
Kim: Oh! Crookshanks's inner monologue.
Sequoia: Does a… yeah. Is there a voice for that?
Kim: I don’t think so. You know what? Fuck voices. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Maybe I should do your Xenophilius Lovegood voice.
Kim: Oh, here comes the snapping.
Sequoia: [laughs] I was ready. [in a sultry voice] "What are you doing?"
Kim: No!
Sequoia: Oh no, that was… I was way better at that then I thought I was gonna be and I… and it upset me a little bit. [Kim makes crying noises] Oh no. Oh no, I broke it.
Kim: Fuck you. [Sequoia laughs] Just fuck you.
Sequoia: [laughs] “What are you doing, my girl?” he asked her. “Stop being so silly and come back to earth.”
Kim: What? Okay, so he was like, that fucking Luna chick, she was so weird, trying to talk to me. Now, what? He's talking to Hermione.
Sequoia: Yeah. Inner monologue.
Kim: In an inner monologue.
Sequoia: In an inner monologue sort of way.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Staring at Hermione as she stares off, seeing nothing, into the distance, petting the cat.
Kim: When really he wants her to be paying attention to him?
Sequoia: Paying attention to him, paying attention to the world. You know, come back to earth.
Kim: Cats don't care.
Sequoia: It's not a regular cat.
Kim: As long as the cat’s getting attention.
Sequoia: [laughs] She is petting the cat.
Kim: Right? That's usually enough.
Sequoia: Unfortunately, Hermione didn't answer him, and neither did she hear him. Clearly. Like, clearly. This was an everyday ritual which succeeded in doing nothing but remind him that he needed to lose some weight if he insisted on climbing that dratted desk.
Kim: My cat fell into a clothes hamper today. [both laugh] It's one that has a lid on it…
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: …but the lid’s like made of really thin plastic. He just jumped on top of it and fell right in, because he is so fat. [both laugh] Sorry.
Sequoia: Do you think in his inner monologue he was like, uh gotta lose some weight? [laughs]
Kim: I think he was like, oh! Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit, am I gonna be trapped in here forever? Oh no. [both laugh] It was really funny.
Sequoia: Oh man. [with a slight drawl] “Get off of there, you mangy rat,” the customer growled, books in hand as he approached the desk.
Kim: Hey, fuck you, guy. [Sequoia laughs] You don't like my cat, get the fuck out of my store. I'll eat you!
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh my god!
Kim: What?
Sequoia: Uhhh! Crookshanks glanced at him imperially. “I think I will bite you,” he told him.
Kim: [laughs] I'll eat you.
Sequoia: [laughs] I will eat you. The man stared at Hermione, and something like recognition alighted his expression.
Kim: Oh no, that WAS a voice you were doing! I wasn't gonna say anything.
Sequoia: Yeah, that was a voice I was doing.
Kim: Ahhh! Shit!
Sequoia: Here we go!
Kim: Back on that Dramione shit.
Sequoia: Back on that Dramione shit! Here she is. [both laugh]
Kim: Fuck.
Sequoia: Crookshanks narrowed his eyes suspiciously as the man proceeded to poke her arm. She has no idea what's happening. She's not paying attention. He's there, standing in front of her, telling her cat to get off the fucking desk, and she's just like, oh.
Kim: Oh hum.
Sequoia: Oh. Hmm.
Kim: Oh hum.
Sequoia: Crookshanks narrowed his eyes suspiciously as the man proceeded to poke her arm. “On second thought, I will relieve myself on your head. Please bow down obediently.” [both laugh]
Kim: I think my cat would vomit on him.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, that's fine. That too. Sure.
Kim: I don't know a cat that poops on people.
Sequoia: [pause] Tweet at us if you know a cat that poops on people. [both laugh] Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that. “Maybe I should leave without paying,” the customer muttered wickedly.
Kim: You could just leave some money on the table.
Sequoia: She… like, he's standing in front of her.
Kim: She's clearly died.
Sequoia: And she… yeah. [laughs] She's just not… The customer muttered wickedly. “Would serve her right for dozing off on the job.”
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Crookshanks hissed, amused when the man jumped and Hermione blinked. “Welcome to the bookshop please ask if you need any help.” [both laugh]
Kim: Is Hermione okay?
Sequoia: I don't think so.
Kim: She has like a bunch of books fall on her head and she has brain damage today?
Sequoia: [laughs] Apparently nobody is ever in the bookshop.
Kim: Mmm. No one has ever been in here before.
Sequoia: It’s why she doesn't make any money.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And she just sleeps.
Kim: What kind of books is she selling?
Sequoia: In the bookshop. Paper ones.
Kim: Good.
Sequoia: Good. Helping.
Kim: Good. I mean, Draco is in there. So it must be a magical bookshop?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: He wouldn't dirty his feet with a Muggle…
Sequoia: With a filthy Muggle bookshop. No. It's a magical bookshop where she attempts to sell books.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: I'm not convinced that she sells books at the bookshop, actually.
Kim: No. Yeah.
Sequoia: There was a pause, in which the customer and assistent stared at each other. I think the assistent is Hermione even though she owns the bookshop.
Kim: Yeah, she… I was wondering.
Sequoia: I'm very confused by that.
Kim: Is she the assistant or the owner?
Both: Both.
Sequoia: [laughs] And… well, I mean, she's not selling enough books to have an assistant.
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: So she needs to be…
Kim: She’s the owner/assistant.
Sequoia: Assistant.
Kim: She’s assisting herself.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: In not selling books. Fine.
Sequoia: Cool. “Hello Granger.”
Kim: Fucking Draco.
Sequoia: “Nice little place you've got here,” the man said. The scorn was immediately obvious. Crookshanks looked at his companion, preparing for the proud moment in which her sharp tongue would whip the man into shape.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: However…
Kim: No.
Sequoia: …he could only watch in horror as red flooded her cheeks.
Kim: Jesus Christ. Hermione!
Sequoia: This story is bonkers.
Kim: Hermione!
Sequoia: What the… what the fuck? “Hermione, what on earth are you doing?” he cried, unnoticed.
Kim: Correct, correct, correct.
Sequoia: I feel like this is a… this is a miaow translation we are getting now, and not inner monologue.
Kim: Right. Oh, okay.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Sure. They’re the same thing. That’s the same thing.
Sequoia: That’s the same thing?
Kim: The same thing.
Sequoia: “Oh, sure,” the man grinned. “No need to be embarrassed, Granger. It's just a filthy place, for a filthy person.”
Kim: Fuck you, Draco! Just leave!
Sequoia: Yeah! Just like you said you were gonna leave without paying for the books.
Kim: This place is filthy.
Sequoia: This place is filthy.
Kim: [posh drawl] Let me pay you money for your goods. Hmmm yes. Fuck you, Draco. God. Draco deserves nothing but scorn. [laughs]
Sequoia: Exactly. This story is bonkers. [both laugh] “I'm not embarrassed,” Hermione replied, red still tingeing her skin. “Oh, my girl. I taught you better than this,” Crookshanks moaned.
Kim: Crookshanks, you didn't…
Sequoia: You didn't teach her anything. Why did you… teach her what? “I just think you're cute.”
Kim: Who said… who said that?
Sequoia: Hermione just said that.
Both: To Draco. [Kim sighs]
Sequoia: Why?
Kim: Does she not recognize him?
Sequoia: No she does. [Kim groans] She has totally lost it.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: She's been alone in the bookstore, sleeping.
Kim: With books falling on her head.
Sequoia: For so long, with just Crookshanks miaowing incessantly at her. [both laugh]
Kim: Well, if he would stop relieving her… himself on the customers, maybe the place wouldn't be so fucking filthy!
Sequoia: Smell more books, that's what I just said. Smell more books. [both laugh]
Kim: You don't ever just go to the store and smell some books?
Sequoia: Smell some books? I do love a good new book smell.
Kim: A good old book smell.
Sequoia: Oh yeah. Yeah that's a good one. [laughs] Crookshanks blinked, pausing. “Pardon?” he asked.
Kim: Pawsing.
Sequoia: Pawsing. No! [laughs] Stop doing that. [laughs] No. No. Kim’s making little paws with her hands and just dancing. Dancing with them. The little paws. Little hand paws. [laughing] Why?
Kim: Visual bit!
Sequoia: Pawsing.
Kim: Is it a visual bit if it doesn't go on unnecessarily long? [both laugh]
Sequoia: It just kept happening. [Kim laughs] “Pardon?” he asked, bewildered. “My Hermione finding a man cute?”
Kim: She's only allowed to find [pause] [Sequoia laughs] what cute, Crookshanks?
Sequoia: Books? [both laugh]
Kim: Yeah, right.
Sequoia: Yeah. “Is this some elaborate scheme to cut him down?” He glanced at his companion. “Oh, please tell me this is a new tactic to cut him down. You are better than this buffoon.”
Kim: Yeah, true.
Sequoia: Crookshanks is…
Kim: Crookshanks is correct.
Sequoia: And is like the avatar for the audience.
Kim: He’s in the right ball park.
Sequoia: A little bit.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: In this story.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Which is why I… which is what I like about…
Kim: Yeah, okay.
Sequoia: …Crookshanks in this story. Crookshanks is like this is fucking nuts
Kim: Dramione from a outside perspective is actually almost always funny.
Sequoia: Yeah, you’re like, Draco just said something really fucking rude to Hermione and Hermione was like, I think you're cute, and then this… this audience avatar is like, excuse me.
Both: What the fuck?
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Dramione from a third person. Funny.
Sequoia: Yup. Also, Dramione. Funny. [laughs]
Kim: Pretty funny, yeah. Yeah. Pretty funny most of the time.
Sequoia: Also Dramione being recced by me all the time.
Kim: Shit, dude. I worry about you.
Sequoia: The customer seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “E… ex… excuse me,” he spluttered, gray eyes wide. Hermione cocked her head to the side, obviously enjoying this. “I think you're cute,” she repeated. [both laugh]
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: Crookshanks looked between them, confused. “Don't you know who I am?” the man demanded furiously. [both laugh[
Kim: [posh drawl] You're supposed to say something like, my shop's not filthy, and I'm supposed to call you a filthy mudblood. [Sequoia laughs] And then we fight.
Sequoia: Draco is the only customer that ever comes to the…
Kim: The end.
Sequoia: To the shop. [laughs]
Kim: Draco's already get the rest of this scene planned out in his head.
Sequoia: Yup.
Kim: And he's got three shitty insults cocked and loaded.
Sequoia: Hermione’s gonna be mad at all of them.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: He's gonna feel very superior saying them.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: He's going to throw the money disdainfully onto the desk.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: And then he's going to saunter out.
Kim: Yes. Yes.
Sequoia: And she just said I, think you're cute.
Kim: And that ruined…
Sequoia: That ruins the whole plan.
Kim: …his set up! Had it all planned out.
Sequoia: “Don't you know who I am?” [Kim laughs] “Of course,” she said. Her eyes were no longer distant. They were focussed wholly on the man on the man in front of her. “Hermione! Now quickly snap out of this bewildering phase and get rid of this oaf!”
Kim: l mean, if Crookshanks would just vomit on him he would leave.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah, let's go back to the original plans. The biting was good.
Kim: Yeah, he didn't bite him once!
Sequoia: Bite him, scratch him, and vomit.
Kim: And then vomit in the scratch! That will definitely make him leave.
Sequoia: Oh my god! [laughs] Yeah, I'd leave. Yeah. I buy that. Unfortunately, the oaf seemed to be quite enraptured with Hermione, and she didn't seem to want to let him go any time soon. “Granger, have you been hit with any hexes lately?” the man asked her warily. Hermione smiled. “No,” she said. “I simply find you cute. Would you like to pay for those?” [both laugh] The man stared, disoriented, before following her finger to the book underneath his arm. It seemed to take him a moment to regain his sense of dignity.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: “I was actually going to walk out with them,” he sneered.
Kim: Just…
Sequoia: Just do it. [laughs]
Kim: Draco.
Sequoia: Just leave.
Kim: Draco. Draco, Draco, Draco.
Sequoia: His eyes narrowing with the utmost disdain. Crookshanks hissed, pleased when the man jumped again. Hermione raised an eyebrow, amused. “You just wait,” he thought, never wavering his threatening glance. “I will relieve myself on your head. [Kim laughs] And I’ll bite you. I have some very nasty diseases holidaying in my mouth.”
Kim: [laughs] What? Hermione, brush your cat’s teeth! [both laugh] Use magic! [both keep laughing]
Sequoia: I will relieve myself on your head and…
Kim: I have nasty diseases in my mouth.
Sequoia: Got some stuff in here, buddy!
Kim: For you! What?
Sequoia: “Okay, as long as you take me out on a date,” Hermione said. Her mouth quirked. What is… what? Do you have something to say? Do you have something to say? [Kim groans] Do you have something to say?
Kim: No! Continue. [Sequoia laughs] Why do you bring me this Dramione shit?!
Sequoia: Oh, man. ‘Cause… [laughs]
Kim: You know, I guess I can just be happy that this isn't fucking Hermione/Crookshanks! [both laugh] [Kim groans]
Sequoia: “What?” “For once you have it right, oaf,” Crookshanks muttered. “Hermione, what?” [both laugh] “Take me out on a date and you can walk out without paying for those,” she reiterated, amusement lacing her tone. The man seemed to have trouble breathing and that familiar recognition in his eyes began to distort. Crookshanks reluctantly agreed with him. Hermione had changed. But he had seen flashes of this girl before. Short breaks as she joked with the scar boy and the rat. [both laugh]
Kim: Is Ron the rat?
Sequoia: Yeah, I think so. Scar boy and the rat. [both laugh]
Kim: That's a great band name. [both keep laughing]
Sequoia: Like a… like a super hero team. Scar boy and…
Kim: Wow, that's a shitty superhero team.
Sequoia: …his sidekick the rat. [both laugh] Crookshanks is like, you had that. You owned that rat.
Kim: You're the rat.
Sequoia: You're the rat now. Scar boy and the rat. The distance in her gaze had been triggered by the war, but the war also freed her.
Kim: Fuck you! I knew it was coming. [Sequoia laughs] God, you can’t get through a fucking post war story without…
Sequoia: Talking about the war.
Kim: The war ended when Harry hit Voldemort in the head…
Both: …with a pipe! [both laugh]
Kim: And then he bought a hat. [groans]
Sequoia: [laughs] Look at my hat. Obviously the man had never come upon this side to his companion. Hermione chuckled as sh…
Kim: The flirtatious side? I mean, yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause why would he ever come be on the receiving end of the flirtatious side of Hermione?
Kim: He wouldn't have been… I mean, he might have seen her doing it to someone at some point, but she’s…
Both: …not really…
Kim: …a flirt.
Sequoia: Yeah. Not really.
Kim: He flirts by reading in the vicinity of a person. [laughs] Stupid that's not true [both laugh]
Sequoia: That's stupid. Crookshanks bit him.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: Hermione chuckled as he…
Kim: Here comes the rabies, Malfoy!
Sequoia: [laughs] Some very nasty diseases. Hermione chuckled as he cursed colorfully and tried to swipe at Crookshanks. Crookshanks sniffed haughtily and sat next to his companion. “Stupid animal,” the man muttered, glaring at him.
Kim: [laughing] So stupid.
Sequoia: Hermione reached out and touched the man's cheek.
Kim: What?!
Sequoia: [laughs] She's bonkers, man! [both laugh] Just like… [both laugh] what is going on?
Kim: That is the weirdest reaction to what is happening. Hermione is like not here.
Sequoia: [still laughing] No.
Kim: Like, her body is here, and her brain is somewhere else reacting to something else.
Sequoia: Crookshanks bit him.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: She's like, isn't that funny?
Kim: Isn't that funny? And touched him in the face.
Sequoia: She just touched your cheek.
Kim: So weird.
Sequoia: What am I… oh, man.
Kim: Oh my god. She's sleep walking? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Her eyes never left his. He seemed caught in the brown orbs. Crookshanks looked between them…
Kim: Orbs.
Sequoia: …and sulked. “My girl, out of all the men in your life, why did you pick him?” he grumbled.
Kim: [singing] Because he's the fucking worst!
Sequoia: [singing] Worst! “Draco bloody Malfoy.” He looked at the man. “Well, I hope you're happy, you immense oaf.” Crookshanks twitched a whisker. “Now I can bite you again.” The end. [laughs]
Kim: The end. [groans]
Sequoia: Crookshanks and scar boy and the rat and Draco and Hermione is weird. [laughs]
Kim: She's so weird!
Sequoia: Some weird shit.
Kim: That was weird.
Sequoia: That was weird.
Kim: Thanks, I guess.
Sequoia: You're welcome. You got no points.
Kim: I did get no pointssss.
Sequoia: No points.
Kim: [quietly] Yeah.
Sequoia: The war was so briefly mentioned.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: But it was there.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: It was there. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah. I was realizing that, as you were going through the story… it being a post war. I knew it was coming prob… most likely, but I figured that prediction wasn't very good. It’s too broad. In that particular time period it's okay, but it covers too much. It would cover most… some post war stories, any marauders stuff.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I… I don't love that prediction. Sorry I made it.
Sequoia: We live and we learn. [Kim laughs] And we bite our enemies.
Kim: And then we relieve…
Both: …ourselves on their heads!
Kim: Stupid. What cat… what cat is pooping on people's heads? [Sequoia laughs] Has this person met a cat? [both laugh] Whatever. Okay. Cool, yeah. No, whatever. Yeah. No points for me.
Sequoia: [laughs] No points for you. That’s… I guess that's the recap on our predictions. So now…
Kim: Let's get to our…
Sequoia: It's time. Our new need.
Kim: Quick fics!
Sequoia: Quick fics! Fics. Ficssss.
Kim: Yeah. So I've got this story that I put on my list, and it says… I… I have a… my note for it is, more sex than I could ever be comfortable reading to Sequoia.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh my god!
Kim: This story is straight smut. The premise…
Sequoia: Oh no.
Kim: The premise is so what the fuck. So in this story, Ron…
Sequoia: 'Kay.
Kim: …is upset…
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: …because Harry and Draco are going out.
Sequoia: And he's jealous?
Kim: No. And the only… he's… Ron's not jealous.
Sequoia: But…
Kim: The only way he's okay with it is that he imagines that Harry is topping Draco and he's like, that way that stupid boy is getting humiliated and that makes it okay!
Sequoia: What the fuck?!
Kim: This story is weird. Ron has some questionable views.
Sequoia: Yeah! Issues, my dude.
Kim: And so Ron's like, oh you know what would be really fun? If I watched Draco get humiliated.
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: So he steals Harry's invisibility cloak. [laughs] Follows him up to the astronomy tower and proceeds to watch Draco and Harry have sex. [laughs] Where Harry is the bottom. [Sequoia laughs] And Ron’s like, oh no!
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: What's happening! And then he just sits there and watches. [both laugh] As they have filthy, filthy sex.
Sequoia: Oh my god! Ron! Dude!
Kim: And it's like, Ron, you're way out of line here. [laughs]
Sequoia: Way out of line. On so many levels. So many levels, Ron!
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: Oh, man.
Kim: And Ron’s like, yeah, I'm gonna totally… in a totally hetero way I'm gonna watch my friend have sex. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh no! Amazing! Great.
Kim: So there was that, yeah. I thought the content was a little questionable, but the premise was pretty funny. [laughs]
Sequoia: Pretty bonkers. Now it's time… we know how to do our podcast.
Both: Now it's time for the rec zone! Pew pew pew pewww!
Sequoia: Great. My rec… so I… we have a listener, a Twitter person who tweets at us a lot. She was asking about Oliver/Percy stuff.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: I have a rec. It's not a romantic one, it's a friendship one.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: That I actually really liked. So I like the idea of exploring… so Percy is old enough, as are like Bill and Charlie, that they might remember…
Kim: The first war?
Sequoia: The first war.
Kim: Right. They would remember the first war as being children during it.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Which is an interesting perspective to take, I've always thought. Yeah. I haven't seen a lot of fanfics that do that, though.
Sequoia: This fic is about how Oliver and Percy are kind of secretly best friends. Because Percy’s kind of an asshole.
Kim: Yeah, an asshole nerd.
Sequoia: An asshole nerd. But they're kind of secretly best friends, because they grew up with like their parents knowing each other. Like… like, you know when your parents have friends who have kids that are like your same age? You know.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And like they had like a whole group of kids who would hang out together. Like little kids, and they all died.
Kim: The kids?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: Except for…
Kim: Those two.
Sequoia: …those two.
Kim: Oh, that's a great premise.
Sequoia: Yeah. So I kind of love it.
Kim: Yeah, that's an interesting take on stuff.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I like that.
Sequoia: I obviously… l am a Percy/Oliver shipper type person.
Kim: Do you wanna talk about what you like about that ship?
Sequoia: I do. I like it because Percy just like doesn't have a lot of, like, positive interaction with his fellow students. [both laugh] And Oliver is so cool!
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: You know?
Kim: Yeah, I think they balance each other in a kind of interesting way.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I could see… I like the tightly wound nerd and the cool jock.
Sequoia: Yeah, that's a… yeah.
Kim: As a… as a romance trope. I like that trope.
Sequoia: I do as well.
Kim: But on the other hand, Marcus/Oliver is great. [both laugh] The rival jock trope.
Sequoia: The rival jock trope.
Kim: I love it!
Sequoia: Yeah, that's a good one too. I'd take either of them.
Kim: Throw some Cedric in there for the triple rival jock. [Sequoia laughs] I'm in!
Sequoia: A rival jock love triangle.
Kim: I like it.
Sequoia: I'm in. Yeah. Great. [laughs]
Kim: Sorry.
Sequoia: Anyway, but I will find some more Percy/Oliver romance to rec.
Kim: Good. Yes.
Sequoia: For our listeners who were wondering about that and looking for that.
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: If you do reach out to us and let us know, like, if you're looking for anything in particular, we’ll… we’ll keep an eye out for it.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. So there you go.
Kim: Except for next gen stuff. I’m not keeping an eye on that next gen stuff.
Sequoia: I love next gen. It's just I don't have time.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: l don't have time to read next gen, because we have to… we spend so much time reading looking for stuff for the podcast.
Kim: For the podcast. Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
Sequoia: If anybody has like really good next gen that they wanna send me…
Kim: And me.
Sequoia: And me, on our… on our story submission form, that would be really cool, ‘cause I just don't have… I don't have time to look for it.
Kim: We've gotten a couple, I think.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Yeah. I haven't… yeah.
Sequoia: Had time to delve through that to find good ones.
Kim: We're getting some really good stuff. I have… I think my next rec’s coming off the list. It's a really good one.
Sequoia: Sweet! I love it. All right, so that was your recommendation. A link to that will be in the description. There is also a full list of our recommendations on our website.
Kim: www.fanaticatics.com.
Sequoia: [laughs] Where you can also find the story submission form we were just talking about. [singing] Send us everything! Our list is crazy and we love it!
Kim: Yep. [laughs]
Sequoia: You can also find our merch there. We’ve got…
Both: …t-shirts. No.
Kim: That was a lie.
Sequoia: [laughing] Wow, we said that together, and it was wrong. Holy shit! [both laugh]
Kim: T-shirts are…
Both: …coming.
Sequoia: Soon. We're gonna do a pre-order form for our Draco ships t-shirt.
Kim: Oh, okay. Cool.
Sequoia: So that we can make sure that you all… all of you get one that want one. Also, we've got posters, we have stickers. Very fun stuff. Go look at our merch on our website.
Kim: Correct.
Sequoia: You can also reach us via social media.
Kim: The links are on our website, but also we’re @FanaticalFics everywhere.
Sequoia: Yep. You can email us at fanaticaltics@gmail.com.
Kim: Send us something.
Sequoia: Some stuff! People send us all sorts of stuff. Send us whatever.
Kim: I love it all.
Sequoia: Yeah. We want… we want to talk to you, so send us some stuff. lf you would like to support the podcast, there's a couple ways you can do that.
Kim: Drop us a review and we will shout you out at the top of the episode. Drop us two reviews and we will shout you out twice, I guess. [Sequoia laughs] I don't know.
Sequoia: Yeet! [both laugh]
Kim: That's a good yeet.
Sequoia: Thank you. I am young. Make sure to trick your friends 2019.
Kim: [singing] Trick your friends 2019!
Sequoia: We got a lot of songs in this episode. We're really packing the songs in. [laughs]
Kim: 'Cause I warmed us up with the song that's stuck in my head.
Sequoia: I know. [both laugh]
Kim: You can also support us on Patreon.
Sequoia: Yes, we have bonus audio content, bonus written content. We've got like stickers and all sorts of stuff that you can get through being a patron.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: As well as early access to our episodes.
Kim: Yeah, you can get them on Sunday.
Sequoia: On Sunday most of the time. [laughs]
Kim: If that is appealing to you. Only once we've fucked that up.
Sequoia: Only once we… yeah, we… yeah.
Kim: And thanks as always to the Whomping Willows for the use or our theme song, Wolfstar.
Sequoia: All right.
Kim: Yeah, I think we're gonna sit down and record some bonus content right now.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: Let's do that shit.
Sequoia: Let's do iiiit!
Kim: All right, thanks for listening.
Sequoia: Byeeeeeeeee!
Kim: Bye!