Episode 6: In More Ways Than One/Harry's Last Fling
If you’re not ready to get weird… well, we’re not entirely sure why you’re still here. Get ready to scream. No really.
Recommendation: Socks, Sex, and Snape
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/344050/1/Socks-Sex-and-Snape
Sequoia: I'm sorry, I need... [Kim mumbles in the background] I need fanfic Draco to be looking me in the eyes [starts laughing] while we do this podcast.
Kim: Why?
Sequoia: [laughs] I don't know, he's my inspiration.
Kim: He's your inspiration? You know...
Sequoia: Yeah, he is.
Kim: Have you noticed that Draco has been in every one of our episodes so far?
Sequoia: Oh my god, has he?
Kim: What's up with that?
Sequoia: Yeah, I don't know. Because...
Kim: We've had episodes without other characters.
Sequoia: ...he is amazing.
Kim: Do we...
Sequoia: Draco!
Kim: Is Draco... is Draco our favorite character?
Sequoia: Draco! I think...
Kim: Should we be concerned?
Sequoia: ...fanfic Draco is my favorite character.
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Look at him! [Kim snorts] [Sequoia laughs loudly] Look at our little mascot. He's my favorite character.
Kim: [sighs] Fine.
[Theme music (Wolfstar by the Whomping Willows: You know we really love you/It ain’t our place to judge you/You’re feeling scared about it/Naturally/There’s no point in hiding/So feel free to start confiding/If you need a good friend/You can count on me/You can count on me/You can count on me)]
Sequoia: Hello, I'm Sequoia Simone.
Kim: And I'm Kim.
Sequoia: [with emphasis] And this is Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them.
Kim: It's a podcast about Harry Potter fanfiction.
Sequoia: And we love Harry Potter fanfiction. Let me tell you, folks!
Kim: Oh my gosh, do we!
Sequoia: Do we love it!
Kim: This is episode six.
Sequoia: Six!
Kim: Here we are. We have made it!
Sequoia: So...
Kim: Yeah. Oh, today I'm going to be reading a couple of stories to Sequoia, because it's my turn.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: We'll see if she can get some points on the board today.
Sequoia: We've decided that we really liked doing two. Two again, here we go.
Kim: So hopefully you don't mind two. If you do, let us know.
Sequoia: Yeah, I don't know why you would mind two. It's just more...
Kim: More content for you!
Sequoia: ...fun for us!
Kim: Yeah, more stories. More nonsense.
Sequoia: More predictioooons.
Kim: Whaaat?
Sequoia: Hey, so I am at...
Kim: Half a point.
Sequoia: ...half a point, and you are at...
Kim: I don't remember.
Sequoia: ...five.
Kim: What?
Sequoia: I think five.
Kim: It can't be that many.
Sequoia: No, it's four. Maybe it's four.
Kim: I think... I think it's four.
Sequoia: Whatever.
Kim: However many points I have.
Sequoia: Check our Facebook.
Kim: You know.
Sequoia: Whatever.
Kim: We'll put up the correct score somewhere.
Sequoia: Yeah, it’s like...
Kim: Or maybe we'll edit it in here.
Sequoia: Exactly.
Kim: I am at [makes beeping sound] points. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Good!
Kim: That's what you gotta look for later.
Sequoia: Mhm.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: But I would like some more points. Can you give me...?
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Can you help me?
Kim: If you're ready?
Sequoia: I'm ready.
Kim: So, this... this story was written in 2000, so it doesn't have... I don't know when they introduced tagging on fanfiction.net, but this one doesn't have tags. So I'm gonna make up some tags for you.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: That I feel is appropriate.
Sequoia: Great.
Kim: The story is called In More Ways Than One, and I am going to tag it romance and drama.
Sequoia: Oh my gosh! Okay, every single time that we... we record this podcast...
Kim: You always predict Ron and Hermione. Every time!
Sequoia: Okay, so here's the thing, though. It's like I always come into the, like... I'm like, oh, we're recording the podcast today. Guess what? I'm gonna fuckin’ kill it on these predictions. I'm so ready!
Kim: And then I come at you.
Sequoia: And then as soon as you say words to me, I'm like, uhhh.
Kim: Come at you out of nowhere with some just nonsense.
Sequoia: [laughs] Yeah! Okay, my guess is that the two main characters are Luna and Neville.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: Jesus Christ, this fucking sucks! [Kim laughs] I hate predictions. This was my idea, too. I don't know.
Kim: It was. This is all you, dude.
Sequoia: I did this to myself.
Kim: You were like, let's have a contest. I'm gonna win.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: You're gonna lose!
Sequoia: It's...
Kim: Oh, by the way! Listeners, this is the point where we want you to make predictions as well.
Sequoia: Oh yeah!
Kim: And then let us know how you do!
Sequoia: Yeah, we want... just, like, tweet at us. Facebook us. Something.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Be like, hey, I got X amount of points in this episode.
Kim: I'm beating Sequoia.
Sequoia: I'm beating Sequoia. Not hard. Not hard.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: I'm gonna guess that this is a Valentine's Day fic.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: And I'm going to guess that one of the main characters makes a numbered list.
Kim: Okay, cool. That's... those are three predictions. And we're gonna... we're gonna jump in. The girl sat in the Gryffindor common room that chilly November day.
Sequoia: [whispering] Damn it! [Kim snickers] Jeez, it always gets me in the first fucking sentence, too.
Kim: Yeah right? Like... like, just right out of the blue. No. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing.
Sequoia: Okay, great.
Kim: ... that chilly November day, and couldn't help but feel astonished at how the place really looked. Now that she thought of it, she didn't really know what she thought it would look like. A place with lions and griffins dancing around? A room chock full of Dumbledores? Of Weasleys?
Sequoia: What? [Kim laughs] Wait, where are they? I thought they said they were in the common room.
Kim: They are. This girl is confused about what the Gryffindor common room looks like.
Sequoia: Oh, the girl?
Kim: Yeah, there's a girl and she's confused.
Sequoia: She's confused. Okay, maybe she's not in Gryffindor then.
Kim: No, certainly none of these but they (they being the Slytherins) would never have thought it looked so ordinary, so welcoming as this. But then, the Slytherins had many misconceptions of all things Gryffindor.
Sequoia: Uhhhhh, they're in the Gryffindor common room?
Kim: So we're in the Gryffindor common room at this point.
Sequoia: The Slytherins are in it?
Kim: This person is. And she’s...
Sequoia: The person who is a Slytherin?
Kim: ...looking at the... at the room, and she's like, wow, it's so surprising.
Sequoia: That it's just a fucking room? [laughs]
Kim: That it’s just a room. Because I've never... I couldn't even imagine...
Sequoia: That it would be a room.
Kim: ...what a room looks like.
Sequoia: Weird. Okay, but this is a Slytherin, right?
Kim: And it's implying that it's a Slytherin.
Sequoia: It's implying it's a Slytherin. Okay. Okay.
Kim: I'm just... I'm just gonna keep reading.
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: She forced herself to divert herself to the matter at hand: Harry.
Sequoia: Oh!
Kim: It was he, not the room, that was of utmost importance to her.
Sequoia: She snuck somehow into the Gryffindor common room?
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: To get to Harry?
Kim: Uh huh. She's gonna get at him.
Sequoia: Get at him. Okay.
Kim: It took her little time to see him. He was seated next to a boy unmistakably the son of Arthur Weasley, and a girl with dark brown hair and chestnut eyes, reading a large book.
Sequoia: Okay, so this person, like, doesn't go to Hogwarts, though.
Kim: This person has no idea...
Sequoia: They have no idea what's going on.
Kim: ...who anyone is. Except for Arthur Weasley, apparently. Orrrr...
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: ...what's going on.
Sequoia: Okay, I... no, l... I'm so intrigued.
Kim: Slowly, she walked up to him. "Hello, are you Harry?" He looked swiftly up at her and found himself looking at the most beautiful girl [Sequoia laughs] he had ever seen.
Sequoia: [half screaming] Wha... what is happening? [normal voice] Okay.
Kim: We've got a beautiful girl, standing....
Sequoia: Just a... a... just a beautiful girl!
Kim: Yep.
Sequoia: Who doesn't seem to go to Hogwarts.
Kim: You know.
Sequoia: Or maybe she does and she's a Slytherin.
Kim: Or just is really like...
Sequoia: We're... we're not entirely sure.
Kim: ...really unobservant?
Sequoia: Real confused!
Kim: She is confused!
Sequoia: Knows who Arthur Weasley is, though.
Kim: I guess? Knows what Weasleys are? Looking at the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, not excepting Cho and Fleur and Padma and Parvati.
Sequoia: Oh, okay. [Kim laughs quietly] So, like, that was four people. She's the fifth most beautiful girl he's ever seen?
Kim: I think he's... she's the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. And that's not leaving out those other girls who are super pretty.
Sequoia: Oh, I get it.
Kim: So she's the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.
Sequoia: I don't know why that needed to be listed. That was very confusing.
Kim: Because they're very pretty girls.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: I guess.
Sequoia: Good.
Kim: [whispers] I guess.
Sequoia: Good point, Harry.
Kim: I guess. [both laugh] He’s like, let's think of some girls that I know.
Sequoia: You know. The girls. [both laugh]
Kim: Dumb. That's not a thing. That's not a thing.
Sequoia: No?
Kim: Her beautiful hair fell elegantly down her shoulders and she had eyes which seemed to sparkle all the time.
Sequoia: He's been looking at her for like ten seconds.
Kim: He's extrapolating...
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: ...from the data he's gathered about how sparkly her eyes are. [Sequoia laughs] They're real sparkly, Sequoia!
Sequoia: Okay. Okaaay.
Kim: They're real sparkly! They've got a lot of sparkles in them! There seemed to be a charm about her. Not that artificial put on charm. You know what that means?
Sequoia: Hmmm. ‘Kay.
Kim: Sure.
Sequoia: Is she a Veela? What are we doing?
Kim: But a simple, yet extraordinary, natural one. This girl is real special. She's sound...
Sequoia: Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think if I was looking at a girl for ten seconds and all of those things crossed my mind, something would be afoot. Like, I think there's...
Kim: Yeah, right?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Something is afoot. [pauses] It's my foot.
Sequoia: Oh no.
Kim: His voice faltering, he said, "Hello, what's... what's your name?" Seconds later, he chided himself for saying such a stupid thing. Harry!
Sequoia: Seconds later?
Kim: Seconds later! So they just sat there for a few seconds.
Sequoia: [stammering] Hello? Who are you? How's... what...?
Kim: Not a way, he realized, to win a beautiful girl's heart. Not that he'd had much hope to begin with anyway.
Sequoia: Wait. What? [laughs] This is all happening in Harry's head...
Kim: Yes.
Sequoia: ...in a very small amount of time.
Kim: Yes. She thought swiftly. Half of her wanted to blurt out the truth, but the other half kept quiet, wanting to know Harry as any friend, any peer, would know him, not be treated the way she knew Harry would if he knew.
Sequoia: Oh no. Oh no.
Kim: "I'm Bronwyn, from a transfer school." She spoke the first name which came to her mind. The brown haired girl looked up from her book. "Oh, hello, Bronwyn. Nice to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger. What school do you come from?" "You wouldn't have heard about it, I'm sure," the girl, whom from now on we shall call Bronwyn...
Sequoia: Right. Oh good.
Kim: [whispering] A/N. Thank you, A/N. ...said. "It's a very small and quite new school." "Oh, I'm sure I have. I was only reading An Appraisal of Magical Education, edition #3, a few days ago," Hermione replied amiably. Oh, Hermione.
Sequoia: [sighs] Oh Hermione. Classic Hermione.
Kim: Just reading weird books.
Sequoia: Nose in a random book that seems to not...
Kim: Knowin’ some weird stuff.
Sequoia: Yeah. [laughs]
Kim: Just knowing everything. You know, she does read An Appraisal of Magical Education. For funsies.
Sequoia: Yeah, no, that's... yeah, yeah, that's fine. I get it. I get it.
Kim: That's... that's... that's just her. “No, really, it was only founded extremely recently," Bronwyn answered, as she wondered why anyone would ever read such a dull book as An Appraisal of Magical Education. "It wouldn't even be in edition three."
Sequoia: Is she... she’s... okay, hold on.
Kim: She's... her name is Bronwyn. She's from...
Sequoia: But her name is not Bronwyn.
Kim: ...a transfer school. A transfer school. Not important.
Sequoia: She's not from a transfer school.
Kim: Not important what school.
Sequoia: She's not from a transfer school.
Kim: Just a transfer school.
Sequoia: And her name is not Bronwyn and she is a time traveller. She is a...
Kim: Okay. Okay, so here's the thing. I want to put an extra bonus point on the table if you can successfully guess what this girl's secret is, right now.
Sequoia: Oh shit!
Kim: Extra point.
Sequoia: She... she’s not... she used Polyjuice potion. And she is Draco Malfoy. [both laugh]
Kim: [while laughing crying] I can't! This is very good! I wish that was it! I wish that was it! Ohhh!
Sequoia: [still laughing] I'm gonna write that.
Kim: Pleeease do! Oh, it's a shame that it's not that. [breaths deeply] "It wouldn't even be in edition three." "Really?" said Hermione. "But where is it? What's it called? Are there houses, like at Hogwarts? Who founded it? When...?" "Oh, just lay off her, Hermy," Ron sai... [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh, man! No. So that's the one I can't stand! That's where I draw the line.
Kim: This is... this is the first time that I've seen that one.
Sequoia: Really?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: That's a common one.
Kim: Hermy?
Sequoia: Yeah. Not as common as Mione, but it's...
Kim: Yeah ‘cause it's in every single story.
Sequoia: Yeah. It's a thing. And it's terrible.
Kim: It's bad. It's a bad nickname. I wouldn't let anyone call me that.
Sequoia: No! [laughs]
Kim: "Oh, just lay off her, Hermy," Ron said, with a slight groan. "She came over and you're already quizzing her on her school." He turned to Bronwyn and smiled. "Hi, I'm Ron. Hermione over there's the school brain, head girl, etc, etc.”
Sequoia: [bored voice] Etc, etc.
Kim: When Hermione gave him a slightly hurt look, he kissed her cheek, causing Hermione to blush a little, and said, "And my girlfriend, too." [both make disgusted noises and laugh]
Sequoia: [high pitched voice] Soooo cute.
Kim: Why the fuck? Why the fuck are you...
Sequoia: Why are you being a dick?
Kim: ...hitting on this girl and being a dick, Ron?
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah, why are you hitting on this girl?
Kim: Ron!
Sequoia: Oh, man.
Kim: Dude! Bronwyn giggled a little. [snorts] "So you're in Gryffindor?" Harry said. It was a rhetorical question. In fact, more of a statement than a question. "What year are you in?" Because she's in the Gryffindor common room?
Sequoia: Right. But she's magically aged herself down from... it's Bellatrix Lestrange!
Kim: [laughing] Okay, great. Stop... stop guessing. You're not gonna get it!
Sequoia: [laughing] No!
Kim: What year was she in? Bronwyn had absolutely no idea.
Sequoia: Oh my god, what is happening?
Kim: She doesn't know how old she is.
Sequoia: Oh my god. Oh my god!
Kim: She looked for a sign, any sign about what year she had been brought into. Finally...
Sequoia: [whispers] Oh shit. [normal voice] It is time travel!
Kim: Finally, she realized she was wearing an amethyst ring, which he had given her in her seventh year. "In my seventh year," she answered, after a moment’s pause. "Oh, so you'd be in our classes! Which elective classes did you take at your old school?" Hermione asked curiously. "Ahhh..." Bronwyn searched her mind for which classes she was taking before.
Sequoia: Uhhhh, buuut it... buuut...
Kim: Girl's got like no memories. No idea who she is.
Sequoia: ‘Cause she... but of her own life!
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Of her own life.
Kim: She's a blank slate. Nothing going on.
Sequoia: Weird. Okay.
Kim: Yeah? These circumstances could make one a bit forgetful. After a bit she remembered. "Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures." “Oh, then shouldn't you be heading off to Arithmancy now? Here, I'll come with you. I have it now, too," Hermione said. So the two hurried off through the portrait hole.
Sequoia: Yeah, but like the teachers are gonna be like, who dis?
Kim: [laughs] New student? Who dis? I'm Bronwyn from a transfer school.
Sequoia: Checks out. [both laugh]
Kim: That sounds... that sounds right. I mean, we didn't admit any new students, but sounds right. It's fine.
Sequoia: Sounds okay.
Kim: “Well, I suppose we ought to be going off to Divination now," said Harry with a slight groan, and the two set off together. [valley girl voice] "And she said, do you want to go to the dance? And then he sort of blushed and said, yes, he'd love to," Parvati was telling Lavender. That's my Parvati voice.
Sequoia: That was good.
Kim: Yeah? You think?
Sequoia: Very vapid.
Kim: I, like... you know, they're kind of like valley girl types in my brain.
Sequoia: Yeah, they are in my brain, too. I... yeah.
Kim: The two were sitting in their dormitory, empty except for themselves. "Oh my gosh!“ Lavender squealed. "Seriously? I can't believe it! Bronwyn and Harry are going out to the winter dance?"
Sequoia: Oh, we've done... time jumped!
Kim: We've time jumped. There was...
Sequoia: We time jumped.
Kim: There were also no, like, slashes or empty spaces.
Sequoia: There was no tildes?
Kim: No tildes! How was I supposed to know?
Sequoia: How were we to know? [laughs]
Kim: Just jumped right ahead.
Sequoia: Okay. Okay.
Kim: The whole school was discussing it. Harry, though he had gone to dances with girls before, had never had a steady girlfriend. But now that he had Bronwyn, half the boys in the school were envious of him.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: The other half were gay. Draco!
Sequoia: [laughs] I'm looking at you. I'm looking at you, Draco!
Kim: [whispers] Draco!
Sequoia: Okay. So the professors did just let it happen.
Kim: Yup, they just...
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: It's just a thing that is happening and continues to happen.
Sequoia: Ummm. Okay.
Kim: Yeah? Bronwyn was wondering what she was thinking. And then she remembered that she wanted to get to know Harry the way anyone else would. Not the way she would get to know him if he knew who she really was. And Harry was just walking on air, eagerly awaiting the winter dance. You look like you have a question.
Sequoia: Okay. Um. I'm having a lot of really disturbing thoughts about the way that this could possibly be going. [Kim laughs] I... I honestly... like, I feel like I'm about to cry.
Kim: Awesome. We're gonna keep going.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: The couple danced in perfect rhythm to the music, unaware of everything around them, aware only of one another. Harry softly kissed Bronwyn. "You know what, Bronwyn?" he whispered into her ear as they continued to dance. "Hmm?" asked Bronwyn. "I really love you," Harry said.
Sequoia: Dude!
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Like, slow your roll, Ted Mosby.
Kim: Yeah, right? This girl... this girl has nothing going on. Maybe... maybe she has more going on recently.
Sequoia: Yeah, but...
Kim: Got some of her memories back. No?
Sequoia: No, I don't think she has. Like two seconds ago I feel like she was having some real struggle.
Kim: [laughs] She was, for sure. Like, do I wanna... what's gonna... hmm.
Sequoia: What is... who’s Harry? What's my name? What did I say my name was? Oh, Bron...
Kim: Bron... oh, ughh... is that a name?
Sequoia: Wait for someone to say your name!
Kim: [laughs] “I really love you," Harry said. He knew it was a statement of the obvious, but he had to say it.
Sequoia: Okay. Hmm.
Kim: Her voice faltering, Bronwyn said, "I love you, too." She knew that this was a strange statement with her being who she is.
Sequoia: Oh my god, I just... I...
Kim: But besides, it was sort of true, in that she did love him.
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: Perhaps not the way he was thinking.
Sequoia: [higher pitched] Oh no!
Kim: But in a real and sweet way.
Sequoia: [higher pitched still] Oh no!
Kim: At long last, too soon for Harry, the dance ended. Bronwyn and Harry walked together towards the place where Care of Magical Creatures was being held. Because that's where you go after the dance.
Sequoia: Yeah... wait, what? That's Hogwarts make out point?
Kim: Oh, is it Hagrid’s house? [Sequoia laughs] Oh god! They’re going into the forest or...
Sequoia: Harry is gonna go make out with a family member.
Kim: Ohhh! Suddenly Bronwyn felt a funny feeling, like the air coming out of her body, her disappearing. She knew she had only a few moments to talk to Harry again and tell him the truth.
Sequoia: [whispers] Oh my god.
Kim: Tears in her eyes, her voice almost silent with grief, she said, "I'm about to leave you, Harry." "What?" Harry's voice registered the shock. [Sequoia laughs] "What do you mean?" "Listen, there's a lot that I haven't told you. And I hope you won't get mad at me. But... I'm your mother."
Sequoia: [screaming] OH NO! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! [Kim starts laughing] I’ll kill you! OH MY GOD, I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! OH, I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT! [Kim still laughing] Oh god! Oh, Jesus!
Kim: Yessss.
Sequoia: Oh god! I'm so uncomfortable!
Kim: Yes. Yes, I found this for you, buddy.
Sequoia: Oh my god! I am, like... my... I'm like physically uncomfortable. Like, I'm having a shiver, but like all... like I’ve got... got goosebumps.
Kim: Whole body shiver?
Sequoia: Oh god, that's... ohhhh god!
Kim: Yeah. I read this last night and I was like, yep, this is the one. Here we go. [Sequoia laughs] Sequoia better prepare herself.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh my god! Okay. Okay. Now what does he say, though?
Kim: "I'm your mother, Lily Potter. A very complicated necromancy spell allowed me to come to this world for a short amount of time. But now I have to leave forever,” Lily said, as tears freely flowed down her cheeks. “You're... my mom?"
Sequoia: Oh my god!
Kim: Harry looked incredulously at Lily. "But who did the necromancy, and why didn't you tell me?"
Sequoia: Yeah! Yeah, no, that's so fucked up.
Kim: Jesus.
Sequoia: Oh my god.
Kim: Yup. "It was Ginny."
Sequoia: WHA! [Kim snorts] What... wait. Wait. Wait. Wait! Wait! [cry laughs, while Kim laughs, at length] Oh my god! Oh! [screams]
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: That was not even... that was not even laughing that I just... I think I just screamed thirty entire seconds.
Kim: [laughs] I was laughing. Yep. Yep. Ginny necromancied Lily back to life. [starts laughing again]
Sequoia: Oh. Oh. So...
Kim: But wasn't anywhere in the story! [laughs]
Sequoia: Um... so... [Kim still laughing] I literally don't know what to say or do or feel or...
Kim: [calms down] “It was Ginny," Lily answered.
Sequoia: Oh my god. What?
Kim: "Ginny Weasley. And I didn't tell you because... oh, Harry. I wanted to really know you, like anyone would.” Is that a good reason?
Sequoia: Ahhh... nope.
Kim: No?
Sequoia: Flawed.
Kim: No?
Sequoia: Very flawed.
Kim: Just flawed logic?
Sequoia: Extra flawed.
Kim: Think that wasn't quite the correct way to go about doing this?
Sequoia: Yep. Yeah, I think he... I think once you... once you think that your son is starting to have romantic feelings for you...
Kim: Maybe...
Sequoia: I think you shut it down, actually.
Kim: Maybe... maybe shut it down.
Sequoia: Shut it down.
Kim: Do you think this person... this person watched Back to the Future a few too many times? [both laugh]
Sequoia: Yeah, I think they thought that it was probably okay. But it went... it went too far.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, they... they kissed once.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: And now she's dissolving.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: And Harry's just left with some major emotional scars.
Sequoia: Oh my god, like, seriously though. That...
Kim: He deserves it. Harry, here's some more emotional scarring. [Sequoia laughs] Courtesy of Ginny.
Sequoia: Already fucked up.
Kim: Fucking Ginny.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Then she flung her arms around him for one last time and said, "Harry, I'll always love you - in more ways than one."
Sequoia: [slightly screaming] Oh my god! Oh my god!
Kim: And with that, she disappeared forever.
Sequoia: [yelling] Oh my god. OH MY GOD! I'm so uncomfortable!
Kim: [laughs] I found that for you. Thought you would like it. I liked...
Sequoia: I'm so uncomfortable.
Kim: I liked... I liked zombie Lily. Got this, like, shambling corpse walking around. I like how Harry doesn't recognize the shambling corpse of his mother.
Sequoia: Yeah! Umm, dude! [Kim laughs] Oh, man. Oh.
Kim: [exhaling loudly] And I like that Ginny is nowhere to be seen in the story.
Sequoia: Yeah, and there's like... what is the motivation for that? Like, what... why does she...
Kim: Why would she do that?
Sequoia: ...do that?
Kim: It was like a birthday present. And then it went horribly awry. [Sequoia bursts into laughter] Like, Harry, Harry, I brought your mom back to life so you could say hey and get to know each other. Oh, God, you're making out. What the fuck? Bye! Then she just like runs away. [laughs]
Sequoia: Oh my god. I am so... like, so... I'm still physically uncomfortable.
Kim: She felt too awkward about it to tell him the truth and...
Sequoia: Typical awkward Ginny.
Kim: Ginny, get your shit together! So... yeah.
Sequoia: Ohhhh. Ohhhhhh!
Kim: What do you think? How was your score?
Sequoia: My score was zero. [Kim laughs] I couldn't... you just are fucking me up with the predictions right here. There's no way. There's no way.
Kim: ‘Cause I'm finding the best stories for you. Only the best for you.
Sequoia: Okay, next!
Kim: Uh huh. I found the story that I'm going to read you forever ago. Like, this is one of the first stories I found and I wasn't sure... it didn't fit yet. But I think... I think today's the day.
Sequoia: Oh, today is the day.
Kim: I think today's the day. Are you ready?
Sequoia: Never.
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia: Not for anything you find me.
Kim: The title is [laughs] Harry's Last Fling. The genre is romance. Give me three.
Sequoia: Okay. Give you three. All right. Harry's last fling is with [pause] Luna.
Kim: Great.
Sequoia: His... it's his last fling because he's getting married.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: And...
Kim: Do you want to guess who's getting married to?
Sequoia: He's getting married to Ginny, because it’s...
Kim: Okay.
Sequoia Virginia.
Kim: Okay. Okay.
Sequoia: Is it three?
Kim: That's three. Cool.
Sequoia: That was really quick.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Which means they're all wrong.
Kim: You never know. You literally never know.
Sequoia: I... I actually never know. [laughs]
Kim: It's just, like...
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: I never know either. Okay, Harry's Last Fling. Harry Potter sat on the bench where he usually sat when he needed time alone. It was a cold concrete bench in the middle of the garden of Gia Riley's garden.
Sequoia: Oooookay. Is this an original character? [Kim laughs] Oh no, oh no, oh no. [sings] Oh nooo. Oh no!
Kim: [sings] I thought it was time!
Sequoia: [whispers] It's time.
Kim: [sings] To do this to you.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Gia was the girl he was going to marry.
Sequoia: [yelling] Yeah! No! Oh my god! Yeah! Oh my god!
Kim: That was a point.
Sequoia: Ohhh my god!
Kim: That was a point.
Sequoia: [yelling] I did it!
Kim: That little diddy noise right here.
Sequoia: [still yelling] I got a full point!
Kim: That was it. That was it. Not a pity point.
Sequoia: Okay. I just... I just want to drink in this moment.
Kim: Yeah? This... this?
Sequoia: [breathes deeply and whispers] Okay, got it. [both laugh] I got it!
Kim: Sure. Fine. Good for you.
Sequoia: [whispers] I got it.
Kim: Gia was the girl he was going to marry. She was very beautiful, with her short, curly, jet black hair. Her eyes were a gorgeous brown. She was up to his chin in height. She had a delicate voice and a sweet laugh. Harry had asked her to marry him and she said yes, much to the disappointment of Draco Malfoy.
Sequoia: Oh shit. Wait, I wanna know. Is it Harry or is it her?
Kim: Who what?
Sequoia: That Draco Malfoy is upset about.
Kim: Oh. [both laugh]
Sequoia: Oh, wait. No, it's just... it’s Harry.
Kim: You never... you never know. You never know with Draco, like, who...
Sequoia: Or both?
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Why not both?
Kim: Or just... he's just... he's just upset in general because he's Draco. [Sequoia laughs] I think that's it.
Sequoia: Valid, valid.
Kim: I think that's it. Although Gia was not of wizard blood, Draco still worshipped her.
Sequoia: Ohhh!
Kim: Because...
Sequoia: Is she a wizard, or... though? She's a witch?
Kim: Mmm, I don’t... so... may... no, I don't think... we'll get there.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: He wrote poetry and songs about her beauty.
Sequoia: Classic. Classic Draco. You know him and his song writing.
Kim: [laughing] His song writing.
Sequoia: Draco Malfoy pulls out his ukulele on the reg.
Kim: Oh my god!
Sequoia: In the Great Hall, and is just like...
Kim: Oh, yes!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: I have not seen that yet.
Sequoia: I'm gonna write that! [both laugh]
Kim: You haven't written anything yet.
Sequoia: [laughing] I know! I say that every episode. I’m gonna... I’m gonna write something.
Kim: You keep telling me... you keep telling me you're gonna write me something, and then nothing. It's upsetting to me.
Sequoia: I know. I know.
Kim: [sighs] Draco's songs. I want to hear those songs. Like... like...
Sequoia: [laughs] Maybe I'll write a song.
Kim: A song by Draco?
Sequoia: A song by Draco!
Kim: You know, I think those already exist.
Sequoia: Draco and the Malfoys?
Kim: I love them.
Sequoia: Me too.
Kim: Ohhh. Just... I was just asking about what these songs entail.
Sequoia: Here we go. We're about to... wait for the text. Hold for the text.
Kim: Many lines talked about Harry dropping dead.
Sequoia: Okay, yeah. No, that's... that's all... that's in character.
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: Yeah. Okay.
Kim: [singing] Harry died and then I made out with his girlfriend.
Sequoia: [laughs] [singing] His fiancée, not his fiancée any more, ‘cause he's dead. I hate him so much. [normal voice] [Kim laughs] See, I'm already writing the song. I'm writing the song right now.
Kim: [cry laughing] Okay, and I'm crying. I’m crying. Ron Weasley, Harry's dear friend, laughed at Harry's romance with Gia. [laughs] [Sequoia snorts] ‘Cause he's a dick.
Sequoia: [laughs] This is... this is classic fanfic Ron characterization, where it's just like Ron, he's the funny guy. He makes jokes. He laughs at everything. Everything's a joke to Ron.
Kim: Oh, poor Ron. Gia did not know about Harry's wizardcraft. He was afraid... [both laugh]
Sequoia: I'm sorry! [both keep laughing] Wizardcraft?
Kim: [still laughing] Is that what you're laughing at?
Sequoia: Yeah! What? Wasn't that funny?
Kim: We're not laughing at Harry hasn't told her that he's a wizard?
Sequoia: No?
Kim: Oh.
Sequoia: Listen, sometimes you gotta keep some stuff under wraps until you got them legally bound to you.
Kim: Oh... oh my god! [both laugh] WHAT? What? I'm sorry, what? [Sequoia laughs loudly] Gentlemen, watch out for this one! [both laugh at length] I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I did mean that. [Sequoia speaks incoherently through laughter] Gia did not know about Harry's wizardcraft. He was afraid to tell her, because he thought she might not like him.
Sequoia: I'd be like, oh hell yeah, I don't do the dishes any more, I don’t have to do anything because magic can literally do everything, I assume.
Kim: Yeah. Yeah.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: That's a good assumption.
Sequoia: I’d be like, [low, serious voice] hey, just wanna tell you that I can do some... some wizardcraft. [Kim snorts] I'd be like, hell yeah, could you wizardcraft some money? [both laugh]
Kim: And then Hermione would be like, well...
Both: ...the three laws of meh meh meh meh meh! [both laugh]
Kim: ‘Cause Hermione is there. Whatever. Whatever. She just, like, pops up whenever someone says something wrong. Now, as Harry sat on the bench, he thought about telling her. He decided he would tell her tonight at the dinner rehearsal.
Sequoia: Whoa, dude! Wrong time, wrong place!
Kim: Right? Like, so we're getting married tomorrow, and I've been hiding this giant secret from you about everything about me. [Sequoia laughs] Thought... thought the... the rehearsal dinner would be a good place to bring that up.
Sequoia: This seems appropriate. I mean, if you want to get it out, I guess now is the time.
Kim: No! Because everything's already paid for. Weddings are fucking expensive. [both laugh] At least do it before you like order all the food. Well, if you’ve got the food then you can eat it.
Sequoia: That’s true.
Kim: In sadness.
Sequoia: Sad eating.
Kim: Maybe that is... like, if the... if you've already paid for this stuff, the night before maybe is the time to call it off, because then you've got all the food to kind of sad eat.
Sequoia: All the cake. Mostly the cake.
Kim: [sighs] All the caaake.
Sequoia: Just eat the whole fucking cake.
Kim: And all the... all the alcohol from the reception.
Sequoia: Allll the booze.
Kim: You just... you just do it by yourself. Cancel everything. Sit in the reception hall by yourself eating the cake. [laughs] Cause your fiancé’s a wizard. Wait, no.
Sequoia: Yeah but like, okay.
Kim: Who's doing the sad eating? Huh.
Sequoia: Hmm. Harry.
Kim: Harry. Harry. Yeah, you're... you’re right. You’re right.
Sequoia: And, like, you think that they're like making a guest list and she’s like, oh who's...?
Kim: How do you know all these people?
Sequoia: How do you know all these people? I've never met...
Kim: School. Work.
Sequoia: Yes. Uhhh, college.
Kim: Got some... so we get some tildes there. We're gonna cut forward in time. At the party, the guests flowed in. The couple separated. After a while, the guests stopped coming in. [laughs]
Sequoia: Thank you!
Kim: As they do!
Sequoia: The guests flowed in [whispers] forever! [both laugh]
Kim: But Gia was standing next to someone she worked with. "Yes, I love him," her delicate voice carrying across the room. Harry decided he shouldn't interrupt her.
Sequoia: It seems to be insinuated that like, he was like, now is the time to go tell her about my wizardness.
Kim: Oh, no, wait, she’s talking to someone about how much she likes me.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Guess I won't bother her.
Sequoia: Guess I won't bother her.
Kim: He's just gonna keep doing that all night.
Sequoia: Yep.
Kim: And then for the rest of his life.
Sequoia: [laughing] Oh god!
Kim: They're gonna have kids, and the kids are gonna do magic, and he's gonna be like constantly erasing her memory.
Sequoia: Oh, no!
Kim: No?
Sequoia: Oh no, that's sad!
Kim: Oh is that sad? Did that… did that…?
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: Did I go to a dark place? Uh oh.
Sequoia: Uh oh. [both laugh]
Kim: Harry decided he shouldn't interrupt her. He looked for someone to talk to. Ron was standing next to his wife, Hermione, who was laughing and talking to a pretty redhead.
Sequoia: Oh no. [Kim snickers] Oh, I got it mixed up.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: I got it...
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: I got the fling mixed up.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Damnit!
Kim: Her hair, which Harry decided must be long, was pulled back into a graceful bun.
Sequoia: He didn't know ‘cause it's in a bun. That is perfectly rational. [Kim laughs] He didn't know how long her hair is ‘cause it's in a bun!
Kim: But he’s decided... he decided, probably long. I’m looking at it.
Sequoia: Like, you haven’t... he hasn't seen her in a real... in a while.
Kim: Her hair? Hmmm. Probably long. Some wisps hung down her face, framing it. Harry casually walked over to them. [slightly higher, energetic voice] "Oh, Harry. It has been too long!" said Hermione as she hugged him. It had been too long.
Sequoia: He didn't say that out loud?
Kim: No.
Sequoia: He just thought it?
Kim: Yep!
Sequoia: [laughs] What a... oh no.
Kim: Harry had seen Ron frequently over the years, but he had not seen Hermione.
Sequoia: At all? Over the years?
Kim: Yeah, no, hadn't seen her. She had been at home in Australia with the couple's two children, Harry and Neville.
Sequoia: They named their child Harry?
Kim: And the other one...
Sequoia: Is named Neville.
Kim: Yep. "I am sure it has been even longer with Ginny," she said. Harry stared into the redhead's beautiful eyes. Now he recognized her.
Sequoia: [with emphasis] Oh my god. No!
Kim: [laughs] Didn't recognize her before.
Sequoia: No, no.
Kim: Like, look at that long hair over there.
Sequoia: No. [laughs]
Kim: Too busy thinking about what length the hair is to figure out who it's attached to. She's standing next to fucking Ron. Who do you think it is, you idiot? Now he recognized her. The Ginny he had feelings for, deep down in his heart somewhere.
Sequoia: Oh no!
Kim: Oh no!
Sequoia: Do not act upon your feelings!
Kim: You're getting married, Harry! To whomever this chick is.
Sequoia: I already forgot her name.
Kim: Whatever. Harry nodded as he whispered, [whispers] "Yes." [Sequoia laughs] You think that's how he said it? [Sequoia laughs again] Ginny whispered in his ear, "Is it too late?"
Sequoia: Okay, so he whispered to her.
Kim: Uh huh.
Sequoia: Yes?
Kim: No, he... I think what's happening is Hermione said, I'm sure it's been a long time since you've seen Ginny, Harry says... Harry whispers yes.
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: For some reason.
Sequoia: Right.
Kim: Ginny asks him if it's too late.
Sequoia: So Ron and Hermione have just stopped being part of the conversation?
Kim: Yup. They're like doing something else.
Sequoia: Okay, cool.
Kim: Just like, not listening.
Sequoia: Yeah, or they... Hermione and Ginny planned this. She was like...
Kim: Ohh.
Sequoia: That's... that's a whole different fanfiction.
Kim: Yeah, it really is.
Sequoia: Where Ginny’s like, you gotta help me, Hermione.
Kim: That's kind of what happened in... well, it's kind of what happened in canon, though. Hermione gave Ginny advice on how to get Harry to notice her, and the advice was, stop trying to get Harry to notice you. He's an idiot.
Sequoia: Is that what happened in canon?
Kim: Isn't it?
Sequoia: Oh, no. [both laugh]
Kim: Oh no.
Sequoia: Oh no, we don't know anything about Harry Potter. What are we doing?
Kim: It's been a while since I read those later books.
Sequoia: Yeah. Me too. Tweet at us. [laughs]
Kim: [sighs] Somebody let us know if I was right there.
Sequoia: Yeah. It’s not even fucking...
Kim: I'm not gonna bother to look that one up.
Sequoia: Oh, god.
Kim: I don't care, it's Ginny.
Sequoia: [laughs] Get back in your box!
Kim: [laughs] Poor Ginny. He shook his head, and she took his hand. Neville Longbottom came over to speak with Hermione about some spell.
Sequoia: [snorts] Yeah!
Kim: You know Neville.
Sequoia: Neville.
Kim: Askin’ about...
Sequoia: He's at the wedding reception. He's like, ohh I can't remember the spell to...
Kim: To...
Sequoia: To...
Kim: ...take my pants off to go to the bathroom. [both laugh] Think they have a spell for that?
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Okay. Ginny led him to a quiet place in the room. "Oh, Harry, do you love her?" she asked. [dramatic voice] "I don't know!" Harry cried.
Sequoia: Oh Jesus Christ! Harry sucks! Harry suuucks.
Kim: Harry, what is wrong with youuu? "I don't know!" Harry cried. "I still love you, Harry, and always will," she said as she turned away, choking on the words.
Sequoia: Oh, Jesus.
Kim: At that moment, Gia came running over to them.
Sequoia: Oh no.
Kim: "A wizard? You creep!" Gia cried.
Sequoia: Oh my god! Oh my god! She... wait. Why is she upset? She does not understand how good this could be for her.
Kim: [laughs] Gia cried. She pulled off her sweater (Author's note: She had a white tee underneath) and began hitting him with it. [laughs]
Sequoia: Like, there was nothing... there was nothing, like, within reach for her to hit him with?
Kim: No.
Sequoia: She didn't come over with anything specific to hit him with.
Kim: No. She just took off her shirt.
Sequoia: So she's just like, oh, god damn it, I guess I'll just... ahh... I'll just take off my shirt and hit you with it!
Kim: [laughs] Who does that?
Sequoia: Gia. That bitch.
Kim: [with emphasis] That bitch! "This engagement is permanently off!" she screamed as she ran out of the room and into the hallway. Harry then sighed. [sighs] Dudley, his cousin (Author's note. I do not know why he was invited)...
Sequoia: [laughing] Well, then why did you put him... why did you...you invited him! Author!
Kim: Own it!
Sequoia: You invited him!
Kim: Own it. Dudley, his cousin, walked over and said, “I told her," as he stuffed a pastry in his mouth. "I'll be right back, Ginny," said Harry as he ran out of the room. Gia was sitting on a small sofa out in the hall. She of course was crying. Harry then sat down next to her. Gia leaned over and kissed him. She then sighed and said, "I don't feel any chemistry. I love Draco, Harry, not you."
Sequoia: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Does she know that he's a wizard also?
Kim: “I know you were a wizard before your cousin told me, and I also knew Draco was one, too. I thought this would be a nice way to let you down.”
Sequoia: [pause] Ummmmm...
Kim: Bitch, what?
Sequoia: Yeah, that's when you turn her into a pin cushion or a sweater to bludgeon people with. Bludgeon Draco with a sweater.
Kim: [laughing] Bludgeon Draco with. Yeah, come on, Draco. Why do you have to ruin...
Both: ...everything!
Kim: No, you know what? Harry didn't want to get married either.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Neither of them wanted... why were they doing it?
Sequoia: Why? Oh my god.
Kim: Harry bit his lip and nodded. "He can have you, then. I just want you to be happy." [pause] It's not all you want, Harry. Come on.
Sequoia: You want [sings] Ginny! Ahhh. [laughs] I don't know why that's happening.
Kim: Ehhh whatever. Gia stood up and said, "Thank you, Harry." Then she left. Harry sat there for a minute. Ginny walked out of the room and went over to them. She sat down next to him and reached for his hand. Harry looked at the little end table next to him. A beautiful magical ring lay on the table.
Sequoia: Nooooo!
Kim: Where did the ring come from?
Sequoia: Noooooo.
Kim: He picked it up and remembered what the shopkeeper at Diagon Alley had said.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: "When you stare really hard into it, you will see the face of the person you should marry.”
Sequoia: So he didn't do that right then? [laughs]
Kim: Nope. Nooope.
Sequoia: He was like, I don't need to look.
Kim: Harry had tried not to look at it yet but he did now and saw Ginny's face smiling back at him.
Sequoia: No.
Kim: Yeah. [both laugh] He bought this ring to see... that would show him who he should marry...
Sequoia: So he was gonna wait until after he was married.
Kim: ...and then didn’t look at it. Yup.
Sequoia: And then be like, oh, fuck.
Kim: Oh shit. Fuck, I messed up.
Sequoia: Yeah. Damnit! [both laugh]
Kim: Shit, now I'm fucking married to this whomever.
Sequoia: [laughing] Yeah, his whomever.
Kim: [sighs] He smiled, and said, "Ginny Weasley, will you marry me?"
Sequoia: Noooo.
Kim: Ginny whispered, "Yes," as tears of happiness ran down her cheeks. He smiled and kissed her. Then there's some tildes...
Sequoia: Wait, no, it keeps going?
Kim: [laughing] ...to indicate a passage of time.
Sequoia: It keeps going?
Kim: Over the years, the Potter family had several children.
Sequoia: Of course they did. Weasleys.
Kim: Draco and Gia broke off their engagement five times before they got married. Draco!
Sequoia: Classic.
Kim: Is it?
Sequoia: Yeah. Well, no. It's classic Gia, okay?
Kim: [laughs] Giaaa.
Sequoia: That bitch. Classic!
Kim: Ron and Hermione had two other children.
Sequoia: They were named...
Kim: They were there, too. Oh. They were named...
Sequoia: They were named...
Kim: Harry junior...
Sequoia: Junior junior. [both laugh]
both: ...and...
Sequoia: ...Dean. [both laugh]
Kim: Fine. The end!
Sequoia: Hooray! [Kim laughs] Everyone was happy in the end, even Draco. Probably. No, he's not.
Kim: Fucking Draco.
Sequoia: He's not happy. That's a bad marriage.
Kim: Fucking...
Sequoia: I'm telling you right now.
Kim: Of course it... Gia. [laughing] Who hits a person with a sweater? [both laugh loudly]
Sequoia: That's the reason why their marriage is unhappy. Because she's the kind of person who doesn't bring another instrument to bludgeon someone with.
Kim: No, it's like a reception or whatever. You have a drink in your hand and you throw it in their face. We have these tropes for a reason!
Sequoia: Ohhh god. I didn't even think of that.
Kim: Because that's what you do!
Sequoia: Okay, can we...
Kim: Maybe.
Sequoia: Can we go back to something really quick?
Kim: What?
Sequoia: That I just really wanna talk about again?
Kim: What?
Sequoia: I got a point!
Kim: Oh my god! Yes.
Sequoia: [singing] I got a point!
Kim: Yes, congratulations.
Sequoia: [still singing] I have one point! Here is a point.
Kim: You got a point. [pause] This is our first original character story!
Sequoia: Yeah, but the original character was barely in it!
Kim: [laughs] Yeah, I know, right? I mean, I guess the... the... the first story we did for this one, that one also featured a original character fake out. Like, they were kinda making... trying to make you think that Bronwyn or whatever...
Sequoia: Ohhh, was an original... yeah, and then she wasn't.
Kim: Right? And then she totally wasn't.
Sequoia: Yeah. This was a... yeah. I guess her biggest contribution of this... to the story, was her sweater, and...
Kim: [laughs] She and Draco got together...
Sequoia: ...her faking out. Okay, I knew she had to be faking out, though. Because you literally don't like...
Kim: Yeah?
Sequoia: Like, you gotta see the benefit of marrying a magical person! [Kim laughs] Like, I just didn't buy it, so I was right...
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: ...in not buying it. I was right.
Kim: Yeah! Because it was... it was a lie.
Sequoia: [whispering] it was a lie!
Kim: She just wanted to get with Draco. Who wants that?
Sequoia: Who even? [both laugh] Who even?
Kim: Don't forget to let us know how you did this episode. We love to hear how you're scoring...
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: ...versus us!
Sequoia: I love it!
Kim: Yeah! For real! I'm not kidding, this isn’t...
Sequoia: I also like to hear what you got wrong.
Kim: Yeah! Let us know... let us know what your predictions were. Maybe tag it like #spoilers or something.
Sequoia: Yeah, give it a little room so people can't see.
Kim: If people care about spoilers for this podcast?
Sequoia: I would!
Kim: Really?
Sequoia: Because they’re... they're like, you know, you're reading to me and I wouldn't want the spoilers now, so it's the same idea.
Kim: Oh, all right! All right! Tag it spoilers.
Sequoia: Tag it spoilers or something. But I wanna know what weird thing you guessed that was like... not real.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: Because that's me. That's what I do! And I want to relate to you.
Kim: Some.. some... [both laugh]
Sequoia: I want you to relate to meee.
Kim: So the story that I just read is one of the first stories that I found when I started doing research for this podcast. The story that I'm recommending to go with this is the first fanfiction I can remember reading and enjoying ever.
Sequoia: Okay. Yeah.
Kim: It's... it's Harry/Ginny, which... I mean, I shit on Ginny constantly, but I actually do love Harry/Ginny. It's called Socks, Sex and Snape. [laughs]
Sequoia: Okay.
Kim: And you should read it!
Sequoia: I'm gonna read it, that's intriguing. I'm intrigued. Hooked!
Kim: Yeah. So. That's my rec for this episode.
Sequoia: The link to that will be in the description of this episode.
Kim: Yep. [singing] As per the usual!
Sequoia: [mocking Kim's singing] Usual!
Kim: So look at that. We also have some big news. Right?
Sequoia: We do! Yes. Oh, right, yes, we do. We have some big news.
Kim: We have big news.
Sequoia: It's really exciting. All of our wonderful listeners...
Kim: Yeah!
Sequoia: .../friends/people.
Kim: We hit our second goal on Patreon in the first month!
Sequoia: Yeah!
Kim: It's insane.
Sequoia: Yeah! So we did not expect for that to happen so quickly.
Kim: I was like, we... I thought that that was never gonna happen. I'm just gonna throw that out there. I didn't think that was ever gonna happen.
Sequoia: I had faith.
Kim: I was like, nobody is going to like us enough to give us money, Sequoia.
Sequoia: And here we are! So we set it... we actually ended up setting it up pretty low, now... now, like, in retrospect.
Kim: In retrospect? I thought it was... I thought that was insane! I thought we’re never... we’re gonna get like $2.
Sequoia: Yes. So we've reached $101.
Kim: Yes. As of the recording of this episode.
Sequoia: Yeah.
Kim: Maybe somebody will feel really generous in the next... whenever... whenever we have...
Sequoia: Week?
Kim: But that's beside the point.
Sequoia: Exactly. So our second goal was to record some Cursed Child garbage.
Kim: Yeah, so we have some feelings that we try to keep inside...
Sequoia: Some... many. Many, many, many, many.
Kim: ...most of the time during this podcast, about a certain...
Sequoia: The play that shall not be named.
Kim: ...piece of Harry Potter "canon". There were big air quotes just there.
Sequoia: Real big. [both laugh] I'm here. I can... I could see them.
Kim: And [sighs] yeah, we're gonna unleash ‘em. It's probably gonna be a bunch of episodes that are gonna go up in a little bit. We need time to [sighs] read the play again. [pauses and makes crying noises] I really didn't think we were gonna hit the goal.
Sequoia: I didn't think so either, but here we are. Yeah. So it's gonna take a bit because we wanna, like, do it right.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: So we're gonna be reading, re-reading, taking notes, making sure that we are talking about all the things that we wanna talk about, which means that it's going to be three to five episodes.
Kim: I don’t know.
Sequoia: I have no idea.
Kim: I don't know.
Sequoia: We're gonna have to figure out.
Kim: When we record it, it might... we might just record it in a marathon thing and then cut it. Or who knows what. Who knows how this is gonna go down? We don't!
Sequoia: We don't! [affected voice] We will let it flow organically.
Kim: [whispers] Jesus Christ! [normal voice] But if you're interested in knowing, like, what our progress is on that, we’ll keep you updated on our social media.
Sequoia: Yeah. So we don't currently have a set release date for that, but we will keep you updated.
Kim: Yeah.
Sequoia: When we're working on it.
Kim: Yeah. And if... speaking of our social media, if you would like to follow us or get in touch with us on said social media, you can!
Sequoia: Instagram. Facebook. Twitter.
Kim: We're @fanaticalfics on all of those, and we also have an email.
Sequoia: Fanatical... [laughs]
Kim: Oh, Jesus. Fanaticalfics@gmail.com. And along with that, we also have a submission form. If you are interested in sharing a story with us that you think we need to see, drop it in our submission form and we will read it and maybe use it for the podcast. No promises, but I will definitely look at it.
Sequoia: Yeah, it’ll get read.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: It will get read by somebody at some point.
Kim: Yup.
Sequoia: In some situation.
Kim: Yup. Our thanks as always to the Whomping Willows for the use of our theme song. It's their amazing song Wolfstar.
Sequoia: BYE!
Kim: BYE! [laughs]