Episode 29: Dean/The Meaning of of Life, My Lad
And hello to any new listeners that found us at LeakyCon! If you’re curious about any of the podcasts Sequoia had the pleasure of joining on the panel, you can find them all here:
https://www.potterlesspodcast.com/
http://www.harrypottersacredtext.com/
https://potteroticapodcast.com/
http://hogwarts.libsyn.com/
Recommendation: Better Late Than Never
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2311927/1/Better-Late-Then-Never
Kim's Fanfiction:
Neville’s Busy Day
Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15830586
FF: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13049535/1/Neville-s-Busy-Day
Kim: I… I was thinking about how our cold opens used to be me just like making a fool of myself. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah. But we’ve… we’ve grown.
Kim: We really… we really need to… I… No, I think we should really take it back to our roots. Here, let me do something embarrassing.
Sequoia: Okay. [Kim blows a raspberry] Oh? Oh! [Kim laughs] Oh no. That was real. We’re very good at this. I’m a master improviser, if you will.
Kim: Remember the other day when we couldn’t think of anything that was blue? [Sequoia laughs] We were playing Scattergories and neither of us…
Sequoia: Not one thing.
Kim: Nothing.
Sequoia: And then after it was over I was like, I mean, technically you can just say, like…
Kim: Anything.
Sequoia: Shirt. [Kim laughs] It’s blue. You could’ve just been, like, car. I’m talking about a blue car. Cars can be blue. [Kim sighs]
[Theme music (Wolfstar by The Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/ It ain’t our place to judge you/ You’re feeling scared about it/ Naturally/ There’s no point in hiding/ So feel free to start confiding/ If you need a good friend/ You can count on me/ You can count on me/ You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello. I’m Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I’m Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It’s our podcast about Harry Potter fanfiction.
Sequoia: Welcome to the show. Especially, if you maybe… maybe… found out about us at LeakyCon.
Kim: Yeah you just…! I guess not JUST… But you got back from LeakyCon recently.
Sequoia: I did! And it was great and exciting and I had so many wonderful conversations about fanfiction. I went to some fanfiction meetups, I went to some panels where, like, everybody just sort of just talked about ships or the fanfiction community and things like that and it was like… [sighs] it was wonderful. I have never had so many things to say about ships in my whole life. I was just like, me! Pick me! [both laugh]
Kim: Yeah I think we’re gonna do a bonus episode about it.
Sequoia: Yeah. So, look out for that, Patreon peeps. But there was something that I wanted to specifically address.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: From one of the meetups I went to. [laughs]
Kim: One of the meetups I went to! [laughs]
Sequoia: Shut up! You suck.
Kim: I hate you. [both laugh]
Sequoia: So I went to a meetup that was run by the people who saved harrypotterfanfiction.com.
Kim: That’s so cool.
Sequoia: Which is… so amazing. I wanted to be like, [timid voice] um… that’s… that’s where I have my fanfictions. And I didn’t want to move them, cause I’m lazy so… [Kim laughs]
Kim: Why?
Sequoia: ...thank you. [Kim sighs] Anyway, we were talking a lot about like the fanfiction community and, like, fanfiction itself and the accessibility of it.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: And, y’know, people coming into fanfiction, and people’s ideas about fanfiction and stuff. And I had a really great discussion group.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: They were all… they were all really engaged in the fanfiction community, and also we had all been writing since we were like ten. [Kim laughs] So that was really fun. We got to talk about some like real old school fanfiction stuff like LiveJournal.
Kim: Did you have a LiveJournal?
Sequoia: I didn’t.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: Yeah. So, that was a really interesting conversation for me ‘cause I was like, [mocking voice] I was just hanging out at the WB forums everything was cool. [Kim laughs] So yeah, so we were discussing fanfiction and y’know… I talked a little bit about how being a part of the fanfiction community and like, loving fanfiction… something that’s really important about it is that you sort of have to accept fanfiction for what it is in many different forms, so, like…
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: You can’t come into like fanfiction and be like… you know, fanfiction is… is great and well written and wonderful all the time. And you also can’t come into it being like fanfiction sucks. And y’know, like, what a stupid thing to do. Or whatever.
Both: Right?
Sequoia: Like, you have to come into understanding that, like, there are these… there are, like, novel length fanfictions.
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: And they’re gr... they’re, like, wonderfully written and they’re like from various different perspectives that you don’t get in the books…
Kim: Mhm.
Sequoia: ...and they tackle all sorts of really interesting sorts of ideas and like give you characters that you don’t actually know a lot about.
Kim: But fanfiction is also…
Sequoia: But fanfiction is also like… You know, I was ten [laughs] and I wrote some really really dumb, like, badly written stuff. [Kim laughs] Y’know, like, it is this whole spectrum of things and in order to love fanfiction you have to know that and accept that and, like…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: You know…
Kim: Yeah. I think… I think that’s something that we try to… try to get across here, is that we love fanfiction in its… in pretty much all its forms here.
Sequoia: Exactly, yeah.
Kim: Crack is my favorite obviously.
Sequoia: I mean it’s also my favorite. [Kim laughs] We gotta get into some crossover, okay? Some day.
Kim: Oooh. Some day.
Sequoia: [sing-song voice] We’ll get into some crossover.
Kim: Oh man… I have a couple… I… I… I came across one recently that I put on my list and I haven’t read it yet. It’s my two favorite things, Harry Potter and X Men.
Sequoia: Oh. My. God!
Kim: So I’m looking forward to reading that. I dunno if it’ll be useful, but… [laughs] love it.
Sequoia: Excellent. Yeah so I just kinda wanted to, like, reiterate that and, like, talk about how that was a really great discussion that I had with some fanfiction people.
Kim: I’m so jealous of you.
Sequoia: Next year, next year.
Kim: Yeah! Hopefully next year we’ll both be there…
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: ...and you can look at us and scream, bye! and run away.
Sequoia: Exactly! That’s… that’s…
Kim: We’ll definitely be doing that.
Sequoia: Yeah! That’s all we want, we don't actually…
Kim: Don’t talk to us.
Sequoia: Don’t talk to us!
Both: Don’t look at us!
Kim: Just… [both laugh and sigh]
Sequoia: Anyway… yeah.
Kim: You know, other podcasters are so nice. You were telling me about, like, how nice and accepting everyone else was and we’re like, stay away!
Sequoia: Oh my gosh, yes! So I was on this panel with Mike from Potterless and Danny from Potterotica and Adriana from Accio Politics, Terrence from Hogwarts Radio and then Ariana and Vanessa from Harry Potter and the Sacred Text.
Kim: Look at me! I’m Sequoia! I met all these great people!
Sequoia: Shut up! Why are you so mean to me?
Kim: I’m jealous. [Sequoia laughs] I’m… I’m… kinda channeling Draco today, I guess.
Sequoia: Okay. You know what? I accept that. So yeah, and they were all extremely nice. They were all really, really, like, open to their fans. They had... Potterless and Potterotica had this really great meetup, where, like... and their fans were so nice. And like… were like, lemme… lemme… lemme tell you ALL the fanfiction recommendations. And I was like, yes, give them all to me. [Kim laughs]
Kim: I mean, our fans are really nice too!
Sequoia: Yes, they are, but we are less nice.
Kim: Oh, yeah. For sure.
Sequoia: I think what I’m trying to get across here is that everyone on that panel was really cool and nice and I am awkward. [Kim laughs] So… also that. [both laugh]
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: Anyway.
Kim: Speaking of being on panels as well…
Sequoia: Yes, so. If…
Kim: ...we live in Salt Lake City.
Sequoia: Yeah. And if you live in Salt Lake City, or if you don’t and you just like… like Salt Lake Comic-Con which is now called FanX…
Kim: I guess.
Sequoia: ...and you come down to that, I will be moderating the Quidditch panel.
Kim: Mmm.
Sequoia: And I will also be on the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets panel.
Kim: Fun!
Sequoia: Yeah! So come see those. I’m better at talking in front of lots of people than talking directly to humans.
Kim: We’re talking. [short pause]
Sequoia: You’re not a human. [both laugh]
Kim: Wow, we’re spicy today!
Sequoia: Right? Oh yeah!
Kim: Didn’t expect that. [Sequoia laughs] So yeah, that’s the second weekend in September so stop by, say hi to Sequoia, and shout bye at her.
Sequoia: And then shout bye and run away, great! So there was something that we do need to do today. Some podcast business. Let’s get the reviews. Let’s do the reviews.
Kim: Yeah, we got two new reviews!
Sequoia: [singing] We got two new reviews!
Both: [singing a tune together] Wha! Wha! Wha! Meh.
Sequoia: I like the evolution of our… themes. Our themes. Our segment songs, here. [Kim laughs and sighs] So we got…
Kim: Is it evolution if we don’t remember what we did before and are just doing something [Sequoia laughs] new every time?
Sequoia: Sure.
Kim: Fine. So we got two new reviews on iTunes, so shout out to OtherBlueGirl and AlexAmandaD, thank you so much for saying that you like what we’re doing.
Sequoia: And that it makes you uncomfortable. [both laugh]
Kim: That’s exactly what we’re trying…
Sequoia: We’re going for that.
Kim: Shooting for that. So… glad you’re getting that.
Sequoia: Yeah. [both laugh]
Kim: Thanks so much.
Sequoia: So. Today, I’m going to be reading fanfiction.
Kim: Yeah, it’s your turn.
Sequoia: And here’s the thing.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: So my original intent was gonna be that today was gonna be another episode where we read one of my old fanfictions.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: However, I think we’ve gotten through the two best worst. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh, man. Really?
Sequoia: Yeah. So, I do have… this is great. I have these old notebooks from when I was like ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, I dunno…
Kim: [whispers] That’s amazing.
Sequoia: ...that have like fanfic and stuff written in them. They’re mostly not done and they are, I kid you not, terribly written. Like, it is next level bad. [Kim laughs]
Kim: Like a twelve year old wrote it?
Sequoia: Like a twelve year old wrote it!
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: Like, scribbled it in a notebook…
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: ...and thought, like, this is a lot. When really it’s, like, a paragraph that takes up an entire page because the handwriting’s bad and big and everything’s horrible.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: So.
Kim: ‘S like Ron’s essays.
Sequoia: Exactly! [both laugh] Rude, I love it. So I think instead what we’ll do on another episode is just like, talk about the plot points…
Kim: Could be a segment.
Sequoia: Yeah, it could be a segment. We’ll do something with them, but the main thing is that we’re not going to be reading any more of my fanfictions.
Kim: ‘Cause they’re unreadable?
Sequoia: Because they’re unreadable, one, or two, they’re kind of dark.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: Which we… I mean, it’s not suitable for what we’re doing with the podcast...
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: ...as far as reading stuff aloud.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: But it’s definitely something that like, we can talk about.
Kim: Mmm.
Sequoia: And we can talk about those, and we’ll either do that and some kind of a bonus content or some kind of a…
Kim: Segment.
Sequoia: ...segment on a show where we just talk about like... fanfiction!
Kim: So look out for that.
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Here it comes… nope.
Sequoia: Nope.
Kim: That’s not what’s coming.
Sequoia: That’s not what’s coming now. [weird voice] That’s not what’s coming now. [Kim laughs and Sequoia sings a little tune] Na, na, na, na! [Kim sighs] ‘Kay.
Kim: Man, I think any notebooks when from I was that age about Harry Potter would’ve just been like, detailed notes about… [Sequoia laughs] some weird shit.
Sequoia: Fuckin’… Oh God. [Kim sighs] I did go… So I was at a panel and one of the moderators was like, I used to hate fanfiction because I just wanted everything to be exactly like canon. [Kim laughs] And I was like, oh my God…
Both: ...it’s Kim. [both laugh]
Sequoia: So… that was great.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: There are more like you who have discovered that fanfiction can still…
Kim: I spent the day the other day tryna calculate how many students would go to every… all of the different wizarding schools…
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: ...based on population demographics.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: And extrapolating from the number of students who go to Hogwarts.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: And… [pause]
Sequoia: Fucking nerd! [both laugh] Did you take into account, though, that the number of students that went to Hogwarts had to have been smaller?
Kim: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I...
Sequoia: Yeah, because of the… yeah.
Kim: So… let’s not get into that actually, because [Sequoia laughs] it’s not interesting.
Sequoia: Ah, tweet at us about it, we have a lot of things about Harry Potter to say but we’re just gonna keep that inside right now.
Kim: Just stuffing it down.
Sequoia: Keep it inside!
Kim: ‘Cause we’ve got to get to the show.
Sequoia: We gotta get to the show.
Kim: Do we actually?
Sequoia: Yeah, we do have to get to the show. Get the fuckin’ show… Oh, God! [Kim laughs] Just trying to undermine me at every point today.
Kim: What’s happening? [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Everything’s fine. I’m gonna read you...
Kim: Already crying… it’s fine...
Sequoia: Oh, God!
Kim: [quietly] Enough. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: I’m gonna read you fanfiction today.
Kim: Oh right.
Sequoia: And I’m gonna read you two.
Kim: Oh, nice!
Sequoia: We’re doing it. We’re doing it.
Kim: Throwback again!
Sequoia: [Singing] Throwback… throwback again.
Kim: Throwback to… the last episode because we did that last time. What…?! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: What…?!
Kim: Stupid! [Sequoia laughs again]
Sequoia: One of our listeners, JD, did point out on Twitter that, like, it’s natural that after a year we would sort of go back to our roots. [both laugh] Which is reading two stories and Draco, apparently. [both laugh again]
Kim: What’s wrong with us?
Sequoia: Like, a lot of things, but…
Kim: Oh my gosh.
Sequoia: ...you know, that’s not what this podcast is about.
Kim: So you did pretty well on prediction points last time and I’m…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: ...immediately afraid that I’m gonna do really badly.
Sequoia: Oh! I… didn’t post a scoreboard. I’m gonna do that.
Kim: That’s okay.
Sequoia: You’re gonna do... something. [laughs]
Kim: Whatever. I’m gonna do whatever. It’s fine.
Sequoia: Whatever.
Kim: The listeners are so much better at this than us and it’s… [sighs]
Sequoia: I’m trying… I’m like, honestly trying to get better at this point. Like…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I don’t… I don’t know, maybe there’s exercises we could do to get better at it. Like, while we’re reading fanfiction...
Kim: Write down things!
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Yeah, we…
Kim: That would be smart.
Sequoia: We could, y’know, fuckin’... try. [Kim laughs] Or something.
Kim: That doesn’t sound right. [Sequoia laughs] That doesn’t sound right.
Sequoia: No? Trying’s not a thing? [Kim verbally shudders] Okay, great. That’s good to know. All right. Would you…?
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Like to give me… some predictions?
Kim: Yeah. Listeners, don’t forget to send yours to us. We have a hashtag that’ll get those on our feed on our website.
Sequoia: #FanficDivination. People been using it already and I’m very excited about it.
Kim: Yeah? It’s nice! We don’t get a lot of people who are tweeting like, I’m listening to episode nine and these are my predictions. And I wish we…
Sequoia: We got one of those the other day.
Kim: We got one but we.. we don’t… I want more!
Sequoia: Okay, great. Good.
Kim: I dunno how to get those.
Sequoia: That’s good to know, yeah.
Kim: I dunno how to travel back in time and tell people to… keep sending those to us even months later. [Sequoia laughs] Dammit. Whatever.
Sequoia: Right. Great, good. Y’know… y’know...
Kim: I’m just stalling for time because this is gonna go so poorly for me. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: The… the rules of time travel are… [Kim laughs]
Kim: Are whatever you make of them!
Sequoia: ...are whatever you… yeah! Whatever you want them to be, so technically… do whatever!
Kim: Could totally do that! Fine.
Sequoia: Okay. This story is called... Dean. [pause]
Kim: [quietly] Dean? [laughs]
Sequoia: It’s called Dean and it is…
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: ...angst.
Kim: Oh no! What the fuck!? [Sequoia laughs like a stereotypical evil villain] Okay. So… okay. So we don’t find out about Dean’s backstory until book seven.
Sequoia: Correct.
Kim: So it wouldn’t be about that.
Sequoia: Correct.
Kim: The actual… canon backstory. Could be him angsting about some made up backstory, you never know. [Sequoia laughs] ‘Kay, so I’m gonna guess… that.... Dean has been broken up with by Ginny.
Sequoia: ‘Kay.
Kim: He’s sad about it.
Sequoia: ‘Kay.
Kim: That’s not enough. [laughs]
Sequoia: That’s… I’m gonna… I...
Kim: That is one.
Sequoia: That is one. [laughs]
Kim: Why was it one…? [pause] I’m gonna guess that it’s raining in the fanfiction.
Sequoia: All right! All right. Cool! [Kim laughs]
Kim: And… [groans and laughs again]
Sequoia: This is great.
Kim: These noises…
Sequoia: I’m enjoying this.
Kim: So good. I’m gonna… guess that he… talks about how he’s never going to love again. Like, he’s loved… [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: He’s loved and lost, and will never love again?
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: Great. That’s so good. [both laugh]
Kim: Those are my three predictions. Great.
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: I really hope that it’s like… I’ve… I’ve misread the title and it’s not actually about Dean at all and it’s about, like, the Dean of Hogwarts. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: A homophone. What’s it called?
Sequoia: Is…I… I dunno.
Kim: Two words that sound the same?
Sequoia: Sure.
Kim: Mean different things.
Sequoia: I went to school.
Kim: Me too.
Sequoia: Great. [both laugh] All right, here we go. This story is called Dean. [Kim laughs] [pause] I don’t believe it. Just who does he think he is?
Kim: Huh?
Sequoia: Oh, right. I forgot. That expression doesn’t really apply when you’re dealing with someone famous, now does it?
Kim: Oh! Is this… if... This is from Dean’s perspective?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And he’s mad at Harry?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Because Harry fucking sucks!? [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah! [Both laugh]
Both: Oh!
Kim: This is great! Ugh!
Sequoia: I just… punched my pop filter...
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: ...like, away from my microphone.
Kim: Yes!
Sequoia: This is like, so jazzed.
Kim: What a… ugh. This is a great premise.
Sequoia: I sound like a toddler saying this but, it’s not fair!
Kim: It’s true.
Sequoia: It isn’t fair.
Kim: Harry sucks. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Harry gets everything he wants and it’s not fair.
Kim: It’s ‘cause he’s [drawn out, spoiled voice] the Chosen One. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: He gets everything he wants. He didn’t even notice her until this year.
Kim: True.
Sequoia: Whereas, I’ve been attracted to her for about two years now!
Kim: I dunno that time makes it more important. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: No, it doesn’t. Dean’s just… he’s… he’s mad.
Kim: He is.
Sequoia: He’s angry. He’s angsting. [Kim laughs] How dare Harry Potter do anything? Be...
Kim: Look at Ginny!
Sequoia: Yeah! How dare he be? [both laugh]
Kim: Poor Dean.
Sequoia: I had finally snagged a date with her when he decided he wanted her for his own. And...
Kim: I guess they… they dated for a while.
Sequoia: They dated for a while.
Kim: He didn’t finally snag a date with her.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: They dated for months.
Sequoia: I mean I think if like he finally snagged a date with her…
Kim: Oh. Like, in general?
Sequoia: ...and then… yeah.
Kim: Okay. Oh, as soon as he started dating her Harry was like, wait, what?
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: [mocking] Wait, what?
Sequoia: What, what?
Kim: I want that.
Sequoia: I have…
Kim: Gimme that back.
Sequoia: ...a monster in my stomach.
Kim: Oh… fuckin’ Harry.
Sequoia: Dude.
Kim: Get it together! [Sequoia laughs] Harry!
Sequoia: I’m sorry, I can’t.
Kim: I mean you could call that bad writing but… it’s right though.
Sequoia: Yeah, because it’s from…
Kim: It’s totally in character because… fuckin’ Harry!
Sequoia: Yeah. Mhm. Yes. Of course. Harry’s the worst. Yes.
Kim: Harry, get it together. Buddy.
Sequoia: And with a choice between me and the famous Harry Potter, of course she chooses him. Who wouldn’t?
Kim: I would. Says Dean. And then it’s Dean/Harry. I’m in! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yes! Find me one of those, guys. I just hate how things are going great, and then the Chosen One has to go and ruin it all. Selfish git. [Kim laughs]
Kim: Didn’t Ginny break up with him for some other reason?
Sequoia: Yeah, cause he helped her through the portrait hole or something. No.
Kim: Oh!
Sequoia: That was just the reason they fought or something. I dunno.
Kim: Yeah they just didn’t, like, gel.
Sequoia: Yeah. It just wasn’t…
Kim: Mmm.
Sequoia: Dean, it just wasn’t…
Kim: Meant to be.
Sequoia: ...meant to be.
Kim: Just give up on Ginny and get together with the person you’re truly meant to be with.
Sequoia: Seamus!
Kim: Oh! I was gonna say, let’s say it at the same time. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Oh no! Dammit!
Kim: But it is Seamus.
Sequoia: But it’s definitely Seamus. Great. I’m glad that we are all on the same page here. Listeners. [both laugh] You in? [Kim sighs]
Kim: I’m in.
Sequoia: He’s really changed since our first year.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: All that dung about him being the Chosen One has probably gone to his head. [Kim laughs] I, for one, don’t believe it.
Kim: I love this so much! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yes!
Kim: Dean speaking truth to power. Is Harry power? Wait.
Sequoia: Sure. [both laugh] Or not, or whatever.
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: If he’s so great, why didn’t he defeat You Know Who ages ago?
Kim: Right?
Sequoia: Right? Right?
Kim: Harry, kill the most evil wizard of all time when you’re eleven!
Sequoia: Kill the… evil… do it! [both laugh] Oh and, of course, “He’s so brave,” people say, just because he says the name. It just shows how arrogant he is, pretending he isn’t one bit afraid. [Kim laughs] Dean’s comin’ at you. He’s comin’ at you.
Kim: I don’t… I don’t know about that one but whatever.
Sequoia: I really cared about Ginny, but who would want to go out with plain old Dean Thomas...
Kim: [whispers] Seamus. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: ...when they could have the famous Harry Potter?
Kim: I mean, yeah.
Sequoia: You’re making good points all around here Dean. [both laugh] Too right for your own good.
Kim: I don’t think that it’s very nice that he thinks that Ginny’s only with Harry because he’s famous.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: He’s gotta… you’ve gotta have more…
Sequoia: This is another…
Kim: You… you dated this person for a long time. Have more faith in their… [struggles to find the right word]
Sequoia: Right? And that’s…
Kim: ...ability to choose a partner.
Sequoia: I think I actually remember, I think, that they actually broke up because Ginny was like… not… he was, like, not giving Ginny her space.
Kim: Hmm.
Sequoia: And like letting her be like an independent human being.
Kim: Mhm. I don’t remem... I… I actually don’t remember. [laughs]
Sequoia: Which makes this really well written.
Kim: What book was that? Was that... [mutters unintelligibly] Half Blood Prince?
Sequoia: Six.
Kim: Six? Yeah, I don't remember any of book six.
Sequoia: Oh good. Great. [laughs] That’s next in your reread, right? You’re on five right now?
Kim: I’m in… like halfway through five, yeah.
Sequoia: Okay, great.
Kim: I’m just chugging along. I have not read through the last three books in a very long time.
[pause]
Sequoia: Mmm.
Kim: Ewgh.
Sequoia: Ughw. Okay. [clears throat] He couldn’t have done even half of the things he’s done without help.
Kim: True.
Sequoia: True. I’ve always dreamed. This is where it gets weird. [both laugh]
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: I’ve always dreamed of being a famous artist. And when Ginny and I were together, she was always my favourite inspiration. My creations were bright and full of life. They were happy.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: But now…
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: ...they’re hateful…
Kim: Oh no!
Sequoia: ...and full of anger. [Kim laughs] And when I get angry, I get even.
Kim: Oh no! What?
Sequoia: And Harry Potter is going to need all the help he can get, because this is the angriest I’ve ever been. [Kim laughs again]
Kim: I don’t even know what to say! Wha...
Sequoia: The End. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh… Oh no!
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Dean is… good at art. That’s been mentioned before.
Sequoia: It has?
Kim: Yeah. He did the lion on the banner when they were eleven.
Sequoia: Oh, right!
Kim: And he offered to forge Uncle Vernon’s signature.
Sequoia: Nice. Yeah. Okay.
Kim: He’s a very skilled artist.
Sequoia: I had forgotten about that. I was just like, oh this is just a…
Kim: Thing?
Sequoia: This is just whatever. [laughs]
Kim: He’s grumpy today.
Sequoia: He’s... is grumpy.
Kim: Just go tell Seamus about it, he’ll help. [Sequoia laughs] Stupid.
Sequoia: I love me some Dean/Seamus.
Kim: I.. I just like Dean as a character. I… I understand why she chose to tell us Neville’s backstory over Dean’s, but Dean’s is so super interesting.
Sequoia: It is, yeah.
Kim: It’s really… it’s… it’s good. I like Dean as a character. Who… other than Seamus, do you have anyone you shipped with Dean ever?
Sequoia: Oh, that’s a good question. Luna, I think?
Kim: Me too!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Yeah. After book seven.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I kind of… I enjoyed the way they were, like, kind of taking care of each other after their horrible experiences.
Sequoia: Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kim: And I was like, oh, that’s kinda cute.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I don’t think it would work.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Long term.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: But it was cute in the moment.
Sequoia: Yeah. Luna’s a… a special kinda…
Kim: Man, she is so much weirder than I remember her being in book five. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: She’s so weird!
Sequoia: Quite weird. [Kim laughs] And she needs someone that matches that experience.
Kim: Well I hope what’s his face Scamander is that guy.
Sequoia: Probably. He’s probably that guy.
Kim: Yup. [both laugh]
Sequoia: He sounds like that guy. [both sigh] Well, you got a point.
Kim: A point.
Sequoia: Good job!
Kim: [mumbles] Mmm, good. That’s pretty good. I g...
Sequoia: That’s…
Kim: What else was it gonna be about? But...
Sequoia: Mmm, right? It kinda lent itself to…
Kim: It could be about something else. Seamus.
Sequoia: Seamus. [whispers] Seamus. Dean and Seamus for life. [Kim sighs]
Kim: ‘S good.
Sequoia: Okay, great.
Kim: Cool.
Sequoia: So…
Kim: What have you got?
Sequoia: All right. [sighs] Give me a prediction, here, on The Meaning of Life, My Lad. [laughs and Kim sighs] And… oh shit, this isn’t… have a genre, I gotta make one up. Dammit.
Kim: Oh, they didn’t… they didn’t genre tag it?
Sequoia: They didn’t genre tag it. Shit. Okay. This is… humor. [laughs]
Kim: The Meaning of Life, My Lad?
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: Oh my gosh, okay. Think of anything that’s blue. Here we go. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Anything that’s blue.
Kim: So I’m gonna guess that this… There’s, like, a major conversation in this and I’m gonna guess it takes place over… tea.
Sequoia: ‘Kay.
Kim: And… I don’t even wanna, like, try to guess what characters are in this, so… [Sequoia laughs and Kim sighs] somebody magically levitates an object in this.
Sequoia: ‘Kay.
Kim: And… I’m gonna guess that it takes place in the next generation era.
Sequoia: Ah!
Kim: Not… not Star Trek: The Next Generation. But… [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Wouldn’t it be great if it did though?
Kim: Oh. It’s the year two thousand and… [trails off, mumbling incoherently. Sequoia joins in] ‘Kay, whatever.
Sequoia: ‘Kay. Great, great, great, great.
Kim: No. So, like...
Sequoia: Next gen.
Kim: Yeah, the kids.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Of the… of the trio and that…
Sequoia: ‘Kay.
Kim: ...era.
Sequoia: Era. The next gen era.
Kim: That’s what I’m guessing.
Sequoia: Okay. [pause] Great. [both laugh] Great. I love it.
Kim: Zero points.
Sequoia: James Potter was not having what you would call a good day.
Kim: Is this Marauders?
Sequoia: Mmm?
Kim: Huh?
Sequoia: Mmm? You’ll have to see. [Kim laughs] I can’t give all of the shit away, you can’t just ask in the very beginning.
Kim: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. James is always having a bad day, regardless of which James it is. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Valid. Okay. Granted, it had begun surprisingly nicely, which was why it seemed so unfair that it had gone so rapidly down the toilet. [Kim laughs] Having risen at what he considered a reasonable hour, an opinion which Lily strongly disputed, [Kim sighs and laughs] he’d been greeted on entering the flagstoned kitchen of Godric’s Hollow with the first indication that his wife trusted him.
Kim: Huh? [Sequoia laughs] What is happening?
Sequoia: Oh my God… just get this…
Kim: Wha... Wha... So James got up from bed and went down to the kitchen and… I don’t even know what’s happening. Continue. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Let’s see… With the first indication that his wife trusted him. Not just in their three year old marriage, but in the love/hate relationship that had kick started at the very first “All right, Evans?” Lily hadn’t actually trusted James to turn up at their wedding. [Kim laughs] Not just on time, but at all.
Kim: What? James was so into getting married to Lily, he would’ve been there like ten hours early. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Is it time yet?
Kim: Just sweating.
Sequoia: Is it time? [laughs]
Kim: Where is she? She’s not coming, is she?
Sequoia: Yeah, James would be more likely to be really…
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: ...scared that she wasn’t going to show up. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah, c’mon. C’mon. That’s… I guess that’s...
Sequoia: Whatever, fine.
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: Not just on time, but at all. Or, to feed a six month old, Harry, a bottle of milk without dropping or otherwise incapacitating their very sweet son. So, the last thing he would ever expect his wife to do was leave him with a six month old baby, a bowl of fruit puree and a fearsome prospect. [Kim laughs]
Kim: Okay this is really funny. [both laugh]
Sequoia: This story is great.
Kim: Oh… nice.
Sequoia: It’s great.
Kim: All right. James, you can do it buddy. I believe in you. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: You can… not do anything to the baby. You cannot drop the baby, you can probably feed the baby. [Kim laughs] You can be present while the baby is also present. [both laugh]
Kim: You can do it James!
Sequoia: You can do it. But now he was simply bored.
Kim: Who, James?
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: He’s bored?
Sequoia: Yeah. Babies sleep too much.
Kim: Okay, so he’s successfully fed Harry.
Sequoia: Yeah. The baby is now just sleeping and he’s also present but...
Kim: Like, ugh, fuckin’ babies.
Sequoia: Right? But he has to be, like, staring at the baby.
Kim: Oh. Oh, yeah.
Sequoia: Because he’s so afraid. [laughs]
Kim: You’d think that the fear would keep him from getting bored.
Sequoia: You would think? But it’s James Potter. [Kim laughs]
Kim: Just like, holding on to the edge of the crib, white knuckled…
Both: ...staring…
Kim: ...at the baby. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Every time he blinks is like, is the baby still there?! [Kim laughs] Baby still there?
Kim: Where is Lily? Never mind.
Sequoia: Who… who knows?
Kim: It’s fine.
Sequoia: Babies sleep too much. That thought had never occurred to him within the first vocal weeks of his son’s life, but now it came in a flash. He wondered vaguely about giving the sleeping bundle of blankets a poke, just to liven things up. [both laugh] But he decided against it.
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: After all, on the plus side, Harry looked particularly adorable when he was sleeping.
Kim: He always does. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Oh my God! What the hell!? [Kim laughs] That was… I was not… I don’t condone this.
Kim: Whew.
Sequoia: Oooh. “You’re going to have a fabulous life, Harry,” he muttered, half to himself. Then he stopped, frowning. James leaned further over the cradle with a soft smile. “Providing, of course, that your principles are on the right track.” [Kim laughs]
Kim: Okay, so he’s going to lecture the baby. That’s where this is going. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: Great. Baby’s asleep.
Sequoia: Harry’s asleep.
Kim: Harry’s not… Harry’s not… whatever. Continue.
Sequoia: James is like, here’s a moral code for which you must live by.
Kim: Infant! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: “Providing, of course, that your principles are on the right track. Because no one likes a coward. Or a sneak. Or someone with no moral code.”
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: He reached into the cradle and smoothed back Harry’s silky jet black baby hair that had already covered his little head.
Kim: Hairy baby.
Sequoia: [cooing] ‘S lil hairy baby.
Kim: [also cooing] Lil hairy baby. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Stupid.
Kim: Kill me. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Smiling a little, he reached up as if to rumple his own, but then stopped himself. Then he added quietly to the mini lecture. “No one likes someone who’s too big for their boots, either. So make sure that your guard is against that one. Not that you’d be vain; it’s not your little baby style, is it?” [both laugh]
Kim: When was the last time James slept? Is he okay? [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: This is… new parenthood does…. does to you.
Kim: Is it?
Sequoia: It turns you into a crazy person. [both laugh].
Kim: Lil baby style.
Sequoia: It’s not your lil baby style, is it?
Kim: I mean. James was like the most vain, self absorbed asshole.
Sequoia: Right?
Kim: Who is he to…?
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Whatever.
Sequoia: Whatever.
Kim: I guess he’s counting on Lily to stamp any of that out.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs] Harry’s little eyes were still shut, but he was beginning to move his chubby limbs that lay around him in the midst of blankets. James’s smile became wider as he stared at this tiny person. This tiny person who he somehow knew would rise to greatness. Even...
Kim: Fine. [Sequoia laughs] I think every parent thinks that.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Think any parent’s, like, looking at their kid and they’re like, you’re gonna be a real shit?
Sequoia: Oh... God… [laughs] Or not.
Kim: Just terrible. You’re the worst baby. [Sequoia laughs] I mean, I say that to my cat, but…
Sequoia: You say to your cat that…
Kim: That he’s the worst baby.
Sequoia: Your cat’s the worst baby?
Kim: He is the worst baby.
Sequoia: I mean… given that it’s a cat…
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: And it’s like a grown cat…
Kim: What? [whispers] He’s a baby.
Sequoia: He... then… so it’s by nature of not being a baby at all.
Kim: He’s a…
Sequoia: Then yes he is the worst baby.
Kim: He’s a furry baby.
Sequoia: Oh my God, no. I hate you. [both laugh] “You know what makes life worth living, Harry?”
Kim: Ah, he’s gonna tell us, isn’t he? What is it? Oh no.
Sequoia: “It’s the fact that there is life. Life is a journey.”
Kim: James has not slept in weeks, has he? [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: No. He’s having a serious problem!
Kim: Lily! You left the baby alone…
Sequoia: ...with a crazy person! He’s… having… is not okay!
Kim: Ahh.
Sequoia: “It’s the fact that there is life. Life is a journey.” [sighs] “Oh don’t look at me like that, Harry, I’m being serious.” [Kim laughs]
Kim: And then Sirius shows up, like [Sequoia laughs] did somebody…
Both: ...say….
Sequoia: ...Sirius? Did somebody say Draco Malfoy?
Kim: Slides into the room. [laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah. [Kim sighs]
Kim: Just constantly waiting outside of rooms.
Sequoia: No, it’s like that same spell that Snape has.
Kim: Oh right, right, right. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Great call back.
Kim: Oh, good one.
Sequoia: Good. A pair of green eyes had fluttered open, and the baby was staring at his dad with an almost amused expression. “You probably think that Daddy needs to admit himself to St. Mungo’s.”
Kim: Nope. Harry is definitely farting. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: That’s all babies do.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: They cry.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: And they poop.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: Am I missing something?
Kim: Nah, I can't think of anything.
Sequoia: Okay, great. [laughs]
Kim: I think they… they eat.
Sequoia: Oh, they eat. They also eat.
Kim: To make the poop.
Sequoia: Right, exactly. Good, good, good. ‘S good.
Kim: Three things.
Sequoia: Three things. Also, I think that Harry does think that he needs to admit himself to St. Mungo’s.
Kim: Does he?
Sequoia: Six month old Harry is like, oh Dad... oh Dad.
Kim: Get it together.
Sequoia: You need… Don’t know what’s wrong with you. [both laugh]
Kim: Ewgh.
Sequoia: Leaning down to pick up his son, James continued speaking to the little face that seemed to understand exactly where he was coming from. [Kim laughs] “Life…”
Kim: I thought he was looking at him like he was crazy, and now he understands where he was coming from?
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: ‘Kay.
Sequoia: Good.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: “Life is in the present. It’s living, not having lived, or anything like that. And when you and I die, the journey will have ended. No, I’m not trying to be morbid. What I mean is… there’s no point in worrying about consequences and what might happen, because nothing will happen if you don’t do it in the first place.”
Kim: He’s telling the baby to not worry about the consequences of his actions. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: [mumbling]. I dunno if that’s the best advice.
Sequoia: I dunno. Seems… seems to have stuck, though. [both laugh]
Kim: Fuckin’...
Sequoia: This is canon!
Kim: Fuckin’ Harry!
Sequoia: This is canon! I’m adding this to our Fanatical Fics canon.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: There we go. [laughs]
Kim: It’s in there.
Sequoia: James smirked, then raised his son high in the air and twirled him around as he continued. “And once it’s done, it’s done! The journey’s ended, and a part of your life is dead [Kim laughs] and if you’re dead, you can’t hurt.”
Kim: Swingin’ the baby around the room. Some day…
Sequoia: Some…
Both: ...you’re going to die!
Kim: And so am I! [Sequoia laughs] Baby. [laughs] Oh my gosh!
Sequoia: “If you haven’t lived… you know, danced and wondered and loved and maybe lost, then you’ll never get another chance once you’re at the end.” Little Harry pouted, and James pouted back. “I’m just rambling on and on…”
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: “...I think. I dunno if this makes any sense to you or not…”
Kim: Nope.
Sequoia: “...but you have to live to fulfill the meaning of life. Do you understand, Harry?” [both laugh]
Kim: Oh my gosh.
Sequoia: Harry giggled. [both laugh] Wait. Is this the baby Harry that is possessed? [both laugh even louder]
Kim: The demon baby Harry?
Sequoia: This is the demon baby Harry!
Kim: No, he doesn’t have a twin so it can’t be.
Sequoia: Oh, all right. Okay.
Kim: A twin who’s better than him.
Sequoia: Better twin.
Kim: Wait, was that the twin who was better than him?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: When he was a demon? No, I…
Sequoia: No…
[pause]
Kim: I don’t remember now.
Sequoia: When he was the…? I dunno.
Kim: Whatever.
Sequoia: We’ve done a lot.
Kim: Demon baby Harry.
Sequoia: This is episode twenty six, we’re fine. [both laugh]
Kim: It was when he was the worst twin.
Sequoia: [dark voice] He is the worst twin! [Kim sighs] “Of course he understands.” James thought happily. [Kim laughs] Babies were probably the most intelligent people in the world. That was the fact of the matter.
Kim: Err… [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: James needs to take a nap or something.
Kim: Who left him alone with the baby?
Sequoia: Eat some food. [Laughs]
Kim: [Softly] Lily.
Sequoia: This is... I mean, once you get to the end of this story you’re like, yeah, I guess this James… I might not trust him to show up at the wedding.
Kim: Yeah. [Sequoia laughs] Yup.
Sequoia: I guess when we’re in this world… Mmm, yup.
Kim: Mmm, James.
Sequoia: James… He put Harry down on the sofa, beaming. What a clever son he had, coming up with the meaning of life like that. He must be pretty intelligent to make sense of what Daddy was saying, which he clearly did.
Kim: And then… the baby rolls off the couch. [Sequoia laughs] Cause he’s a baby.
Sequoia: He’s a baby!
Kim: Children are stupid!
Sequoia: Oh my goodness. Anyone could see it in his eyes. His son understood every word he said. [Kim laughs] “Maybe he’s a genius.” James thought, lazily.
Kim: He is the possessed one! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: He is the possessed one! He is… the heir of Slytherin.
Kim: And Gryffindor.
Sequoia: And Gryffindor.
Kim: And Merlin.
Sequoia: And Merlin. [both laugh] Any child of his, and Lily’s he supposed, [Kim laughs] would have to be pretty spectacular in the brains department. James.
Kim: Except it’s Harry. [Sequoia laughs].
Sequoia: Yeah, James, you don’t know.
Kim: He’s like, this kid’s great! Grows up to be Harry. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Who we’ve already established in our first story…
Kim: Fuckin’ sucks!
Sequoia: ...not that great! [Kim laughs] Needs a lotta help! “It’s like that poem that some Muggle wrote,” he continued. “If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, then… Something I can’t remember about the Earth? Not that important anyway. And then something about being a man, my son. [Kim laughs] Not that you’re the son of some poet bloke. I’m really no great shakes at creative writing, but he’s like the Dad of the world. Mr… whatever his name is. So not actually biological but we’re not going to get into where babies come from. Please don’t ask for at least a few years.”
Kim: He doesn’t ask until he’s fourteen. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: This. Is. Canon!
Kim: I couldn’t… I couldn’t think of anything to say in that earlier bit because what was happening?
Sequoia: He’s just kind of having a breakdown. It’s fine.
Kim: Yeah, he’s clearly having a breakdown!
Sequoia: He’s clearly… clearly needs some rest.
Kim: But also… call backs.
Sequoia: Oh, there’s so many. I didn’t even… When I first read this, I didn’t even realize, like… the amount of… this fits perfectly into Fanatical Fics canon.
Kim: Yup. There we go.
Sequoia: Oh my God.
Kim: We’re just building our own little…
Sequoia: Building our own world.
Kim: [laughing] ...canon. Over here.
Sequoia: Harry gurgled.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: “You know the answer to the meaning of life, don’t you Harry?” James nodded vigorously, and Harry nodded vigorously to copy him. “I knew it.” [both laugh] James...
Kim: What?
Sequoia: James definitely felt more cheerful after this conversation. Who said it was one sided anyway? Just because he couldn’t talk yet, it most certainly did not mean that his son couldn’t speak. He was actually very eloquent in his own way. [Kim laughs] So, to sum up…
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: ...he had a wife who apparently trusted him.
Kim: Lily’s like, dead or something.
Sequoia: [laughing] No, Lily’s not!
Kim: Who would leave this person…
Both: ...with a baby?!
Kim: Lily!
Sequoia: He had a wife who apparently trusted him, a nice home, had at least partially fulfilled his life’s work, and his son knew the meaning of life. “I’ve enjoyed our little chat,” he remarked to his son. But Harry had already gone back to sleep.
Kim: [quietly] Great.
Sequoia: “Well.” James thought. “He may be a philosophical genius, but he’s only a baby.” The End.
Kim: Oh… 'Kay. [Sequoia laughs] Somebody help that man.
Sequoia: There we go. There we go.
Kim: That was really funny. [laughs]
Sequoia: There we go. I love this story so much. [Kim sighs]
Kim: Yeah. That’s good.
Sequoia: Baby Harry knows the meaning of life!
Kim: Canon.
Sequoia: Canon!
Kim: Canon. Fine. [laughs]
Sequoia: Great. You got…
Both: ...zero points! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: You weren’t gonna get any points, I don’t think.
Kim: I mean.
Sequoia: I mean it said My Son, so you really could’ve…
Kim: No.
Both: No.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Didn’t say My Son, it said…
Sequoia: It said…
Both: ...My Lad.
Sequoia: Yeah, that doesn’t help. No… not that helps.
Kim: Nothing to go off of. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Great, well you did get one point from our…
Kim: I did, this episode.
Sequoia: From our first story today.
Kim: So, not bad.
Sequoia: Great. I think we’ve established that Harry sucks and…
Kim: And knows the meaning of life.
Sequoia: And knows the meaning of life!
Kim: So.
Sequoia: Both of which are possible in our canon universe.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Great. [both laugh]
Kim: Awesome. [Sequoia sighs] That was really fun. Those were good. Cool.
Sequoia: I’m really good at podcasting. Okay! So… [both laugh] Thank you all for listening today. I have a recommendation...
Kim: Nice!
Sequoia: [singing] ...to go along with this.
Kim: What have ya got? Some… amazing...
Sequoia: Something amazing! [laughing] I got… I got… got… pain...
Kim: Oh no, what is that face? Is this Dramione that you’re gonna shoot at us again?
Sequoia: Nope, it’s Dreville. [laughs and Kim yells and claps]
Kim: Yes! That is a great pairing!
Sequoia: And I think this story is hilarious.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: So, it’ll be in the description. [both laugh]
Kim: I love...
Sequoia: And on our website.
Kim: I love any story about a Neville pairing.
Sequoia: Right?
Kim: I just… [both sigh] Oh man, Neville.
Sequoia: Harry and Neville’s great.
Kim: Yeah. I love Dreville.
Sequoia: Dr… Dreville’s great. [Kim laughs] I… I dunno how… I don’t remember when I stumbled upon this but… it’s quite good.
Kim: I’m excited to read it. Cool.
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: So the link to that will be in the description and on our…
Sequoia: [singing] Website!
Kim: ...website.
Sequoia: Website.
Kim: Yep. So…
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: Go there.
Sequoia: Yeah, all of our recommendations are on the website so if you’re ever looking for something to fill your time, go to the website. Look at the recommendations. Read all of them and then tell us that you read all of them. [Kim laughs]
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Please.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: We have to do a thing.
Kim: No.
Sequoia: [sighs] Yeah, we do.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: [singing] Summaries! [both laugh] And, you know, we didn’t… we didn’t fuckin’ do is figure out… oh. No, we did. We tried to rework this and it didn’t work.
Kim: Give me the summaries.
Sequoia: We tried to rework… we’re just gonna keep… All right, ‘kay.
Kim: ‘Kay. Same, we’re not changing it. I love it.
Sequoia: ‘Kay, this is the summary for Dean. Oh, did we do this in the last episode?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: We did? Okay. Dean. I don’t believe it. Just who does he think he is? Oh right, I forgot. That expression doesn’t really apply when you’re dealing with someone famous, now does it?
Kim: It was just, like, the first two sentences of the story, wasn’t it?
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: Nice! [both laugh]
Sequoia: [singing] Gettin’ better all the time!
Kim: Those were good. I like that.
Sequoia: The Meaning of Life, My Lad. James Potter has been left with the baby. Bored, he embarks on a one-sided conversation with his son, and manages to come to the conclusion that baby Harry is a great philosopher. [Kim laughs]
Kim: That’s a good summary.
Sequoia: It’s a really good summary. And I was like, yes. This. [Kim laughs] I am ready… I’m ready!
Kim: Oh, James… his life is so hard. [Sequoia laughs and sighs] All the time…
Sequoia: Anyway, there you go. We did it.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: There we go, our… our favorite segment is over.
Kim: Our… favorite segment.
Sequoia: Our favorite segment.
Kim: Cool. All right.
Sequoia: So now that we’ve come to the end of the episode…
Kim: Yes, we have.
Sequoia: We have. This got a lot easier, I guess.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Go to the website. [laughs]
Kim: Okay, maybe not.
Sequoia: No? No? Is that not good?
Kim: We have a website.
Sequoia: We have a website.
Kim: There are… all our episodes are there. All of our story recommendations are there. We’ve got merch there. And a story submission form.
Sequoia: Yes. Most importantly our story submission form has moved to the website.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: We’ve gotten a couple submissions from the website.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah. So we know that you guys are listening.
Kim: Keep sending those our way, I love them. We have gotten some…
Sequoia: [whispering] Some spring ones…
Kim: ...really good recommendations that just… [sighs] Thank you so much.
Sequoia: Thank you! And continue to send us…
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: ...some great fanfic.
Kim: It doesn’t…
Sequoia: Your favorite fanfic.
Kim: Yeah, send us your favorite fanfic. It doesn’t have to be something necessarily for the podcast, just something you think we need to read. Send it to us!
Sequoia: We wanna read everything!
Kim: Yes. So that is at www.fanaticalfics…
Both: … .com!
Sequoia: [tough voice] What?
Kim: So go there. Check it out.
Sequoia: You can help us out in a couple of different ways.
Kim: If you like us…
Sequoia: If you like us.
Kim: ...for whatever reason.
Sequoia: If you like us, leave us a review! On iTunes or on Facebook and we’ll shout you out…
Both: ...at the top of the episode.
Kim: Yes, we did… we did that.
Sequoia: We did that today.
Kim: Check. [both laugh and Kim sighs] If you… another way you can help us out is by telling people about us.
Sequoia: Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. [Kim laughs] Tell your… the bagger at the grocery store. Tell your Mom. Tell your Mom’s friends. Tell your Aunt. Tell… stop nodding at me, I’m just keep saying shit.
Kim: This is good.
Sequoia: No! This is not!
Kim: This is good podcasting.
Sequoia: This is like, legitimately bad and I need you to stop… [Kim laughs] nodding!
Kim: Tell people about this podcast. It helps us spread.
Sequoia: Don’t say that. Anyway. [laughs] You can also become a patron on Patreon, that link is in the description and also on our website.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: We have bonus content, stickers, all sorts of fun stuff.
Kim: Speaking of bonus content, we’ve got some written work coming...
Sequoia: Oh shit!
Kim: ...at you people.
Sequoia: We both wrote fanfictions.
Kim: We finished two fanfictions!
Sequoia: We did it! I…
Kim: Sequoia…
Sequoia: I… I wrote one!
Kim: ...wrote a fanfiction!
Sequoia: Shout out to Harrison for making me write a fanfiction. [both laugh]
Kim: So that’s gonna go up on Patreon and also, speaking of fanfiction, I originally claimed that I was gonna be uploading these at like a six month gap to fanfiction.net.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: And Archive of Our Own and I totally forgot to do that for my second fanfiction ever but that is up… that will be up now.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And so you should go look at that. My username is Kim Fanatical and…
Sequoia: There’ll be links in the description.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: And we’ll put… I’ll put them on the recommendations page as well.
Kim: So I wrote a Harry/Neville fanfiction. [laughs] And you should read it.
Sequoia: And it’s great.
Kim: ‘S my first attempt...
Sequoia: It’s wonderful.
Kim: ...at fanfiction slash. [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Yeah. So… there you go.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: If you wanna tweet at us you should. We like it. We’ll… we like responding to tweets.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: We like engaging with you guys on Twitter, that’s a lotta fun for us.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: So…
Kim: Yeah. So keep talking to us on social media.
Sequoia: This is… [laughs]
Kim: We have a Facebook, an Instagram and a Twitter at…
Both: ...FanaticalFics.
Sequoia: We’re so good at this. Thanks so much for listening, and of course thank you to The Whomping Willows for letting us use our amazing theme song, Wolfstar.
Kim: Bye!
Sequoia: Bye!