Episode 9: Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright
Get ready for a very special episode. This story is what one might call OOC (or Out Of Character) in all the right ways? We’ll let you be the judge.
Recommendation: Protected
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sreLOId5q63UJi_kWKu3zvk5Bn_xuF91hChNlJ0uD1o/edit?usp=sharing
This transcript was provided by our excellent volunteer transcription team! Thanks to:
Transcriber: Eva
Checker: Jeanne
If you’re interested in joining the team, send us an email!
If you’d like to read the original work contained in this transcript, you can find it here!
Sequoia: Hi, listeners.
Kim: Hey, everybody.
Sequoia: We have a little announcement.
Kim: You have a little announcement…
Sequoia: [at the same time] I have a little announcement.
Kim: I don't care. [laughing]
Sequoia: [laughs] This is not directed at all listeners, just a specific subset of listeners [Kim laughs] that happen to be related to me.
Kim: [still laughing] Sure, sure.
Sequoia: If you are one of those people, related-to-me people, [hesitantly] you... you can listen to this episode.
Kim: They can?
Sequoia: They can, but I would advise… [Kim laughs] not.
Kim: Sure. [both laugh]
Sequoia: That's cryptic. Great. [with nervous energy] On to the show. [Kim laughs]
Kim: Let's just jump into it.
Sequoia: Yeah...
Kim: I don't think, you know, we don't need the random garbage before every episode.
Sequoia: We don't? I like the random garbage…
Kim: Me too, but you know.
Sequoia: But it has to be of the moment.
Kim: It does and we already did one random garbage today.
Sequoia: What if I just start saying words at you? I'll just start saying things like bowl.
Kim: We playing word association?
Sequoia: Mouth rinse. [both laugh nervously]
Kim: Naming things on the table… what the fuck? You know bowl makes me think of bowel.
Sequoia: Nooooooo….
Kim: Been a couple of weeks since that episode came out though so…
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Our listeners are probably...
Sequoia: [in a singing voice] Hollaback girl…
Kim: No.
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: [in a defeated voice] Hello. [Kim laughs] This is Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And this is Kim.
Sequoia: And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's your favorite podcast about Harry Potter fanfiction and today is a very special episode. You may notice that Sequoia is cringing a little bit more than normal. And that's because we've decided that it's time again. This is episode nine. And we've decided…
Sequoia: It's... we're reading my fanfiction again guys.
Kim: Yeaaah, buddy.
Sequoia: [nervous] We're doing it. Yeah. [Kim laughs]
Kim: So in case you’ve forgotten, Sequoia used to be a fanfiction writer. She used to...
Sequoia: Yeah, I wrote a LOT of fanfiction.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Between the ages of... something and something.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: It was a good, like, five or six years. [Kim chuckles]
Kim: So, since we take such pleasure in reading and... reacting to other people's stuff, it's only fair that I shit on Sequoia. [chuckles]
Sequoia: It's only fair and I... and I gotta, I gotta let it happen. [Kim laughs] But I have to say, I have to say that today feels different than episode one.
Kim: Why’s that?
Sequoia: Well, episode one I picked something that was supposed to be funny. It was…
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: Funny. It was comedy.
Kim: Oh, okay, I see where you're going with this.
Sequoia: And these, that we're going to read today, were not intended to be funny [Kim laughs] and are just suuuper cringy.
Kim: Yeeees.
Sequoia: And I wrote these, I did this. I wrote them.
Kim: Yep. You wrote them on purpose.
Sequoia: I wrote them on purpose and they're bad.
Kim: So... full disclosure. I have seen the first one before. We read that one. That is the one that we went back and read as like a friend group and shit on Sequoia a few years ago. I haven't seen it in a long time. So I don't really remember what happens. But...
Sequoia: Yeaaah. [Kim laughs] So I... they were like, hey, we want to hear some of your fanfiction. And then I was like, oh, this one.
Kim: This one’s good.
Sequoia: I picked it.
Kim: [at the same time] You picked it for us.
Sequoia: I picked it.
Kim: You were like, this is a good one that is illustrative of what sort of a writer I was. And then we read it. We were like... Well, we'll see how you listeners feel after we read it. We came to our own conclusions about it.
Sequoia: Yeah. [Kim laughs] So...
Kim: Oh, this is gonna be fun! This is a little bit of a different episode. Hopefully, it goes well.
Sequoia: Yeah, we'll see.
Kim: So let’s jump in. Oh and also we're not gonna be making predictions.
Sequoia: Yeah, no predictions this episode.
Kim: Just because.
Sequoia: Because yeah.
Kim: Cuz I'm so far ahead! [both laugh]
Sequoia: I mean, also that I guess, but mostly you've actually heard this one before. No predictions. Let's go. Oh, wait, but they can make predictions.
Kim: Oh, definitely, definitely.
Sequoia: You should make predictions.
Kim: Make predictions on this first one. [laughs]
Sequoia: The first one is called Don't Think Twice, It's Alright. And… [Kim laughs] yeah, you never heard the title of it. There we go. Or maybe you did, you just forgot.
Kim: It’s been years since I’ve heard this story. [laughs] Oh my god.
Sequoia: It's called Don't Think Twice, It's Alright.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: And the genre... I don't have genre tags on here. But I'm thinking that I would have tagged it angst…
Kim: Drama.
Sequoia: And drama?
Kim: Yeah, that sounds right.
Sequoia: Something...
Kim: Yeah, that sounds right.
Sequoia: Maybe suspense? Maybe.
Kim: Maybe.
Sequoia: But like… [Kim laughs] yeah...
Kim: There you go.
Sequoia: There you go.
Kim: Make your predictions now.
Sequoia: Make your prediction. You are going to fail.
Kim: Tweet them at us. We want to hear what you think is about to come at you. Except for those of you that have already heard this, a couple of our friends are listeners. You are among that group that read this.
Sequoia: Yeah, there's a good four or five…
Kim: So no cheating!
Sequoia: Okay. This is… God, I feel like I…
Kim: Don't think twice.
Both: It's alright!
Sequoia: Okay. [surprised] Oh my god, it starts out really just, it's just from the beginning. Okay…
Kim: Fucking. Do it.
Sequoia: Okay, here we go. I could get this over with quickly. [Kim snorts] But the smooth skin covering your neck feels so good beneath my palms.
Kim: What? Okay, so I remember how this goes and it starts like that? Jesus fucking Christ, Sequoia.
Sequoia: It starts like that and I didn’t even...
Kim: Oh my god! Okay, [Sequoia laughs] so I was gonna wait and let you, the listeners, draw their own conclusions. But here's the thing, listeners. This story is EXTRA PORNY!
Sequoia: [laughing] No, it's not, it's not that, it's not that porny.
Kim: It is.
Sequoia: It really isn't.
Kim: Oh, you'll see.
Sequoia: Oh, Jesus. Okay, okay. I've waited so long to be where I am. Why not savor this moment? [Kim laughs] It starts out like this. And then it goes…
Kim: It goes downhill from here. Continue.
Sequoia: No, it doesn't.
Kim: Yes, it does.
Sequoia: Why not savor the look on your face as the Polyjuice potion starts to phase out and my real face begins to take shape?
Kim: Okay, I don't remember this.
Sequoia: You don't remember this story.
Kim: What is happening?
Sequoia: Yeah, you remember one specific part of this story.
Kim: I do, I do. [laughs]
Sequoia: Why not relish the feel of your pulse quickening under my middle finger [Kim laughs quietly in the background] as I grip your neck, squeezing with more force than necessary?
Kim: This is so messed up! [laughs]
Sequoia: I wrote, I also... I wrote this for a competition.
Kim: Oh my... Did you win?
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: [incredulous] What?
Sequoia: “What's the matter, Draco? Did I scare you?”
Kim: [whispering] Dracooo…
Sequoia: Fanfiction Draco is my favorite character. [both laugh]
Kim: I don't know that the Draco that's in this is fanfiction Draco.
Sequoia: No, it's... I think it's real Draco.
Kim: Although the other character is... Continue.
Sequoia: Mhm, yep. Her hair sw... Okay, no, then there's some dashes to indicate a…
Kim: A passage of...
Sequoia: [at the same time] Flashback.
Kim: Oh a flashback.
Sequoia: Yeah, there's a series of flashbacks in this.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: So we're flashing back.
Kim: Great. I love how you start this story with just like a, like a... like a very in-depth description of a choking fetish. It’s great.
Sequoia: [laughing] Listen…
Kim: It's great.
Sequoia: [indignant] That's not what it was supposed to be...
Kim: So you want to tell the listeners about your, your… [both laugh] Is it an auto-erotic or is it…
Sequoia: Nooo!
Kim: ...just straight erotic?
Sequoia: This is getting cut.
Kim: Ha-ha! You can't do that!
Sequoia: Yes, I can!
Kim: [unintelligible noise]
Sequoia: Her hair swept back and forth in front of me. Testing me, teasing me with every effortless curl...
Kim: Wait, we’ve gone first person?
Sequoia: Yeah. This is a... this is a flashback.
Kim: Yes! I think this is our…
Sequoia: No, it was first person originally.
Kim: Oh was it?
Sequoia: I could get this over with quickly.
Kim: I thought they were talking.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: They weren't talking? Oh, okay.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: All right.
Sequoia: No, she said all those things, and then she said, “What's the matter Draco? Did I scare you?”
Kim: Okay, I thought they were... [singing] first person POV. [Sequoia chuckles]
Sequoia: Her hair swept back and forth in front of me. Testing me, teasing me with every effortless curl, every voluminous wave. [Kim laughs] It was almost as though she wanted me to pluck out one and wrap it up, tucking it safely into my breast pocket.
Kim: What.
Sequoia: She moved again and her hair shifted slightly, taking on a whole new shine as the light’s perspective changed.
Kim: Did we switch POV characters?
Sequoia: Nope.
Kim: [quietly] I'm so confused.
Sequoia: Yep. You're supposed to be confused. I am... I am... I am confusing you on purpose.
Kim: [sarcastically] Oh thanks. You’ve achieved it. I am confused [Sequoia laughs in the background] about what is happening.
Sequoia: I wanted so badly just to reach out and take what I needed from her. Just one hair. That was all I needed to make the potion work. But I waited. “Lavender?” I asked innocently.
Kim: Lavender’s hair is curly? Today?
Sequoia: Um...Yeah.
Kim: I have no idea. I think we actually don’t know.
Sequoia: It’s curly. I don't think we know. In the movie it's curly.
Kim: There's like three Lavenders in the movie, [laughing] I'm pretty sure.
Sequoia: The most important one that has lines has curly hair. [laughing] “Yeah, Hermione?” she replied from her desk in front of mine. “You don't happen to have a hairbrush I could borrow, do you?” “Oh, of course I do.” Lavender giggled. “Here you go.”
Kim: [singing] Don't lend out your hairbrush. That's how you get lice. [Sequoia laughs] Or…
Sequoia: Or…
Kim: ...impersonated!
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah.
Kim: Come on, gotta protect your biological material.
Sequoia: Yeah, your identity...
Kim: Or whatever.
Sequoia: Identity theft in the wizarding world - whole different... whole different thing. As she handed the brush back to me, I noticed with satisfaction a long blonde hair dangling from the bristles just barely catching the light. Okay, dashes.
Kim: No…
Sequoia: We're going back.
Kim: Ugh… Why was that flashback necessary?
Sequoia: [in a justifying tone] I'm creating a story! [Kim snorts] I am…
Kim: Could’ve just said…
Sequoia: I am laying the groundwork.
Kim: Could’ve just said, I took a hair from Lavender.
Sequoia: Boring.
Kim: Whatever.
Sequoia: Boring. I could also let you go. I could release your neck and let your heaving lungs take their first breath [Kim snorts] of fresh air in 20 seconds.
Kim: But only if you use the safe word! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: Damn it!
Kim: Wait, did she just say 20 minutes?
Sequoia: 20 seconds.
Kim: Oh-okay! [laughs]
Sequoia: Jesus Christ! I was an idiot but I wasn’t like...
Kim: Like how long can Draco hold his breath? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Magic people, they can hold their breath for a really fucking long time, right?
Kim: Su-sure.
Sequoia: Sure?
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Then I could tell you how I got here. How much I despise you and everything related to your pungent, slimy person.
Kim: [in a whisper] Yeah…
Sequoia: I feel your pulse slowing and your convulsions grow further apart. Maybe it's time to let you see my face in all of its ugly majesty. [Kim snorts] Then maybe you can wonder how you got here. Dash, [laughing] dash, dash, dash….
Kim: No! Oh my god!
Sequoia: Yeah… yeah. The sensation was almost unbearable as I swallowed the last of the Polyjuice, the lumps of congealed slime making their way to their resting place in the pit of my stomach.
Kim: Okay...
Sequoia: Resting my head on the bathroom mirror and feeling its cold surface soothe my burning forehead, I waited.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: It would not be long before my insides would turn out and my whole body would erupt into a jumbled mess of transforming DNA.
Kim: Jesus! [laughs]
Sequoia: I emerged in an entirely new form.
Kim: This is intense...
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: ...ly gross.
Sequoia: Yeah. [Kim laughs] It's supposed to make you uncomfortable!
Kim: Way to go! I'm grossed out.
Sequoia: At that moment it all became real to me. Years of plotting and planning my revenge on one sad pathetic man came crashing down around me.
Kim: Why… Why go to the effort? Draco is not. Worth. Anything.
Sequoia: Yeah, but you don't know what he did in this world.
Kim: Who fucking cares? He's Draco Malfoy. [both laugh] No one cares about Draco. [in a quieter voice] Except for me. He's my favorite.
Sequoia: Except for me. But just fanfiction Draco, [Kim laughs in the background], not this fanfiction. Different fanfiction. Not this one. I could already feel the blood of my enemy soaking my hands.
Kim: What? [Sequoia laughs quietly] Are we still in the flashback?
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah.
Kim: Also, she's not getting his blood on her hands, how is she gonna savor...
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Choking’s not that satisfying, [Sequoia laughs] I'm sorry.
Sequoia: Should’ve just slit his throat.
Kim: Right? Eviscerate him with your bare hands! You want to get some, get down and dirty, Hermione! [Sequoia laughs] Oops, I gave it away.
Sequoia: [laughs] Damn it. No, it already said Hermione.
Kim: Oh did it?
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: I wasn't listening.
Sequoia: Back when she asked Lavender for her hairbrush.
Kim: Oh in the flashback, okay. Never mind, we’re good.
Sequoia: So you didn't, you didn't spoil anything. I felt it yet I did not fear it, and my plans rebuilt themselves, surrounding me with thoughts and sounds and hopes.
Kim: Okay. [in a monotonous tone] Why is Lavender gonna be able to get closer to Draco than Hermione is never mind we'll get there.
Sequoia: We'll get there, hold for the text, please!
Kim: Noooo. Woooon’t.
Sequoia: Dash-dash-dash...
Kim: No, oh my goood!
Sequoia: There's a lot of jumping back and forth in this! [Kim sighs and chuckles] Ah, Draco. There was a moment there when I almost let you die.
Kim: [quietly] What?
Sequoia: Well, I almost permitted myself to kill you without having a bit of fun first. [Kim snorts] It almost amuses me to inhibit your panting, your desire for air [Kim snorts] by placing even more weight on your abdomen.
Kim: Sequoia, can we talk about how you used those words and then still were surprised?
Sequoia: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughs] No, we can’t talk about it.
Kim: Uh-huh.
Sequoia: We can't talk about it.
Kim: Uh-huh.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: You better now?
Sequoia: [at the same time] How old was I when I wrote this?
Kim: Are you better now?
Sequoia: Um, [Kim laughs] I don't know. [both laugh] I don't... know. [Kim sighs] Your bleach blond hair has abandoned its old ways and displays itself right across your face. So even if I wanted to, I could not attempt to read your expression.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: It's not slicked back.
Kim: Okay. She's like, mussed it up with her little hands?
Sequoia: I think probably the convulsions from being strangled.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Might have helped that a little bit.
Kim: I feel like he would have it magicked down. Very serious about his...
Sequoia: There's a magic pomade...
Kim: Right?
Sequoia: That was mentioned once, I think. Yeah. You know, a magic pomade.
Kim: So she's strangling him and she's like, she's like letting him breathe and then strangling him some more? That's what's happening?
Sequoia: Yeah, cuz she's, like, she's real fucked up.
Kim: She’s playing with him before killing him and not totally just getting off on this. He's getting off. Everyone's getting off. [Sequoia laughs] I'm not. Nope.
Sequoia: [laughing] No. You have evaded death once more, but you will not evade it again.
Kim: Is it evading it if you're just letting him breathe a little bit? That’s not okay.
Sequoia: That's not... that's not the correct word to use at all.
Kim: Nope.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Nope.
Sequoia: Dash-dash-dash-dash…
Kim: Nooo!
Sequoia: ...dash-dash-dash. [Kim sighs] The pub was dark and filled with the most unpleasant patrons thrown from pubs all over town.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: This is the place people go when they get kicked out of the bar.
Kim: I don't know that those exist but fine.
Sequoia: Yeah. There he sat...
Kim: That's just a street corner actually. [both laugh]
Sequoia: An alleyway?
Kim: The street corner outside the liquor store. [laughs]
Sequoia: There he sat, one hand grasping the bottle of firewhisky sitting in front of him, and the other hanging on to the stool as he tried to stay sitting. The stool seemed to no longer value his company and Draco slid from it, [Kim snorts] bringing his firewhisky down with him.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: He sat on the floor for a while…
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: ...drinking, talking to himself.
Kim: [laughs] What?
Sequoia: [laughing] Such garbage...
Kim: Oh, fine. He fell off his chair.
Sequoia: He fell off his chair. He's drinking on the floor. He's gross.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: I sat and watched him from a corner booth. I had been trailing him long enough to recite his night time routine backwards and forwards. [Kim laughs] What else would you expect from the brightest witch of her age?
Kim: Not wasting your time on Draco Malfoy?
Sequoia: Maybe a little sanity?
Kim: [snorts] Eh, you know.
Sequoia: She's, like, you might expect me to be more sane. And yet… [laughs]
Kim: Here I am, stalking Draco. This is Harry's job.
Sequoia: Yeah, but I think he's dead.
Kim: Oh, okay.
Sequoia: I think he's dead.
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: I think everyone's dead. I think that's why everybody's so fucked up.
Both: ...cuz everyone’s dead.
Kim: And it's just Hermione and she's out for revenge on Draco?
Sequoia: Yeah, cuz he... Okay, no… hold for the text!
Kim: I don't wanna.
Sequoia: I groped inside my painfully frilled purse…
Kim: [with a wink in her voice] I groped inside...
Sequoia: ...feeling the smooth cold exterior of my flask. The feeling brought comfort and revulsion simultaneously. Lifting the flask to my lips I choked down the remainder of the loathsome goo. I was then ready to do what I had come for. [singing slightly] Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash…
Kim: Can you just tell the fucking story?
Sequoia: No! I’m weaving layers! [laughs]
Kim: Jesus, this does not need to be told this complicatedly.
Sequoia: “Granger?” you spit out as you look up into my eyes.
Kim: Did she stop choking him again?
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: I see nothing in yours but fear. “What? Can't remember an old friend?” I asked, caressing your cheek with my finger, drawing invisible pictures on a blank, white canvas.
Kim: [pause] I'm shaking my head.
Sequoia: I know. [both laugh] I'm here. I can see you.
Kim: The listeners can’t see the disappointed expression on my face as I shake my head at you. But it's there. [Sequoia sighs] It's there.
Sequoia: I did this to myself. I did this to myself. [singing slightly] I did this to myself.
Kim: Yes, please draw more pictures on Draco’s pretty face. [in a high-pitched voice] His pretty face.
Sequoia: [same high-pitched voice] His preetty face. Blank, white canvas. “What do you think you're doing?” you ask as you attempt to free your arms from your sides, pinned there… This is it.
Kim: This is it.
Sequoia: This is, this is...
Kim: I was gonna say something but I'll stop now.
Sequoia: Yeah, you don't want...
Kim: Please read this carefully.
Sequoia: Pinned there by my bare thighs. There you go.
Kim: That’s right they are. This is the part of the story that I remembered! Hermione choking out Draco with her thighs or whatever. [both laugh] Naked, probably.
Sequoia: No...
Kim: Yep!
Sequoia: Just mostly! “Tsk, tsk, Draco. Why do you struggle so much? You know I'm only going to kill you.”
Kim: That's why.
Sequoia: Nothing you can do. Hermione has the strongest thighs in history. [both laugh] Can’t escape from that!
Kim: Hermione and her powerful thighs, choking out Draco.
Sequoia: A... dash-dash-dash-dash…
Kim: No!
Sequoia: Dash-dash. [a thunk noise, Sequoia laughs]
Kim: Knocking things over, getting mad. Getting mad.
Sequoia: Dash-dash-dash? Her well placed curves and tantalizing [Kim snorts] form would be considered a formidable match to any well placed bachelor.
Kim: Oh, she's Lavender again.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Okay, fine.
Sequoia: I chose well when I went for Lavender. She's beautiful, charming, and would never arrive at a pub under any circumstances.
Kim: Okay, so I'm confused about time. Are they in school or not?
Sequoia: Oh, no, this is like...
Kim: So she, when was she just hanging out with Lavender?
Sequoia: She was at work.
Kim: At work?
Sequoia: They work together.
Kim: Ohhh.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: I cannot see that. Where is Lavender? What job?
Sequoia: I don’t know. I dunno what they do. I dunno why they're working together. Hermione’s a sad mess of a character in this story so she could be doing anything. Just some like random… um, clerical...
Kim: [happily] Wizard stripper!
Sequoia: [laughs] I was gonna go with receptionist!
Kim: Couple of wizard strippers!
Sequoia: Yeah, sitting at their desks?
Kim: Yeah, there are makeup desks, you know, with the lights and the mirrors? [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: [laughing all the way through the sentence] I really don’t think you call that a desk. [Kim laughs] But okay, wizard strippers. Cool. Come one, come all to see the brightest witch of her age.
Kim: ...show off her powerful thighs! [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: And just as planned he fell under her spell, too intoxicated to notice the blushing blonde dump her own firewhisky into his empty glass. “You know what, Drakey?”
Kim: [snorts] Yes, please. [both laugh] Not Drakey-poo though?
Sequoia: No… I know. It's an oversight.
Kim: It is.
Sequoia: Yeah. Worst part of the story. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah. Wrong nickname.
Sequoia: Oh, man.
Kim: Read it.
Sequoia: I can’t even read some of this.
Kim: Read it.
Sequoia: I can’t.
Kim: You gotta.
Sequoia: I gotta. I know.
Kim: Share this with our listeners.
Sequoia: Ugh. I'm going to need a drink after this experience.
Kim: We got some mouthwash. [Sequoia laughs] Close enough, right?
Sequoia: Antiseptic!
Kim: Do you think this is some weird alcohol-free stuff?
Sequoia: Mouth friends.
Kim: No, we’ll just drink this. Let’s do mouthwash shots.
Sequoia: Right now.
Kim: Until we vomit.
Sequoia: I need to get my way through this. Okay. “You know what, Drakey?” I asked, pushing her voluptuous body up against him. [with a seductive baby voice] “I think we get along really well. Don't you?” [Kim snorts derisively for a long time] A+ seduction! [lower, slightly slurred voice] “Of course, you’re, you’re the hot.” His words came out confused and stumbled into the wrong places.
Kim: I love your drunk voiiice. We should tell, we should tell the listeners. Yeah, that's, that's spot on. [Sequoia laughs] Exactly what she sounds like when she’s drunk.
Sequoia: Yes, sure. [Kim laughs] Sure. I giggled and gave his shoulder a small nudge, wondering on the inside how it ever came to this. [Kim snorts] You fucking did this.
Kim: Yeah, um...
Sequoia: Wait, what?
Kim: What? [both laugh] You, you chose to be here, Hermione.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: These are your choices.
Sequoia: You... made this plan over what seems to be…
Both: A long time.
Kim: Yeah, she's been trailing him for what, did you say weeks?
Sequoia: Yeah, I think so.
Kim: Stalking him for weeks.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Wanting this for who knows how long.
Sequoia: And then she's like “How did it come to this?” [laughs]
Kim: “What am I doing here?” You’re not fooling anyone, Hermione.
Sequoia: “Hey,” he slurred, “let's go back to my place.” [pause] A+. I'm an actress.
Kim: [in a forced voice] It’s good, that's good.
Sequoia: Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash…
Kim: Oh my god.
Sequoia: It's... it's gonna happen like two more times too. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry. [Kim sighs] Dash-dash-dash-dash... Okay, so just for context, the last thing that they said in this current time is that she said, “You know I'm only going to kill you.” “I know,” I said calmly, “it's not your idea of a great night to find an old enemy in your bed...
Kim: [again with a wink in her voice] My idea of a great night… Whaaat? [abruptly] In bed? Wait, I missed the last part of that.
Sequoia: Yeah, no, no, you didn’t. No, you didn't. No, you didn’t.
Kim: Alright, so they're in bed together, Hermione’s on top of him…
Sequoia: Strangling.
Kim: ...strangling and letting him go and breathe for a second and then strangling him some more.
Sequoia. Yeah. [pause] Everything's fine. [both laugh] We're putting a really big disclaimer on the front of this that says that my family should not listen to this.
Kim: Everyone needs to hear this. Look at what Sequoia is! Look at her.
Sequoia: No! Ugh! “But it was really the only way to get to you.” [Kim snorts] “Why don't you just kill me?” you wheeze quietly with the small amount of air I allow you. “Because…”
Kim: Because I'm getting off! [Sequoia laughs] This is exciting me sexually! I'll be back tomorrow! [both laugh]
Sequoia: But he’ll be dead?
Kim: No, she'll be back. She's gonna let him go.
Sequoia: [laughing] No, she's going to kill him. Spoiler alert!
Kim: Masturbate for a second and come back tomorrow. Maybe I don’t remember this story at all.
Sequoia: “Because, Draco, I want to talk to you first. I want you to know why I'm killing you before I actually do the deed.”
Kim: Could probably guess.
Sequoia: ...I say, laying my hands on your bare chest and letting my weight squeeze the rest of the air from his lungs.
Kim: Is Draco naked? They're both naked.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: They're both naked.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Uh-huh. The only description we've gotten so far is bare [Sequoia laughs] for both of the parts of their bodies that you've described.
Sequoia: I don’t know. [Kim laughs in the background] I actually don't know the answer to your question. I just looked and it's not in the text.
Kim: Ah-ha-ha. Sequoia!
Sequoia: So maybe. [Kim sighs dramatically] “Now let's not interrupt, shall we?” [Kim snorts] Your evident pain makes me smile, [Kim snorts] releasing your chest and wiping your hair from your eyes so you can properly see me. “You stole my life. You killed my Ron. [Kim chuckles] You murdered my future.”
Kim: Uh-huh?
Sequoia: He killed Ron.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: That’s the plan.
Kim: So now she's out for some Draco peen.
Sequoia: [laughing] That doesn't make any sense.
Kim: What? It‘s what I'm hearing… probably.
Sequoia: But it doesn't make any sense!
Kim: Nothing makes any sense.
Sequoia: No, it doesn't. Oh, yeah, it does. It does say. In the text.
Kim: Say what?
Sequoia: Oh, a dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash-dash.
Kim: [swearing quietly] Fucking hell.
Sequoia: I half carried his limp, drunken form down London streets.
Kim: Oh, I remember what I was gonna ask.
Sequoia: What?
Kim: Is Draco still drunk when she's choking him out?
Sequoia: No.
Kim: He sobered up?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Fool around for a while, while the Polyjuice potion wears off and he sobers up?
Sequoia: I don't know, maybe he is still drunk.
Kim: That would be really disappointing.
Sequoia: That’s shitty. [laughs]
Kim: You're like torturing someone to death and they're too drunk to function.
Sequoia: Oh, yeah, that's not, that's…
Kim: Come on, Hermione, get your revenge. [Sequoia sighs]
Sequoia: It's not a very well thought out plan, I guess.
Kim: No, she spent months on it!
Sequoia: I know.
Kim: She's wasting it on this drunk idiot.
Sequoia: Pathetic.
Kim: Maybe she has a sober-up spell.
Sequoia: Bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla London streets, looking for a good niche to apparate out of sight.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: Okay. The streets where almost... Oh, man, there’s a typo in here.
Kim: Wait, they were in a wizard bar. And now they're out on the Muggle London streets.
Sequoia: Yeah, I don't know.
Kim: Okay, was it Diagon? Was it... was it the Leaky Cauldron?
Sequoia: I don’t know.
Kim: Was that the wizard bar they were in?
Sequoia: I have no idea. It's the wizard bar where you go when you get kicked out of the other bar so I assume it's not the Leaky Cauldron.
Kim: You know, there probably are…
Sequoia: It's probably down Knockturn Alley.
Kim: [whispers] Nocturnally. [giggles] I love that pun.
Sequoia: It's good. It's good. The streets were almost deserted, and there were no witnesses to follow my tracks as I had planned.
Kim: You Apparated. How are they gonna follow you?
Sequoia: She's, like, framing Lavender. For this murder. By the way.
Kim: Also yes! What the fuck did Lavender do to her?
Sequoia: I... that had not occurred to me until right now.
Kim: Oh my god! Yeah. Who was the last person Draco was seen with? Lavender Brown. Oh, she's already a wizard stripper. Do you have to make her life even worse? [Sequoia laughs]
Sequoia: She’s not a wizard…! [quieter] I dunno, she might be a wizard stripper.
Kim: You know, I bet Lavender would be happy with that choice of vocation though.
Sequoia: I don’t know, would she?
Kim: Yeah, sure.
Sequoia: All right.
Kim: She likes people looking at her.
Sequoia: Yeah, that's true.
Kim: Bet she would have fun with that.
Sequoia: Maybe she would.
Kim: Good for her.
Sequoia: [realizing suddenly] Did she… die?
Kim: Lavender?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: No?
Sequoia: I think that's contested unless J. K. Rowling has said, because the last we ever see of Lavender Brown she is being eaten by Fenrir Greyback. So I think she might be dead. Just like… sidenote.
Kim: I'm googling it. I'm so upset about that, I have to google that.
Sequoia: Is she dead?
Kim: Not clear. Looks like she's probably dead in the movie universe but in the book universe it's unclear.
Sequoia: Yeah, it’s not clear.
Kim: Well, that makes me sad.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Lavender didn't deserve that.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: [sad, empathetic noise] And now Hermione’s framing this dead girl…
Both: For murder!
Kim: Jesus…
Sequoia: That’s fucked up, Hermione.
Kim: Okay. Let's get into it. Sorry, that was a long tangent.
Sequoia: It was. We arrived at his home and I looked up at the grand mansion with its high towers and gleaming granite pillars.
Kim: She took him back to his house to kill him.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Wow.
Sequoia: She's not gonna take him to her house. She's framing Lavender Brown. [laughing]
Kim: Good lord! I guess she has thought this through.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Jesus, Hermione.
Sequoia: The front doors were open and I let us in, draping him around the stair banister and setting my things down in the entry way. We crawled up the stairs, down the hallway...
Kim: Crawled?
Sequoia: Yeah. I don’t know.
Kim: Why is Hermione crawling?
Sequoia: I don’t know why she’s crawling. Maybe she can't lift him.
Kim: [frustrated] That's what magic’s for.
Sequoia: [giving up] I don't know! I don’t know. [Kim chuckles] I can't help. This is physically painful. We crawled up the stairs, down the hallway and into the bedroom where he pulled his shirt from his body and threw it down as if it offended him. See? That's why he's not wearing his shirt.
Kim: Fine. And then he pulled his pants off too.
Sequoia: No, it doesn't say that.
Kim: Uh-huh.
Sequoia: I turned and looked at the clock. Only ten more minutes left. So I shed my first layer of clothing and sat Lavender’s body on his bed.
Kim: First layer of clothing? [laughing]
Sequoia: Yeah, like your shirt.
Kim: Okay. So she's also naked. They're both naked. [laughs]
Sequoia: [raised voice] No, they are not! [Kim laughs] They're still technically wearing clothes. [frustrated sigh]
Kim: Hermione...
Sequoia: Dash-dash-dash-dash-dash…
Kim: No!
Sequoia: This is the last time. It’s about to be over.
Kim: Why do we need a flashback here?
Sequoia: We don't, that was a flashback.
Kim: Oh that was the end of... okay. I was upset for a second. I can’t... I can't distinguish between flashback and not flashback any more. Too many.
Sequoia: Dash-dash-dash. The last time…
Kim: Surprised you didn’t do a flashback inside of a flashback.
Sequoia: Oh god. The last time we were in this, we were current.
Kim: No.
Sequoia: She said, “You stole my life, you killed Ron, blah blah blah”
Kim: Right.
Sequoia: And now she is... thinking in her head, this is not a thing that’s said out loud? Okay. [Kim laughs] How dare you laugh as if this were a joke!
Kim: Is he laughing?
Sequoia: Yeah, he's laughing at her. [Kim laughs] My life is not a joke.
Kim: Kind of is.
Sequoia: It is sad.
Kim: It’s a sad joke.
Sequoia: Really sad.
Kim: Like, Draco's life is probably so shitty at this point that he doesn't care if he dies because he’s Draco.
Sequoia: Yeah, he's an alcoholic mess.
Kim: Right?
Sequoia: “Maybe I should have killed you first and then we could talk,” I threatened, placing my hands on your neck again.
Kim: Wait, what? Did she just say “I should have killed you and then we could talk.”?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Fine, Hermione.
Sequoia: Sarcasm. Note sarcasm.
Kim: I don't, I don't understand sarcasm.
Sequoia: The sarcasm?
Kim: No.
Sequoia: Blah, blah, blah choking... I feel... [laughs] I feel your pulse quicken and it feels so gloriously familiar. [makes cellphone noises] Bring-bring-bring. [Kim snorts] A cellphone had to ring in the story.
Kim: [sighs] You knooooow, whatever. Do you think it's one of those like giant cell phones or like a…?
Sequoia: Oh, a hundred percent.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Nice.
Sequoia: That's a big old brick.
Kim: Cuz the time period.
Sequoia: Yeah. I cannot take a call right now. This is the time to do it, to stop his life, once and for all.
Kim: Who's calling?
Sequoia: [cellphone ringing noise] Bring-bring-bring.
Kim: Whoever.
Sequoia: Who is calling her on a cell phone?
Kim: No one?
Sequoia: Her parents.
Kim: Oh. They're not dead?
Sequoia: No, her parents are not dead. Bring-bring-bring. [laughing] His pulse is slowing again. My cheeks blushing, my heart racing. This is it. [Kim snorts]
Kim: This is the moment I climax!
Sequoia: [laughing] Damnit! Bring-bring-bring.
Kim: But my parents are ruining it. [Sequoia laughs] Gosh, mom, stop calling me while I'm trying to do it. Or whatever.
Sequoia: Convulsions are coming slower and slower all the time. His face is going slack. Bring-bring-bring.
Kim: Bye, Draco.
Sequoia: No, I can't say that. I can't say that.
Kim: Say what?
Sequoia: I can’t.
Kim: Say what?
Sequoia: I can’t do it.
Kim: You gotta. You gotta.
Sequoia: I can’t do it.
Kim: Come on, dude. We're this far.
Sequoia: Ugh. [laughing] No, I can’t do it! [Kim laughs along] It just like, legitimately I did not read this story in this context until I read it to you guys.
Kim: Yeah. I can't believe you didn't.
Sequoia: I never did.
Kim: Okay, look at the facts [Sequoia starts laughing] of the story, dude. You've got these two characters that are often shipped.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: Naked in bed together.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: One of them on top of the other one.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: Choking each other!
Sequoia: [laughing] They're not choking each other!
Kim: Oh, sorry.
Sequoia: She’s killing him!
Kim: He's choking though. He's choking the... the… [long pause, Sequoia sighs] trying to think of…
Sequoia: No, you can't.
Kim: I’m trying to think of…
Sequoia: See, you can’t do it. You can’t. Oh, this is so bad. It’s so bad!
Kim: I still can’t, I'm still trying to think of a word [Sequoia starts laughing] to say penis! It’s not coming. But Draco is!
Sequoia: Oh God.
Kim: Come on, dude, just finish it.
Sequoia: Okay, fine. I don't know why I decided to do this. [Kim snorts] Cuz this is terrible.
Kim: Cuz it’s fucking hilarious.
Sequoia: [sighs] I'd like you to just wait until the end of this sentence [Kim sighs] before you say anything about it, please, cuz it's all bad. [Kim laughs] Okay? I feel him go limp below me. [Kim snorts in the background] There we go. There we go. Nope, the sentence is not even over. His frame giving a last great shudder [Kim starts laughing loudly in the background] and losing the pitiable life it had held. [defeated] Oh, I can never leave my house again! This is where I stay forever. This is where I have to live and never leave again. For the rest of my life.
Kim: [slightly out of breath from laughing] Oh my god, with that emphasis that… keep going.
Sequoia: That was it. [Kim laughs] That was just weird. I am now free of revenge. With deep breaths, I follow the noise to a discarded skirt laying on the floor.
Kim: Skirt! She's naked.
Sequoia: [defending] No, she's not!
Kim: Whatever.
Sequoia: The beeping continues as I flip open the mobile phone... It's a flip-phone, a flip-phone.
Kim: Fine.
Sequoia: ...I only keep for Muggle contact. Mom. “Hello?” I ask, bringing the phone to my ear. “How am I? Oh, better,” I reply, looking back at Draco's dead body [Kim snorts] draped across his magnificent bed.
Kim: [quietly] Oh my god.
Sequoia: “I'm better now.” The end. [long sigh]
Kim: Oh my, okay. So yeah, you originally read that or let us read that because you were like, this is a really good story. It's got some good something in it. We read it and we're like, oh my god, this is pornography.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: You wrote pornography.
Sequoia: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim: And you were legitimately surprised.
Sequoia: I was!
Kim: Are you still surprised?
Sequoia: No, no. [Kim laughs in the background] Like, I get it now. But I just, like, it's interesting that…
Kim: I can’t believe you wrote that not meaning it that way, because it reads like parody of pornography.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Like a dark parody of a Dramione porn story.
Sequoia: I don't know. Maybe I... I don't know. [Kim chuckles] I don't know. I was never, I never read any of it and I actively hated it.
Kim: Dramione?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Really?
Sequoia: Uh-huh.
Kim: Ohhh. Cuz you’ve reversed your position now.
Sequoia: Yeah, which is why I was so conflicted about how much I liked that Dramione story that I, that I rec’d.
Kim: I haven’t read it yet still. It’s such a...
Sequoia: It’s cuz I hated it so much.
Kim: It’s such an insane pairing.
Sequoia: It is insane! And I, I'm pretty sure… I wish I knew what the prompts for this were. Because I feel like I had to use them. And the only way that I…
Kim: Draco and Hermione?
Sequoia: Yeah. And the only way that I could justify that was to have her kill him. [Kim snorts, then sighs] Cuz I hated it so much.
Kim: Uh-huh, yeah, sure. I guess I could see that.
Sequoia: Let me see.
Kim: Got really dark there, dude.
Sequoia: Yeah! She killed him, I told you.
Kim: Yeah. But not just like a little killing, that's like some in-depth messed up...
Sequoia: Yeah, because she had some serious issues.
Kim: Seriously.
Sequoia: Oh man, this doesn't have it on it either.
Kim: So that went a little longer than expected.
Sequoia: Yeah, that was a lot... Well, there was a lot to say.
Kim: There's a lot to unpack.
Sequoia: There was a... yeah, there was like…
Kim: I feel like I still have a lot to unpack. Oh my gosh.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: So I think we're gonna not do the second story today.
Sequoia: Yeah, maybe we'll do, we'll do it a different day.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: We'll do it, we'll do mine every once in a while.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So it'll happen.
Kim: Yeah, we'll get there.
Sequoia: We'll get there. I'll get there. I'll get to a place where I can, [Kim laughs] I can…
Kim: We can do this again.
Sequoia: Do this again and I gotta, yeah.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Because I do, like I honestly do think there are some parts of that that are… salvageably like…
Kim: It’s… it achieves what it sets out to do, I think.
Sequoia: It was supposed to be creepy.
Kim: Yeah, exactly. It’s, it’s definitely, it evokes the right mood, it’s pretty well written.
Sequoia: Yeah. I think there’s salvageable parts…
Kim: The incessant... the incessant flashbacks are a little frustrating. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: But I think for what you wanted to write, it is that.
Sequoia: Yes. I... yeah.
Kim: Although the weird sexual vibe probably wasn’t intended, but it kinda works?
Sequoia: You know, it wasn’t…
Kim: Like, as a dark parody of Dramione I think it works.
Sequoia: Honestly, if I had done it on purpose it wouldn’t have, it wouldn’t be as funny.
Kim: Yeah, oh yeah.
Sequoia: But I didn’t do it on purpose.
Kim: [slowly] No.
Sequoia: Which is what makes it hilarious.
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: Like [Kim laughs], like what? [laughs]
Kim: I don’t know how you could write that and not see it.
Sequoia: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Kim: Cuz it sounds like you were old enough that you should have known better.
Sequoia: Probably?
Kim: The caliber of writing in that indicates to me that you were probably like 16.
Sequoia: Yeah, this might have gotten written during the summer cuz I did... I did... there was, like, a point where I stopped for a little while and I think it was because I felt... like I should stop writing, you know?
Kim: Oh, you thought you were getting too old to do it?
Sequoia: Yeah and I think that happened probably around fourteenish when I got into high school.
Kim: Oh okay, and you were trying to be an adult?
Sequoia: And I was trying to be cool?
Kim: Cuz you know, high school is usually for adults? Or whatever.
Sequoia: And I… yeah, and I wished that I could go back and tell my younger self that I will never be cool!
Kim: No. It’s not gonna happen.
Sequoia: Like stop trying, it is literally you.
Kim: I don’t think I ever tried, I was always a loser. And I’m still a loser.
Sequoia: Be weird forever and that’s fine.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: But yeah, I stopped for a little bit and then I spent this summer in Idaho, my mom was living in Idaho.
Kim: Oh, right.
Sequoia: And, like, there was nothing to do. Because we were, I think I was fifteen. Fifteen or sixteen. And me and my sister, like, we weren’t there long enough... I was sixteen, cuz I was trying to find a job but was only gonna be there for three months, who the fuck’s gonna hire somebody for three months or whatever. Anyway, so I was, like, bored out of my mind and had nothing to do. I watched the entirety of Lost…
Kim: Oh my god.
Sequoia: Three times that summer!
Kim: What the fuck!
Sequoia: Three times! [laughs] It was not okay!
Kim: That’s disturbing, oh my gosh! Wow.
Sequoia: But I also ran and completed a lot of Harry Potter fanfiction…
Kim: Competitions?
Sequoia: Competitions. And this was from a competition, because I know that the cellphone was from a prompt, I just don’t remember what the rest of the prompt was.
Kim: Yeah, the cellphone comes out of nowhere.
Sequoia: Yeah, that happens every single fic I wrote for a fucking competition. It’s like, “What’s the prompt piece?” You can tell because it is highlighted [Kim laughs in the background] for seemingly no reason.
Kim: Yup. It’s definitely there for no reason.
Sequoia: Yeah. So I think I was probably like fifteen, so I have no idea how I ended up writing this and being, like, yeah it’s just really fucking creepy, right? [Kim snorts] That’s it.
Kim: I mean, the weird sexual vibe adds to the creepiness, I would say.
Sequoia: Yeah? I don’t know. [Kim sighs]
Kim: I don’t know.
Sequoia: [after a pause] There you go. [laughs]
Kim: Yeah, so make of that what you will.
Sequoia: Yeah, that’s the moral of the story is I have no idea what was going through my head when I wrote that but… um…
Kim: Let us know what you thought of that!
Sequoia: Yeah. I have a recommendation.
Kim: Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
Sequoia: Which is also something I wrote.
Kim: Okay, cool.
Sequoia: Every time I read something I wrote, I’m gonna rec something I wrote.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And when I say every time I mean maybe the first three times cause I feel like there’s only, like, three things [Kim laughs quietly] that I can still stand behind.
Kim: Maybe if you write some more we could rec that, Sequoia!
Sequoia: Yeah! I’m gonna write that… [laughing] those five I said I was gonna write. Yeah. My recommendation is called Protected.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: It is... it takes place on Narcissa’s wedding day.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: And Andromeda comes to visit her.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Cool. That sounds really interesting.
Sequoia: And it sort of paints a different idea of…
Kim: Their relationship?
Sequoia: Their relationship and who Narcissa is.
Kim: Okay, cool, yeah. That sounds fun.
Sequoia: There it is!
Kim: Cool!
Sequoia: There’s gonna be a link to it in the description. It’s on harrypotterfanfiction.net, so…
Kim: Oh, okay. If you want to get in contact with us and let us know what you thought of this thing that we gave to you today, you can.
Sequoia: Yeah, you can reach us on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook @fanaticalfics.
Kim: Yeah, or shoot us an email if you want to get in contact with us about something a little longer or maybe you wrote something and you wanna share it with us.
Sequoia: That would be really cool.
Kim: Yeah, our email is fanaticalfics@gmail.com.
Sequoia: Speaking of which…
Kim: Oh yeah, we… last episode I asked for the end of Deciding Match and we got it.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: One of our amazing listeners wrote the rest of it and sent it to us, and I love it.
Sequoia: There’s some really great Harry and ghost Draco [Kim starts laughing] slice-of-life stuff in it and it’s so… oh my god, it’s great.
Kim: Yes, so we are, we talked to the listener and we’re gonna be sharing that. There’ll be a link in the description if you wanna read that.
Sequoia: Yeah, we’ll share it with you. You should read it, it’s really funny, it’s really great.
Kim: Yeah, it’s so good.
Sequoia: And we really appreciate that being written and it happened really really fast.
Kim: So fast.
Sequoia: Like, this listener did it within, like, a day. [Kim chuckles] It was like, “Here!” and I was like, “This is amazing!”
Kim: Yes. It made my life.
Sequoia: It’s so great.
Kim: So you should read it. Thank you, listener.
Sequoia: Thank you.
Kim: Also…
Sequoia: If you… if you’ve read something that you think that we have to see, there’s a story submission form in the description.
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: You can even direct it specifically to one of us.
Kim: If you feel like one of us in particular needs to see it.
Sequoia: That is... what that means is that Kim wants your smut.
Kim: [singing] Give it to me! [Sequoia laughs] No, I want you to send the smut at Sequoia, force her to read it!
Sequoia: No! No!
Kim: Just kidding, I want it. Give it, I, I want it.
Sequoia: [laughing] Exactly.
Kim: The more disgusting, the better! [Sequoia laughs] Cuz I love that shit. Also, if you like our content for whatever reason.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And wanna support us, you can. We have a Patreon.
Sequoia: Which is where we’d be putting this stuff that I keep saying I’m gonna write.
Kim: [snorts] Yeah.
Sequoia: If you wanted to read that [Kim laughs quietly] you would be... you would go to Patreon.
Kim: There’s also bonus audio content, we sometimes record short episodes and I... there’s a fanfiction by me on there.
Sequoia: Yes.
Kim: So if you wanna read any of that, go check out on our Patreon. There’s some cool swag as well if you’re interested.
Sequoia: Link in the description.
Kim: We would love that, obviously.
Sequoia: Links, links, links, links, liiinks.
Kim: Our thanks as always to the Whomping Willows for the use of our theme song. It’s their amazing song Wolfstar. We’ll see you in two weeks.
Sequoia: Uh-bu-bye now! [Kim laughs]